I got the itch again.

[Cassiopeia]

With my own daughter, I haven't insisted she go to NA or AA meetings. I wish she would. I think it could be just one more thing for support. She has been clean and sober now for almost two years. The one thing I have learned though with this experience is that I can not manage her recovery. I have had to do alot of letting go in order to really help her.

 

[Jerlene]

How old is she?

 

[Cassiopeia]

How old is she?

She just turned 21. She was 19 when she got caught up in the whole meth scene. I knew she was using something but couldn't prove it till she had been using for 10 months.

I just feel lucky to have her back. It robbed her of her entire life. She flunked out of college, she lost her ability to dance, she incured so much debt and her health was failing. This from a girl who graduated with a 3.5 gpa and was on her way to competive dancing. She has however managed to gain back everything but her cravings will always be a difficult part of her life. She says that time passes and it grows less and then she also said she has come to accept there are things she just can't do anymore. She can't go to parties and has given up her friends she used with. But most of all, we have all learned to take things a day at a time and when the cravings get really bad for her, I hold her in my arms and we cry together. And then...there is always chocolate

I hope you will go to an NA meeting and just listen and get some help to keep you clean. Don't give up sweetie...it isn't worth it. You have such a bright future ahead of you. Is there anything you just love doing like my daughter loves her dance?

 

[LoG]

She has however managed to gain back everything but her cravings will always be a difficult part of her life. She says that time passes and it grows less and then she also said she has come to accept there are things she just can't do anymore. She can't go to parties and has given up her friends she used with. But most of all, we have all learned to take things a day at a time and when the cravings get really bad for her, I hold her in my arms and we cry together. And then...there is always chocolate

I'm sorry she is having to go through this. It does point out however the difference of 12 Step recovery programs and other methods for getting off of mood altering substances. Through the working of a 12 program the obsession and compulsion to use is removed. The cravings that kept me bound to various drugs and alcohol for many years was lifted soon after coming into NA/AA never to bother me again. This is also the experience of the people that I have known in AA over the 12+ years I have been a member.

Willpower has never been a strong suit for me so my continued sobriety was dependent on the removal of the obsession. It was removed so completely that my former drug of choice can be in front of me with nothing to hold me back from picking it up and yet I have the same desire for it as I do for hitting my thumb with a hammer. It is of no interest to me and yet from the age of 12-35, a day didn't go by when I wasn't on something.

As AngelDove1 likes to say: God did for me what I could not do for myself.

I pray your daughter will reconsider and try out some meetings and the Steps. It is sad that she has to suffer from the cravings after 2 years when there simply is no need.

 

[Cassiopeia]

I'm sorry she is having to go through this. It does point out however the difference of 12 Step recovery programs and other methods for getting off of mood altering substances. Through the working of a 12 program the obsession and compulsion to use is removed. The cravings that kept me bound to various drugs and alcohol for many years was lifted soon after coming into NA/AA never to bother me again. This is also the experience of the people that I have known in AA over the 12+ years I have been a member.

Willpower has never been a strong suit for me so my continued sobriety was dependent on the removal of the obsession. It was removed so completely that my former drug of choice can be in front of me with nothing to hold me back from picking it up and yet I have the same desire for it as I do for hitting my thumb with a hammer. It is of no interest to me and yet from the age of 12-35, a day didn't go by when I wasn't on something.

As AngelDove1 likes to say: God did for me what I could not do for myself.

I pray your daughter will reconsider and try out some meetings and the Steps. It is sad that she has to suffer from the cravings after 2 years when there simply is no need.

I am sorry I didn't say this sooner...she did start her 12 steps in recovery at the rehab...however, when it came to getting a sponser ..the one she started with was soooo aggressive it scared her off. I asked her again last night and she said no...at this point she doesn't want to do that but I will share with her what you said Thank you. All I know is this has to be HER decision or it won't last.

 

[LoG]

Yes, it does have to be her own decision. Too bad about the sponsor experience but although it is recommended that new people have a sponsor it isn't a must. I know people who rarely used their sponsor or don't have one period....like myself, and yet stayed clean and sober and worked through all the Steps. The important aspect is having a confidante that one can talk about the things that may be creating a challenge. She appears to have a mother who fulfills that role quite well. There are also Step Study guides that can be found online or I can send one that is frequently used in my area should she ever decide to look into it further.

 

[Cassiopeia]

Yes, it does have to be her own decision. Too bad about the sponsor experience but although it is recommended that new people have a sponsor it isn't a must. I know people who rarely used their sponsor or don't have one period....like myself, and yet stayed clean and sober and worked through all the Steps. The important aspect is having a confidante that one can talk about the things that may be creating a challenge. She appears to have a mother who fulfills that role quite well. There are also Step Study guides that can be found online or I can send one that is frequently used in my area should she ever decide to look into it further.

I didn't realize she doesn't have to have a sponsor. Yes sometimes I feel a bit like the sponsor and there was an entire year that I randomly drug tested her as well in addition to the rehab center where she was outpatient for a year. She did go to meetings there every week but when she hit the forth step in AA she got a bit twitchy. I don't know what that forth step is. I also have had her participating in my online forum for recovery and friendship in which she did a bit of chatting to people so it wasn't so in her face. There was much involved during those days and she really needs counciling still for a some serious things that happened to her. I know her...she is keeping busy but the day will come when she can't run from it and being busy won't be enough. When that day comes...I will still be here for her. She is my shining star...my dolly and the sunshine in my day. Raising her has been such a joy in my life. Even when she was using and then getting clean and sober I knew which parts were her and which parts were the drugs talking. I know it might sound odd... but I try to not lose sight of the real person in her. That way, when she forgets, I remind her. And I also remind her she can do anything she sets her mind to.

She had someone tell her after her being clean and sober...that she would fall on her face...even with AA. It was an officer on the train she took to the university one day. They got into a conversation and he was a parole officer. I was so angry with him. But she told me she handled him and said...I won't fall and he said oh yes you will and she said..."just watch me succeed".

I will tell her that she doesn't have to have a sponsor and I will offer to go with her if she needs support that way. Thanks so much for your encouragement. It is good to know there are people out there who really care

 

[LoG]

She did go to meetings there every week but when she hit the forth step in AA she got a bit twitchy. I don't know what that forth step is.

The fourth Step is: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

This Step is crucial and yet is the one that most will balk at. For many of us the fourth is the turning point and the start of our recovery. The honesty and self-searching that this step needs to be approached with, will stand us in good stead as the years go by.

Unfortunately many look at this Step as being an immoral inventory were we are supposed to beat ourselves up for our past misdeeds. That is not the case. What we are trying to do in this inventory is to look at our self-defeating behaviours and see the effect they have on our lives and those around us. We look deep to see what the root causes are that motivated us since it is our fears, resentments, sexual conduct, etc that sets us up to experience a lot of shame, guilt and remorse which in turn drives us to use some mood altering substance to escape all the negative thinking and give us a few moments of forgetfulness.

When we put down the drugs and alcohol, the negative feelings and behaviours still remain. We will then attempt to fill the hole with other addictions and compulsive behaviours in an effort to feel worthy or to try and be too busy to feel anything.

It is by doing an inventory, realizing the effect these behaviours and thinking have on us, admitting this to ourselves, God and another human being (Step 5) and then asking God to remove those negative characteristics (Steps 6&7) that we start to feel a bit of peace and forgiveness. We start to realize we no longer have to run from ourselves and the person we have been. We start to develop a desire to be a better, more loving person. The obsession and compulsion to use and/or drink is lifted and we are free from our addictions as long as we maintain a fit spiritual condition.

ps. There are some more Steps but I'll cover them another day.