I realize that a lot of things tend to get carried into such discussions but I think it seems that many are interfering with the point of my post.
That point is---That the fact a person has a fantasy does not mean the person wants to experience that fantasy.
I used the example of the rape fantasy to make that point.
Rape is horrible and it would truly be rare for people to actually want to be raped. Some poor individuals are so messed up they do, but it is indeed rare. However, a rape fantasy is common as fantasies go. It is actually one of the more common sexual fantasies. That doesn't mean that all or a majority of people have the fantasy, that wouldn't be true either. But a significant portion of people do have that fantasy, many of them don't think of it as rape, they might think in terms of being tied up and unable to resist and so on but if such a thing actually happened it would legally be called rape.
A person might have a fantasy of having sex with a famous individual. Most people with such fantasies don't actually want to have sex with that person and would not do so. A subset would but they aren't the majority.
Another common thing is to fantasize about seeing others have sex with someone. A voyeristic type of fantasy. It is not that rare to picture ones spouse as one of the people in the fantasy. Maybe the spouse is easier to imagine than others, that isnt important. But what is important is---it is a huge leap from fantasizing one's spouse with someone else and actually wanting the spouse to be with someone else.
I do sincerely hope that he is just fantasizing and not hoping to have this happen. If he actually wants this to happen he needs a lot of help.
For her it is important to realize that her husband's fantasy is in all likelihood not a suggestion or desire for her to have sex with another. Maybe it is a way for him in his mind to see her "better" than he can when they are intimate. This could very well be the root desire. If it is (and I don't know that it is) there are ways to satisfy his desire without doing wrongful things. It could be leave the lights on, vary positions, or even add a mirror or two.
Men are very visual, the love life of some couples leaves some men rather unsatisfied in that area. I am not justifying the sinful behavior of men, but those who want to profit from it know the appeal. It is much of the very basis of pornography. Dreams and fantasies are a rather inexact way to understand what is happening, we can draw right or wrong conclusions, but it is not unusual that dreams and fantasies kind of fill in things in our life. Some people with lives they find very boring have very exciting dreams and fantasies. We can kind of see where the dreams fill in for the lack of excitement in the person's life. But we can't jump from that that everyone that has an exciting dream is bored.
The man's fantasy may be an indication that he wants to see literally more of his wife. Would that be wrong, no, I can't say it would.
It also may be an indication that he wants his wife to be with another man in front of him. That would be wrong.
The first is more likely than the second but either are possible.
Finding out the reality and dealing with it in a way that is acceptable to both people and to God will strengthen relationships all around. Right now too many assumptions are being made and if it continues, it will almost certainly result in bad things.
If the woman isn't able to get professional help. I would suggest talking more directly with her husband about this. The difficulty comes because people don't always tell the absolute truth when asked and people who tell the absolute truth aren't always believed. She could even kind of test the voyeur hypothesis. Go get one of those $5 door mirrors, set the mirror next to the bed in a place where the husband can see their reflection during sex, leave a light on. Then discreetly observe him to see if he pays attention to it and what the response is. That can also be a conversation starter afterwards, ask him if he noticed it, liked it and so on.
Marv
