I find this upsetting...

[emmasmum]

Hi there,

My husband and I are both Christians and in our early 30's. Its just that he seems to be some kind of sex maniac/pervert now. He has had a fantasy for months about watching me do sexual things with his best friend. I find this upsetting especially as my mum has recently died and I can't believe he thinks about sex so much. We haven't been close for some time and at the moment i'm having trouble coming to terms with the way he treated my mum when she stayed with us. I just see sex as a job I have to do every so often like the ironing etc. I have prayed about it all but nothing seems to be happening and I don't know where my life is going. I will always trust in Jesus though, even though everything is so confusing.

 

[Johnnz]

he has some issues to sort out. His standards are below what is expected of a comitted Christian.

Can you talk with your pastor? Your husband needs to talk too.

John
NZ

 

[lin1235]

I'm really sorry you have to go through this! It's important that your husband understands where you're at emotionally, and somebody (like a pastor) needs to explain to him that it's totally inappropriate to want your wife to do anything with another man! Is there any chance you could convince him to go to counselling with you?

Also, I'm sorry about your mom and I hope God grants you peace.

 

[llghoney]

I agree with the other posts. Your husband does need to understand how this makes you feel. And if you have told him & he has not listened then seeing a pastor or christain counselor would be a good idea. And the sooner the better.

GoD Bless!

 

[GutterRat]

Honestly, I am suspicious of a porn issue. A lot of guys start getting these types of ideas in their heads from viewing/reading porn.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you treat sex with your husband with the same zeal you have for ironing he's probably bored silly with you or you really enjoy ironing.

 

[freedom4all]

I would think that most rational adults would know that comments like that would hurt you and that they're totally inappropriate, so I would like to know what his motives are in saying those things. What is he getting out of it? Maybe he's trying to hurt you back because he is hurt that you don't like to get close with him any more...? Either that, or he saw some images he shouldn't have been looking at...?

 

[indagroove]

Hi there,

My husband and I are both Christians and in our early 30's. Its just that he seems to be some kind of sex maniac/pervert now. He has had a fantasy for months about watching me do sexual things with his best friend. I find this upsetting especially as my mum has recently died and I can't believe he thinks about sex so much. We haven't been close for some time and at the moment i'm having trouble coming to terms with the way he treated my mum when she stayed with us. I just see sex as a job I have to do every so often like the ironing etc. I have prayed about it all but nothing seems to be happening and I don't know where my life is going. I will always trust in Jesus though, even though everything is so confusing.

First off, one thing you must know...
Men think about sex... All men....all the time.... That won't change, so don't try. The only thing HE can do is modify the behavour.

Sorry you are not happy, but I am seeing deeper issues here.

Unless you asked him to share his fantasies with you, then him saying that unsolicited is a bit inappropriate.... And he needs to know it. Most men are open to satan's attack with porn. And he needs to address thate.

Now on the flip side, if sex to you is like a job, then your marriage has larger issues.

Both your husband's actions, and your actions, are outside of God's plan. I am not giving your husband a pass but the bible addresses the culpability of leading your spouse to temptation by denying him (1 Cor 7). Only you know the real situation leading you to this point, but a good christian counselor is in order.

He needs to pray for stength and guidance to change himself in to a better husband.
You needs to pray for stength and guidance to change yourself in to a better wife. Do not pray for God to change him, that rarely works. Change in him usually comes from God working in both of you.

I will pray for you both.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

I think you both need to get in touch with a good counselor. Christian or not. As indagroove stated, there seems to be some underlying issues you both need to resolve. Have you always fellt that sex with your husband is a chore? or just another duty you have? Why do you feel that sex is a job? Sex is a wonderful thing shared only between you and your husband and should be seen as a sacred act and enjoyed by both people.

 

[JimfromOhio]

This is clearly and biblically wrong. I have seen this happen with some men and those perverted thoughts can ruin the trust and relationship. Sounds like this guy is addicted to porn if he is coming up with suggestions. I recommend you both see a Christian counselor if possible, if not a good marriage counselor.

Please don't be judgemental and allow this to hurt your marriage. Tell him that other men also faced similar problems and he is not alone. Encourage him to see help and you will be with him. Its important that you will be with him emotionally and spiritually. Ask him to research this topic together from a Christian point of view (if he is a Christian). Most of all, pray.

I hope this helps. Will pray for you.

In Christ, Jim

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I agree with those who have mentioned an addiction to porn. With porn you can start off thinking it is innocent enough because you are just viewing (notice I said thinking because I do not believe it is innocent fun) but like other addictions you need more and more to satisfy. Sounds like your husband is needing more these days.

Seek counselling.

I am sorry.

 

[Redguard]

My husband and I are both Christians and in our early 30's.

Let hubby know that him asking you to do his friend will compromise his (and your) ability to call him a Christian.

 

[Linnis]

I too think he may be viewing porn or reading erotica something that gives him he's wild ideas about your sex life. Tell him you will not under any means have sex or do anything sexual with anyone else and the idea is disturbing. I would be really bothered by my husband wanting me to sleep with his friend.

I'd also doubt how much of a Christian he is.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Maybe he's just checking to see if she's hot for his friend since she's disinterested in him?

 

[Ilovemyhusband]

Honestly, I am suspicious of a porn issue. A lot of guys start getting these types of ideas in their heads from viewing/reading porn.

I tend to agree, GR.

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles of that magnitude. Have you spoken with hubby about this and how this is not godly in the least? I mean, there is no gray area here...the Bible is very clear about this.

 

[*Miau*]

I too am sorry to hear how unhappy you are in your marriage. I strongly agree with the others - talk to your pastor or a CHRISTIAN counsilor - don't go to a non-christian one, as you both need biblical guidance to set this straight.

*praying for you*

 

[Autumnleaf]

That's a disgusting thought. He's been telling her months that this is a fantasy.

You never know what this poor guy is thinking if his wife thinks sex is as exciting as ironing.

 

[Redguard]

You never know what this poor guy is thinking if his wife thinks sex is as exciting as ironing.

He's thinking...

"Maybe she'll loosen up if she has sex with my friend!"

 

[Leanna]

Hmmm well there's more than one problem going on here. The first problem is that your husband doesn't have clear boundaries on what is okay, as you doing things to his friend is not okay, and I agree he may be into porn because thoughts like those tend to be birthed in places such as that.

The second problem is that you think of sex as something you just have to do and its no more exciting than ironing. That's a problem too!

Please read here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/ss/50-1.html they have a series of letters about willingness to have sex to desire to have sex, it may be that your husband is not meeting the emotional needs you have that lead to your desire to have sex but he really wants to. You guys just need to sit down and have a good talk about everything.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Eww. That's no good at all. Is he ever concerned about your enjoyment of sex?
I find that when it comes to sex, the rule "it's better to give than receive" is true. Selfishness has no place.
The deal about you and his best friend is...depraved.