I finally got it!

27B6 said:

Yep Justin, sounds like you got it! Glory to God!

Our desires are just that - desires. Our attractions are just that - attractions. Our hungers and thirsts are just that - hungers and thirsts. This applies to our sexuality, our desire for possessions, for food and drink, for fame and success and affirmation and relationships in this world - everything. And WE ALL are affected by them in various ways, sometimes for the good and sometimes not. Anyone who believes they are not affected is caught in pride.

Desires are often powerful and overwhelming, to the point where we begin to overidentify with them such that our desires control us rather than us controlling them. They become passionate desires, and these will enslave us if we let them. None of this is to say that our desires, sexual or otherwise, are inherently BAD - it's not a matter of finger-wagging moralism, judgement, or self-hatred. God gave us many good things to use in this world, including sexual attraction, and He called them GOOD. The only time morality comes into the picture is when we act in the world and in relation to others. Are our acts truly loving, or are they selfish acts? Obviously if our acts are hurtful of others, that's a no-no. But even acts that are consensual can be problematic, so constant discernment and attentiveness is necessary.

In engaging our desires we need to be cognizent of our ultimate purpose, which is holiness. And holiness draws certain boundaries around the sacred, as the iconostasis forms a boundary around the sacred altar. The great challenge for anyone with strong same-sex attraction, unlike opposite-sex attraction with has the path of sacramental marriage, is that holiness doesn't allow any productive context for expression of that attraction. Therefore the only way to deal productively with same-sex attraction is to, over time, ignore it, which is a very difficult road to follow, involving much suffering, though not impossible.

What is really important is that we come to understand the deeper nature of our desires and attractions and how they affect us and our behaviors, to recognize them and put them in a proper context, and learn over time (with the Lord's Grace) to disconnect our sense of selfhood from them. For our true self-worth is not ultimately dependent on any of these things, as difficult as that is to see at times. Our true worth is only found in Christ through the Holy Spirit. I am grateful that the good Lord has given you this enlightenment. Please know that you are in my prayers. Lord have mercy.

Patrick

Click to expand...

27B6 said:

The great challenge for anyone with strong same-sex attraction, unlike opposite-sex attraction with has the path of sacramental marriage, is that holiness doesn't allow any productive context for expression of that attraction. Therefore the only way to deal productively with same-sex attraction is to, over time, ignore it, which is a very difficult road to follow, involving much suffering, though not impossible.

Patrick

Click to expand...

AureateDawn said:

So I posted on Facebook how I loathe being gay. I had a couple of friends on there say that I need to love myself and get counseling. I said that I love myself and my life, and that I am relatively happy - I just hate being a homo (not due to church or society or anything. Just my own preference). One friend persisted: "That's like saying I love being black, I just hate black culture and black people and being a ***. Darling, let's call a spade a spade shall we ... you just stated self hate."

I then responded with this: "I still disagree about self hate. I'm gay, sure, but I don't think that means that a core part of who I am as a person is gay. I don't think that any part of who I am is defined by my sexuality. My sexuality and my "me-ness" are two separate things."

And after I typed that out, it hit me. I finally got it! What all of you here have said for so long, I've heard, but never really truly understood. And just now, it finally hit me! Now I understand. Guess I just had to get there on my own.

Just thought I'd share my little "Aha!" moment.

Click to expand...

Orthohawk said:

One way to keep the "gay=self" crowd at bay is to stop referring to your self as "gay" at all. Say you are "same-sex attracted". The term "gay" is nowadays too wrapped up in the social milieu of the "gay community" to the extent that to be "gay" is more than just your attractions.

Click to expand...