I finally got it!

[AureateDawn]

So I posted on Facebook how I loathe being gay. I had a couple of friends on there say that I need to love myself and get counseling. I said that I love myself and my life, and that I am relatively happy - I just hate being a homo (not due to church or society or anything. Just my own preference). One friend persisted: "That's like saying I love being black, I just hate black culture and black people and being a ***. Darling, let's call a spade a spade shall we ... you just stated self hate."

I then responded with this: "I still disagree about self hate. I'm gay, sure, but I don't think that means that a core part of who I am as a person is gay. I don't think that any part of who I am is defined by my sexuality. My sexuality and my "me-ness" are two separate things."

And after I typed that out, it hit me. I finally got it! What all of you here have said for so long, I've heard, but never really truly understood. And just now, it finally hit me! Now I understand. Guess I just had to get there on my own.

Just thought I'd share my little "Aha!" moment.

 

[truthseeker32]

Congratulations on the realization. Funny enough I had a similar realization when I was your age as I began considering conversion to Catholicism.

 

[Antony in Tx]

That's wonderful that you can see this. I know that when I've had moments like this, it feels like a great weight is lifted and I start seeing so many new possibilities in life. May God continue to bless you and keep you in His grace!

 

[27B6]

...

 

[Gxg (G²)]

Yep Justin, sounds like you got it! Glory to God!

Our desires are just that - desires. Our attractions are just that - attractions. Our hungers and thirsts are just that - hungers and thirsts. This applies to our sexuality, our desire for possessions, for food and drink, for fame and success and affirmation and relationships in this world - everything. And WE ALL are affected by them in various ways, sometimes for the good and sometimes not. Anyone who believes they are not affected is caught in pride.

Desires are often powerful and overwhelming, to the point where we begin to overidentify with them such that our desires control us rather than us controlling them. They become passionate desires, and these will enslave us if we let them. None of this is to say that our desires, sexual or otherwise, are inherently BAD - it's not a matter of finger-wagging moralism, judgement, or self-hatred. God gave us many good things to use in this world, including sexual attraction, and He called them GOOD. The only time morality comes into the picture is when we act in the world and in relation to others. Are our acts truly loving, or are they selfish acts? Obviously if our acts are hurtful of others, that's a no-no. But even acts that are consensual can be problematic, so constant discernment and attentiveness is necessary.

In engaging our desires we need to be cognizent of our ultimate purpose, which is holiness. And holiness draws certain boundaries around the sacred, as the iconostasis forms a boundary around the sacred altar. The great challenge for anyone with strong same-sex attraction, unlike opposite-sex attraction with has the path of sacramental marriage, is that holiness doesn't allow any productive context for expression of that attraction. Therefore the only way to deal productively with same-sex attraction is to, over time, ignore it, which is a very difficult road to follow, involving much suffering, though not impossible.

What is really important is that we come to understand the deeper nature of our desires and attractions and how they affect us and our behaviors, to recognize them and put them in a proper context, and learn over time (with the Lord's Grace) to disconnect our sense of selfhood from them. For our true self-worth is not ultimately dependent on any of these things, as difficult as that is to see at times. Our true worth is only found in Christ through the Holy Spirit. I am grateful that the good Lord has given you this enlightenment. Please know that you are in my prayers. Lord have mercy.

Patrick

Great expression of what so many others may be feeling - and I agree 100% with the sentiments on the OP poster's thoughts.

Praying..

 

[isshinwhat]

 

[MKJ]

The great challenge for anyone with strong same-sex attraction, unlike opposite-sex attraction with has the path of sacramental marriage, is that holiness doesn't allow any productive context for expression of that attraction. Therefore the only way to deal productively with same-sex attraction is to, over time, ignore it, which is a very difficult road to follow, involving much suffering, though not impossible.

Patrick

I may be picking up too much on your wording here, which may have been quite casual, but most people who have this problem I have spoken to would not, I think, quite say that it should be ignored. More that it should be used or perceived in a different kind of way.

I think most of the particular temptations we face are one side of something that is more whole and positive. If we ignore the capacities altogether, then we can also lose the strengths they can give us.

 

[ArmyMatt]

yep Justin, you nailed it!

 

[27B6]

...

 

[Dorothea]

 

[choirfiend]

We are all very much more than the sum of our parts. Most of which are dysfunctional anyway.

 

[Orthohawk]

One way to keep the "gay=self" crowd at bay is to stop referring to your self as "gay" at all. Say you are "same-sex attracted". The term "gay" is nowadays too wrapped up in the social milieu of the "gay community" to the extent that to be "gay" is more than just your attractions.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

So I posted on Facebook how I loathe being gay. I had a couple of friends on there say that I need to love myself and get counseling. I said that I love myself and my life, and that I am relatively happy - I just hate being a homo (not due to church or society or anything. Just my own preference). One friend persisted: "That's like saying I love being black, I just hate black culture and black people and being a ***. Darling, let's call a spade a spade shall we ... you just stated self hate."

I then responded with this: "I still disagree about self hate. I'm gay, sure, but I don't think that means that a core part of who I am as a person is gay. I don't think that any part of who I am is defined by my sexuality. My sexuality and my "me-ness" are two separate things."

And after I typed that out, it hit me. I finally got it! What all of you here have said for so long, I've heard, but never really truly understood. And just now, it finally hit me! Now I understand. Guess I just had to get there on my own.

Just thought I'd share my little "Aha!" moment.

What I remember of the Gay 'lifestyle" is that it centered around Sex. Sex was the core of everyone's existence. what was once the club social scene is now replaced by hooking up online. sex is anonymous and frequent.

Even married or "committed" gay men often 'play on the side. it is often a negotiated part of the gay relationship. Even when it is not negotiated, they often "play' on the side.

I know gay men who would cry and tell me that they were so sick of hooking up, but then they would go right back at it.

We are all trying to anesthetize our loneliness . No one seems to connect on a human level anymore. Some use booze, drugs and sex.

The reason people continually have sex, is that their needs are never met. it becomes a cycle that leads to even further alienation which compounds itself.

what are your thoughts? what have been your experiences in the 'gay"world?

 

[HalupkiMonster]

I'm so happy to see this, Justin!

Our Lord has revealed an amazing truth to you. It takes a long journey for Orthodox like you and I to realize this. In our society, which is ever more telling us who we are, it takes a lot of courage to step away from that and realize who we truly are.

If you ever want to talk about this or anything, feel free to message me.

I know more gay/same sex-attracted/etc. Orthodox Christians than I care to admit, and it's always amazing when this happens. You've just set off on an amazing journey with Christ. (Now get your butt back to Church, m'kay?)

 

[HalupkiMonster]

One way to keep the "gay=self" crowd at bay is to stop referring to your self as "gay" at all. Say you are "same-sex attracted". The term "gay" is nowadays too wrapped up in the social milieu of the "gay community" to the extent that to be "gay" is more than just your attractions.

^THIS