I feel the Christian guy I like, doesn't like me.

[bsweet00]

I'm hoping to get some advice and feedback on this issue. I'll try to make it as clear as I can.

I got out of a long term relationship a few months back, my ex boyfriend is not the religious type but he respected my beliefs. I never really had a deep connection with him in that aspect, but I never thought it'd be a problem. I've never dated anyone who was a Christian like I was so, I didn't know to compare him to anyone else.

A few months after we had broken up, a friend of mine who is also a co-worker introduced me to her brother who I found out WAS a christian, and I became very interested in him. We started hanging out as a group, and he would invite me to the youth group he attended. Other times, he would invite me with other of his close friends for coffee, lunch etc. It felt nice to know someone of the opposite sex that I felt attracted to who had the same desire to follow the Lord as I did, and who yearned for that spiritual connection with God. He motivates me to be a better person and a better christian. I had never met anyone like him before.

Needless to say, I've started to really REALLY like this guy. I enjoy his company and the time we get to spend as friends, I like that I can admit to myself that he's a real person like I am, and that he has qualities and defects like I do. He's not perfect and I'm ok with that. I like him for him. I've been praying to the Lord to show me a sign of whether or not I should mention my feelings to him.

The reason I'm doubtful is because I feel like I'm stuck in the friends zone with this guy. We've never really spent any alone time, every time he invites me out it's always as a group. I'm not even sure if he even likes me like I like him. I'm really confused because I don't think God would've put him in my life without a reason. I don't believe it's just a coincidence.

During the time that I've been getting to know him, it's also been a time for me to get over my break up with my ex. It's opened up my eyes that there are other people out there who could be better for me.

I would really like to have this new guy be a part of my life more than a friend, I just wouldn't want to ruin the friendship we have because of me telling him how I feel. But I also don't want to just sit here and not take a risk. I pray for guidance, and wisdom from God to know what to do in this situation.

Should I not say anything and stay as we are? Or should I go with what I feel and admit my feelings to him and see what happens afterwards?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

You only have one life to live, and a life without risks is a life of regret and "I should have's".

 

[Fearless_Disciple]

I believe you should ask him out on a one on one date. It's up to you where to go. I don't know what the two of you like. It may be a boat outing, a walk at a rose garden, or even just dinner. The important part is that you spend one on one alone time with this man. It's amazing how different people act alone, then they do in a group setting. You will find more about each other, and God can use these one on one experiances to let you know the next step to take.

After you spend some alone time together you may find you really want to pursue a deeper relationship with him or you may find you just want to be friends. If you do want a deeper relationship you should definitely tell him. If he doesn't want the same this doesn't mean you can't be friends anymore. I myself have a good friend who wants to be more then just friends. I don't want that type of relationship so I simply made that clear, and we are still great friends. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel after you spend some alone time with him, and some time in prayer. As 2 Timothy 1:7 says "for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline."

I hope this helps out. If you wanna chat send me a message. I would love to hear how things turn out for you.

Be @ Peace, Be with God
Eric, a disciple of Christ Jesus

 

[TheOliveSeed]

I think you should talk to him. By doing that you would find out where he stands and whether you need to move on or not.

 

[twinserk]

I'm hoping to get some advice and feedback on this issue. I'll try to make it as clear as I can.

I got out of a long term relationship a few months back, my ex boyfriend is not the religious type but he respected my beliefs. I never really had a deep connection with him in that aspect, but I never thought it'd be a problem. I've never dated anyone who was a Christian like I was so, I didn't know to compare him to anyone else.

A few months after we had broken up, a friend of mine who is also a co-worker introduced me to her brother who I found out WAS a christian, and I became very interested in him. We started hanging out as a group, and he would invite me to the youth group he attended. Other times, he would invite me with other of his close friends for coffee, lunch etc. It felt nice to know someone of the opposite sex that I felt attracted to who had the same desire to follow the Lord as I did, and who yearned for that spiritual connection with God. He motivates me to be a better person and a better christian. I had never met anyone like him before.

Needless to say, I've started to really REALLY like this guy. I enjoy his company and the time we get to spend as friends, I like that I can admit to myself that he's a real person like I am, and that he has qualities and defects like I do. He's not perfect and I'm ok with that. I like him for him. I've been praying to the Lord to show me a sign of whether or not I should mention my feelings to him.

The reason I'm doubtful is because I feel like I'm stuck in the friends zone with this guy. We've never really spent any alone time, every time he invites me out it's always as a group. I'm not even sure if he even likes me like I like him. I'm really confused because I don't think God would've put him in my life without a reason. I don't believe it's just a coincidence.

During the time that I've been getting to know him, it's also been a time for me to get over my break up with my ex. It's opened up my eyes that there are other people out there who could be better for me.

I would really like to have this new guy be a part of my life more than a friend, I just wouldn't want to ruin the friendship we have because of me telling him how I feel. But I also don't want to just sit here and not take a risk. I pray for guidance, and wisdom from God to know what to do in this situation.

Should I not say anything and stay as we are? Or should I go with what I feel and admit my feelings to him and see what happens afterwards?

Don't let fear hold you back. If you like him, ask him out for dinner yourself. don't get all mushy gushy on him or put him in an awkward situation, just dinner.

 

[OGM]

You only have one life to live, and a life without risks is a life of regret and "I should have's".

I think you should talk to him. By doing that you would find out where he stands and whether you need to move on or not.

Don't let fear hold you back. If you like him, ask him out for dinner yourself. don't get all mushy gushy on him or put him in an awkward situation, just dinner.

All great advice!

 

[DYOLF]

If this guy never became your boyfriend would you be happy to be his friend?
Also when your co-worker introduced you to her brother what was the purpose of the introduction?What was she trying to achieve

 

[bsweet00]

Thanks guys! These are all great words of advice, I'm thankful for you taking the time to read this! I am hanging out with him tonight and probably going to tell him the truth about my feelings in the best way that I can.

I feel like even if he doesn't feel the same way for me, he is still a fantastic guy and I would love to still keep him as a friend. Although it may be a bit awkward at first, it's better than losing him altogether.

I will keep you all posted on what the outcome is! Thank you all again and God bless!!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Telling him is good -- I've told people how I felt before and sometimes it didn't turn out how I would have liked, but then again I told my husband how I felt and that turned out well If the feeling is not mutual, make sure you would be OK with still being just a friend if he starts dating someone else. Personally, back when I was single, I came to the conclusion that staying friends was a disaster (I learned it the hard way). I honestly feel like most of the time, when people say they are OK with still being friends, they really are still hanging on to hope that the other person's feelings will change -- and that's just setting yourself up for disappointment. Besides that, it could be problematic if one of you starts dating someone else in the future -- if he starts dating someone else and you still have feelings that's going to suck, and if you start dating someone else they may be insecure about this "friend" that you crushed on so hard.

 

[Sister of Faith]

I think you should improve yourself not for him to be happy but for God sake.

 

[Xenocide]

you should make it as obvious as neccessary to elicit some sort of reaction, then you will know.

arent i smart

 

[mrphan]

You can win anyone's heart over, just be honest and loving

 

[1Cross3Nails4Given]

Hmm, well I am really old fashioned and I know some people won't agree. I think the guy should do the asking. I just think if he is the guy God wants you to marry. God will put it on his heart to speak to you regarding his own feelings. I don't really believe in dating either and again I know some might think I'm crazy. I don't know if you have talked to him yet or not. If not I would just continue to pray for God to reveal to you if he is the man He wants you to be with. If he isn't the one for you or it doesn't work out, pray God will bring you the husband he wants for you. Like I said I am very old fashioned and believe in courting (though not having parents chose your husband etc, but God, because he knows our needs better than ourselves.) Anyway that is new two cents.

 

[DYOLF]

Hmm, well I am really old fashioned and I know some people won't agree. I think the guy should do the asking. I just think if he is the guy God wants you to marry. God will put it on his heart to speak to you regarding his own feelings. I don't really believe in dating either and again I know some might think I'm crazy. I don't know if you have talked to him yet or not. If not I would just continue to pray for God to reveal to you if he is the man He wants you to be with. If he isn't the one for you or it doesn't work out, pray God will bring you the husband he wants for you. Like I said I am very old fashioned and believe in courting (though not having parents chose your husband etc, but God, because he knows our needs better than ourselves.) Anyway that is new two cents.

I think it's difficult with Christian relationships.In Christian groups guys get scared of asking girls out even if they want to because the guys' reputations are on the line.If a guy asks a girl out and say he's turned down,everyone will probably know about it and the guy gets called names or unchristian for doing so.How will the guy come back to church when everyone knows his business?In the world it doesnt matter.My experience is there's so much gossiping in the church especially when it comes to relationships.The result is guys will try not to show any interest as much as possible and only ask girls out if they think chances of success are quite high.In as much as God blesses his people faith without works is dead.

For a relationship to start both will need to start talking to each other not just waiting for one to initiate.This is just my view and I could be so wrong

 

[wheymore]

Admit your feelings to him. If he doesn't feel the same way, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. It doesn't hurt to open a door and take a peek as to whether or not you can enter.

 

[1Cross3Nails4Given]

I think it's difficult with Christian relationships.In Christian groups guys get scared of asking girls out even if they want to because the guys' reputations are on the line.If a guy asks a girl out and say he's turned down,everyone will probably know about it and the guy gets called names or unchristian for doing so.How will the guy come back to church when everyone knows his business?In the world it doesnt matter.My experience is there's so much gossiping in the church especially when it comes to relationships.The result is guys will try not to show any interest as much as possible and only ask girls out if they think chances of success are quite high.In as much as God blesses his people faith without works is dead.

For a relationship to start both will need to start talking to each other not just waiting for one to initiate.This is just my view and I could be so wrong

I don't mean not talk to him or any person at all. I think it's fine to talk to the person to get to know them better but you know as far as the asking out part I think the guy should do it but we all have our viewpoints and no one viewpoint is wrong or right.

 

[OGM]

If you ask him out...what is the worst that can happen....he might say no? But if you ask him out he says "yes" Remember, there is nothing worse than a lost oppurtunity.

 

[josephlau7966]

Have you ever given him any hints about your feeling? Do you chat with him personally in phone or internet? You should try to get close to him, at least, before you confess to him.