I Feel Nothing

[Danielof the Island]

I have a problem. I'm 22 years old, and I burn for a loving wife and to have children. However, I've never felt any romantic nor sexual feelings for a woman. (No, I'm not gay.)

I want to get married some day, but how will I ever get there if I feel absolutely nothing? I feel like I am incapable of loving a woman romantically as if it were God's will that I be alone. I don't want to be alone.

 

[Akathist]

I strongly recommend that you go to your minister and talk to him about this. Your minister can help direct you to look at this situation in a better way then we can as your minister knows you better. But it doesn't hurt to also get our points of view, just be sure to check with your minister too!

I think that it is possible that you have had the beginnings of sexual feelings for a woman but the relationship has not developed and therefore you didn't know they were there.

The healthiest marriages are not based upon feelings of lust but on a deep and abiding love that comes from a friendship and an intimacy of emotions first, then after marriage preferably, real love making. Out of that may come children!

The first step is to find a woman that you feel compatible with and enjoy spending time with and taking your time to get to know on a deep emotional level. Focus on that and then let the biology come as an afterthought rather than making a choice of a life partner based only on your hormones or biological reactions.

 

[Danielof the Island]

I strongly recommend that you go to your minister and talk to him about this. Your minister can help direct you to look at this situation in a better way then we can as your minister knows you better. But it doesn't hurt to also get our points of view, just be sure to check with your minister too!

My minister doesn't know me better, he knows my name and whut I look like, that's it. I don't go to church... it's a long, complicated story. Even if I did know him, I can't tell him that! It's too personal.

I think that it is possible that you have had the beginnings of sexual feelings for a woman but the relationship has not developed and therefore you didn't know they were there.

That's not possible as I've never been in a relationship.

The healthiest marriages are not based upon feelings of lust but on a deep and abiding love that comes from a friendship and an intimacy of emotions first, then after marriage preferably, real love making. Out of that may come children!

I'm not talking about lust, I'm talking about romance!

The first step is to find a woman that you feel compatible with and enjoy spending time with and taking your time to get to know on a deep emotional level. Focus on that and then let the biology come as an afterthought rather than making a choice of a life partner based only on your hormones or biological reactions.

Been there, done that, felt nothing.

 

[YoungJoonKim]

Forgive me, I can't give you any advises since I never had a girlfriend (lol).
But I can tell you that don't search for romance but keep praying to the Father for guidance of Holy Spirit to choose right woman, right person for you.
Do you know one sight, one love?

I know a teacher who is currently taking a Ph.D course, never seen him again expect in Wal-Mart (everyone meets in Wal-Mart in our small town )
His "love" was found during his university years (age around 20).
He had a girlfriend at the time when he met his wife.
At first sight, he said that he knew she was going to be his partner/wife/and friend for rest of his life.
He has a child and..maybe second coming? I don't know.
But I know that love can be found anywhere.

Also, many of Jesus's disciples traveled the world to spread the gospel of Christ, alone.
Without support of wife or children.
Some of disciples was never married either.
Also, Jesus never married (Apparently, some people are testing Jesus about this -_-..very unfortunate)

So perhaps, not marrying out be a plan for you?
But if you truly desire for woman or children, I guess you can pray for that too

Please, rely on God.
Relationship and Marriage is very loving gift from the Father to us.
I won't say don't rush it, but to just depend on God in this matter

God bless and may he find you a beautiful wife

 

[UnitynLove]

Give It Time Daneil, God will give you a wife and kids soon but you have to be patient. Trust in God he is Good all the Time. It says : "No Good thing shall you lack of this earth." Trust in his word

 

[Jrry]

Daneil,

xrose gave you some feedback and your response was...

My minister doesn't know me better, he knows my name and whut I look like, that's it. I don't go to church... it's a long, complicated story. Even if I did know him, I can't tell him that! It's too personal.

That's not possible as I've never been in a relationship.

I'm not talking about lust, I'm talking about romance!
Been there, done that, felt nothing.

Well, your minister will never get to know you if you don't make an appointment and sit down with him. And the fact that the two of you are almost strangers should make it easier to talk with him.

Also, there may be too much pressure from society and yourself that you MUST have a wife. Not everyone gets married right away and there are Bible Characters that never married.

I do believe that if you are walking with God he can give you some peace about the issue of romance.

God bless,
Jerry
Psalm 51...the last part!

 

[FatherJay]

Hello Danielof the Island,

I hope you don't mind my posting, but I had to laugh a bit at your post. Not because what you feel now is strange, but because it reminds me of my wife. Nine years ago, my wife and I were married, and she told me that I was the first man she had ever wanted to marry, be intimate with, have children, etc.

I was a bit surprised, but I've discovered that there are many more people just like her than I originally thought.

She was 21 when we married.

Brother, you should not worry about this. Time will tell just what you were meant to do, and if marriage and children are in your future, they will come. Be patient, perhaps the Divine needs you to wait a bit until "Ms. Right" is ready?

Blessings,

Father J

I have a problem. I'm 22 years old, and I burn for a loving wife and to have children. However, I've never felt any romantic nor sexual feelings for a woman. (No, I'm not gay.)

I want to get married some day, but how will I ever get there if I feel absolutely nothing? I feel like I am incapable of loving a woman romantically as if it were God's will that I be alone. I don't want to be alone.

 

[Stavroula]

When I was 16 years old I figured I should have romantic ideas but I didn't. I figured I should date but I had no real interest in someone.

So, on a weekend Campus Life retreat (I was not Orthodox then.) I became friends with this guy. Now, I had friendships with guys before, but I had it in my head that I "had" to have a boyfriend. So, when he asked me out on a date, and I could tell he really meant a "date" I agreed.

(To age myself, we went to see the movie "Fame".)

At the end of the date he wanted to kiss me. I didn't really feel the need to kiss him but I figured that was what someone did on dates and so I let him kiss me and since I had never kissed like that I did my best to "kiss back".

I had driven on the date since I had use of a car and he didn't. So he got out of the car after the "kiss" and I drove out the drive way and far enough away so that he wouldn't see me stop. I vomited in the bushes. (Really! What a sad "first kiss!")

I then continued to "date" him because I figured I should be dating. Since I liked him as a friend we talked on the phone and I didn't mind that. But I hated our dates because he wanted to hold hands.

In the end I broke up with him.

Many years later I met and married my husband. And before I met him I did find there were men I wanted to date but that was later in life.

Whatever you do, do not try to force yourself to date or anything like that. I know my dating this kid was wrong because when I broke up with him it hurt him. I hope you don't make the mistake I did.

About your minister. Make yourself go. It is not right to talk with us about this and not talk to your minister. There could be people here pretending to be Christians, you don't really know any of us. But you do know that your minister is a good man and you should trust him enough to ask for his help.

I agree with what someone else said about how is it your minister will ever know you if you never reach out and talk with him.

In addition, God knows everything we do. He put your minister over you. If you are doing anything that is embarrassing, God knows about it and he put the minister in your life to help you. Trust that God chose well.

 

[MissWaffles]

hehe its ok the time will come when u meet the one

 

[Danielof the Island]

Guys, I'm not trying to force anything. I don't want to be married due to societal pressures. I want to wed and have children, becuase it's a burning desire that cannot be repressed. However, it will never happen if I cannot have romantic feelings for someone.

How do you know if you feel for someone?

 

[TheWakeUpCaller]

How do you know if you feel for someone?

You will most surely know when this happens to you. She will be the air you breathe. The first thought in the morning, and your last thought at night. You will long for her, to call or see every minute of every day. She will make you feel complete in your life. When you are trying to work and cannot, because you are having thoughts of her. When you find yourself writing her name on your pad or paper. Basically. when you are in love you will know. It will be so great, if it is the right one from God. The wait is worth it.... hang in there..

 

[FatherJay]

My friend,

Perhaps you could, in your search, consider adoption? So many young children in this country who need a loving, caring parent.

Blessings,

Father J