Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one. I posted this on the OCD forum but I want another perspective.
So I've been applying for jobs out of state for awhile. Praying for God to help me move out of my parents house. Months go by without much of a peep. Then, not this past week but the week before, I get, in the span of 4 days, a phone call, an interview, a reference check, and a tentative job offer. In a state I'd like to go to, in a job I really want. That fast. Dream come true, right?
Well, it should be. Except I feel like I don't deserve it. I've been replaying my interview over and over, convinced I lied during it. I've been struggling to remember the questions, and what I said in reply, because it's kind of all a blur. I know I sent a follow up email clarifying one thing, and I thought that was the end of it, the end of my brain freaking out.
Nope. Still mulling it over. Now I'm fixated on another part, where I'm positive I implied I'm the only one who works on a specific task at work (a big information gathering task that helps the office run smoother--i'm positive I said that its my job to do that--which it is, but I have help from another gal, but I believe I implied I do all of it). And I described it as complicated, which it WAS, but we changed our process so it's easier now.
I KNOW I'm qualified for this job. But I feel like I need to decline this tentative offer, because if I don't, and I get the job, my life will be based on a lie. I've been in a panic, I'm exhausted, and I feel sick.
I just feel like my job selection is based on a bunch of things I said that were mostly true, just fancied up a bit too much. Not a blatant lie about anything (except when I forgot that my supervisor helped me out with a project and I said I did it myself--it was my job to get caught up on a bunch of stuff and she helped me). But I've been playing my interview over and over so many times, and nothing really stands out as a drastic lie. Like I didn't go saying "*I'm* the supervisor."
And yet I feel like I can't accept the position. Because I have a habit of kind of BSing things (about little things). I can't think of a good example, but like "I'll send this to the doctor" when I actually send it to the medical assistants who MIGHT send it to the doctor if it really needs to be looked at by him/her. And even though I've gone over my interview so many times and can't think of anything super major, I feel like my life would be based on a lie if I took that job and I'll go to hell. But if I were to try to explain this to anyone I'd sound like a crazy person, because I feel like no one in their right mind would turn down a job offer over something like this. I feel like I'm over thinking it, but I can't stop!
So I've been applying for jobs out of state for awhile. Praying for God to help me move out of my parents house. Months go by without much of a peep. Then, not this past week but the week before, I get, in the span of 4 days, a phone call, an interview, a reference check, and a tentative job offer. In a state I'd like to go to, in a job I really want. That fast. Dream come true, right?
Well, it should be. Except I feel like I don't deserve it. I've been replaying my interview over and over, convinced I lied during it. I've been struggling to remember the questions, and what I said in reply, because it's kind of all a blur. I know I sent a follow up email clarifying one thing, and I thought that was the end of it, the end of my brain freaking out.
Nope. Still mulling it over. Now I'm fixated on another part, where I'm positive I implied I'm the only one who works on a specific task at work (a big information gathering task that helps the office run smoother--i'm positive I said that its my job to do that--which it is, but I have help from another gal, but I believe I implied I do all of it). And I described it as complicated, which it WAS, but we changed our process so it's easier now.
I KNOW I'm qualified for this job. But I feel like I need to decline this tentative offer, because if I don't, and I get the job, my life will be based on a lie. I've been in a panic, I'm exhausted, and I feel sick.
I just feel like my job selection is based on a bunch of things I said that were mostly true, just fancied up a bit too much. Not a blatant lie about anything (except when I forgot that my supervisor helped me out with a project and I said I did it myself--it was my job to get caught up on a bunch of stuff and she helped me). But I've been playing my interview over and over so many times, and nothing really stands out as a drastic lie. Like I didn't go saying "*I'm* the supervisor."
And yet I feel like I can't accept the position. Because I have a habit of kind of BSing things (about little things). I can't think of a good example, but like "I'll send this to the doctor" when I actually send it to the medical assistants who MIGHT send it to the doctor if it really needs to be looked at by him/her. And even though I've gone over my interview so many times and can't think of anything super major, I feel like my life would be based on a lie if I took that job and I'll go to hell. But if I were to try to explain this to anyone I'd sound like a crazy person, because I feel like no one in their right mind would turn down a job offer over something like this. I feel like I'm over thinking it, but I can't stop!
