- Oct 22, 2019
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as I was out in the garden today I just.. think about how I just don't feel like I was meant for heaven.
all the grandiose, all the jewels and gold, all the big choirs singing praise and harps of gold and glory glory glory glory ...
to me that's just all disappointing and meh.
I know this is going to come across really wrong but.. when I hear "glory" I think "ego stroking" I think trumping things up. I think tacky. I think obsequious displays. I think of a fat king lounging on a golden throne adorned in jewels basking in obsequious worship displays while being fanned and fed grapes. A stereotype. A stereotype that I hate.
But other people love that sort of thing. Other Christians especially.
to me a garden has more appeal than a temple
a beach more appeal than a palace
a mountain more appeal than a throne
birdsong more beautiful than any choir to my ears
a sunset more beautiful than any gold
the stars more beautiful than any jewels
It makes me long for Eden, not heaven, and I never get better at that.
so I get depressed when I think of our end point being .. palaces, thrones, jewels, gold, obsequious praise and worship and grandiose displays, no night sky, no seas, no mountains just flat plains for grazing. Like the God who created Earth and Eden .. just decided He cares more about temples and thrones and palaces and Jewels than His initial very good creation. Imagine loving the God who created Earth and Eden, but He seems like He changed over time to being someone else who is harder to love and became someone you can't relate to anymore. Imagine everyone else also being unrelatable because they relate to all the palaces and gold and glory, and you just.. can't.
It feels isolating. I can be in the middle of a church, in the middle of a party, in the middle of a crowd.. and feel so totally alone and isolated. Like I don't even "get" my creator, because He wants things that I can't find desirable.
am I truly the only one who finds glory "meh"?
all the grandiose, all the jewels and gold, all the big choirs singing praise and harps of gold and glory glory glory glory ...
to me that's just all disappointing and meh.
I know this is going to come across really wrong but.. when I hear "glory" I think "ego stroking" I think trumping things up. I think tacky. I think obsequious displays. I think of a fat king lounging on a golden throne adorned in jewels basking in obsequious worship displays while being fanned and fed grapes. A stereotype. A stereotype that I hate.
But other people love that sort of thing. Other Christians especially.
to me a garden has more appeal than a temple
a beach more appeal than a palace
a mountain more appeal than a throne
birdsong more beautiful than any choir to my ears
a sunset more beautiful than any gold
the stars more beautiful than any jewels
It makes me long for Eden, not heaven, and I never get better at that.
so I get depressed when I think of our end point being .. palaces, thrones, jewels, gold, obsequious praise and worship and grandiose displays, no night sky, no seas, no mountains just flat plains for grazing. Like the God who created Earth and Eden .. just decided He cares more about temples and thrones and palaces and Jewels than His initial very good creation. Imagine loving the God who created Earth and Eden, but He seems like He changed over time to being someone else who is harder to love and became someone you can't relate to anymore. Imagine everyone else also being unrelatable because they relate to all the palaces and gold and glory, and you just.. can't.
It feels isolating. I can be in the middle of a church, in the middle of a party, in the middle of a crowd.. and feel so totally alone and isolated. Like I don't even "get" my creator, because He wants things that I can't find desirable.
am I truly the only one who finds glory "meh"?