I feel hopeless and scared

[sh3nmue]

I guess I should start with how I got to this point

On/Around my 12th birthday (2016) I went to Church with my aunt, we went upstairs and listened to the youth pastor. I don't remember what led her to this but she went into GRAPHIC detail about what Hell would be like and there are not words I can think of that can properly and fully describe the terror that overtook me and still has a hold on me to this day. I literally collapsed out of my chair and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

I was so mortified by this that I had a voice in my head from 12 to 18 telling me that "if I did/didn't do [insert random thing here] I'd go to Hell" and I was constantly fighting back and rebuking those thoughts which was exhausting and pains me to think about how mentally in shambles I was from such a young age and I didn't want to read the Bible because I was genuinely to scared to open it at all. And my fears were dismissed by those around me.

When I was 15/16 (2020) COVID hit and all of the endtimes conspiracy stuff started spreading all over TikTok and I was overcome with fear I stopped all sin I knew I was committing but still couldn't bring myself to read the Bible out of fear

At 18 (2022) I saw a post about the endtimes and how I needed to repent to be saved and I did just that and I was scared the whole time. I wasn't trusting in Christ, I was trusting in my ability to turn from sins to be saved and I was self-righteous at the time but I was genuinely tweaking having panic attacks and whatnot. I read the Bible starting in Genesis and got all the way to Kings I believe. I started going to church with my friend (who was worldly) and seeing everyone be genuinely in love with the Lord invoked this jealously and grief in me (I'll explain why shortly)

At sometime between early/mid 2023 I discovered Free Grace from Young Don and everything made sense to me. I then started doing whatever I wanted and I was happy (kinda). I started watching Free Grace content creators to improve my doctrine. I felt a pull to live a Godly life every now and then but I typically ignored it

That leads up to Aug 2nd 2024, I had gotten sick and I had nothing but time and I started seeing verses that seem to contradict Free Grace so I prayed that God leads me into the truth whether it is or isn't Free Grace and I was convinced that Free Grace is mostly false (there is SOME truth to it) but most of the explanations that they use to explain harder passages are massive reaches in my opinion (Rev 22:14, 2 Thes 1:8-9 are a few)

That takes me to now I'm looking up how to be saved and Free Grace funnily enough helped me come to the conclusion that we are saved by faith alone but true faith will work sooner or later

Now I can finally speak on what's bothering me

I don't know what to do now, I believe that Jesus Christ is the only reason that I can be saved but the emotions that accompany salvation I don't really have. As bad as it sounds I don't love God, I know what he did for me and appreciate it (at least I think) but I have no emotional love for God. I don't know if I have new desires, I'd rather not sin because it's bad and God isn't a fan but I don't hate it because sin feels good. Excuse my language but, jerking off: feels good, acting on anger: feels good, gaming all day: feels good, cursing: feels good, being crude/edgy: feels good. But I know none of those things are good but since I suddenly don't hate those things am I not saved? Am I not saved because I don't love God/Jesus? Do conflicting desires not exist anymore? A lot of Christians speak on willful sin as if all sins aren't willful and I don't like it because there are a lot of people like me who are fearful for their souls and just to know what to do to have peace and get confused because all sin is willful but Christians make it seem as if it's otherwise. I know I should Love God/Jesus and I've been trying to understand what Christ did for me so that I can live out my faith in gratitude instead of fear but I just can't feel it. The only "sign" that have "shown me I'm a Christian" is when I masturbated not too long ago and felt awful and guilty, and feeling repulsed at my worldly friends' behavior (I AM NOT SAYING I AM BETTER)

I feel like I'm too far gone, I don't hold to Calvinism but I feel like I wasn't meant to be saved, and some may say "just stop believing" but I was born with an innate gut feeling that God is real, I literally tried to be an atheist and couldn't. I know in the depths of my soul that God, the Christian God in particular, is the one and only God. I wish that I could be grateful, I wish I could love Jesus/God like I should, I wish I was moved by the word of God (I read all of John and I'm 8 or 9 chapters into Luke) and nothing? Everytime I really ponder on how much I'm loved by God it almost brings me to tears but everytime I hear about surrender I almost cringe because unfortunately I'm very haughty and cocky, so I'd feel like I know best but I know I don't but I'm scared to let go because navigating life my way is ALL I KNOW. I hate myself and sometimes wish that God would've birthed someone that wasn't me, God wouldn't have such a lowly coward on his hands, my family might have someone who feels qualified to let them know the Gospel. Somedays I feel like either a cruel joke made by God: a fool who was cursed to know that God is real but to spiritually blind and cowardly to receive him/walk out my faith or a mistake made by God: because He'd be better off with anyone else, as would my family, friends, and the world to be honest.

I feel alone because my worldly friend, I can't relate to the same, I will ALWAYS love them and will ALWAYS be there if they need me but I know that I can't/won't carelessly crack jokes with them anymore because I know I should watch my tongue. But at the The Church I used to go to and abandoned, I don't relate to them either they have a fire and zeal for the Lord that I don't and it makes me jealous because it reminds me that I'm a worthless, ungrateful, foolish coward who can't feel what they do and it makes me grieve because I knew that I don't belong among them. I know I have to go back but there is so much isolation that I feel there and there was this woman who told me I'd be a "frontrunner for the Lord" because she saw it or smth idk the embarassment I'd feel know that I'm the farthest thing from that.

To all that I have/will give advice to I hope that this doesn't make my advice any less valid and I'm sorry to have dissapointed you

I see no hope, I will continue to stay in the Word and prayer even though I'm not seeing results. Maybe I'm impatient because it's only been a week since I've left Free Grace and believed again. Am I believing wrong? Do I need to believe harder? I don't know, I've started to lament to fact that I was ever born. I feel no hope this is a vent/prayer to God because if I spoke this out loud I'd breakdown which I've done enough of recently.

Sorry if this brought any down I needed to get this off of my chest and I'd like prayers, advice, and word of comfort (if they apply here)

TL;DR - I was scared into the faith, fell away, came into false doctrine and see no results in the little time I've been in the faith and wondering if I should give up on trying to be saved

 

[Neogaia777]

I guess I should start with how I got to this point

On/Around my 12th birthday (2016) I went to Church with my aunt, we went upstairs and listened to the youth pastor. I don't remember what led her to this but she went into GRAPHIC detail about what Hell would be like and there are not words I can think of that can properly and fully describe the terror that overtook me and still has a hold on me to this day. I literally collapsed out of my chair and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

I was so mortified by this that I had a voice in my head from 12 to 18 telling me that "if I did/didn't do [insert random thing here] I'd go to Hell" and I was constantly fighting back and rebuking those thoughts which was exhausting and pains me to think about how mentally in shambles I was from such a young age and I didn't want to read the Bible because I was genuinely to scared to open it at all. And my fears were dismissed by those around me.

When I was 15/16 (2020) COVID hit and all of the endtimes conspiracy stuff started spreading all over TikTok and I was overcome with fear I stopped all sin I knew I was committing but still couldn't bring myself to read the Bible out of fear

At 18 (2022) I saw a post about the endtimes and how I needed to repent to be saved and I did just that and I was scared the whole time. I wasn't trusting in Christ, I was trusting in my ability to turn from sins to be saved and I was self-righteous at the time but I was genuinely tweaking having panic attacks and whatnot. I read the Bible starting in Genesis and got all the way to Kings I believe. I started going to church with my friend (who was worldly) and seeing everyone be genuinely in love with the Lord invoked this jealously and grief in me (I'll explain why shortly)

At sometime between early/mid 2023 I discovered Free Grace from Young Don and everything made sense to me. I then started doing whatever I wanted and I was happy (kinda). I started watching Free Grace content creators to improve my doctrine. I felt a pull to live a Godly life every now and then but I typically ignored it

That leads up to Aug 2nd 2024, I had gotten sick and I had nothing but time and I started seeing verses that seem to contradict Free Grace so I prayed that God leads me into the truth whether it is or isn't Free Grace and I was convinced that Free Grace is mostly false (there is SOME truth to it) but most of the explanations that they use to explain harder passages are massive reaches in my opinion (Rev 22:14, 2 Thes 1:8-9 are a few)

That takes me to now I'm looking up how to be saved and Free Grace funnily enough helped me come to the conclusion that we are saved by faith alone but true faith will work sooner or later

Now I can finally speak on what's bothering me

I don't know what to do now, I believe that Jesus Christ is the only reason that I can be saved but the emotions that accompany salvation I don't really have. As bad as it sounds I don't love God, I know what he did for me and appreciate it (at least I think) but I have no emotional love for God. I don't know if I have new desires, I'd rather not sin because it's bad and God isn't a fan but I don't hate it because sin feels good. Excuse my language but, jerking off: feels good, acting on anger: feels good, gaming all day: feels good, cursing: feels good, being crude/edgy: feels good. But I know none of those things are good but since I suddenly don't hate those things am I not saved? Am I not saved because I don't love God/Jesus? Do conflicting desires not exist anymore? A lot of Christians speak on willful sin as if all sins aren't willful and I don't like it because there are a lot of people like me who are fearful for their souls and just to know what to do to have peace and get confused because all sin is willful but Christians make it seem as if it's otherwise. I know I should Love God/Jesus and I've been trying to understand what Christ did for me so that I can live out my faith in gratitude instead of fear but I just can't feel it. The only "sign" that have "shown me I'm a Christian" is when I masturbated not too long ago and felt awful and guilty, and feeling repulsed at my worldly friends' behavior (I AM NOT SAYING I AM BETTER)

I feel like I'm too far gone, I don't hold to Calvinism but I feel like I wasn't meant to be saved, and some may say "just stop believing" but I was born with an innate gut feeling that God is real, I literally tried to be an atheist and couldn't. I know in the depths of my soul that God, the Christian God in particular, is the one and only God. I wish that I could be grateful, I wish I could love Jesus/God like I should, I wish I was moved by the word of God (I read all of John and I'm 8 or 9 chapters into Luke) and nothing? Everytime I really ponder on how much I'm loved by God it almost brings me to tears but everytime I hear about surrender I almost cringe because unfortunately I'm very haughty and cocky, so I'd feel like I know best but I know I don't but I'm scared to let go because navigating life my way is ALL I KNOW. I hate myself and sometimes wish that God would've birthed someone that wasn't me, God wouldn't have such a lowly coward on his hands, my family might have someone who feels qualified to let them know the Gospel. Somedays I feel like either a cruel joke made by God: a fool who was cursed to know that God is real but to spiritually blind and cowardly to receive him/walk out my faith or a mistake made by God: because He'd be better off with anyone else, as would my family, friends, and the world to be honest.

I feel alone because my worldly friend, I can't relate to the same, I will ALWAYS love them and will ALWAYS be there if they need me but I know that I can't/won't carelessly crack jokes with them anymore because I know I should watch my tongue. But at the The Church I used to go to and abandoned, I don't relate to them either they have a fire and zeal for the Lord that I don't and it makes me jealous because it reminds me that I'm a worthless, ungrateful, foolish coward who can't feel what they do and it makes me grieve because I knew that I don't belong among them. I know I have to go back but there is so much isolation that I feel there and there was this woman who told me I'd be a "frontrunner for the Lord" because she saw it or smth idk the embarassment I'd feel know that I'm the farthest thing from that.

To all that I have/will give advice to I hope that this doesn't make my advice any less valid and I'm sorry to have dissapointed you

I see no hope, I will continue to stay in the Word and prayer even though I'm not seeing results. Maybe I'm impatient because it's only been a week since I've left Free Grace and believed again. Am I believing wrong? Do I need to believe harder? I don't know, I've started to lament to fact that I was ever born. I feel no hope this is a vent/prayer to God because if I spoke this out loud I'd breakdown which I've done enough of recently.

Sorry if this brought any down I needed to get this off of my chest and I'd like prayers, advice, and word of comfort (if they apply here)

TL;DR - I was scared into the faith, fell away, came into false doctrine and see no results in the little time I've been in the faith and wondering if I should give up on trying to be saved

I'll try to reply more to you later, ok. But I just wanted you to know I saw this and added this post/thread to my watched posts/threads, ok. I'm just tired right now, and am actually trying to move away from Christain Forums for a bit for awhile, and that that might be for a long while for awhile, ok. But I'll try to get back to you before I move away from it for awhile, or over the next few days maybe, ok. Maybe others will be able to help you in the meantime though, ok. Just wanted you to know I saw it and added it, ok. But will have to get back to you more on it later, ok. In the meantime, hang in there, ok.

God Bless.

 

[Bobber]

In short yours is a case where you just have to make a decision and keep in mind a no decision claiming something like you're on the fence is a decision that says NO to God. It is he that said “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. Matt 12:30 You speak throughout of how you like this or don't feel that. Yeah so what? Join the club. The flesh of everyone seeks to rise up to draw us away from God and the good. I've made a decision however to tell my flesh, worldly desires and passions to SHUT UP and take the back seat! I make my flesh come into compliance to my Lord and King!

There are times one has to endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ 2 Tim 2:3 but I put my focus on the next world......and wise is a person who does so. Our dumb flesh doesn't have a clue what's good for it anyway. It's crazy! It was NEVER meant to be the Captain on the bridge of our ships. ! It says NO I don't want to go for a walk and work out a bit. It screams NO give me the couch. You make it do what it doesn't want to do and make it go for a walk or run.....it get home has a shower then it says WOW I feel soooooo Gooooood! I feel more strengthened and ALIVE! You have a choice that we ALL have to make. Do you want spiritual LIFE or DEATH?

Nobody can flip that switch for the positive direction for you that's only something you can do. I trust and hope you'll drive in the stake of commitment deep down in your life today! Don't let the good things of life (or the things your dumb flesh thinks is the best thing) take the place of that which truly is good! To those who do there'll be a time of weeping that will never end. To those who don't there will be great rewards! Trust me your flesh will love that a million times better but the choice is yours.

 

[JesusFollowerForever]

I guess I should start with how I got to this point

On/Around my 12th birthday (2016) I went to Church with my aunt, we went upstairs and listened to the youth pastor. I don't remember what led her to this but she went into GRAPHIC detail about what Hell would be like and there are not words I can think of that can properly and fully describe the terror that overtook me and still has a hold on me to this day. I literally collapsed out of my chair and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

I was so mortified by this that I had a voice in my head from 12 to 18 telling me that "if I did/didn't do [insert random thing here] I'd go to Hell" and I was constantly fighting back and rebuking those thoughts which was exhausting and pains me to think about how mentally in shambles I was from such a young age and I didn't want to read the Bible because I was genuinely to scared to open it at all. And my fears were dismissed by those around me.

When I was 15/16 (2020) COVID hit and all of the endtimes conspiracy stuff started spreading all over TikTok and I was overcome with fear I stopped all sin I knew I was committing but still couldn't bring myself to read the Bible out of fear

At 18 (2022) I saw a post about the endtimes and how I needed to repent to be saved and I did just that and I was scared the whole time. I wasn't trusting in Christ, I was trusting in my ability to turn from sins to be saved and I was self-righteous at the time but I was genuinely tweaking having panic attacks and whatnot. I read the Bible starting in Genesis and got all the way to Kings I believe. I started going to church with my friend (who was worldly) and seeing everyone be genuinely in love with the Lord invoked this jealously and grief in me (I'll explain why shortly)

At sometime between early/mid 2023 I discovered Free Grace from Young Don and everything made sense to me. I then started doing whatever I wanted and I was happy (kinda). I started watching Free Grace content creators to improve my doctrine. I felt a pull to live a Godly life every now and then but I typically ignored it

That leads up to Aug 2nd 2024, I had gotten sick and I had nothing but time and I started seeing verses that seem to contradict Free Grace so I prayed that God leads me into the truth whether it is or isn't Free Grace and I was convinced that Free Grace is mostly false (there is SOME truth to it) but most of the explanations that they use to explain harder passages are massive reaches in my opinion (Rev 22:14, 2 Thes 1:8-9 are a few)

That takes me to now I'm looking up how to be saved and Free Grace funnily enough helped me come to the conclusion that we are saved by faith alone but true faith will work sooner or later

Now I can finally speak on what's bothering me

I don't know what to do now, I believe that Jesus Christ is the only reason that I can be saved but the emotions that accompany salvation I don't really have. As bad as it sounds I don't love God, I know what he did for me and appreciate it (at least I think) but I have no emotional love for God. I don't know if I have new desires, I'd rather not sin because it's bad and God isn't a fan but I don't hate it because sin feels good. Excuse my language but, jerking off: feels good, acting on anger: feels good, gaming all day: feels good, cursing: feels good, being crude/edgy: feels good. But I know none of those things are good but since I suddenly don't hate those things am I not saved? Am I not saved because I don't love God/Jesus? Do conflicting desires not exist anymore? A lot of Christians speak on willful sin as if all sins aren't willful and I don't like it because there are a lot of people like me who are fearful for their souls and just to know what to do to have peace and get confused because all sin is willful but Christians make it seem as if it's otherwise. I know I should Love God/Jesus and I've been trying to understand what Christ did for me so that I can live out my faith in gratitude instead of fear but I just can't feel it. The only "sign" that have "shown me I'm a Christian" is when I masturbated not too long ago and felt awful and guilty, and feeling repulsed at my worldly friends' behavior (I AM NOT SAYING I AM BETTER)

I feel like I'm too far gone, I don't hold to Calvinism but I feel like I wasn't meant to be saved, and some may say "just stop believing" but I was born with an innate gut feeling that God is real, I literally tried to be an atheist and couldn't. I know in the depths of my soul that God, the Christian God in particular, is the one and only God. I wish that I could be grateful, I wish I could love Jesus/God like I should, I wish I was moved by the word of God (I read all of John and I'm 8 or 9 chapters into Luke) and nothing? Everytime I really ponder on how much I'm loved by God it almost brings me to tears but everytime I hear about surrender I almost cringe because unfortunately I'm very haughty and cocky, so I'd feel like I know best but I know I don't but I'm scared to let go because navigating life my way is ALL I KNOW. I hate myself and sometimes wish that God would've birthed someone that wasn't me, God wouldn't have such a lowly coward on his hands, my family might have someone who feels qualified to let them know the Gospel. Somedays I feel like either a cruel joke made by God: a fool who was cursed to know that God is real but to spiritually blind and cowardly to receive him/walk out my faith or a mistake made by God: because He'd be better off with anyone else, as would my family, friends, and the world to be honest.

I feel alone because my worldly friend, I can't relate to the same, I will ALWAYS love them and will ALWAYS be there if they need me but I know that I can't/won't carelessly crack jokes with them anymore because I know I should watch my tongue. But at the The Church I used to go to and abandoned, I don't relate to them either they have a fire and zeal for the Lord that I don't and it makes me jealous because it reminds me that I'm a worthless, ungrateful, foolish coward who can't feel what they do and it makes me grieve because I knew that I don't belong among them. I know I have to go back but there is so much isolation that I feel there and there was this woman who told me I'd be a "frontrunner for the Lord" because she saw it or smth idk the embarassment I'd feel know that I'm the farthest thing from that.

To all that I have/will give advice to I hope that this doesn't make my advice any less valid and I'm sorry to have dissapointed you

I see no hope, I will continue to stay in the Word and prayer even though I'm not seeing results. Maybe I'm impatient because it's only been a week since I've left Free Grace and believed again. Am I believing wrong? Do I need to believe harder? I don't know, I've started to lament to fact that I was ever born. I feel no hope this is a vent/prayer to God because if I spoke this out loud I'd breakdown which I've done enough of recently.

Sorry if this brought any down I needed to get this off of my chest and I'd like prayers, advice, and word of comfort (if they apply here)

TL;DR - I was scared into the faith, fell away, came into false doctrine and see no results in the little time I've been in the faith and wondering if I should give up on trying to be saved

Hello there, I have read your post and would like to help;

First the youth priest that scared you that way is a nut job, No one can describe what hell is like unless they were there.

He did a lot of damage this youth pastor, it is OK to be fearful of God as it is written in Proverbs 9:10, which states, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." You do not love GOD because you heard all the awful things most of the =m probably wrong but did you hear all the good things?

Do you know YOU were created in GOD's image? do you know GOD wants us to be HOLY as he is HOLY?

what you need to do NOW is read and learn and understand very well the words of Jesus read and understand, Matthew, John, Luke and Mark. why? because Jesus the Messiah, the son of GOD said;
Jhn 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Jhn 14:7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
Jhn 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
Jhn 11:26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?


if you have ANY questions let me know

Blessings

 

[d taylor]

I guess I should start with how I got to this point

On/Around my 12th birthday (2016) I went to Church with my aunt, we went upstairs and listened to the youth pastor. I don't remember what led her to this but she went into GRAPHIC detail about what Hell would be like and there are not words I can think of that can properly and fully describe the terror that overtook me and still has a hold on me to this day. I literally collapsed out of my chair and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

I was so mortified by this that I had a voice in my head from 12 to 18 telling me that "if I did/didn't do [insert random thing here] I'd go to Hell" and I was constantly fighting back and rebuking those thoughts which was exhausting and pains me to think about how mentally in shambles I was from such a young age and I didn't want to read the Bible because I was genuinely to scared to open it at all. And my fears were dismissed by those around me.

When I was 15/16 (2020) COVID hit and all of the endtimes conspiracy stuff started spreading all over TikTok and I was overcome with fear I stopped all sin I knew I was committing but still couldn't bring myself to read the Bible out of fear

At 18 (2022) I saw a post about the endtimes and how I needed to repent to be saved and I did just that and I was scared the whole time. I wasn't trusting in Christ, I was trusting in my ability to turn from sins to be saved and I was self-righteous at the time but I was genuinely tweaking having panic attacks and whatnot. I read the Bible starting in Genesis and got all the way to Kings I believe. I started going to church with my friend (who was worldly) and seeing everyone be genuinely in love with the Lord invoked this jealously and grief in me (I'll explain why shortly)

At sometime between early/mid 2023 I discovered Free Grace from Young Don and everything made sense to me. I then started doing whatever I wanted and I was happy (kinda). I started watching Free Grace content creators to improve my doctrine. I felt a pull to live a Godly life every now and then but I typically ignored it

That leads up to Aug 2nd 2024, I had gotten sick and I had nothing but time and I started seeing verses that seem to contradict Free Grace so I prayed that God leads me into the truth whether it is or isn't Free Grace and I was convinced that Free Grace is mostly false (there is SOME truth to it) but most of the explanations that they use to explain harder passages are massive reaches in my opinion (Rev 22:14, 2 Thes 1:8-9 are a few)

That takes me to now I'm looking up how to be saved and Free Grace funnily enough helped me come to the conclusion that we are saved by faith alone but true faith will work sooner or later

Now I can finally speak on what's bothering me

I don't know what to do now, I believe that Jesus Christ is the only reason that I can be saved but the emotions that accompany salvation I don't really have. As bad as it sounds I don't love God, I know what he did for me and appreciate it (at least I think) but I have no emotional love for God. I don't know if I have new desires, I'd rather not sin because it's bad and God isn't a fan but I don't hate it because sin feels good. Excuse my language but, jerking off: feels good, acting on anger: feels good, gaming all day: feels good, cursing: feels good, being crude/edgy: feels good. But I know none of those things are good but since I suddenly don't hate those things am I not saved? Am I not saved because I don't love God/Jesus? Do conflicting desires not exist anymore? A lot of Christians speak on willful sin as if all sins aren't willful and I don't like it because there are a lot of people like me who are fearful for their souls and just to know what to do to have peace and get confused because all sin is willful but Christians make it seem as if it's otherwise. I know I should Love God/Jesus and I've been trying to understand what Christ did for me so that I can live out my faith in gratitude instead of fear but I just can't feel it. The only "sign" that have "shown me I'm a Christian" is when I masturbated not too long ago and felt awful and guilty, and feeling repulsed at my worldly friends' behavior (I AM NOT SAYING I AM BETTER)

I feel like I'm too far gone, I don't hold to Calvinism but I feel like I wasn't meant to be saved, and some may say "just stop believing" but I was born with an innate gut feeling that God is real, I literally tried to be an atheist and couldn't. I know in the depths of my soul that God, the Christian God in particular, is the one and only God. I wish that I could be grateful, I wish I could love Jesus/God like I should, I wish I was moved by the word of God (I read all of John and I'm 8 or 9 chapters into Luke) and nothing? Everytime I really ponder on how much I'm loved by God it almost brings me to tears but everytime I hear about surrender I almost cringe because unfortunately I'm very haughty and cocky, so I'd feel like I know best but I know I don't but I'm scared to let go because navigating life my way is ALL I KNOW. I hate myself and sometimes wish that God would've birthed someone that wasn't me, God wouldn't have such a lowly coward on his hands, my family might have someone who feels qualified to let them know the Gospel. Somedays I feel like either a cruel joke made by God: a fool who was cursed to know that God is real but to spiritually blind and cowardly to receive him/walk out my faith or a mistake made by God: because He'd be better off with anyone else, as would my family, friends, and the world to be honest.

I feel alone because my worldly friend, I can't relate to the same, I will ALWAYS love them and will ALWAYS be there if they need me but I know that I can't/won't carelessly crack jokes with them anymore because I know I should watch my tongue. But at the The Church I used to go to and abandoned, I don't relate to them either they have a fire and zeal for the Lord that I don't and it makes me jealous because it reminds me that I'm a worthless, ungrateful, foolish coward who can't feel what they do and it makes me grieve because I knew that I don't belong among them. I know I have to go back but there is so much isolation that I feel there and there was this woman who told me I'd be a "frontrunner for the Lord" because she saw it or smth idk the embarassment I'd feel know that I'm the farthest thing from that.

To all that I have/will give advice to I hope that this doesn't make my advice any less valid and I'm sorry to have dissapointed you

I see no hope, I will continue to stay in the Word and prayer even though I'm not seeing results. Maybe I'm impatient because it's only been a week since I've left Free Grace and believed again. Am I believing wrong? Do I need to believe harder? I don't know, I've started to lament to fact that I was ever born. I feel no hope this is a vent/prayer to God because if I spoke this out loud I'd breakdown which I've done enough of recently.

Sorry if this brought any down I needed to get this off of my chest and I'd like prayers, advice, and word of comfort (if they apply here)

TL;DR - I was scared into the faith, fell away, came into false doctrine and see no results in the little time I've been in the faith and wondering if I should give up on trying to be saved

-

​

Never heard of young don and i am free grace. I would suggest to go to Grace Evangelical Society website and look at the many articles they have on their website. Grace Evangelical Society

 

[sh3nmue]

Hello there, I have read your post and would like to help;

First the youth priest that scared you that way is a nut job, No one can describe what hell is like unless they were there.

He did a lot of damage this youth pastor, it is OK to be fearful of God as it is written in Proverbs 9:10, which states, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." You do not love GOD because you heard all the awful things most of the =m probably wrong but did you hear all the good things?

Do you know YOU were created in GOD's image? do you know GOD wants us to be HOLY as he is HOLY?

what you need to do NOW is read and learn and understand very well the words of Jesus read and understand, Matthew, John, Luke and Mark. why? because Jesus the Messiah, the son of GOD said;
Jhn 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Jhn 14:7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
Jhn 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
Jhn 11:26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?


if you have ANY questions let me know

Blessings

the problem is that I do know and it doesn't emotionally move me, I wish it did so I could feel like I belong amongst the body of Christ, and feel comfort in knowing I'm saved instead of feeling like an imposter

 

[sh3nmue]

In short yours is a case where you just have to make a decision and keep in mind a no decision claiming something like you're on the fence is a decision that says NO to God. It is he that said “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. Matt 12:30 You speak throughout of how you like this or don't feel that. Yeah so what? Join the club. The flesh of everyone seeks to rise up to draw us away from God and the good. I've made a decision however to tell my flesh, worldly desires and passions to SHUT UP and take the back seat! I make my flesh come into compliance to my Lord and King!

There are times one has to endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ 2 Tim 2:3 but I put my focus on the next world......and wise is a person who does so. Our dumb flesh doesn't have a clue what's good for it anyway. It's crazy! It was NEVER meant to be the Captain on the bridge of our ships. ! It says NO I don't want to go for a walk and work out a bit. It screams NO give me the couch. You make it do what it doesn't want to do and make it go for a walk or run.....it get home has a shower then it says WOW I feel soooooo Gooooood! I feel more strengthened and ALIVE! You have a choice that we ALL have to make. Do you want spiritual LIFE or DEATH?

Nobody can flip that switch for the positive direction for you that's only something you can do. I trust and hope you'll drive in the stake of commitment deep down in your life today! Don't let the good things of life (or the things your dumb flesh thinks is the best thing) take the place of that which truly is good! To those who do there'll be a time of weeping that will never end. To those who don't there will be great rewards! Trust me your flesh will love that a million times better but the choice is yours.

So what now, I don't really know what God wants from me. How do I grow and know what he desires from me? How do I hear him? How can I emotionally love him? How can I cooperate with the Holy Spirit to fight sin/temptation? How do I "rest in him" when I need to be producing fruits? There's so much I'm confused about :/

 

[franciscomontes]

I honestly also strugle with loving God. What i think you could do is tell God that in player and BE honest about your situacion. I will also pray for you, be blessed

 

[Bobber]

So what now, I don't really know what God wants from me.

What do you mean you don't know what he wants from you? The Bible is a revelation which reveals what God wants from you.

How do I grow and know what he desires from me?

Feed your spirit with God's word and pray.

How can I emotionally love him?

How about when you know that he took spikes in his writs and feet and took a crown of thorns for you when he didn't need to. Plus also a spear thrust in his side. Why shouldn't that be enough to make your emotions love him?

How can I cooperate with the Holy Spirit to fight sin/temptation?

These things are all clearly revealed in the scriptures'. No need to insinuate they're not.

 

[Neogaia777]

So what now, I don't really know what God wants from me. How do I grow and know what he desires from me? How do I hear him? How can I emotionally love him? How can I cooperate with the Holy Spirit to fight sin/temptation? How do I "rest in him" when I need to be producing fruits? There's so much I'm confused about :/

Seek to learn about all these kinds of questions/things that you are asking us right now but use the internet, ok. And use your time on the web, for something good, and very, very beneficial, rather than always for something stupid or bad, ok. Cause that would be a good place to start, etc.

You do know how to use Google and AI right?

Well, take these kinds of questions you are asking all of us right now and plug them into Google, etc. Research them, and seek out Godly knowledge using the internet, it'll do you good. Create new bookmarks/folders and stuff as you go, etc. AI has some good answers now a lot of the time also, etc. God mainly probably just wants you to put your time in doing all of this right now TBH, ok.

Sample questions to start with from your post just now: What does God want from you/me/us? What does God desire out of us, or from us? How can we hear God's voice? How can I grow in God? Is it important to feel God, or be able to love Him emotionally? How can I cooperate with God in my walk with Him? How do I walk with God? How important is strict obedience to God? What is God commanding us to do or obey today? What is rest in God? or what does it mean to be resting in God? or what does it mean to enter into God's rest? How important is it for a believer in Jesus (or God) to be bearing good fruit, or be doing good works?

I'm going to give you a link to another thread about masturbation and fighting temptation and such soon, but I gotta find it first, so just hang on, OK.

For now, look at how all my questions are worded, and learn to do this with Google and AI, and start learning and doing your research, and you'll start to get answers and grow in God, ok. Create new folders and bookmarks, ok. I'll link that thread/post when I find it here in a few minutes, ok.

Oh, and it also might help to create some of your own documents or notes or writings while you are doing all of this also, ok. On top of creating and making and saving new folders and bookmarks for things, ok.

Scripture for anything is real easy to look up, etc, just put in "holy scripture on this or that", or "what does the bible say about this or that", etc. You gotta put the work and time in ok. And don't be lazy about it, etc.

Found it!

Take a look at some posts in this thread here, ok. I directly linked which post I thought was the most important one in it, ok.

https://www.christianforums.com/threads/is-it-a-sin-to-touch-without-lust.8301267/post-77715368

God Bless.

 

[sh3nmue]

Seek to learn about all these kinds of questions/things that you are asking us right now but use the internet, ok. And use your time on the web, for something good, and very, very beneficial, rather than always for something stupid or bad, ok. Cause that would be a good place to start, etc.

You do know how to use Google and AI right?

Well, take these kinds of questions you are asking all of us right now and plug them into Google, etc. Research them, and seek out Godly knowledge using the internet, it'll do you good. Create new bookmarks/folders and stuff as you go, etc. AI has some good answers now a lot of the time also, etc. God mainly probably just wants you to put your time in doing all of this right now TBH, ok.

Sample questions to start with from your post just now: What does God want from you/me/us? What does God desire out of us, or from us? How can we hear God's voice? How can I grow in God? Is it important to feel God, or be able to love Him emotionally? How can I cooperate with God in my walk with Him? How do I walk with God? How important is strict obedience to God? What is God commanding us to do or obey today? What is rest in God? or what does it mean to be resting in God? or what does it mean to enter into God's rest? How important is it for a believer in Jesus (or God) to be bearing good fruit, or be doing good works?

I'm going to give you a link to another thread about masturbation and fighting temptation and such soon, but I gotta find it first, so just hang on, OK.

For now, look at how all my questions are worded, and learn to do this with Google and AI, and start learning and doing your research, and you'll start to get answers and grow in God, ok. Create new folders and bookmarks, ok. I'll link that thread/post when I find it here in a few minutes, ok.

Oh, and it also might help to create some of your own documents or notes or writings while you are doing all of this also, ok. On tope of creating and making and saving new folders and bookmarks for things, ok.

Scripture for anything is real easy to look up, etc, just put in "holy scripture on this or that", or "what does the bible say about this or that", etc. You gotta put the work and time in ok. And don't be lazy about it, etc.

Found it!

Take a look at some posts in this thread here, ok. I directly linked which post I thought was the most important one in it, ok.

https://www.christianforums.com/threads/is-it-a-sin-to-touch-without-lust.8301267/post-77715368

God Bless.

Thanks, the link won't work. It says I don't have permission

 

[Neogaia777]

Thanks, the link won't work. It says I don't have permission

You probably need to identify as christain on you CF profile to go to it maybe?

Hang on a minute, ok.

It's in the "men's corner" sub forum?

I'll try to get it, ok.

Or at least the most important one, ok.

God Bless.

 

[Neogaia777]

Thanks, the link won't work. It says I don't have permission

Credit for this post goes to @ReesePiece23 who wrote this post, ok.

The topic became masturbation, etc.

Here is his post:

When you break it down to the elements, it's a bodily function.

Now. If I don't do it, my eyes wander. When my eyes wander, I download certain apps and meet women for real life "interactions". Yes, the force is that powerful for me that my body moves ahead of my conscience. I haven't done this in a LONG time, and I look to keep it that way.

When I do it, it's over and done with. My mind isn't being constantly nagged and I have all of this free time NOT meeting women, to actually work on the things that are going to:

A, outlive me and create a legacy after I'm gone (artwork, books, fulfilling experiences, and artwork and books LINKED to these fulfilling experiences) - i.e. it allows me to stick solidly to "the plan."

B. Cause me to not completely ruin my life and damage a strong bond that I actually do have with a Christian woman (I am currently involved in a companionship that's on pause at the moment while she hopefully renwes her visa and comes back to London - she's gone back to Taipei for a while to sort it out. I'm fairly certain that she wants a relationship.)

And, C. I'm not ruining other people's lives by giving them the impression that I want more than just one night with them.

It's not ideal, but it is by FAR the lesser of two evils and provides immediate damage control by preventing a long trail of mistakes that put my body and soul in immediate danger.

I know that others will put the guilt on me and say that I'm making excuses and that I should go to Him, but they're not living in my body. I wasn't brought up in a Christian household and didn't even pick up a bible until I was 23. I had a long life of atheism and sin before I even came to know Him. And living in liberal cities, women were easy to come by.

Oh, and D, my testosterone raises to unmanageable levels causing me to become moody and aggressive. Leading to further distraction still, while making me an intolerable individual.

I'm going to be honest with you all, I have to be. There's no point in me saying "you shouldn't do it" when it's the very thing stopping me from causing mass destruction in my own life.

My life is good now, and I fully intend to keep the risk of destruction as close to 0% as I can.


@sh3nmue

That was the most important post in there that I wanted you to see, ok.

Most of this that he said is pretty much where I am with it currently, etc, and I think I'm almost twice your age, so...?

Lot's of males of all ages struggle with it though, ok.

Especially all the single ones that think they'll probably still pretty much be single for the rest of their lives now, etc.

God Bless.

 

[JesusFollowerForever]

the problem is that I do know and it doesn't emotionally move me, I wish it did so I could feel like I belong amongst the body of Christ, and feel comfort in knowing I'm saved instead of feeling like an imposter

you have been mislead it it why you fell out with God.

it happened to all of us at one point, a question for you what have you read and understood of the bibleso far?

There are thousands of denominations in the USA alone, can they all be right? why are they different. Who has the absolute truth that one should follow and grow? Only Christ's words can do this. if you follow his teachings you will be fine.

Jesus Is the fountain of Life his truth is the ONLY thing that matters, give it a try, stay for now with the 4 books I mentioned, Matt, John, Luke and Mark, everything to get you to the Kingdom of Heaven that Jesus came to preach is in these 4 books.


I am here for you if you have questions, always

Blessings

 

[Mark Quayle]

Matthew11: "28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

I know this is harder for some than for others to do, even when they understand that it is true, that this life is not for this life, and that their life is not about them nor about their spiritual/Christian performance, but about Christ. It will take a long hard time to begin to understand what I am still learning after 68 years of praying for understanding. I have prayed for years (to put it VERY mildly), and come to see that he has taken me where he has for HIS OWN SAKE, and that according to his mercy to me, he is making me into what he had in mind for me from the beginning.

I am his, and not my own. This is not about duty and accomplishment, but about knowing God. It will take your whole life.

The mercy of God is the safest place to be.