If you were expecting a sympathetic response, I'm afraid mine won't be it. So please prepare yourself for that before reasing.
I see a lot of "she has to change, this has to change, something has to change... I give her ideas and nothing changes..." this is all extremely troubling. If you are dating this girl for who she might be? Or who she could be? You should just get out now. Because you can't risk the entire farm by betting on the future which may or may not happen. You have to go with what you have now.
... the only person you can change is yourself. So perhaps if you want this relationship to work, you have to turn inward and change your own attitude pretty quick.
- You say one of the main reasons you stay is because she is one of the few people you can be around and "feel well" -- that's not her fault. That's your life, that's something you need to change.
- You say you don't have many friends... all you on this one, again. Make friends, get hobbies, be involved in other things so that you don't have to pine for this girl so much.
- You are basically blaming her for choosing church over you, except that if that's a part of who she is to be at church as much as she does, what right do you have to ask her to change that? If she wants to be at church 7 evenings a week, that's her prerogative. You must decide if you can deal with that. You and you alone.
- I see a lot of negativity and perhaps even a touch of depression. If that's the case, if you are feeling depressed, you need to speak with someone about that.
The worst statement in all of this was "unless she shows me she's worth it" -- whoa, that's harsh. I do agree that relationships take work from both parties, but she has a very busy and complicated life by the sounds of it. I think it is your responsibility to decide if you can handle the type of life that she's living. And if you can't, you've gotta man up and end the relationship.
What I hear in those words I quoted above, is a cop-out. You're basically waiting for her to give you a reason to stay, and if she doesn't, you can then effectively blame her for "not changing" and that's why the relationship ended.
I see a lot of blame, and it's concerning. I know you've put a lot of negatives here, and negatives are what they are (not positive, ie) -- but your negatives are playing the blame-game, and pushing off the responsibility of this relationship working out solely on her. Remember that none of us can change anyone but ourselves. In addition, if the relationship isn't working, you have just as much responsibility to cut it off as you are placing on her.
Here's another concerning piece of text:
"I think she just doesn't really realize how I feel about everything."
Then tell her. It's time for some real communication. You say you tell her again and again but nothing ever changes... are you telling her with phrases like "Why don't you ever..."? Because that kind of a phrase is severely damaging and demeaning. Why don't you ever do this, why do I always have to do that... negatives and absolutes together only foster bitterness and division.
It sounds like you guys might have a communication problem, but I don't even think that's the least of all the problems. I think you sound depressed, and in that depression you are trying to shift the responsibility of this relationship off of yourself and onto her because it's no where near your ideal, and you just can't deal with it anymore.
But you must deal with it. And that doesn't mean sticking around either... it means you have to take good stock of what's going on here, and you make the decision all on your own: Is this girl worth it? Is she worth it now? Without changing one single thing about herself is she worth it?
If not?
Let it go.
Conclusion: If it's "that bad" 10 months in, there's something wrong. And it might not all be her fault. Perhaps you guys are just not compatible. It's not a crime for a relationship to fail.
