i failed

[Loopi]

I failed. I was doing great, on two weeks selfharm free and then i messed up. And man do i feel like a failure for it. I should have and could have lasted longer, ive lasted over 20 days before, so for me to fail after 14 really sucks badly.

I regret doing it now, i was worse than norm and had to text my friend who lives in south africa so that i knew what to do as it was freaking me out. Plus hes older than me and wouldnt over-react. he was great, but i feel so bad for worrying him like that.

I just seem to be stuck in this same cycle and cant break free. i feel like a failure for messing up, i wonder some days why i even bother trying to fight the inner pain and the sel harm. i just struggle to see a point

 

[Psalms101]

Your not a failure in Christ's eyes, and you've probably heard it before, but if you were to big of a failure, God would not have even tried to help you the FIRST TIME. THink about, he's omniscient. HE knew you would be struggling with this when his SON was nailed to the cross, yet he still did it for YOU!!! Satan knows that with faith YOU CAN COMPLETELY OVERCOME THIS ADDICTION!!!!! SHow Satan that you will not conceede to his plans. Tell Satan to get behind you, and then do not dwell on it, because if you do dweel on anything, even rebuking he, he will have a hold on you. God loves you, read 2 Corinthians 1:1-7, study it, and act on it. You said you felt stronger when you were helping others on your journal, even though does not seem want you to help her, continue to reach out. REmember people still care for and are praying for you.

 

[Memo]

Don't give up hope. Battling you addiction is never easy.
Think of the 20 days as an achievement or a goal to beat. Next time try to go for longer - get your friends to help you and support you and throw away anything you would be tempted to hurt yourself with.

 

[Bevlina]

You haven't failed in my eyes either! Sometimes it's easy to slip back I would think. But as Memo says, think of your 20 days as an achievement or a goal top beat. Hey!! You have done so well Loopi!! It's just breaking the habit that's hard I think huh?

 

[Cat59]

You didn't fail, you succeeded on those 14 days.
When you're learning anything new, there may be difficult days, but they gradually lessen.
Remember God loves you as his beloved child, a slip does not and will never change that.

 

[Loopi]

messed up again last night, feeling out of control, no matter how much i wanna fight i just feel so weak, and i just feel dependant on this, i just cant bring myself to be ready to fight atm, i know i need to, i just....i just cant. i feel so messed up inside, i know what you all say is true, i just, man, my head is so messed up, i have a million things going through my head and no other way to let this all out, its not like i could let it all out anyway, thsoe in real life would never listen or believe it. I just need to cope, and it feels like thats all i can do by cutting

 

[Bevlina]

Honey, have you talked to anyone at all about this? You need a confidante you can just let it all out to slowly I think.
Maybe by letting all this out of your head slowly and talking with someone about it, you will see that cutting isn't the solution to be able to cope.
I do pray for you. This is just sooo sad!!

 

[Loopi]

I used to talk to my leader, but now we seem nowhere near close and she doesnt trust me. if i told her what began this she'd never believe me. my doc is trying to get me help, but i know i need to see a christian psych not just a norm one, cus norm ones arent gonna help with how messed up this has made me spiritually.
Things have got worse in the last 24hrs, my dad has been arrested for assulting my mum, (which im sorry but shes exaggerating)hes been released tho. hes not allowed in my house which is killing me, im off school cus i feel so low. Im trying to distract myself so much, i just want someone sat with me now so i can just shout or scream or cry, and just be loved. i just want someone to love me atm.

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

LOVE YOU LOOPI!!!!!

 

[Talons]

ok loopi, you know i'm not into the whole sharing feelings stuff, but remember hun i do love you... Your my spiritual sister, and want to be there for you as much as possible, especially if you hurting...

i want to be there for you, and its failure of myself, that sometimes i feel i distance myself from you. Your are an amazing person, God shines out of you, and i dont want to bring your down with me. I've not yet found God completely, and i regret not being able to overcome that barrier.

I want you to know that i DO love you, and if you EVER need to chat phone, text... even in the middle of the night. If i'm hanging round with someone else, drag me away. Because i don't feel the same connection with them,as with you. i WANT to spend time with you, because you make me feel happy, and i want to do the same for you...

Love
Laura