Yes it's not fair. I understand the feeling, because I had that feeling for a long time. But when you're in so much pain and depressed, all you can see is your own pain. You can't see the bigger picture. And when you need help the most, you just want to shut everyone out and be alone. It's the opposite of what you should do.
Exactly. I did not want to say it, because it sounds accusatory, but when you slide in a deep depression, the person suffers from self-pity and that is part of why they can't simply get things done, because they are too caught up in their own mind, how they feel and their own sorrows.
In my family, several close relatives grew up without their father or a proper father. One father abused the mother, sometimes beat the children as well and locked them out of the house. He had children and women everywhere. Another father was similar, minus hitting the children. Not sure if he kept women on the side as well. Another father was at times jealous of his son and died when the boy just hit his teens..etc. They came out fine in the end. You can feel raw about it, but you can't let it rule your life. He does not deserve to have that negative influence on your life.
If you still have a loving family and friends, cut yourself loose from him and appreciate the ones who care
About your career is something you will figure out in time. You should not get hung up about that. Many people don't know for sure what they want to do, or change their path. You are still very young. Why would you rush to know exactly what you want right away? You are your own person and you should go on your own pace. Don't compare yourself with others.
You are younger than I am (I had not even finished highschool at your age..=/)I don't have any significant other either and have been hurt by people in many ways (in part because I was naive, too sensetive and didn't stand up for myself). Everyone has difficulties and has been hurt. But that's something you eventually learn to move on from.
In short: you're not the only one with these problems. You can get through it, if you try to to not hold on to the negative things, but move towards change. But you really
need to help yourself without giving up. It may seem impossible right now, but you must do it.
Call a free helpline, seek free counseling somewhere. Make use of your support system; your family and friends. Ask them to help you out, because you find it difficult to help yourself and can't afford it.