Why are you doing this if you are not interested?
It seems to me you are a perfectionist who wants to achieve, but somehow feel like they cannot because you want perfect success. Let me guess, you had/have a very successful life, clawing or bounding your way to your goals, then, you just got tired or something weighed down hard on you and it suddenly seemed like everything was impossible, so you studied less or worked toward your goals less. Your history says otherwise though, because there is a history of success, except just became tired recently.
Is this right?
There's a mixture of restlessness and tiredness though; a want to strive toward success, but also a feeling of a burden on you. That's the perfectionist drive- the "I want an A all the time"
The good new is, though, that already have this restlessness in you - an ambitious drive. The complexity of this though, is that it can lead to high satisfaction, but also high dissatisfaction due to the high standards you set for yourself. The issue though, is to not lower these high standards, because when a perfectionist person lowers their standards it can be such a dramatic one since they are perfectionist - they want something they can achieve effortlessly, yet also with hard work. This is the absolute worse thing a perfectionist should do - lower their standards.
It seems to me this a dramatic turn of events is due to a desire to achieve a goal - once again, a perfectionist trait. But this goal is unsatisfactory to you, because perfectionists are also ambitious, a restless want for more, to do more, and to be more - that drive will never go away and that is what ambitiousness is- the desire to always progress, improve, build. High achieving people typically have this trait.
The idea is to not give up, but to settle for a close alternative, a way of High Achieving, but not entirely perfection. A way to feel satisfaction at every step made in the right direction, to enjoy the process, not only the results.
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See the Positive:
If youre struggling with perfectionism, you probably have honed the skill of spotting mistakes in even the best works of others and of yourself. You may just naturally look for it, and notice it above all other things. While this habit may be difficult to just stop, you can soften your tendency to notice the bad by making a conscious effort to notice all that is good with your work and the achievements of others. If you notice something you dont like about yourself or your work, for example, look for five other qualities that you
do like. This will balance out your critical focus and become a positive new habit
Alter Your Self-Talk:
Those who wrestle with perfectionism tend to have a critical voice in their head telling them their work isnt good enough, theyre not trying hard enough, and
theyre not good enough. If youre going to overcome perfectionism, you need to work on changing this little voice!
Negative self talk can perpetuate unhealthy behaviors and wreak havoc on your self esteem; by
altering your self talk, you can go a long way toward enjoying life more and gaining an increased appreciation for yourself and your work.
These tips can help.
Take Baby Steps:
Perfectionists tend to set
goals of unreasonable excellence with no learning curve. These goals tend to be unrealistic and cause problems by being so rigidly demanding and leaving little room for error. Instead, you can reduce a lot of stress by changing your goals. You dont have to sacrifice the end result, but if you set bite-sized goals for yourself and reward yourself when you achieve them, youll tend to be more forgiving with mistakes. For example, you may normally tackle the task of getting into better shape by working out five times a week. Unfortunately, if youre not used to working out regularly, you may get quite sore from such a quick change, and perhaps give up. But setting the goal to exercise once or twice the first week, and add an additional workout periodically until youve worked up to your goal, you will more likely reach your goal, enjoying many more successes in the process.
Enjoy the Process:
You may be used to focusing on results, and beating yourself up if your results are less than perfect. One important way to recover from perfectionism is to begin focusing more on the
process of reaching toward a goal, rather than just focusing on the goal itself. The previous suggestion (setting baby steps) can help you create more of an enjoyable process out of your striving. You can also enjoy the process of reaching a goal by getting involved with a group who is also trying to achieve the same goal youre after, or
journaling about how you
feel and what you
learn as you reach toward your goal. If you find you dont achieve perfection, you can then reflect back and see all that youve gained in just working toward a worthy goal, assessing and appreciating the gains you
did make in the process. "
Overcoming Perfectionism - How To Work Past Perfectionism
One way to deal with perfectionism and high goals is to create a planner, a check list of small goals which built to the higher goal. Each time a step is made toward the ultimate goal, check it off on this list and in the planner. It keeps track of the steps and leads to a feeling of satisfaction "a small success" toward the greater ones. Even as small as making a phone call, meetings, deadlines for small papers/assignments, going to a particular place and checking it off can make it be easier to appreciate the process and those "small successes."
You have the ambitiousness, it is how to deal with that ambitiousness correctly and cultivate it in the best way is the issue.
The problems you mentioned (about your career, dad, love life, etc.) are not as big as you think they are. It feels like it is, because it became too much for you. But with the exception of your dad (and even he got his due for being a neglectful dad amongst other things; he is in prison. At least he got punished for the things he did), those are luxury problems. It still hurts like crazy, but they are not as huge and insurmountable as you feel they are. They are the daily, normal problems a lot of people have. Just that at the moment you are unable to cope with them well. So do realize it does not mean you are worthless or that it is the end of your world; thats what you tell yourself, but isnt true or the reality.
