I don't want to deal with family

[Angeleyes7715]

I feel like I want my family to be safe and have a good life but I don't want to deal with them.

Idk in general I just don't want to deal with people. I just like to be in my own thoughts and experiences.

I went and helped my mom the other day and now my mom is requesting I apologize to my sister and brother in law for an argument so that there won't be tension when I take her to see my sister's new born baby. Idk like I'm willing to for my mom and the baby b/c she's my mom and we'll we'll the baby is a baby.

Otherwise I just don't want to be bothered. I feel like I can't feel love like that mostly I just want to not deal with people even the ones I am supposed to love. Is this a symptom of depression or just an antisocial cold hearted personality or an introvert?

I feel like the only reason I'll be apologizing is for my mom and the baby otherwise I don't care. I hate my coldness towards people but literally dealing with people I often .bad experience for me.

 

[maintenance man]

I hate my coldness towards people but literally dealing with people I often .bad experience for me.

Generally speaking, you need to be at peace with yourself before you can enjoy the company of others.

In regards to "family," these can often feel like forced relationships; nevertheless, God wants us to love everyone - family included. Every encounter with someone else is an opportunity to share God's love. This is your mission as a follower of Jesus.

This mission can be difficult if you're carrying excess baggage made up of your own pain and frustration.

 

[Tolworth John]

I hate my coldness towards people but literally dealing with people I often .bad experience for me.

You hate your coldness towards other people yet are not prepared to change.

One does not have to gush about how lovely it is to see them, to praise their lovely, lovely house, the marvellous wallpaper and the carpets arn't they lovely.

All you have to do is be polite to smile and talk, ask questions and reply to them.
If there are views that you know will cause an argument don't talk about them or rise to comments about them.

You are going to see a new baby, get a card and some flowers. Say nice things about the baby, ask if there is anything they need you can buy/contribute towards, take photos of your sister, your mum all holding the baby and make yourself usefull making tea/coffee.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

You hate your coldness towards other people yet are not prepared to change.

One does not have to gush about how lovely it is to see them, to praise their lovely, lovely house, the marvellous wallpaper and the carpets arn't they lovely.

All you have to do is be polite to smile and talk, ask questions and reply to them.
If there are views that you know will cause an argument don't talk about them or rise to comments about them.

You are going to see a new baby, get a card and some flowers. Say nice things about the baby, ask if there is anything they need you can buy/contribute towards, take photos of your sister, your mum all holding the baby and make yourself usefull making tea/coffee.

The thing is it's not that simple they want me to call and apologize for rude things I said 6 months ago in self defense to my sisters husband who said equally rude things and made threats and hasn't made an effort to apologize either. And they want me to meet him in person or talk to him on the phone. They want me to do this before I take my mom to see the baby. Like they are putting it all on me to mend relationships for someone who cussed me out threatened my friend etc. Like I really don't want to deal with that person. I just want to take my mom to see the baby and deal with my sister I don't want to deal with my sisters husband I don't trust him. I'm not angry I just don't want to have anything to do with him but my family seems to be acting like in order for me to deal with them I'm required to interact with him and deal with him.

Likewise my grandfather is angry at me and complaining every chance he gets because I don't call him. I was saving up more money to pay him before I call cause I don't want to talk to him empty handed. I've told him this before.

I also hate making phone calls to family. It's very unfomuncomfor and I feel awkward.

So I guess it's more than me just being cold there's fear involved.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

My counselor is working with me on avoidance and I guess avoiding this situation isn't making it go away. I feel like is have to drink tons of coffee or take chamomile or run or get up the nerve to interact with my family cause it's so anxiety inducing.

 

[Tolworth John]

The thing is it's not that simple they want me to call and apologize for rude things I said 6 months ago

Have you tried writing a letter of apology?

It is hard that they are putting everything on you, if you want to be a peace maker sometimes one has to take the initutive and start the peace process.

If the letter is well recieved you could then try ringing.

If you have an obnoxous brother in law, just be polite, talk about your sister, the baby and/or your mum.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Have you tried writing a letter of apology?

It is hard that they are putting everything on you, if you want to be a peace maker sometimes one has to take the initutive and start the peace process.

If the letter is well recieved you could then try ringing.

If you have an obnoxous brother in law, just be polite, talk about your sister, the baby and/or your mum.

The apology letter is a good idea I think I might do that. My sister told me she wants me to apologize in person or on the phone and my boyfriend who was also threatened and made fun of by my brother in law keeps demanding that I refuse to apologize. :/ I am very caught in the middle but I think I might just take your advice and write the letter and take my mom to see the baby and leave it at that. If he wants to be mad and make a scene or refuse to let me take my mom to see the baby then that's on him and I don't think my sister should dictate how I apologize specially after he said such awful things too and started the fight in the first place. They can get mad that I didn't do it in person all they want or call me a chicken it's whatever.

Yeah your suggestion helps thank you.

 

[Teamo]

Likewise my grandfather is angry at me and complaining every chance he gets because I don't call him. I was saving up more money to pay him before I call cause I don't want to talk to him empty handed. I've told him this before.

I also hate making phone calls to family. It's very unfomuncomfor and I feel awkward.

So I guess it's more than me just being cold there's fear involved.

If you don't want to do it, then don't. Don't let people pressure you!!! If you cave in, then people know where your weak spots are and they can push you around. People might get angry at you for standing your ground and try to make you feel guilty for it.

A lot of people end up getting pushed around in life because they get made to feel guilty for things by manipulative people. "Don't you love God? If you love God then you will do [blank]."

You shouldn't have to apologize for feeling cold. It isn't a sin to not feel a certain emotion!

Be around people who make you feel good, not around people that make you feel bad!

It sounds like both parties, your family AND your boyfriend are putting pressure on you. Don't let either one tell you what to do! Do what YOU decide!

Life is hard enough without people creating drama.

 

[StrivingFollower]

nevermind