I really wouldn't over-analyse it especially by writting a lot of it down, and I don't mean to be unsympathetic. But I do think that can make things seem more problematic. That seems to be whats happening in your mind. That you demonstrate an awareness of this is good. God won't weigh in with a long list at you, if you get thoughts going from one thing to another then that's not God, so just ignore them, occupy your mind with something profitable and pray for better sensitivity to the still small voice of God.
In terms of the feelings just offer it up to God in prayer when you are troubled. A lot of younger women experience a kind of crush on other women - its not bisexuality, neither is it lesbianism. The devil points out some 'sick strange addiction' to nearly every christian who wants to honestly examine their life. So what, he's a liar, and a loser, what does he know? Conviction when its from the Holy Spirit when you ask Him to search your heart won't hit you that way.
I don't know why your mind went back a bit the way you mentioned when the lady at your church asked you to 'check in' with her again.
Any horror film can stir up weird feelings in people, because most christians even though born again have unhealed souls, and the films pick at that.
Its like this: christians as well as unbelievers have to wrestle with living still in a fallen world. Becoming a christian doesn't suddenly result in only perfectly pure and holy desires. We may well being living in perhaps one of the most sexually muddled eras of history. And God knows what we have to contend with. You may have been given mis-information on these matters.
Spiritually though you need fellowship and friendships with christian believers. Its no accident that this older christian lady has had you prayerfully on her heart. Keep in touch with her.
Well done on stepping out of that spiritually incompatible relationship you were in.
It might seem like things are getting worse at times, but it seems to me you are taking steps forward. Steps toward Jesus, even if you feel things are not improved for a time, He will most assuredly bless.
Leanne Payne's writings also might help you. Particularly she addresses difficulties with self-acceptance and from a christian position.
May God Bless and keep you, and draw you closer to Jesus.
In terms of the feelings just offer it up to God in prayer when you are troubled. A lot of younger women experience a kind of crush on other women - its not bisexuality, neither is it lesbianism. The devil points out some 'sick strange addiction' to nearly every christian who wants to honestly examine their life. So what, he's a liar, and a loser, what does he know? Conviction when its from the Holy Spirit when you ask Him to search your heart won't hit you that way.
I don't know why your mind went back a bit the way you mentioned when the lady at your church asked you to 'check in' with her again.
Any horror film can stir up weird feelings in people, because most christians even though born again have unhealed souls, and the films pick at that.
Its like this: christians as well as unbelievers have to wrestle with living still in a fallen world. Becoming a christian doesn't suddenly result in only perfectly pure and holy desires. We may well being living in perhaps one of the most sexually muddled eras of history. And God knows what we have to contend with. You may have been given mis-information on these matters.
Spiritually though you need fellowship and friendships with christian believers. Its no accident that this older christian lady has had you prayerfully on her heart. Keep in touch with her.
Well done on stepping out of that spiritually incompatible relationship you were in.
It might seem like things are getting worse at times, but it seems to me you are taking steps forward. Steps toward Jesus, even if you feel things are not improved for a time, He will most assuredly bless.
Leanne Payne's writings also might help you. Particularly she addresses difficulties with self-acceptance and from a christian position.
May God Bless and keep you, and draw you closer to Jesus.
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