I Don't Think I Can Do This Anymore

[Smylie]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

...wow. In many ways, you sound like me at around your age, but it also sounds like you're doing better than I did at that age. I'd say keeping waiting to find the right kind of person. This is a HUGE world we live in, and I'm sure there's some fine Christian lady out there (whether she's a virgin or one who learned a lesson the difficult way and has sworn to only be with a husband from here on out) for you, somewhere.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

I must say, your OP is extensive. Do you want me to try to address it point by point?

In the end, the sum of what I'll have to say is: Do yourself a big favor and maintain your virginity. Having 'casualized' sex comes with no perks, but further problems. Life already has essential problems, and you don't want to add complications to already existing challenges which we will all face in this life anyway.

I know it's not easy to wade through life with a nagging sense of loneliness, but does what I say above make sense?

 

[Saucy]

So, my question is why you focus on sex so much. Sure, it's fine to have whatever preference you want. Whether 80% of Christians waited or not shouldn't have any impact on your own convictions. People mess up, but you shouldn't judge a woman or anyone because they chose to have sex. That's between them and God.

I also know many amazing Christian women in their 20s and 30s who have waited. It seems as if our generation isn't as quick to jump into bed with someone or get married as it seems. You just need to find yourself in different circles.

I also don't understand how not having sex has caused you to lose out on friendships. You're putting a lot of blame on sexuality here and it doesn't make sense. I would advise you to relax. I'm almost 38 and haven't been with anyone. Not because I couldn't, but because that's what I've chosen. Sex is important, but I think it's for marriage. There are times when I didn't care as much and could've easily given in, but was spared that and I'm so glad I was.

As @2PhiloVoid said, spare yourself the trouble. You shouldn't define yourself or others by whether they've had sex or not. That's almost an obsession. Do what's right, share your convictions, and hold to standards you want to hold.

 

[Smylie]

I know it's not easy to wade through life with a nagging sense of loneliness, but but does what I say above make sense?

It does make sense. I don't want to commit the sin of fornication, honestly. I just can't get past the idea of going through this process and devoting my life to a woman who did not do the same for me. Fornication is Christianity 101- my brain simply cannot accept the justifications people use for this sin.

If someone were not a Christian and had sex with another individual, I bear no ill will towards them. I also don't bear ill will towards any women (or men) who were assaulted. I also don't care very much about what women do in general. All I can about is what I do (and don't do) and what my future wife does (and doesn't do).

 

[Neogaia777]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

It is going to be very, very difficult because of the world nowadays, but have you considered maybe a young woman from another culture/nation/ethnicity possibly, because you might maybe could have better luck there (maybe)...?

And since you mentioned traveling, and if you have the means, I might do just that if I were you maybe, etc, might be a good opportunity to find the kind of wife you might be looking for maybe, etc...?

But, most of this world makes it just about impossible though...

But even a woman from another part of the world, and a different culture, who maybe even is not a virgin, etc, might have different values still maybe, etc...?

Because of this world though, you might want to consider doing it just for God maybe though also, but that might prove even more difficult, etc...

I don't know, as I didn't wait, and wasn't even a Christian for a very long time, etc, but kind of wished I would have, or would have been, etc, but I don't know how it would have worked out, etc...

I remain chaste now, but that is after having already been married, and done the whole wife and kids and family thing already by now, etc, and I have "renewed my vows" in a way, but only to and for God for the rest of my life now, etc...

If you feel like you 100% must find a wife and get married and have children and all of that, etc, I suggest you try and look outside of western culture for it and you might have better luck, etc...

Maybe even in some primitive culture/corner in the world, or tribe in Africa or something like that maybe if you absolutely have to, etc, or at least in a culture where the parents still have "a lot of a lot of say so", and still do arranged marriages with their daughters (who are still virgins and have kept them chaste) or something like that maybe, etc...

Because other than that, it might be pretty difficult, etc... The world is so very messed up sexually nowadays, etc...

Using the web maybe to specifically find something like that maybe or also as well maybe, etc, but you'll probably run into a lot of "junk" that way too or also, and scams, and scammers, so be "forewarned" if you try to do that, etc...

Anyway, good luck.

God Bless!

 

[Smylie]

So, my question is why you focus on sex so much. Sure, it's fine to have whatever preference you want. Whether 80% of Christians waited or not shouldn't have any impact on your own convictions. People mess up, but you shouldn't judge a woman or any because they chose to have sex. That's between them and God.

Honestly, I'd love to not focus on it at all. For many years this wasn't an issue. It wasn't until I lifted my head after having it down for so long that this issue (fear) came about. I didn't realize that it was this bad within the Christian community.

I also don't understand how not having sex has caused you to lose out on friendships. You're putting a lot of blame on sexuality here and it doesn't make sense.

It caused me to lose out on friendships because the lifestyle I needed to live to best position myself to not commit the sin was in direct opposition to those around me in school. I had plenty acquittances but no friends. Once the bell rang, I was on my own, because people couldn't relate to me and vice-versa.

 

[dqhall]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

People married and had sex when they wanted to bring a child into the world. That is the way it is supposed to happen. Years ago there were not as many birth control options available except abstinence.

Times changed. Recreational sex has been the ruin of many a poor boy. There were sexually transmitted diseases. Those who went to prostitutes lost their money and sometimes their sanity. There were childcare payments and alimony for those who married unfaithful partners.

If you are relationship minded, you might try to meet women and interview them before you assume there are no good women in the world. I did online dating and met a woman who was a widow similar in age to me. She already had several children from two marriages and one adopted girl. She told me she liked sex, but not before marriage. We held hands while walking near some harbor side shops and restaurants. It was like I was in love. I felt cheerful inside. I balked a few times about discussing a mutual financial arrangement, then she started dating a healthier man and dumped me after she was sure she liked him. I checked her Facebook page a few years later. She has a man with her in her cover photo. I no longer have her phone number. I had other opportunities to move in with women with or without marrying them, but stayed single.

In the Gospel of John Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well in Shechem. Jesus told her she had married four men and she was not married to her current man. I wondered about it. She recognized Jesus prophesied and went to tell others about him.

I am disabled and no longer search for a woman. A woman came to clean my place every week or two. I like women, but remained single.

 

[Smylie]

It is going to be very, very difficult because of the world nowadays, but have you considered maybe a young woman from another culture/nation/ethnicity possibly, because you might maybe could have better luck there (maybe)...?

I have! The issue is the language barrier. I've thought a lot about Poland and even Russia, but I don't want to fly into an unstable war zone if I'm being honest.

Using the web maybe to specifically find something like that maybe or also as well maybe, etc, but you'll probably run into a lot of "junk" that way too or also, so be "forewarned" if you try to do that, etc...

I have tried this. I attempted to engage with girls on Instagram who were following account that preach the values I hold, but because I never use the platform (I'm not a fan of social media) I don't have the vanity metrics that girls want, thus I've been unable to gather any attention.

 

[JAM2b]

I personally believe that if a person has repented of previous fornication and has been forgiven by God, healed from previous relationships, then who are we to judge? Cleansed is cleansed regardless of the past.

However, if it would make you uncomfortable in your relationship, if it is something that you can't find peace with, then it would not be wise to pursue someone who has a sexual history.

What it is all going to come down to is what you are comfortable with, what your convictions tell you. You're the one who has to live with the relationship, or lack of relationship, and the choices you make. So whatever you do, be sure first.

 

[Saucy]

Honestly, I'd love to not focus on it at all. For many years this wasn't an issue. It wasn't until I lifted my head after having it down for so long that this issue (fear) came about. I didn't realize that it was this bad within the Christian community.

It caused me to lose out on friendships because the lifestyle I needed to live to best position myself to not commit the sin was in direct opposition to those around me in school. I had plenty acquittances but no friends. Once the bell rang, I was on my own, because people couldn't relate to me and vice-versa.

You mentioned how you weren't in a church environment until you were 20, has that changed? I believe God created the church for the purpose of being around like-minded believers to fellowship with. Again, I know a lot of believers. We ALL struggle with waiting. It's not an easy thing, but it's much easier when you have fellow believers you're cheering on. You're also more likely to meet someone who has the same convictions as you do.

I would never think of women as used pieces of meat just because they had sex. You mentioned how you weren't as strict before. It's possible they did the deed and found themselves in a position where they regretted it and asked for forgiveness and now take their faith more seriously. Why is that okay for you but not them?

Give someone a chance. Don't hold their past against them if they are now changed.

 

[Smylie]

If you are relationship minded, you might try to meet women and interview them before you assume there are no good women in the world. I did online dating and met a woman who was a widow similar in age to me. She already had several children from two marriages and one adopted girl. She told me she liked sex, but not before marriage. We held hands while walking near some harbor side shops and restaurants. It was like I was in love. I felt cheerful inside. I balked a few times about discussing a mutual financial arrangement, then she started dating a healthier man and dumped me after she was sure she liked him. I checked her Facebook page a few years later. She has a man with her in her cover photo. I no longer have her phone number. I had other opportunities to move in with women married or unmarried, but stayed single.

I'm sorry to hear this. Horror stories like this are one of the reasons why I'd like to avoid getting involved with a woman who has a "past" to be honest.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

It does make sense. I don't want to commit the sin of fornication, honestly. I just can't get past the idea of going through this process and devoting my life to a woman who did not do the same for me. Fornication is Christianity 101- my brain simply cannot accept the justifications people use for this sin.

If someone were not a Christian and had sex with another individual, I bear no ill will towards them. I also don't bear ill will towards any women (or men) who were assaulted. I also don't care very much about what women do in general. All I can about is what I do (and don't do) and what my future wife does (and doesn't do).

Yes, that's an understandable position to have, brother. It's one that I also had when I was in my 20s. I firmly thought that "Y'know, as tough as it is to remain a virgin as a single and quite lonely man, I'm going to try to maintain it and, therefore, I'd really like ideally for my wife to be a virgin as well."

The thing is, I still had yet to learn what and how grace and mercy worked in my heart and mind. While I was a 'virgin' technically, I wasn't in mind and soul. Moreover, I wasn't yet wise to just how difficult it is existentially and socially, and even psychologically, for any one person to measure up to what is [almost] a form of aeceticism.

Regardless, I respect your opinion and your efforts, brother. Just keep in mind that even if and when you find a virgin woman to become your fiance, you'll still have to plow through decades of married life, hoping all along that she (and you yourself) endure. There are sorrowful stories, I'm sure, of folks who started as virgins in their marriages but couldn't carry the value of fidelity on beyond the first 10 years ... so, virginity may not be the essential quality of a "good wife" (or of a 'good husband') even if virginity is preferable. Do you understand what I'm attempting to share with you on this? Finding a Proverbs 31 kind of wife might not necessarily be dependent upon her state of virginity but upon her growth as a person in Christ and her endurance that comes out of her accumulated wisdom and faith.

Anyway, I'm proud of you for standing strong there. Also consider that maybe God placed you where you are at so you don't have Potiphar's Wife knocking on your door. But, as I've said before, this world is a big place. There's also good women out there, you just have to wisely extend your reach outward in the world but within the spiritual bounds of your faith, personal establishment and your finances.

 

[Smylie]

I personally believe that if a person has repented of previous fornication and has been forgiven by God, healed from previous relationships, then who are we to judge? Cleansed is cleansed regardless of the past.

Previous sexual experiences leave an imprint on everybody. Everyone remembers their first time, and many people remember multiple times. People always say this doesn't matter, but I've heard countless stories of Christians who had previous sexual experiences with other people say "I told him not to touch me here because it reminded me of this person" etc. So clearly the mind remembers.

With this said, this isn't the classic "damaged goods" situation. I've been surrounded by sex my entire life growing up in secular Canada. I'm not ignorant to the fact that the vast majority of people have sex before marriage and have multiple partners. My issue is that I've done everything asked of me and it seems to have been a waste. Why did I bother waiting if nobody else did?

You mentioned how you weren't in a church environment until you were 20, has that changed? I believe God created the church for the purpose of being around like-minded believers to fellowship with. Again, I know a lot of believers. We ALL struggle with waiting. It's not an easy thing, but it's much easier when you have fellow believers you're cheering on. You're also more likely to meet someone who has the same convictions as you do.

I attempted to go to church on numerous occasions pre-pandemic but the gospel was not being preached. Also, everyone was 60+ years old. I live in a small retirement town with a population of 2,000 people- there are no young people here anymore.

I would never think of women as used pieces of meat just because they had sex. You mentioned how you weren't as strict before. It's possible they did the deed and found themselves in a position where they regretted it and asked for forgiveness and now take their faith more seriously. Why is that okay for you but not them?

I've never had sex or partaken in any sexual experiences with other people before. My issue is with those who commit the sin of fornication knowingly and try to justify doing so. My issue is that even young devout Christian women seem to spend more time justifying their sin than simply avoiding committing it, and I'm suffering for it.

As I mentioned in a post above, all I care about is what I do and my future wife does. The rest of the people in the world can do whatever they want.

 

[Neogaia777]

I have! The issue is the language barrier. I've thought a lot about Poland and even Russia, but I don't want to fly into an unstable war zone if I'm being honest.

I have tried this. I attempted to engage with girls on Instagram who were following account that preach the values I hold, but because I never use the platform (I'm not a fan of social media) I don't have the vanity metrics that girls want, thus I've been unable to gather any attention.

Yeah the internet might not be the best way, like I said...

But, your capable of learning other languages, aren't you...? Considering what you truly want, and if you truly want it badly enough, you should be able to overcome that, right, etc...?

And I'm not suggesting your going into a war-torn country or area either, just do your research, maybe into what people of other nations and countries tend to believe, then overcome the language barrier, and go from there, etc...

If you have the means to travel, you should be able to do it, etc...

And don't automatically discount someone of different ethnicity either, etc, as that might greatly limit your options maybe, etc...

And as one final word from me, I'd just like to tell you for future reference that there are "no guarantees" in any kind of marriage or relationship either, even if it's with two virgins, etc, so just be prepared for that possibility, OK, because then you'll be just like the rest of us, OK...

Anyway, good hunting...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

@Smylie

Honestly, your best bet for the most best options, is probably some "quite literal", "corner of the world", or something like that, etc, where you maybe have to literally always "talk to the parents" first before you can ever even meet the girl, or something like that, etc, let alone ever "get married to her" yet, etc...

Anyway, do your research, maybe find a place like that, overcome the language barrier, and then travel there and maybe visit there, and spend some time there, would be my suggestion, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Paidiske]

I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting...

It seems to me that this is the heart of the issue, for you.

I'm going to be blunt, but hope that what I am saying is helpful. This kind of feeling, of being betrayed etc., comes from your expectation that someone else who meets your criteria (in this case, a virgin with particular other qualities) will be available to you when you're ready.

The problem here is not that that person is not around, the problem is with your expectation that she would be. It's not something the world, or the body of Christian women, owe you.

I think you have some work to do on your expectations, so that you can decide how to make the most of whatever opportunities for relationships that there may be, without bitterness that your fantasy is not manifesting in front of you.

Also, if you do want to marry, you probably need to move at least to where there are eligible women. A retirement town doesn't sound like the ideal dating pool!

 

[Albion]

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited?

No, but you have picked a location that apparently offers few opportunities. That isn't a failing of Christian theology.

I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

I'm aware of those statistics, but I tend to think that the prospects are not as bleak as the stats suggest.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

The main theme that comes through in your message is that you feel cheated, but if your interest really is in finding a suitable mate, I'd say that it would be helpful if you did two things. Aside from moving to or visiting some place where you have some chance, you need to realize two things about this situation.

First, many women who fall into the non-virgin statistical category are hardly women who slept around or were "loose women," and yet that idea seems to lay behind much of what you wrote to us.

And Second, all of us (and everyone you may meet and consider as a possible mate) have made mistakes. Some of them we bitterly regret. Yours apparently are not sexual in nature, but you may have shortcomings that the woman could hesitate to forgive just as you hesitate to forgive or overlook some of the things that the woman has done in the past.

In short, none of us comes to adulthood with totally clean hands; it's what we did afterwards that will determine if romantic relationships have a chance of succeeding or not.

And believe this...if spouses do not learn the importance of forgiveness, the relationship is going to be a rocky one.

 

[Trusting in Him]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.

Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.

The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).

Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.

So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.

It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.

I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.

Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.

Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.

I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.

Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.

I did not get married until I was 37. It does not really matter at all, for me it's all about being married to the right one and I really do believe that it is possible to have a marriage which has been made in heaven. Also believe me when the right one comes along, you will know this beyond any doubt whatsoever. Marriage is not about lots of sex, or anything like that.

First and foremost, it's about being with the one who really makes you life complete. Don't worry there will probably be the sex as well, but it's about much more than just that. When the right one comes along will be in God's timing and His timing is always perfect, so don't worry! It's always best to wait for His timing and it will be worth the wait as well.

 

[Neogaia777]

And as one final word from me, I'd just like to tell you for future reference that there are "no guarantees" in any kind of marriage or relationship either, even if it's with two virgins, etc, so just be prepared for that possibility, OK, because then you'll be just like the rest of us, OK...

@Smylie

And about this "warning", if you do find some "girl" from some "corner of the world", etc, and you take her out of that place, and that culture in which she was brought up in, etc, and move her into yours, or into "your corner of the world", etc, be prepared for the possibility that it could change her also, and things might still might not work out also, etc, and just be ready for that, etc, OK...

Who knows, you might be better off just going there to live there with them, "who knows", etc...?

Western "modernized" culture sucks really, and it's not very good ground for anything good in my opinion, etc...

I personally look forward to when we all go back to "simpler times", not easier, but simpler, which if any of my "feelings" are any good indication, are going to be upon us all sometime "very very soon", etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!