I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the responses I've gotten. I do appreciate them.
I think I can sum up my inspiration for this thread like this: I feel as if I am not getting the choice to choose whether I'd like to marry a virgin or not, and this lack of having a choice is frustrating because I thought that at least 15% to 20% of the Christian population would have the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication. I figured I would be able to have higher standards for my fellow believers, but you've all explained that this wish is unreasonable. This is just the way it is, and now I know it.
Apparently, in these days, the sort of woman you're looking for is very rare (though, I'm not so sure). She's a woman who has kept herself pure before God, obedient to Him, holy. She would do this, one would hope, because she loves God dearly, wanting to please Him in every area of her life. Such a woman would be precious indeed, deserving of a man who also deeply desires God, a holy man, a man of love, and grace, and humility. Should God act to move such a woman into the sphere of any other sort of man? I don't think so.
Are you such a man? No.
You have aired your disappointment with the average Christian woman repeatedly on this thread, deriding them, as you do above, for not having "the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication." But your standard of comparison seems to be
yourself: compared to
you, one who has restrained himself from fornication (so far), the average Christian woman is a failure. You, though, aren't The Standard, brother. Compared to God, you are, in your own way, as miserable and failing as any of the woman at whom you've pointed the finger in condemnation. Your frustration and criticism of the Christian women who have yielded to sin in the area of their sexuality seems to ignore this entirely. Your frustration appears to be more about not getting what you want than a godly sorrow over sin in the lives of your sisters in Christ. If there is a woman who, out of a deep love for God, has kept herself for marriage, I can't imagine God would direct her to a man so occupied with himself.
A woman's virginity is not the be all and end all- I agree with this. I think people are misinterpreting my posts and responses. I never said it's a must for my wife to be a virgin. Many women lose their virginity between the ages of 14 and 18. If a woman is 23 and has been single and celibate for around 5+ years, for example, this is a good amount of time to allow for healing. The baggage brought to a relationship from someone like this would be reasonable. I could live with this- I never said I couldn't.
If so many are responding to you as though you hadn't said so, maybe you haven't been clear that you could "live with it." You know, though, when people use the phrase "live with it" they are typically referring to some unpleasant reality they'd like to change if they could but cannot. They don't like it and only grudgingly accept the unchangeability of the unpleasant reality, "living with it" because they must, enduring the burden, the handicap to really enjoying life, that the unpleasant reality requires. Is this how you mean "live with it"? I hope not. Woe betide the woman who would marry a man who feels like this about her and her past.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world, as such a large number of Christian men and women are not saving themselves for marriage. I live in a small town in a non-Christian country- I was just trying to get a pulse on the situation from the perspective of other Christians.
If you want the sort of woman you seem to want, a holy, Christ-honoring woman, you'd better be the sort of man who deserves such a woman, a man who can lead her ever-deeper into communion with Christ, a man who is himself filled with the Spirit, holy, desiring God above all else.
Sex is only 1 aspect of a marriage and it makes up such a small percentage of a lifetime that it's not worth getting so frustrated over. People have heard self-righteous virgins voice their displeasure in the past and have placed labels on me that are inaccurate. You all seem to think I'm talking down to those who didn't wait, but I'm not.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...If you aren't
really a man talking down to women who've fallen sexually into sin, you're doing a very good impression of one.
You are exactly right that sex constitutes only a very small part of the whole of a marriage relationship. As powerful and pleasant as sex is, it is on the periphery of marriage, secondary to far more vital things that are the true core of marriage: Christ-centeredness, self-sacrifice, faithfulness, patience, humility, humor, etc.
Canada is a 'big place.' Keep looking. Keep praying. Stay faithful to Christ! )
