I don't really know, just needed to type it

[SpartenforGod]

I am not really sure how to say what I want to say so here goes:
Throughout my life, i have slowly developed a quick wit of sorts. I am never short of a quick comeback or a sarcastic remark. I grew up being the kid everyone liked to pick on because I was the fat kid that was quiet and just took it. When I was around 12, I started to "fight back" in a sense. I started being able to make people feel like crap when they would pick on me because, I now realize, that I would pick on them in return. It used to be just a defense mechanism that would only come out when it was forced out of me. Over time I grew out of my awkward phase and thinned out, got taller, you know grew up the way I was hoping. However, as I grew up, I not only changed physically, but my attitude and personality changed but not for the better. That defense mechanism that had developed started to become my everyday personality. I started to just say things that were mean, thinking it was getting a good laugh for everyone. I still do it to this day. Almost every single thing I say is in joking, but I have come to realize that just because I think it is funny, doesn't mean others do. I know that I have isolated alot of people in my life because of the jerk that I can be on a regular basis. I try not to say things but my personality kind of takes over and I forget about keeping my mouth shut and I am off to the races again sayng things I shouldn't say. I have really come to realize this because yesterday, I was told by a friend of mine that another friend thinks I single him out to make fun of him. This isn't true because I really do consider him a friend and we kind of go at it back and forth, maybe I take it too far I don't know. This is not the person I want to be. I don't want to be the guy who is remember as the jerk from college that was a pain and never knew when to shut up. I want to be remember for who I think I can be. The guy you could always go to for help and the one who was always there for you when you needed him.

I am not really sure what I am trying to get out of posting this, but I just needed to say this to anyone. i don't really have too many people I would trust enough to say some of this stuff too. So I am not really sure what I am doing. Any thoughts???

 

[Someguyouknow]

I kinda get where you are coming from. I was the "chubby" kid in school... till high school where i developed muscles and dared anyone to even say anything to me. That was my way of "getting back". But its like anything... you do it enough, it becomes habit. You just need to break it (easier said than done). You probably need to apologize to the people you have destroyed. Not sure exactly how you would "fix" that part of your personality but... thats all i got.


Proverbs 10:31:
The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the froward tongue shall be cut out.

Proverbs 12:18:
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

Proverbs 15:2:
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I do not have any advice but I think it is great that you at least are aware of what is going on and want to change. Change is very possible, too. Any behavior that is learned can be unlearned.

 

[Michael03]

It's fair to say that you do have a talent, or ability. There are some ways you could use this in a more positive way. Commedians seem to have this ability too. I too, can say things funny right off the top of my head, and in the past my anger has made me say immediate and powerfull things to hurt peoples feelings.

I have learned that, you can be "on a roll" toward one individual, and depending on their mood they can feel like you are targeting them for some reason. If you can learn to control it, it can be a good thing. If you abuse it, things can go wrong. Just don't get discouraged and clam up or anything like that. Everyone makes mistakes. This seems to be a part of you, and you just need to find a balace, and a way to control it.

 

[Nilla]

Well..you could talk to the friend the other friend mentioned. Tell him you don't mean any harm and that you know that you sometimes can be very harsh in what you say.

And another thing...ask God to help you.

 

[therealdrag0]

I suggest reading Searching for God Knows What. by Donald Miller, probably cut to the base of the psychological motivation behind this. I read it and it played a part (among others) in a major change that I went through this past year.
_ZachariahJosiah[drag0?]Kendall