I don't know where to turn. I am falling apart. Please pray for me.

[Maran Atha]

TRIGGER WARNING (tw drugs an abuse) I don't know where to turn. I have been praying to God but I feel so stuck and hopeless.
I am stuck living with my abusive mom, with my sister. She has put us both through so much trauma and I can't handle living with her anymore. There are hardly any apartments for rent because of the new eviction law. I don't know what to do. So many bad things are happening at once... I feel so lost. My car broke and I have to find a new church. I have major health issues, so I physically can't get a second job or anything, and my sister is ill too. I have no support system and I am pretty sure I have PTSD from everything I have been through. When I was a teenager for years my mom was addicted to heroin, crack, meth, and would do any drug. This lead me to run into the arms of abusive men, who psychologically and sexually abused me. I pray the Lord will heal me. I don't know what to do.

I know I must forgive and be grateful, but if you can't relate to my experiences then you won't be able to understand how hurtful it is to be told I must be forgiving and grateful. I know that! And its eating me up because I know the only way I can heal and forgive is to leave her house and I cant right now. Since I can't do those things I feel massive guilt, which I am prone to feeling due to the abuse I have endured. I literally feel like Job, wishing I passed from my mothers womb as an untimely birth. I call for the Lord to help and I can't hear or see what he's doing. I feel confused, I know his ways arent my ways. I am falling apart.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I can certainly relate to that. Im the youngest of 3 brothers brought up by a violent and pschologically abusive dad. Being the youngest my brothers bullied me as well, not that I blame them as they were only doing what they had seen their whole lives and I think as part of a self protection reaction to the abuse they suffered. I didnt have that outlet though as the youngest. In recent years (Im nearly 50 now) I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, CPTSD and adrenal fatigue as a result of it. I can certainly relate to the being away from the situation/abuser to forgive. My dad died when I was 21 and I became a Christian when I was late 20's. It still took a couple of years to be able to forgive him. So here's what I have learned about forgiveness on the way. This is certainly true for me, although others may not entirely agree.

First of all, forgiveneess starts with a choice to forgive. Pray about it and tell God your choice is to forgive and ask for help for you to work that choice through to full forgiveness.

Second, I now dont see it as as forgiving someone. I see it as letting go of unforgiveness for that person. i now see it that I am actually holding on to the unforgiveness until such tim as I can let it go. It is harmful to you to hold on to unforgiveness, so learning to let go is a big step forward. It does take time though, dont expect an immediate complete change.

Third, part of choosing to forgive someone is choosing to treat them as if they had not wronged you. Its not always easy being nice to someone who has done you harm. Thats why parting company with them permanently is so helpful.

Fourth, by forgiving them you are placing them in Gods hands. The bible says you are heaping burning coals on their head. Allow God to deal with them. For me, I know I've reached true forgiveness when I find myself praying that God will forgive them the sin against me.

Finally, you may find you pick up for unforgiveness for them time and time again. Dont worry and condemn yourself for doing that, its natural. You have been damaged and scarred by these experiences and unless God heals you completely (he hasnt me and even then you would still have the memory of it) you will carry some damage your whole life. If you do pick up the unforgiveness again just confirm your choice to forgive them and pray about it.

Read Romans 12:14-21

 

[dqhall]

TRIGGER WARNING (tw drugs an abuse) I don't know where to turn. I have been praying to God but I feel so stuck and hopeless.
I am stuck living with my abusive mom, with my sister. She has put us both through so much trauma and I can't handle living with her anymore. There are hardly any apartments for rent because of the new eviction law. I don't know what to do. So many bad things are happening at once... I feel so lost. My car broke and I have to find a new church. I have major health issues, so I physically can't get a second job or anything, and my sister is ill too. I have no support system and I am pretty sure I have PTSD from everything I have been through. When I was a teenager for years my mom was addicted to heroin, crack, meth, and would do any drug. This lead me to run into the arms of abusive men, who psychologically and sexually abused me. I pray the Lord will heal me. I don't know what to do.

I know I must forgive and be grateful, but if you can't relate to my experiences then you won't be able to understand how hurtful it is to be told I must be forgiving and grateful. I know that! And its eating me up because I know the only way I can heal and forgive is to leave her house and I cant right now. Since I can't do those things I feel massive guilt, which I am prone to feeling due to the abuse I have endured. I literally feel like Job, wishing I passed from my mothers womb as an untimely birth. I call for the Lord to help and I can't hear or see what he's doing. I feel confused, I know his ways arent my ways. I am falling apart.

At 22 I was smoking and alcoholic. I was with promiscuous women. I lost my mind. I totaled a car after spending time drinking in a bar. I thought the only chance I have, is if there is a God. I met a lady who told me about a twelve step program. I quit smoking and drinking. I never smoked pot again. I became celibate. I liked to read the Bible. I got lost again. Another car my parents helped me buy was heading toward a concrete overpass abutment as I thought I was the worse person in the world and wanted to kill myself. God stopped me. I turned back onto the highway. I went through times of homelessness. Christians offered me rides. In those days poor people hitchhiked. Strangers offered food and rarely offered short term lodging. A couple who helped me one day told me they did this because of Jesus. I worked jobs, lived an austere lifestyle and did not give up. Jesus has rescued me numerous times. I became financially secure. Sometimes I look for sermon videos online. I prayed to God about what I should do and then got an idea about reading some book in the New Testament again. I explored other parts of the Bible. I like some books of the Bible more than other books of the Bible. I studied the stock market for years. I do not give up.

 

[anna ~ grace]

TRIGGER WARNING (tw drugs an abuse) I don't know where to turn. I have been praying to God but I feel so stuck and hopeless.
I am stuck living with my abusive mom, with my sister. She has put us both through so much trauma and I can't handle living with her anymore. There are hardly any apartments for rent because of the new eviction law. I don't know what to do. So many bad things are happening at once... I feel so lost. My car broke and I have to find a new church. I have major health issues, so I physically can't get a second job or anything, and my sister is ill too. I have no support system and I am pretty sure I have PTSD from everything I have been through. When I was a teenager for years my mom was addicted to heroin, crack, meth, and would do any drug. This lead me to run into the arms of abusive men, who psychologically and sexually abused me. I pray the Lord will heal me. I don't know what to do.

I know I must forgive and be grateful, but if you can't relate to my experiences then you won't be able to understand how hurtful it is to be told I must be forgiving and grateful. I know that! And its eating me up because I know the only way I can heal and forgive is to leave her house and I cant right now. Since I can't do those things I feel massive guilt, which I am prone to feeling due to the abuse I have endured. I literally feel like Job, wishing I passed from my mothers womb as an untimely birth. I call for the Lord to help and I can't hear or see what he's doing. I feel confused, I know his ways arent my ways. I am falling apart.

Forgiving abuse is a journey. Right now, while living with her, your heart is on edge, and nervous. That is normal.

Forgiving abuse is not something we can “click on” like a light switch. It takes time. Work through your negative feelings. Talk to the Lord about them. Ask Him to give you grace, strength, and compassion when dealing with your mother, and wisdom, too.

Then, let Him help you. In His own way.

 

[Pearl7]

I can relate to you in a small part. I used to live in a bad environment at home and I didn't recognise it was very abusive until one day God opened my eyes. I used to fight down any negative feelings towards my parents and be a good christian and I didn't know I was suffering. After years God miraculously led me out, but it took a long time until I calmed down and I still get anxiety sometimes. God helped me then and I am sure He continues to do that.

And I am sure He wants the best for you, I am praying for a way out in your situation. It's hard to forgive someone who continues to make us suffer, I have that feeling with my dad. Unfortunately forgiving him doesn't give a happy ending, nothing changes from his part, and the suffering goes on. I think when you distance yourself from this problem, physically, you start to heal and can forgive completely. I know Jesus did forgive meanwhile He was suffering ... it's so difficult.

But I want to say, I think you are strong, hold on and never give up! I will keep you in my prayers, Maran Atha!!

 

[look4hope]

Please feel free to PM me any time.
Ive gone through some random things myself. Never fun remembering such. Just wanted to pass by and tell you support can be found in odd places.

L4H