I dont know what to make of this

[Ludicrus]

Oaksfan,

Seriously, I have probably been called worse things by better people anyway. If it makes someone feel better by making up lies about me and slapping me upside the head then, here is the other cheek, slap it too. I am not going to fight or put up a fuss. I am not going to seek revenge, I made a decision to stop trying to play God and let Him do his job. He said "vengeance is mine, I will repay" and so it is. So I wash my hands of it and will let Him handle it.

I will just say, whoever did something like that when I was at my absolute lowest, it says something about that person. However I am not going to judge, let Him judge. Let them explain that to my Father.


Yeah I am going to try to get closer to God. My husband found this pastor guy that has a radio show and he likes him a lot. I think I am going to start listening to him too. Honestly, I don't know why anyone or even the devil would want to attack me. Its not like I really matter, I have no power, or anything that would matter to anyone. All I am is a housewife that lives out in the woods, no one knows me and I don't really make a difference in the scheme of things. I am going to listen anyway and try to make sense of it all.

Pray for discernment on that radio show.

Honey, your life is a mess and I can totally relate, but this I know. God has the outcome in His hands and that's what God is about. Outcomes.

I have an ex. He is an ex, rather than a deceased because he left me for another woman.

Anyway, because of his mismanagement of his finances he was having financial difficulties and his boss at the music store (he was a musician as well as an instructor and taught at a music store as well as the local college) professed to be a Christian. This woman went to a "christian psychic" and had her do some things over the people she brought to her attention, and he came in one day and told me that he had his boss praying for our finances and our marriage.

I about lost it. "You had somebody involved in the occult pray for our marriage and our finances???"

He defended that she was a real Christian. Why? Because she was part of her church's music ministry. But it was long after things started going bad that I finally found out what happened.

Long story short. He lost his house. He lost his car. I got into a car accident (somebody rear ended me and almost severed my spine at a stop light) and he almost died from something going on with his colon (they had to remove a chunk of it). He cheated on me, filed for divorce and then after the woman he cheated on me with, skipped out, he came back wanting us to get back together. Wasn't going to happen.

Yeah, I'm telling you that there are evil people out there and they attack Christians every chance they get. Some are duped into believing it is innocent involvement others know exactly what they are doing and do it on purpose. But God is in charge and it's His outcome I can count on because He promises to work all things together for our good.

You ask, "Who am I?"

I'll tell you who you are. You are a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and ole slew foot don't like that. He wants you to get so tired and worn out spiritually that you'll give up your faith so he can put another notch on his weaponry. He wants to do anything and everything he can to mess with you because he knows his time is very, very short.

I found this passage that was just a little disturbing about a decade ago. It disturbed me because when I found it, I was doing a study of the End Times.

I ran into it and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I mean to tell you, with what I was going through at the time, this huge light bulb came on and it has stayed on ever since.

Luke 18:3-8 AMP
3 And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, Protect and defend and give me justice against my adversary.
4 And for a time he would not; but later he said to himself, Though I have neither reverence or fear for God nor respect or consideration for man,
5 Yet because this widow continues to bother me, I will defend and protect and avenge her, lest she give me intolerable annoyance and wear me out by her continual coming or at the last she come and rail on me or assault me or strangle me.
6 Then the Lord said, Listen to what the unjust judge says!
7 And will not [our just] God defend and protect and avenge His elect (His chosen ones), who cry to Him day and night? Will He defer them and delay help on their behalf?
8 I tell you, He will defend and protect and avenge them speedily. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find [persistence in] faith on the earth?

Jesus asked a question that should clue us all into exactly how bad things will be getting for us.

See, I had just covered some passages in Daniel.

Before I post the passage, I want to include the footnote that goes along with it. m The antichrist is in view from this point in the prophecy to the end of the chapter. The details listed here do not fit what is known of Antiochus Epiphanes. See II Thess. 2:4; Rev. 13:5-8.

That footnote starts in verse 36; however, my study started with verse 32. And God has taken me back to it many times.

Daniel 11:32-45 AMP
32 And such as violate the covenant he shall pervert and seduce with flatteries, but the people who know their God shall prove themselves strong and shall stand firm and do exploits [for God].
33 And they who are wise and understanding among the people shall instruct many and make them understand, though some [of them and their followers] shall fall by the sword and flame, by captivity and plunder, for many days.
34 Now when they fall, they shall receive a little help. Many shall join themselves to them with flatteries and hypocrisies.
35 And some of those who are wise, prudent, and understanding shall be weakened and fall, [thus, then, the insincere among the people will lose courage and become deserters. It will be a test] to refine, to purify, and to make those among [God's people] white, even to the time of the end, because it is yet for the time [God] appointed.
36 And the king shall do according to his will; he shall exalt himself and magnify himself above every god and shall speak astonishing things against the God of gods and shall prosper till the indignation be accomplished, for that which is determined [by God] shall be done.
37 He shall not regard the gods of his fathers or Him [to Whom] women desire [to give birth--the Messiah] or any other god, for he shall magnify himself above all.
38 But in their place he shall honor the god of fortresses; a god whom his fathers knew not shall he honor with gold and silver, with precious stones, and with pleasant and expensive things.
39 And he shall deal with the strongest fortresses by the help of a foreign god. Those who acknowledge him he shall magnify with glory and honor, and he shall cause them to rule over many and shall divide the land for a price.
40 And at the time of the end the king of the South shall push at and attack him, and the king of the North shall come against him like a whirlwind, with chariots and horsemen and with many ships; and he shall enter into the countries and shall overflow and pass through.
41 He shall enter into the Glorious Land [Palestine] and many shall be overthrown, but these shall be delivered out of his hand: Edom, Moab, and the main [core] of the people of Ammon.
42 He shall stretch out his hand also against the [other] countries, but the land of Egypt shall not be among the escaped ones.
43 But he shall have power over the treasures of gold and of silver and over all the precious things of Egypt, and the Libyans and the Ethiopians shall accompany him [compelled to follow his steps].
44 But rumors from the east and from the north shall alarm and hasten him. And he shall go forth with great fury to destroy and utterly to sweep away many.
45 And he shall pitch his palatial tents between the seas and the glorious holy Mount [Zion]; yet he shall come to his end with none to help him. [II Thess. 2:4; Rev. 13:5-8.]

In the very next chapter of Daniel, the Resurrection of the dead is covered.

Daniel 12:1-4 AMP
1 AND AT that time [of the end] Michael shall arise, the great [angelic] prince who defends and has charge of your [Daniel's] people. And there shall be a time of trouble, straitness, and distress such as never was since there was a nation till that time. But at that time your people shall be delivered, everyone whose name shall be found written in the Book [of God's plan for His own].
2 And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake: some to everlasting life and some to shame and everlasting contempt and abhorrence. [John 5:29.]
3 And the teachers and those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the firmament, and those who turn many to righteousness (to uprightness and right standing with God) [shall give forth light] like the stars forever and ever. [Matt. 13:43.]
4 But you, O Daniel, shut up the words and seal the Book until the time of the end. [Then] many shall run to and fro and search anxiously [through the Book], and knowledge [of God's purposes as revealed by His prophets] shall be increased and become great. [Amos 8:12.]


I believe God has a plan and a purpose for everyone. Perhaps, you should seek the Lord on that and find out exactly what it is that Satan is afraid of you doing.

You are being targeted for a reason. Find out exactly why. Is it just because you are a Christian? Or, does God have plans for you that slew foot doesn't want you to fulfill?

 

[Hopes]

I am sorry you had to go through all that. I have never even heard of a Christian psychic. Sometimes I wonder what they are thinking? I have a lot of trouble understanding how ones thinking gets so far off track. The books say its brain chemicals, kind of like a stage one relationship (or when you first fall in love and the stupid things people do). Truthfully, I don't think I acted that stupid when I first fell in love with my husband either but that's just me. Maybe my brain chemicals are different because of my disorder? I don't know, I just have a very hard time understanding this kind of thing.

I thought more about the marriage counseling thing. I would not mind going if I could find one that was worth going to. The problem is that you don't know when you go what your going to get until your several hundred dollars in the hole and then they say some crazy stuff and you just wasted your money. I am not saying there's no good one, but I cant seem to find one.

The last one I sent my husband to for individual councling started talking about the unmet needs stuff being reasons for people having affairs. I thought about this concept for years now and I can say that I believe its wrong.

When I took my Philosophy class we would take an idea to basically its fullest or completion to see if that idea was valid or not. So if I take the idea of unmet needs causing affairs then that would make my husband the best husband in the world because I did not have an affair, and I would have to be the worst wife in the world because he had two affairs? My ex was a chronic cheater so I must have been an even worse wife then I suppose? I read on the web what one councilor said (wish I could find a councilor like that one). This needs stuff is a lot like blaming the rape victim for their own rape.

I did find these one people who seem to actually know what they are talking about. They say affairs are basically caused by the cheaters own issues, I agree with that statement. They have some marriage stuff they sell and I am going to get it. They have these seminars and stuff but right now that's not going to be a possibility. Its pretty expensive and my husband is laid off (temporarily). So maybe when all the dust settles I will address this again.

Its just with most of these councilors you don't know what your getting, and its been my experience that the ones I have seen have no foggy clue what they are talking about. I am not saying there are no good ones, its just I don't know where to find a good one. So when we do go to one there's going to be an interview process. I am not going to go to just any of them, why pay for bad advice?

Right now since he is not working and we have more time, I am having my husband read Shirley Glasses book. I think it will do some good. I think that book ought to be required reading before they issue a marriage license to a couple. I wish I had read this book the first time around. I am going to finish a different book I have been reading. This is funny but when I went to the thrift stores this book seemed to be everywhere I looked so I bought it. It was James Dobsons Love Must Be Tough. I am going to try to read it and keep my composure because last time I started it I got so angry that war broke out in this house. The man is right, completely right, and man was I ever mad at all the stupid mistakes I had made.

Anyway back to studying,

Hopes

 

[Ludicrus]

My own therapist from before I moved back to FL warned me about getting a therapist down here because they are so anti-christian and so gungho on prescribing tons of drugs. And they are. I used to live down here so I know that. The therapist I had before I moved up north has retired already.

I've gone to a couple of therapists and even a marriage counselor and they truly do stink for the most part.

I've gotten pretty good, and pretty brave in confronting them with things like their new age doctrines, their anti-marriage suggestions, etc.

Of course when you do that, they suggest very strongly that you find someone else. So If I manage to confront them on something almost immediately they don't want me back because they can't entrench me in anti-Christian junk.

The therapist I got that retired and the therapist I had before I moved back down here, I prayed for for a long long time before God arranged for me to go to them.

The last therapist, God actually had him move from out of state just for me! LOL! That is no lie. Now that I'm gone, he told me when he and his wife visited, he doesn't feel like he should be there any longer. I told him, "Do you remember when I said that you were God's answer to my prayer?"

He said, "Yes"

I said, "Well, maybe somebody else out there is praying just as hard as I am and you are supposed to go meet that need as well. Sort of a missionary therapist, LOL!"

I told him to pray about it. His wife is a real sweetie and they came down to Disney and visited with us for the afternoon while they were down here. It was real nice.

 

[Hopes]

The last Marriage Councilor we went to, she was crazier than me and I am the supposed crazy one with bipolar disorder. So I am a little lost when it comes to this stuff. I thought more about the needs stuff. Now I am not saying you should not meet your spouses needs. Of course you should. What I do have a problem with is saying that if your spouse has an affair then your not meeting some need.

That is simply not true. Its not true to the point that even my husband agrees with me about this. Honestly, we did have a good marriage when this affair happened. So yes affairs happen even in good marriages. That's part of the reason I did not see this coming and it hit me like a train.

I decided to go the other way with needs and bring it to its logical conclusion. OK say I decided to become some sort of super needs meeter. That would say that with this need meeting ability I should be able to control my husbands actions and he would never have an affair? So I could control him? Remote control husband? See this stuff does not stand up to any sort of logic.

Needs are good for having a good marriage. I can agree with that. However its gone a bridge too far when they say if you don't meet needs it causes an affair. Matter of fact, I because I believed this needs stuff with affair #1 I did try extremely hard to be that super need meeter. A lot of good it did.

The reason my husband had an affair was because she was an aggressive woman just like they talk about in proverbs 7. She threw herself at him and he was flattered. He has poor boundaries and she lured him in. Its about as simple as that. Actually it has nothing to do with me what so ever so it did not matter if I met some need or not. He even says it had nothing to do with me. It still hurt me but it wasn't caused by some fault with me.

I am going to get that stuff from those one people. Yeah its expensive but you know counseling is way more expensive and it really never gets anywhere. It just talks in circles and there's no plan or anything. You leave the office and then you realize you didn't get anywhere. I can not get anywhere at home where it don't cost me 200 dollars.

 

[Ludicrus]

The last Marriage Councilor we went to, she was crazier than me and I am the supposed crazy one with bipolar disorder. So I am a little lost when it comes to this stuff. I thought more about the needs stuff. Now I am not saying you should not meet your spouses needs. Of course you should. What I do have a problem with is saying that if your spouse has an affair then your not meeting some need.

That is simply not true. Its not true to the point that even my husband agrees with me about this. Honestly, we did have a good marriage when this affair happened. So yes affairs happen even in good marriages. That's part of the reason I did not see this coming and it hit me like a train.

I decided to go the other way with needs and bring it to its logical conclusion. OK say I decided to become some sort of super needs meeter. That would say that with this need meeting ability I should be able to control my husbands actions and he would never have an affair? So I could control him? Remote control husband? See this stuff does not stand up to any sort of logic.

Needs are good for having a good marriage. I can agree with that. However its gone a bridge too far when they say if you don't meet needs it causes an affair. Matter of fact, I because I believed this needs stuff with affair #1 I did try extremely hard to be that super need meeter. A lot of good it did.

The reason my husband had an affair was because she was an aggressive woman just like they talk about in proverbs 7. She threw herself at him and he was flattered. He has poor boundaries and she lured him in. Its about as simple as that. Actually it has nothing to do with me what so ever so it did not matter if I met some need or not. He even says it had nothing to do with me. It still hurt me but it wasn't caused by some fault with me.

I am going to get that stuff from those one people. Yeah its expensive but you know counseling is way more expensive and it really never gets anywhere. It just talks in circles and there's no plan or anything. You leave the office and then you realize you didn't get anywhere. I can not get anywhere at home where it don't cost me 200 dollars.

The reason your husband had an affair is because he made that choice.

We all have choices.

But you can tell your husband this, and if he doesn't seek God like his rearend is getting ready to hit the flames then something is definitely wrong.

Revelation 21:7-8 AMP
7 He who is victorious shall inherit all these things, and I will be God to him and he shall be My son.
8 But as for the cowards and the ignoble and the contemptible and the cravenly lacking in courage and the cowardly submissive, and as for the unbelieving and faithless, and as for the depraved and defiled with abominations, and as for murderers and the lewd and adulterous and the practicers of magic arts and the idolaters (those who give supreme devotion to anyone or anything other than God) and all liars (those who knowingly convey untruth by word or deed)--[all of these shall have] their part in the lake that blazes with fire and brimstone. This is the second death. [Isa. 30:33.]

When God gave me that, about the cowardly submissive and the cravenly lacking in courage it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to God and I told Him I didn't want to be like that. Now with all of the abuse I had taken over the years I had a real problem standing up to people, but with His help I overcame.

Your husband has a choice. And you can't enable him to remain in sin by passing the blame off on "an aggressive woman".

You need to confront him in love and tell him the Truth. This is what God's Word says.

Revelation 21:1-7 AMP
1 THEN I saw a new sky (heaven) and a new earth, for the former sky and the former earth had passed away (vanished), and there no longer existed any sea. [Isa. 65:17; 66:22.]
2 And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, all arrayed like a bride beautified and adorned for her husband;
3 Then I heard a mighty voice from the throne and I perceived its distinct words, saying, See! The abode of God is with men, and He will live (encamp, tent) among them; and they shall be His people, and God shall personally be with them and be their God. [Ezek. 37:27.]
4 God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away. [Isa. 25:8; 35:10.]
5 And He Who is seated on the throne said, See! I make all things new. Also He said, Record this, for these sayings are faithful (accurate, incorruptible, and trustworthy) and true (genuine). [Isa. 43:19.]
6 And He [further] said to me, It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I [Myself] will give water without price from the fountain (springs) of the water of Life. [Isa. 55:1.]
7 He who is victorious shall inherit all these things, and I will be God to him and he shall be My son.


It is not about needing marriage counseling. It is not about you being a better wife. It is about whether your husband is truly a son of God and if he is, he will be victorious because God is with him. If he isn't he will remain in his sinful behavior.

This is the valley of decision. And he needs to make a choice. Time is getting really short.

 

[Hopes]

Ludicrous

I agree, and I have told him if he don't change his ways that God isn't going to be too happy with him. He says he has this time and I am starting to believe him but still sometimes I have my doubts.

This layoff has been sort of a Godsend. Yeah I know that sounds funny but we really needed this time to sort though some of this stuff. I spent several days just venting how I feel about all of this. Feelings of being unloved and disrespected and on and on. I know without a doubt he knows how I feel and what the damage this all has caused.

I basically put it like this. We have been married 19 years and together over 20. In that time I have given him everything I have. Love, respect, loyalty, faithfulness. In that time he has given me grief, pain, nightmares, PTSD, and possibly a couple nervous breakdowns because the jury is still out to weather or not I even have bipolar disorder.

Anyway, I told him that I do love him, however this is not what I signed on for. I want a marriage with two people. Not me being married and him chasing harlots. Either respect me enough to keep the vows or really I don't have anything anyway.

Last time there was a lot of talk about guarantees. You cant guarantee if your spouse will ever do it again, cheat on you, or what the future holds. Well I decided that I cant possibly know or control that but I can give a guarantee of my own.

I guarantee if he does this again that no matter how much I love him I am going to end this marriage. I cannot, and will not, be hurt like this again, its just too painful and damaging to me. So that's my guarantee, my vow, and my oath. I will stay as long as he keeps his vows but the day he forgets he is my husband I will leave and never speak to him again except in court where I will say yes this marriage is irretrievably broken.

He did say one thing that made a little sense but I still worry. He said the first affair he did not get to the debts of shame self worthlessness as he did this time. I think the needs thing I keep throwing a fit about is why. See that needs thing gave him the perfect excuse, so he could say look you didn't meet my needs and never really have to do any self exploration of why he really does these things. I swear it wasn't needs. He even will say the same thing.

So at least we have finally gotten to the root of the why's. So I am hoping this time we have a chance at a genuine recovery. I will say this, he is actually trying this time and not being the way he was with the first one. I think when I threw him out that gave him time to think about what it was that he was about to loose forever.

He says he is really sorry for this and says he will spend the rest of his life making this up to me. That before he dies, I will be glad that I married him. I really hope so, as I am just not able to keep going through this. Plus if God is keeping all my tears, then he must have a pretty good sized fishing pond and I am not looking to build a lake lol.

 

[Ludicrus]

Ludicrous

I agree, and I have told him if he don't change his ways that God isn't going to be too happy with him. He says he has this time and I am starting to believe him but still sometimes I have my doubts.

This layoff has been sort of a Godsend. Yeah I know that sounds funny but we really needed this time to sort though some of this stuff. I spent several days just venting how I feel about all of this. Feelings of being unloved and disrespected and on and on. I know without a doubt he knows how I feel and what the damage this all has caused.

I basically put it like this. We have been married 19 years and together over 20. In that time I have given him everything I have. Love, respect, loyalty, faithfulness. In that time he has given me grief, pain, nightmares, PTSD, and possibly a couple nervous breakdowns because the jury is still out to weather or not I even have bipolar disorder.

Anyway, I told him that I do love him, however this is not what I signed on for. I want a marriage with two people. Not me being married and him chasing harlots. Either respect me enough to keep the vows or really I don't have anything anyway.

Last time there was a lot of talk about guarantees. You cant guarantee if your spouse will ever do it again, cheat on you, or what the future holds. Well I decided that I cant possibly know or control that but I can give a guarantee of my own.

I guarantee if he does this again that no matter how much I love him I am going to end this marriage. I cannot, and will not, be hurt like this again, its just too painful and damaging to me. So that's my guarantee, my vow, and my oath. I will stay as long as he keeps his vows but the day he forgets he is my husband I will leave and never speak to him again except in court where I will say yes this marriage is irretrievably broken.

He did say one thing that made a little sense but I still worry. He said the first affair he did not get to the debts of shame self worthlessness as he did this time. I think the needs thing I keep throwing a fit about is why. See that needs thing gave him the perfect excuse, so he could say look you didn't meet my needs and never really have to do any self exploration of why he really does these things. I swear it wasn't needs. He even will say the same thing.

So at least we have finally gotten to the root of the why's. So I am hoping this time we have a chance at a genuine recovery. I will say this, he is actually trying this time and not being the way he was with the first one. I think when I threw him out that gave him time to think about what it was that he was about to loose forever.

He says he is really sorry for this and says he will spend the rest of his life making this up to me. That before he dies, I will be glad that I married him. I really hope so, as I am just not able to keep going through this. Plus if God is keeping all my tears, then he must have a pretty good sized fishing pond and I am not looking to build a lake lol.

Hey Hopes,

How are you?

The government shutdown has been a Godsend. The fuel prices went way down because the stock market went down. A couple of years back on the news they stated that sometimes, even though oil prices go down the fuel prices don't go down with them because of "speculators" in the stock market.

So, I keep praying.

But now that the shutdown is over with the gas prices are starting to go back up again. But I told my husband to go and fill his gas tank up the night they made the decision.

If it comes down to it, make sure that your decision lines up with God's will. I know I kept praying about it and God kept saying NO. I ended up on the winning side with it.

My cheating spouse prior to that chose to leave. He's the one that kept asking for a divorce and the problem was he wanted me to get it. God had other ideas, which is along drawn out story. In the end, he filed for the divorce. The Bible says, that if the unbelieving partner decides to leave we are not morally bound. We are called to peace.

As God is my Witness, God sent a witness to the discussion we had about it during the whole thing. And I asked him pertinent questions about our marriage vows, faithfulness, counseling, the whole nine yards and that little fellow that was sitting behind my husband in the restaurant kept giving me the thumbs up during the entire conversation.

But he condemned himself in the answers he gave and that little man, whether God just put him in the right place at the right time or whether or not he was an angel sent by God to be a witness, will testify of the truth and my ex will have to give an answer to God one day for the decisions he made.

Our vows are to God Almighty and a lot of people forget that. When someone breaks their vows to us, even over and over, we still have that vow made to God to deal with.

So, are you capable of sticking it out just for the sake of the vow you made to God? Have you asked Him about it or have you told God that if He doesn't make your husband act right you are going to end it?

The reason I ask that question is that in my hurt and anger I've said stuff like that to God. And later, had to go back and ask for forgiveness.

God is in the widow making business if we can be patient, because He doesn't tend to put up with people who hurt His children.

King David slew a woman's husband because he was a fool and relieved that woman of a horrible husband, LOL!

After all of the nights I cried out to God to make the pain stop, He did.

Please, I know you are in a lot of pain. Don't allow yourself to become bitter.

 

[Hopes]

Ludicrous,

Yes I am in a lot of pain. Its an unbelievable amount of pain. I don't think anyone can know this kind of pain unless they experienced it. I know what you went through was at least as equally bad, maybe worse, so you understand this stuff when I talk about it.

As for my vows. I am doing everything I possibly can to keep my vow to God but I pretty much told him he has to fix my husband or I cant deal with this. Seriously, I cant go through this again. I am not able. The day he told me about this affair was so bad.

He was sitting in the bed and told me. I stood up and went over to sit down and I just came apart. It hurt so bad I thought I would physically die. I thought something inside me might break and I would just die. Heck I would not even have cared if it did at that point. That's why I said what I said. I seriously cant go through another day like that.

We have been talking a lot and thankfully he isn't trying to do a repeat of last time. Last time he just didn't get it and honestly, I don't think he was all that repentant. Its like almost a half hearted effort at best is what I got last time. Also he would not listen to me and we argued big time for a long time. This time he actually sees that on a lot of things I am right. Before he never would listen and just assume I am wrong about a lot of things.

Actually I am much smarter than he ever gave me credit for. Its almost like that old joke where you see these people climbing the mountain to make this big discovery to find someone else is already there relaxing in a lawn chair taking in the view? Well on a lot of this its some big discovery for him at the top of the mountain where I have been all along. He just never took the time to actually listen and learn anything from me, it was always a big fight and pretty soon I stopped trying to get him to listen.

It may not sound like it but actually I am really smart. I didn't always think so, but they seem to think I am at this college stuff. I am having a hard time this semester because my mind is basically a soup sandwich from this affair stuff, but they did want me to join this college organization. Its for people with high GPAs. I wasn't sure if I wanted to join but I guess you can get scholarships and it might look good on a job application. I am a cheep skate so of course a scholarship sounds good to me.

They might kick me out though because I didn't go to their meeting or whatever that was. I just did not feel like shopping for a dress and honestly I don't feel much like accolades right now. I thought about getting a t shirt but am not sure an old lady in a Greek t shirt is a good idea. I don't want to seem vain either. You know, if they do kick me out for not going, vanity of vanities ya know? That's one of my favorite parts of the Bible.

Anyway my husband will be going back to work soon but we have the weekend to talk so I am hoping that it will help me to not have so much anxiety when he goes to work. I have a lot of anxiety sometimes but it will get better.

Thanks again for your post
Hopes