I don't know what to do

[anon9876]

My family is very spiritual. My dad and mom have been serving the church for a long time and taught me to obey Christ to, even though my father can sometimes be distant and cold from me for getting B's in school, he is usually very happy and loving to us (his family.) Today, I was going into his phone to try and stream something on the TV when I accidentally came across his Facebook, and the page is full of women twerking and being pretty obsene but not completely naked. just... very very questionable. I only saw this on his front Facebook page so maybe it was just the algoritm giving him bad things, but I'm worried it could be that he likes to look at those images and interested with them resulting in it showing up on his page. My mother would be beyond crushed if she saw this and she is so loving and caring to my father I really don't want to see it happen. I don't know what to do because I dont know if he actually didn't mean for that and it was just a coincidence or mistake or something or this was something caused by interactions of likes and stuff on other posts in the past... please help me I am so sad

 

[Sir Joseph]

Who am I to say how to address such an awkward finding, but for what its worth, here's a response to get the thread rollin'.

As a subordinate child to my Dad, I'd be too fearful to have said anything in your situation. As a mature adult late in life, I'd hope to have more prudence in the matter.

I don't know, but I suspect that if you could briefly and privately mention to him, without making a big deal out of it, that you unintentionally saw some questionable material on his computer that might offend mom and doesn't set a good example for you, he'd have two possible responses:

He'd be embarrassed and quickly change his ways, realizing his role and influence upon the family. Thus, your actions would be beneficial to the family union. Or,

He's addicted to a habit that he won't break, but will do a better job at hiding it. In that case, no harm done with you trying and neither you nor mom may ever know whether he's changed or not.

If you have the courage, I think confronting him would be best - briefly, almost casually, just so he knows and can think about it without you two getting into an awkward conversation.

 

[com7fy8]

You can see that our Father desires us to not be cold and distant. So, it is good that you know this, and he might not really get this . . . in case he is feeding on stuff like that which is not feeding him how to love.

He could need more, then, than to just change his behavior.

So - - - I offer for God to be our Judge > trust this to God. You are not God to do what is really needed, here. Yes, talk with him, if you are encouraged to do so; but if he has a problem knowing how to love, may be already she knows this and might be pouring on the attentiveness trying to change him and/or to keep him.

She is probably already feeling how he is with her, whether she knows or suspects something like this, or not.

You both are in an impossible situation, then, and neither of you is God to know and do what he really needs. But yes God uses prayer and your good example . . . and communication >

So, yes God can guide you and use you. We are praying for you. Please let us know how you are doing.

 

[Rescued One]

I don't think any child or wife can change another person's habits or addictions.

Pastors aren't trained to help people with addictions and some pastors don't want to talk to people about their sins. The sinner would stop coming to church.

 

[Godcrazy]

Maybe you can talk to the pastor in the church or something
If it was me I'd be respectful but I would tell him the truth. Because, if it is true - which isn't fully clarified yet- he would be on his way down if he didn't reoebt, and tried at least that's more serious than anything else

 

[Godcrazy]

Besides that, isn't the truth more important in a family. If now it is true and he's working on it he maybe wouldn't have to tell anyone else

 

[Godcrazy]

For not talk about the longer it continue the bigger problem

 

[TheLastGeek]

My family is very spiritual. My dad and mom have been serving the church for a long time and taught me to obey Christ to, even though my father can sometimes be distant and cold from me for getting B's in school, he is usually very happy and loving to us (his family.) Today, I was going into his phone to try and stream something on the TV when I accidentally came across his Facebook, and the page is full of women twerking and being pretty obsene but not completely naked. just... very very questionable. I only saw this on his front Facebook page so maybe it was just the algoritm giving him bad things, but I'm worried it could be that he likes to look at those images and interested with them resulting in it showing up on his page. My mother would be beyond crushed if she saw this and she is so loving and caring to my father I really don't want to see it happen. I don't know what to do because I dont know if he actually didn't mean for that and it was just a coincidence or mistake or something or this was something caused by interactions of likes and stuff on other posts in the past... please help me I am so sad

I am so, so sorry that you discovered this. I can only imagine the horror and disappointment you felt.

As you said, you don't know if this was material your father was actively searching for, or just Facebook being gross (I regularly get suggested ads, videos, etc, that are disgusting and are not anything I want to see). Since you seem to have a good relationship with your dad, I would take him aside at a time when he is relaxed, not tired or busy or anything, and tell him you need to talk to him about something. Then just say exactly what you said here. "I was trying to stream something on TV and I accidentally saw your Facebook, and there was stuff on there that seemed really inappropriate." Don't ask him if it was his own searches or just the algorithm; just tell him what you saw, and then let HIM respond. You're more likely to get an honest answer. Of course, I hope it was not his own searches, but if it was, I'd suggest talking to a trusted pastor, youth leader, etc, who can listen and pray with you in a confidential setting.

 

[Rescued One]

For not talk about the longer it continue the bigger problem

Talking about someone's sin doesn't make a sinner stop sinning, It just makes the sinner work harder at hiding it.

 

[CoreyD]

My family is very spiritual. My dad and mom have been serving the church for a long time and taught me to obey Christ to, even though my father can sometimes be distant and cold from me for getting B's in school, he is usually very happy and loving to us (his family.) Today, I was going into his phone to try and stream something on the TV when I accidentally came across his Facebook, and the page is full of women twerking and being pretty obsene but not completely naked. just... very very questionable. I only saw this on his front Facebook page so maybe it was just the algoritm giving him bad things, but I'm worried it could be that he likes to look at those images and interested with them resulting in it showing up on his page. My mother would be beyond crushed if she saw this and she is so loving and caring to my father I really don't want to see it happen. I don't know what to do because I dont know if he actually didn't mean for that and it was just a coincidence or mistake or something or this was something caused by interactions of likes and stuff on other posts in the past... please help me I am so sad

Hi Anon.
I am very sorry you are facing this situation.
This is very difficult, and I can understand how you must feel, because knowing the right thing to do, is not easy.

It's good that you realize the possibility exist for assumptions, which you don't want to make.

My first thought was to ask your dad if he had some time to talk, and do so at a time when he is in a good mood. Perhaps take a cup of water, or cocoa for him when he is working or relaxing, and don't hide your concern. Let your face reflect that something is troubling you... which could be any number of things, not related to the phone.
You just want his attention.

You can perhaps start by letting your dad know that you feel a little distant from him, and was wondering if he is mad at you.
Let him know you understand that he would like you to improve in your grades, and ask him if he has any recommendations on how you can improve.
Ask him if he thinks you might be spending too much time on video games, television, or other activities.
In other words, let him see that you are seeking his advise, and you want to improve.

This should create the right mood for what you say next... if you choose to mention anything that might cause discomfort.

My advice would be...
Don't let him know you touched his phone, and that you saw stuff.
The reason for this, is that the reaction more than likely will not be one of "Oh, that's wonderful!" Especially if he did give in to the fallen flesh.
In any case, I don't think people like others just using their things without permission.
Is that the case with your dad? I don't know.

You can either

1. Leave him in the mood you created, for the time being, and talk again later.
2. Use a situation that does not involve him, but may be applicable. For example, you could talk about what the kids at school talk about looking at on their phones, or what the girls do (if it involves the stuff you mentioned), and ask him what he thinks you should do, when faced with such situations. Create a scenario, that he can relate to.
3. You could ask him how he met your mom, and if he was always a "church boy". Things of that sort. In other words, use the moment for a little bonding.

I am not an expert advisor, but this is what I think would be good for drawing the family closer.
It opens the door for free and spontaneous communication.
Whatever you do, pray. God is the best advisor.

 

[TheLastGeek]

1. Use a situation that does not involve him, but may be applicable. For example, you could talk about what the kids at school talk about looking at on their phones, or what the girls do (if it involves the stuff you mentioned), and ask him what he thinks you should do, when faced with such situations. Create a scenario, that he can relate to.

This is clever, and I'd agree that it could be a very good way to see how he might react to the hypothetical situation without him feeling put on the spot.