I Don't Know What To Do!

[Virginia1981]

For several years I've struggled with depression. It usually happens in the cold seasons and after the death of someone I love. But it cal also be caused by stress. Two nights ago I was so stressed and depressed for a minute I thought if I wasn't so afraid of death I'd probably kill myself. I don't feel that way anymore, but I still feel like I'm at the bottom of a hole trying to find a way out. I have a hand in the wall of the hole and trying to find a place to put my foot so I can start climbing out. A friend of mine helped me out of that state and look for a hand hold. Now I just need to find a foot hold so I can begin my climb out of this depression in earnest. I'm tired of it ruling my life. It ruins the holidays for me every year. I just not sure what my next step should be.

 

[archer75]

I'm glad you found your way here.

My suggestion is to go to church and pray -- not only to services, but to any church that is open for prayer during the day or any time you can go.

Volunteer if possible for something you wouldn't usually do. When I am on the verge of severe difficulties like you describe, it can help a lot to MAKE yourself do something not for yourself. Keeps you out of the pit.

The holidays can be mondo depressing but there are a million opportunities to get yourself going with some volunteering.

Others will have other suggestions.

 

[Take Heart]

Hey Virginia ♥
I used to be on the same boat as you. For years, I struggled with depression back in early 2012 and the years prior to that, and it was incredibly difficult to find any motivation to anything, to be honest. A pastor who I respect once said that depression is believing that your circumstances will never get better or change. I used to wholeheartedly believe that my circumstances back then would never change for the better. But gradually, as I was learning to trust in Him, pray to Him, and really seek Him through worship and reading of His Word, what was striking was that even though my circumstances were the same/slightly different, my perspective changed significantly at how I viewed my life, my situation, Him, other people, etc. It was a good kind of change. The change that can only be brought upon by Him working in our hearts and lives as we continue to seek Him and spend time with Him. Gradually, He helped me find the strength to continue college even though I dropped out of my first program, 2nd program.. took a few years off of college to work and save money to go back again.. and years later, I'm a student nurse about to finish the program and it's all thanks to Him. I honestly couldn't have done this on my own without His help because I was ridden with anxiety, panic attacks, and all sorts of issues.

So my advice to you is.. to spend more time with Him through prayer, singing worship songs, reading His Word, watching sermons online, journaling anything you feel after reading a few verses/chapters, and anything else that helps bring you closer to Him. Definitely get in touch with Christians who you can fellowship with, share your experiences with, and who can build you up during this time. God is also an amazing encourager and supporter. If you want to Skype, we can certainly talk if you want someone to talk to/vent to/ pray together with, share things with : )

-Crissy

 

[Galatea]

Hi! If you haven't done so yet, you might want to look into getting counseling. There is no shame in asking for help.

Praying and getting close to God is good. He may heal you from depression, but He may not. Depression is not a result from not having enough faith. Many saints of the past suffered with depression. William Cowper and Spurgeon both were depressed. The Apostle Paul had a thorn in the flesh that he asked God to remove three times, but God let him know that His grace is sufficient through trouble.

I am not telling you this because depression can not be healed, it CAN be- but if God chooses not to heal you, it is not because He does not love you or because you don't have enough faith.

I will pray for you. God bless you. He is with you always through everything and He suffers with you.

 

[archer75]

Hi! If you haven't done so yet, you might want to look into getting counseling. There is no shame in asking for help.

Agreed. In my worst times, it helped me just enough to remember that there IS a perspective outside of depression (although depression will tell you otherwise).

Counseling won't magically make all your problems so away but it really CAN help you to begin to get out of the "trap" of depression.

 

[Virginia1981]

@hengesthorsa I would go to a church right now if I could to pray. But you see I can't drive and my church and other churches are to far to walk. I have a friend who takes me to church on sundays. I'm listening to christian music on Padora and that's helping a little bit. I just wish it was Sunday already.

@Spirit Reborn That's how I feel right now even though I'm in college and for years never thought it possible part of me a big part still believes even with college my life will never get better. I like your suggestions, those I can do, I haven't touched my bible to read it in over a year I think it's time to dig it out and clean the dust off of it. I'll see if I can find some Methodist online services I can watch. I'll do a search as soon as I post this. Sadly I don't skype. But I do have a friend irl who I can do all that with on facebook, text or just call. She was the one who helped me get a hand hold in the wall of the hole I'm in.

 

[Virginia1981]

@Galatea @hengesthorsa I'm already trying. I've contacted my service coordinator earlier this week when the depression started to get really bad and she's contacted a counselor for me. I'm supposed to start sometime after Thanksgiving Break no real date yet but hopefully it won't be to long.

 

[archer75]

Sounds good and good luck! Hope to hear from you more around here.

 

[Virginia1981]

Thanks and you will. Thanks for all your help guys.

 

[Jeshu]

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

The best thing you can do is keep building good life in your heart through the truths of God's word until you completely away from the way of thinking and feeling that got you to feel so low.

The Word tell us to love God and neighbour so that is where to begin. Seek to love God by loving Him or neighbour for 10 percent of your daily time and God will bless your socks of.

volunteers work, praying for struggling brothers and sisters, walking out in Nature praising God and reading the word of God to yourself and for yourself. Never read for others apart of giving them God's promises the same ones you hope for and so in everything share what God has given you with those in haven't been so blessed and don't hold anything back or deny anyone anything, especially not God's salvation. Always remember that our Heavenly Father wants everyone to be saved and no one to get lost, endeavor to be the same.

The more good life you grow with Jesus, like love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, gladness, thankfulness, kindness, long suffering/endurance, gentleness, joy, beauty, innocence, honesty, acceptance, openness, just, fair humble and all these gifts and talents available to those who need all around that is the quickest way away from depression. Keep the negativity and the untrue lies out and God's loving truth will serve you well.

Be of good courage.





What Can I Say About Suffering

What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that in the Pit all lies end up - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment?

I have learned that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let it be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed at all times.

I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.

I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids. Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony. So that misery may never rule my life again, no more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead freedom for me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within in Return.

I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?

I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others. But simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.

So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering. God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath.

 

[Take Heart]

That's how I feel right now even though I'm in college and for years never thought it possible part of me a big part still believes even with college my life will never get better. I like your suggestions, those I can do, I haven't touched my bible to read it in over a year I think it's time to dig it out and clean the dust off of it. I'll see if I can find some Methodist online services I can watch. I'll do a search as soon as I post this. Sadly I don't skype. But I do have a friend irl who I can do all that with on facebook, text or just call. She was the one who helped me get a hand hold in the wall of the hole I'm in.

It can get better, but not alone. You'll need His help all the way. I used to think that I couldn't pass a program, that I'd never feel joy, hope, and purpose again. But He was there even in the midst of the chaos inside me. And He's with you too even in the midst of what you're going through. Remember when Peter and the disciples were on the boat and then the storm came and the wind and the waves were so fierce and strong? Jesus Christ was with them in that boat. (There's 2 accounts- one where Jesus is with them inside the boat sleeping and another where He walks on water towards them-but both involve storms). So even in your storm.. He is still there with you. You may not see Him, but He's there. I invite you to check out some of my earlier blogs on this site. It deals with perseverance and fighting back. I hope it inspires you in some small way ♥
It's okay- to be real with you, I don't Skype at all unless I need to. Which is pretty much once in a blue moon. I can give you my facebook if you'd like. There's also a call feature on there too. But please don't feel pressured- I totally understand if you may not be comfortable with that. And for what it's worth, I totally believe you can make it through College. You can do anything you set your mind and heart to especially with Him by your side. : )

 

[JudyH]

Hi. The holidays are so tough for those of us who struggle with depression (well, for a lot of people, period). We often have family stuff that bubbles up to the surface, or we're grieving previous losses, or we feel like everyone else is having a good time except us. Many people with depression have some kind of trauma in their past that they haven't fully recovered from. The holidays can bring back very painful memories sometimes.

For me, my dad died when I was 7. Before that, he was like a big kid at Christmas time. I think he enjoyed it even more than the kids did. He would hang lights on the house and decorate the tree beautifully and loved showing us all the presents. Then he died, and Christmases were never the same after that. I've always struggled with holidays. Some of my struggles have to do with expectations that are disappointed. A few years ago I decided to let go of expectations and quit trying so hard to recapture some kind of magical childhood. Now the holidays are less stressful for me.

You might have something similar in your past that's getting triggered this time of year. I am convinced that a lot of depression is related to unresolved grief. The most important thing I would suggest is just being very gentle and patient with yourself right now. There's nothing wrong with having a good cry over things that have happened or dreams that never came true. Just try to coast through the holidays without expecting too much of yourself or anyone else. If you can see a counselor, GREAT. Spending time with Jesus and getting a sense of His great love and compassion for you is even better. The Psalms can be some wonderful reading when you're feeling low.

Most of all, just hang in there. This, too, shall pass.

Hugs!

 

[Virginia1981]

Wow I never thought there where so many people out there that really cared about others they don't even know. I got to say that all your posts are a great help.

@Spirit Reborn Yes I remember both those stories. I always enjoyed hearing them when I was younger. Though I got to say my all time favorite verse from the bible I don't even know what it is. I remember hearing it when I was like twelve. It was something about a light guiding the way or something. As for Facebook I'm rarely on it. I only use it to stay in touch with my family in other states. Also I started to read the bible again. I'm dedicating at least 30min to it every night. I'm starting to reading it from the very beginning.

@JudyH your probably right about me grieving over something. I've lost many people over the years I loved. I've had some traumatic Christmas's one which my parents got divorced when I was 16. But surely that stuff wouldn't be bothering me still it was so long ago.

 

[Galatea]

@Galatea @hengesthorsa I'm already trying. I've contacted my service coordinator earlier this week when the depression started to get really bad and she's contacted a counselor for me. I'm supposed to start sometime after Thanksgiving Break no real date yet but hopefully it won't be to long.

Praying for a quick date. God bless.

 

[Galatea]

Agreed. In my worst times, it helped me just enough to remember that there IS a perspective outside of depression (although depression will tell you otherwise).

Counseling won't magically make all your problems so away but it really CAN help you to begin to get out of the "trap" of depression.

Sometimes it needs that outside perspective or just a listening ear.

 

[archer75]

Yes I. I'm starting to readingBut surely that stuff wouldn't be bothering me still it was so long ago.

I am not a counselor or expert in anything, but I think things from a very long time ago can still "bother" people. I would talk about it.

 

[MissRowy]

If you have feelings inside don't bottle them up. It makes you feel worse. I have done that myself and I have had bouts of severe depression myself. Talk to anyone and the chaplains are here too if you need them as well.
I hope everything works out for you sister
Merry Christmas