i don't know what to do

[ktfereva]

hi, i'm new on here. My name is katie. Im so wraped up in problems right now and i don't know what to do. Here goes: my mom just recently got out of jail recently shes an addict/alcoholic. All of my life ive been the mother and she's been the kid. Ever since i could remember i've been defending and fighting for her. Im 20 now and i don't know what to do about it now. She's my mother. Shes with a man whos only goin to get her into trouble again and on top of that he sexually assulted me and my sister. But my mom doesn't listen to me,. she calls me everyday yelling that the guy is a jerk and all that. threatining she's gonna leave again.Plus im the oldest of 5 kids. She's took off on us before and who was the one left with my brothers and sisters?me. i had to explain everything.Right now im staying with my father who is an alcoholic who has a mean streak. I have no friends cuz all my old ones turned out to be really bad.i have no chance to meet new ones. My boyfriend is always gone and he lives kinda far from me. I have no car.and no one to talk to so if anyone has any advice to give me it would be extremely helpful.

 

[madison1101]

Call Al-Anon and ask for help getting to a meeting near you. They are a 12 step self-help program for family and friends of alcoholics. You will get tons of support and encouragement there.

I would also seek therapy. Try to get some psychotherapy for yourself. Being an adult child of an alcoholic and addict does a number on you. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was bi-polar. It sucked, and I needed help and it took me years before I got it.

Keep your distance from your mom for now. Learn to detach with love. Don't let yourself get sucked in by her stuff.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[malckiah]

Hello Friend, There is so much going on in your life and there are more variables than any human could fathom at hand here! No matter what anyone says to you in this post....there is only one who knows the right answer!....and thats Jesus! Seek His counsel with ALL your might! Ask Him to guide you and show you in the way you should go! He will! God Bless!

 

[iannassah]

"In this you greatly rejoice,
though now for a little while,
if need be,
you have been grieved by various trials,
that the genuineness of your faith,
being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire,
may be found to praise,
honor,
and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,
Though now you do not see Him,
yet believing,
you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith
--
the salvation of your souls."
I Peter 1:6-9​

 

[Gentle-Heart]

Hi - Just wanting you to know that God will never leave or forsake you, even though your friends have. I understand how hard it is for you right now. But your parents have made choices for themselves that were wrong ones. And sadly that has impacted on your life and that of their other children. I am so sorry sweetheart, you should not have had to be in the position you were. And where you find yourself now.
God desires that you are safe, you are well and you are happy. You are not responsible for your parents choices. I feel it would be good for you to move out of your fathers place and see if you can find some good Christian friends. To go and find a Church if you are not part of one already. You need support and you need friends.
Staying with your father while he is an alcoholic will not help him to come off drink. All the time you are there he knows he has someone who will look out for him if he gets in a mess. Not to mention he can verbally abuse you or worse. If you move out, he has no choice but to live with himself and the consequences of his actions. It may help him to come to his senses and stop drinking.

The most important thing you can do is to pray for your parents and distance yourself from them.
Drinking/Drugs can be attention seeking, a cry for help or an escape. Sweetheart - go get a life for yourself and leave your parents in Gods hands. Do not put yourself in a position where you are used and/or abused. We are called to love people but not to be door mats.

Your parents are hurting and using their addictions as a coping mechanism but also it has meant they have been selfish and failed to take care of you. Forgive them but don't let their choices prevent you from moving forward into the good plans God has for your life.

I pray that the Lord would give you wisdom, give you courage and peace and bring into your life, friends you can trust, will support you and be loyal. Stay close to Jesus and let Him guide and direct your life. Seek Him and do not be afraid to make good decisions for yourself.

Your parents need help but until you stop doing for them what you're doing due to their addictions, it gives them another reason to carry on as they know you will deal with the responsibilities that are theirs. It will be hard for you and for them - they may suffer more as a result -but that is life. We reap what we sow - they need to hate the sin enough to want to be free - they need to dislike it and what it does to consider not doing it-Sometimes we have to reach as low as we can get, in order to cry out to God to change us.
But what is the alternative? You stay with your father and life stays the same - or you move out, get a life and leave him and your mum in Gods hands - they will be miserable and we can pray that will be a catalyst to bring them to the Saviour and to be free.
It does not mean you do not love your father by moving out. It means you are mature enough to make your own decision where you will live.
Do not beleive the lie from the enemy that he will not cope if you are not there - he isn't coping now which is why he is drinking. The enemy will bombard your mind with, what about that, and what if this happens - sweetheart, like I said it is not your responsibility. Do not live in their shadow, go and find what God's purpose for your life is, don't worry about them and go enjoy what Jesus has for you. When your parents see how happy you are enjoying life and loving the Lord and being fulfilled, they will desire the same. They'll want the joy and peace in Christ you have. Trust the Lord and let Him direct your steps.
Hope what I have shared has helped.
Much grace and peace,
G-H

 

[dimwhitt]

most of all remember that u are not responsible to clean up their messed up lives (mom and dad) and u are not responsible for them being this way

i grew up with a alcoholic dad and a very neurotic mom

are u working and saving money???

 

[Johnnz]

What support do you have - friends, church etc? You need somebody to be there with you.

John
NZ