i dont know what to do about life....

[racingheart1908]

today everything was fine, i was at home most of the day, played rockband with my sister and tought her how to play, my mom was sleeping on the couch all day(she works nights) and my grandpa was off doing what ever somewhere else in the house... my fionce called and asked me if i wanted to go to her family get together, and i asked my mom and she said no... that was alright... but later she called again and asked if maybe we could go see a movie, i asked my mom about that and she said no again... its one thing when she has a reason, but her reasoning today was that i didnt want to go to our family get together on christmas... i would of went, i just didnt want to... but i had to go to my dads... anywho, i got angry at my mom for saying "she can go to her own gettogether" with jelousy coz i wanted to go to my fionces and not my moms... i didnt say anything at the time... but i did say to my sister that my mom was acting like a child... later my mom came in and told me i was bad mouthing her out of anger, just like my dad used to(my parents are divorced now)
and it made me angry, coz i hate being compared to him... i love my dad with all my heart, and hes a great dad, but he was a horrible husband... he physicaly and mentaly hurt my mom b4 i was born.. but i never saw that side of him...
so here we are, my mom bad mouthing my dad every chance she gets then saying im just like him... my grandpa gets in the mix and starts to yell at me, i yelled back(even tho i wish i didnt, i hate yelling at my elders.. but anger gets the best of me)
he was telling me of how horrible of a man my dad is, and when he see's me he knows im just like him...
but heres the thing, my dad has NEVER yelled at me b4.. in fact, i've never heard him yell even once in my hole life... and me and my mom and grandpa have yelling matches all of the time... so i dont understand how i am just like my dad when im acting just like them... idk
but anyhow, im in a wonderful relationship with the girl i'v loved since the moment i saw her... i know what ur thinking, theres no such thing as "love at first sight".. i dont know if thats true or not, but all i know is since the first moment i saw my fionce's beautiful face, something clicked inside... i just knew... its like a voice said in my ear "she's the one" and i still believe it with all my heart...
we are vary young(im 17 and she's 16) and we've been together for quite a while now(if u wanted to know how long, u'd have to ask her.. im horrible with remember that sort of stuff)
we plan on marrieing after she gets out of school.. we've been engaged for nearly a year now.. we have our ups and downs, but we both know a relationship is a working progress and nearly the hardest thing to maintain in the intire world... but we're both willing to give it our all...
but anyhow, when she first came into my life.. but mom adored her, they became like friends... but one time, my mom was screaming at me, and my fionce told her what she thought of her anger at me.. and my mom has basicly hated her since... it makes things vary hard
she acts extreamly jealous of my fionce, and i want it to stop... breaking off with my fionce is not an option, never will be... and its obviouse i dont want to disown my mom(lol) i mean, i love her too after all... so there needs to be common ground

ANYHOW! i guess really im just ranting about this all... i dont understand why they say im like my father when i'v never seen him yell, yet they yell all the time... i'v never heard him badmouth my mom, yet she bad mouths him every chance she gets.. idk, im just so tired of it all... i guess things will get better..

 

[Ariel]

Hello racingheart.

First of all, you are not like your father. You are very much yourself. Don't believe the negative messages, they are not true.

Is it possible your mom and granddad are yelling, etc, because they are under stress? Don't internalize what they say when they are like that, they are venting, it's not about you, it's about them.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. The only way to make things easier for myself and my younger brother and sister was to become far more responsible than any teenager should have to be. I became the mom for a while, because my mom wasn't functional. In the end I think it saved my sanity, and I know my younger siblings survived in part because I was there.

Consider that. When everyone else is unstable, you be the stable one, the responsible one, the one who looks out for others. Criticism will have to stop its mouth. What can they say then?

And even if they do criticize, their words will expose their own hearts. Don't become what they say you are, that's just a lie. Become what God calls you to be, a man of God, strong, stable, reliable and responsible.

You can do this, because GOD is your Father, and the truth is, you are called to be just like HIM.

 

[Orville]

A couple observations from your post-

-Do yourself and your girlfriend a favor, and please slow down with your relationship. To be engaged at your ages is very early. If I were your dad, I would ask you to please make sure you are old enough to carry the responsibilities of being a husband and father. You need to have steady gainful employment and enough money for a place to live.

-I find it interesting that you have never seen this awful side of your dad, that has been talked about. Are you sure your dad ever even did what your mother claims he did? And even if he did bad things in the past, it sounds like he is a changed man.

-Anyone you know (including family members) who say "you are just like your father" in order to belittle you, are doing evil against you. There are degrees of evil, and this is not blatant, but it harms you anyway. It harms you by you feeling insulted from your family, and it harms the relationship you share with your father. It's a rotten thing to do.

I wish you well, my young brother. You have some hard times to get through, but you will get through them. Be smart, wait to get married until you are older. I know you want out of you mom's house, and you want the power to have your own family without all the drama, but be careful.

You sound like a nice person and I hope you find some peace at home.

 

[UnitynLove]

Pray to God and ask him help both you fiance and mother forgive each other and get along better.