Now, what I'm going to say, probably will meet with heavy disagreement with a few on this forum, and I understand if it does because it's a sensitive subject that has been debated often amongst Christians.
However, before I get into that, I should first say my piece on sexuality in general:
Sexuality or Desire is Not Evil
Having sexual desire, and even a high sexual drive, is not a sin in itself. It's actually very normal for many people, and even Apostle Paul says that there are those "burning with passion", and he suggests a solution for them; to marry, so that they don't end up in situations like fornication ( 1 Corinthians 7:9 ). So Paul's answer to people longing for sex, was to find someone to sate it with and marry them, as opposed to demonising the feelings they had in themselves
There are several scriptures in the Bible that speak positively of sensuality and sexuality.
Song of Solomon for example, and several Psalms and Proverbs.
So don't think yourself dirty or evil, or somehow hated by God, just because you have bodily needs which God himself designed. They are obviously at different degrees in different people, but sexuality in itself is nothing to be ashamed of.
I think in some ways, Christian culture has a negative spin on sexuality, to a level of prudishness that isn't even in the Bible, but began with ascetic influences (Christians monks who vowed themselves to singleness and chastity - not wrong in itself, as it's an individual's choice to dedicate oneself to such a lifestyle - Matthew 19:12, 1 Corinthians 7:7 ), and possibly even some Gnostic influences in Christian culture earlier on (which had a negative view of sexuality in general to an extreme because it was so 'material').
So, I think some can have an obsessively prudish mindset in this area, where people criminalise normal feelings of sexuality, and it causes needless guilt in people as well as potential spiritual harm - and even bodily shame and sexual dysfunction or mental trauma in some. Because they are made to think their physical feelings or desires for sex in themselves are somehow wrong, but they are not.
Simply, it is 'what we do' with those feelings, and where we direct them, which becomes the issue of good or bad, immoral or moral.
Being attracted to people, isn't sin, but coveting is. That's why Jesus said don't commit 'adultery' (cheating on someone, or stealing someone's spouse) in your heart. But he said nothing about having a natural desire or physical sexual attraction to someone single being wrong.
P*rnography and Addiction
Of course, though sex and sexual desire is not bad in itself, I would say that, p*rnography (often accompanied by masturbation) is wrong, since that is engaging in unchaste conduct with other people, and sexual interaction, be it verbal, physical or visual, is ordained by God only between people committed to each other in a marriage bond. So p*rn is essentially like visiting a virtual prostitute.
And I wrote on such things on why p*rn is actually evil in many ways here in my blog:
(remove the "
*" and replace with "o" in the link, the website censored the word and broke the link)
Understanding 'why' it's evil, and the consequences of it to oneself and others, can be immensely helpful in fighting the temptation to use it and helping one develop a godly hatred of what is immoral.
But many of us have been there, and often, may still struggle with addictions to things like p*rn, just like anything else. The key thing being 'repentance' and prayer in such scenarios. The 'effort' put forth to resist it, and develop a hatred for it in the heart. But through Christ, we have eternal forgiveness through Grace, if indeed we are truly repentant, and are in a state where our "spirit battles against our flesh" (as Paul would put it).
And we know we are repentant in heart regardless of addictions, if we hate what we do, and have godly sadness over it, as you do OP. This is why we are not justified by the works of the Law, but by the blood of Christ who died in our place so we would not have to, if we believe in him, and seek to obey him.
All under the Law are doomed because they try to justify themselves through works, meaning, they think salvation comes from "being perfect" and "obeying the Law", but this is impossible, the Gospel makes clear. Though we 'are' to obey the commands of God and the teachings of Christ, to fall because of our flesh, is not doom, if we rely on the sacrifice of Jesus in a repentant attitude.
Masturbation - Sin or Not a Sin?
Now, onto the touchier subject at hand, which I first warned will probably have many raised eyebrows and disagreements with, especially those of certain churches or denominational backgrounds that have rulings or traditions on these things.
However, I'm going to say right now, that based on my own studies of the Bible, that though p*rn use, coveting, fornication, and 'lust' (either by viewing the opposite sex as a mere sex object, or desiring something not yours to desire) is sin... the 'act' of masturbation itself, as it is not mentioned at all in scripture, I argue to believe, is not a sin in itself.
Furthermore, it is my position that the physical act of masturbation, given that it is
not accompanied by lust for someone or something you should not have, or paired with use of p*rnography, may even be something "permissible" as a form of natural relief (akin to eating when hungry or drinking when thirsty) or as control against the temptations of greater sins (such as fornication), and as something God doesn't actually have a moral position on, given the absolute silence of it in scripture (if not
'potential' mentions of lawful masturbation in some scriptural contexts), yet there being sexual morals and laws on pretty much everything else
explicitly.
However, I do think masturbation can be sin, if one 'believes it to be sin', based on the words of Apostle James, and if it affects one's relationship with God negatively.
In this respect, I think the act of masturbation itself, is very much a conscience based thing, and is highly contextual as to whether it is to be considered sin or not. And so I'd never say it was mine or anyone else's place to say "yes it's fine" or "no it's not don't do it".
For my take on that, and my investigation and considerations of the many arguments raised against masturbation by Christians for many years, as well as the scriptural approach, I wrote up my thoughts here:
Introduction Whilst we can establish on strong scriptural grounds that the use of inappropriate contentography is a sin, is masturbation in itself is a sin? Many Christians would say yes, as this has long been the …
proselyteofyah.wordpress.com
I think it's important to meditate upon and consider, given that it's a very common thing, and so many people are made to wrongly (in my opinion) feel immense guilt over it, despite it not actually being said to be sin in scripture, and it being a very 'natural' desire that almost every single human on the planet has likely engaged in or desired to from the development of puberty.
This is not to say that, we should base all morality on naturalisms, especially in a fallen world, as God's word comes before the deceptive desires of the human heart, which is why I say, people should seriously ponder and act upon their own consciences and meditate on how it effects their relationship with God.
Quoting from my blog post I just linked above:
...it should be said, it is possible for masturbation to in fact be a sinful action, as with many other actions that may not be inherently sinful by themselves. If it is something leading a man or woman to sin, or fosters something such as the use of p*rn or the gross objectification or coveting (wrongful desire to attain) of the opposite sex, ‘then’ we would say it was certainly a problem.
Anything can be abused to become harmful. If, for example, the activity begins to become an obsession or addiction and even begins to result in bodily harm or harm to the daily function of one’s normal activities, or one finds it is somehow promoting and encouraging immoral thoughts, desires or activities, then something should be done to address it...
Scripture tells us to avoid what stumbles us and that it is
“better to lose a hand than the whole body go to Gehenna” (
Matthew 5:30), and that what we “believe to be sin” even if the activity is actually innocent, becomes sin by our own conviction and accusation:
- “….we should be sure that the things we believe [to be right] also look good in the eyes of God! As for someone who doesn’t condem himself over specific things – good for him! However, if he’s unsure about something he’s eating, his lack of faith is condemning him for eating it; because everything that’s not from faith, is sin”. – Romans 14:22-23
So, I get totally if my views on the act of masturbation as expressed above and further expounded upon in my post, are too "liberal" for some Christians, but I thought I'd say my piece here regardless, as to seek a balanced, yet still Christian based view on such matters, because I see this topic troubles some people, and perhaps to a degree that need not incur as much distress as I see it does here - even though indeed, we ought to be sexually modest in our conduct. And I hold a 'very' conservative traditional view when it comes to sex, marriage and p*rn.
I pray though, that the OP, and anyone else, for God's help in overcoming the works of the flesh in their lives, and that he helps us find a way out so that all of our natural desires can be sated in a way he approves of in his arrangements and laws.
