Yes, I do want to know what exactly it means to be an alcoholic. I mean, I figured that if I was an alcoholic, I would be calling in to work because of hangovers and it would affect my social life and my work life. But, I noticed you said you never woke up and didn't know where you were...I have done things similar to that (not lately, though). I have called people or talked to people or sent emails or IM'ed people and the next morning I don't remember doing it or I can't remember if I did it or not. But, I have never had a DUI, although I have gotten tickets when I was drunk but they never gave me a sobriety test. Let's just say that I could have had a few if I would have had to take the sobriety test (probably 3 at least...I have had 14 tickets total not including parking tickets, and at least 3 of those times I was at least a little tipsy).
Great!
First of all, what a person does when they are drunk does not determine if they are an alcoholic. Anybody who drinks a lot will do stupid things... get DUI's... say things they are sorry they said... done things they wish they hadnt... but that does not mean they are an alcoholic. Stupid drunk behavior isnt reserved for only alcoholics.
The disease of alcoholism is a two part disease. It affects our
body and our
mind. A prominent addictions physician in the 1930's described the physical part this way:
" We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve." (Pg.xxviii, AA)
Let's look at this statement. First, it says it is like an alergy. But unlike other alergies that can be seen, like hives or a rash, it causes a phenomenon of craving. So, for example, my nephew has an alergy to peanuts. If he eats peanuts, his throat swells up, and immediately needs a shot of medicine to prevent suffocation. Everyone around him can see this reaction and noone questions that he has an alergic reaction. For alcoholics, we experience a phenomenon of craving. It is not obvious to others around us, but we feel it. A good test for this is to step over to the nearest bar and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try this more than once. It will not take you long to decide, if you are honest with yourself.
Another thing I want to point out is that the doctor said, "
the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker". So this means if you ever have this craving, it is extremely likely you have the physical component of alcoholism.
Keep in mind, this physical component is biological and many believe it is genetic. So, admitting to this does not mean you are any more weak than anyone who has any other alergy. It is something that alcoholics are born with.
This brings us to the mental part of the disease. I stated part of it in a previous posting:
"...it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death." (Pg. 30 AA)
Here, we learn that we have an obsession to try to control our drinking. Again, using the example of my nephew. He does not wonder if he could try peanut butter. He does not try to eat just one peanut an hour. He does not think that eating peanuts along with other foods would be ok. He simply does not eat anything that has peanuts in it. But we alcoholics try all different things to prove we can drink like other people. We switch to beer, or wine. We only drink mixed drinks. We say we will only have one drink an hour, or only drink with friends, or only drink with dinner. But, if you have the physical part, these experiments often end the same way... you will drink more than you intended.
I also learned that:
"
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic." (Pg. 31, AA)
So, if you are like us, you have tried to prove that you don't really have a problem, that you can control and enjoy your drinking.
A good test for this is:
"If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks." (Pg. 34, AA)
As I mentioned in my earlier posting, pay attention to your mental state. If you are counting down the days until you can drink again, you are not like my nephew and his peanut alergy. You may have the mental part of the disease.
If I have described you, and you want to find a solution, one is available, and I would be happy to help you find it. It's not as difficult as you might think.
