I don't know how I should feel about a certain co-worker

[Radagast]

nm

 

[vinsight4u]

She is not your friend. She is using you. A friend wants the best for you. She would not risk your job by doing something corrupt. This woman is a drunk - a habitual drunk. She may be intelligent at work, but she is not wise.
She is ruining her health and risking her career. It is not your job to take this drunk lady back to her room at the hotel. Don't go with her to anything not work related. She helped you get
a laptop, so what? Very soon you could be using it to find a new job, because she could cause you to be fired.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

As I read through this story my initial thought at the beginning was Jezebel Spirit, then I suspected bulimia and by the end I thought she is just someone who is lost in sin. By this I dont mean that she is willfully sinful in rebellion to God or deliberately bad, just that she appears to be someone who doesnt know its wrong, because to the world it isnt. It may even be a combination of all of them.

She has opened up to you and been honest about the situation with the meals and fraud. You seem to have got through the facade with her opening up to you and I think you should be friends with her and try to be a good influence. I would say you should make sure she sees you as not being judgemental about her but gradually bring your faith into the friendship and be open with her that it is an important part of your life. With the stuff you said about the being hard on people and making someone cry, followed by her being sweet with you gives me the impression the hard exterior is self protection on her part. She will only open up once she feels safe. Ive seen people like that loads of times before. They dont care about hurting people to make themselves feel better themselves. You have got past that.

The one thing I find with people like this is they find your holiness and clean living exposes their sin and makes them see it for what it is so they feel sordid and dirty. Getting it right so people dont run from that is one of the most difficult things I have found as a Christian. I have had some friends who were deep in sin where I turned it into a joke to say it cant be me, it must be that you are seeing God in me. Its just a light hearted way to bring up talking about what God has done in your life and witnessing to them in a non threatening or pushy way that can scare some people off.

Do not get involved in a relationship with her though, unless she gets saved and is repentant about the drunkeness, sex and theft. Even then I would have sever doubts about someone with that background because it does come with baggage. The Bible teaches that when people have sex they become one. A promiscuous person like that will have soul scars from it and be damaged. It needs dealing with before they will be ready for a relationship.

I pray you are able to lead her to the Lord and even get a Christian friend for life from this.

 

[MichaelDB]

A word of professional advice since I was a scientist and a professional engineer for more than 30 years.

Professional engineers CANNOT be dishonest or corrupt. And for that matter, promiscuous is a very bad idea as well. If you want to "kiss your job goodbye", get mixed up with dishonest and corrupt people.

Otherwise, STAY AWAY from this person as far as possible. This behavior never pays, and your company will spot it very fast. If she becomes your supervisor, transfer to another group ... PRONTO!!

The advice that God gives you in the Bible is 100% correct. Stick to it.

And BTW, when you go to Energy Conferences, try to learn important things from what is being said. The 'technical stuff' is why you are there, not the running-around-and-socializing. and nobody should be jumping into bed with a GF at an engineering
conference ... your job will be vaporized.
Blessings!!

I am not disagreeing with you, I have been a PE for about 15 years now and I looked her up and she has been an SE for about 4. I was mistaken when I said she was 24 she is actually 28 by looks like she is 19. For whatever reason our boss loves her. When ever our boss is in the office the two of them are together and that's the only time she is relaxed and bubbly. Normally when the boss isn't here she walks around with a permanent scowl and is ice cold. When the boss is around she is happy and bubbly and you could hear the two of them laughing together.
I will admit I was very very dismayed when she first arrived because that position was implicitly promised to me. And now I have heard rumors that she won't just be senior but they are thinking of making her engineering manager.
It was also really disheartening to hear how much the field sups love her and how they think engineering has been so much more responsive since she got here, but the thing is they never use to come to engineering with their issues so we never really knew. We would only know when the oil companies would shut down our rigs.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

You are a lucky man. I would definitely go with her. Not many times maybe ever will you get such an opportunity.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I spent the last week at an annual Energy Conference with one of my co-workers and I am at a loss as to how I should feel about her, how I should interact with her or do about her behavior. I am so confused because she is all at the same time one of the most corrupt, dishonest, promiscuous, yet must intelligent, beautiful, and sweetest young women I have ever met.
Here is a little background: A few months ago the company I work for hired this new engineer. She was brought in and introduced as the Senior Structural Engineer. I will admit I wasn't happy with that because it was always implied by our boss that I would be promoted to senior and they were going to bring in a new junior engineer, my current title is Project Engineer. Anyways this girl is maybe 24 years old has 10 years less work history but was brought in as a senior. In the first weeks she was here you could tell that she is incredibly intelligent. But I mainly steered clear of her because she seemed very cold and distant, that of course unless she was chewing some one out. Whenever she was getting into it with some one you could hear her through her door. One she even made one of our rig managers cry. Needless to say I didn't want to be on the receiving end so I mainly avoided her and only engaged her when necessary. About 3 weeks ago our boss came in from out of town and told her she was sending her to the Energy conference and she told her that she wanted me to go too. She came into my office and proceeded to ask me who my best friend was. Not really knowing how to respond I looked at her dumbly until one of the drafters whispered in my ear that I should say she was my best friend. When I told her that she was my best friend she said that's good because I was going to be going to Colorado with her. She dismissively said that she could use an extra vote and some one to carry her bags then turned and left.
It was at the conference that's when I started noticing her behavior. At first I just thought she was a little odd but she was pleasant and even generous. On the day we arrived she said she wanted to have a steak for dinner so we went to this really expensive restaurant where the entrees were more that 50 dollars a plate. At first I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how much we were allowed to charge onto our company cards. I expressed to her my feelings and she told me just to get whatever I want. I ordered myself a chicken dish because I didn't think she really had the authority to say if something was OK or not. She proceeded to order herself two steaks and a lobster tail, because she "didn't know if she would like the New York Strip or the Rib eye better". It was the strangest thing watching that little lady hog through two steaks and a lobster tail. When the bill came I asked if they could split the check since I asked didn't want to be responsible for what amounted to a 200$ meal. That's when she snatched the ticket out of my hand and said she would put all of it onto her card. She then made an inappropriate joke to the waitress about "not believing the hype about dating an older man". Then we went back to the hotel where she insisted on getting a few drinks. She proceeded to get completely hammered at the bar to the point where the bar tender insisted I take her back to her room. I practically carried her to her room and plopped her onto her bed. I was in the middle of asking her if she needed anything else she fell asleep fully dressed face down with her shoes on. So I left her there and returned to my room. I called our boss and she told me just to let her sleep it off ands that is "just classic Ava" and she just asked me to make sure she is OK in the morning. She then closed with a rather inappropriate joke about how in the off chance my co-worker were to die in her sleep to please bring back her laptop and iPad.
So the next morning I awoke to my Co worker knocking on my door telling me it was time for the conference breakfast. She looked completely put together, perfect makeup, classy little dress. I could not believe just 6 hours previous she was a drunk sloppy mess. Well we went down to breakfast and she again piled her plate high. It was hard not to stare as she practically inhaled 3 large plates of bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage. After breakfast she excused herself and disappeared for an hour and I didn't see her until it was her time to present.
She gave her talk, and people all adrndound were pretty impressed with her intellegance. I finally caught up with her at the end of the morning session and she was hanging off the arm of a sales rep of one of our vendors. She introduced me to him as "her best friend" and told me that the vendor was taking us to lunch. For lunch she insisted on one of the most expensive restaurants and again ordered her self the most expensive combination of items available. She then insisted that the waiter not bring me the sensible meal I ordered but instead to bring me a double portion of what she ordered because she would "feel fat" if I ate less than her. I was watching the face of the sales rep and he looked as if this was a normal thing so I decided not to rock the boat. I was shocked when she started to order multiple drinks. When the vendor rep said something she took his hand and put it onto her stomach and told him to give it a little squeeze. He then said to him "the fatter I get the less inclined I am to want to haggle". After we ate she told me she wanted to go for a walk and she made me go with her to a Chlis. She told me to wait outside while she "took care of something ". I waited for her and she came out with a dessert in a brown bag. She asked me if I wanted it, I said no so she threw it into the trash. She then told me that she wanted to take a nap so I had to go to the afternoon session in her place.
Around dinner time she came came and found me and told me that she wanted to "eat light" because after dinner she wanted to go party. Despite saying she wanted to eat light she again insisted on an expensive place and still she ordered a ton of food she just didn't eat it all this time. Then like the night before she proceeded to get totally trashed at the bar and I had to take her back to her room.
The next day was pretty much the same, she ate a huge breakfast, dissapeared for an hour, attended the morning session, forced a vendor to buy her lunch, stopped at the chili's , bailed on the afternoon session and came to find me for dinner. And like the night before she wanted to drink. This time we went to another bar which continued to serve her despite her intoxication and they served her until she stated throwing up. I was there so I ended up holding her hair back and then carrying her back to her room. Again I plopped her into her bed and left her.
The next morning was different. When she met me at my room she wasn't near as cold or dismissive as she normally was. She was much friendlier than she had ever been and she thanked me for keeping vomit out of her hair. But despite her new demeanor the same routine from the previous day just repeated it self. However, at dinner time she said she wanted to do room service instead of going out because she had to finish a report on her laptop. I initially told her to have a good night but she practically forced me to come up to eat with her.
Like the nights before she ordered a ton of food and drink and just went to town like it was no body's business. Part way through she even excused her self to change out of her dress because she complained it wa getting a little snug. So for a couple hours we ate and drank together and the more she drank the more affable and flirtatious she got. She eventually tried crawling into my lap but I used all my spiritual fortitude to resist her advances. She eventually passed out drunk and I just put her to bed. I stayed in her room with her but I didn't do anything because I was concerned and wanted to make sure she woke up.
When she woke up a few hours later, at first she made some dispariging comment about how I must be thick or gay for missing an opportunity like that. That's when I just sat her down and asked her what her deal was. I questioned her about her odd behavior. I asked her if she was trying to prove something because she really has nothing she needs to prove, I told her how intelligent she is and that she doesn't need the theatrics to draw attention to herself. That's when she said that none of what she does is theatrics. She told me about the drinking and promiscuity she just liked being drunk and having sex. And she assured me she didn't have an eating disorder and that she just enjoyed food. I asked her why then did she always have to make a pig of herself and that's when she pulled out a folder from her bag and showed me exactly why she does what she does at restaurants.
It turns out that when ever she travels for business she buys restaurant gift card on her corporate card and she sells them later. That's why when we went to eat together she always made sure the bill is super high. The way she put it is, when she is normally by herself she would maybe get a dollar cheese burger from McDonald's and then charge an 80 dollar gift card to her company card. So the company would think she ate an 80 dollar meal. Ergo when we ate together the bill HAS to be high so it wouldn't look suspicious when they do audits. She said the reason she pigs out in font of vendors is so her reputation as a big eater is established so no one questions how she can spend 100 plus at a chilis.
I was completely shocked that I was hearing this since to me this is stealing. I told her that it is odd that the company let's her charge that much for meals yet they told me it was against company policy for me to have both a laptop and a desk top. She responded by picking up the phone,calling or boss and telling her that I needed a laptop too. Our boss readily agreed.
Now I don't know what to do. I know what she is doing is wrong but she is such a sweetheart that I feel like if I told on her it would be like stepping on a kitten. And I am being honest, I do feel a strong infatuation with her and I find my self wondering what it would be like to date her. I have been single for the last 8 years and I would love to date some one as smart and sweet as her. What should I do? Would it be wrong for me to persue her despite her ethics? Should I stay silent about her activities?

She sounds like a hot mess -- man -- can they at times be a lot of fun!

If you start dating her it sounds like you will be dealing with some sin issues? Those prices that we pay for sinning can sure get heavy.

We all know it's not best to mess around with coworkers.

Me and all my friends partied kind of like that young lady. Many of my co-workers lost their careers because they did not know when to slow down or stop. I enjoy a nice retirement check today but, I myself came mighty close to losing it all several times.

Truthfully, she sounds like she may be a potential alcoholic. If so the poor lady is going to have much suffering down the road.

I have seen the devil with sex or booze or drugs or a combination of take the best ones out.

M-Bob

 

[chilehed]

Would it be wrong for me to persue her despite her ethics?

Stupid would be a better word. This woman isn't a sweetheart at all, she's a two-faced thieving backstabber who'll throw you under the bus in a second.

Should I stay silent about her activities?

Are you kidding? She's a lawsuit and an unemployment line waiting to happen for both you and your boss. If I were in your shoes I'd immediately start updating my resume and looking for different employment, as well as documenting everything I see to report it to HR. If the company doesn't put a stop to it it's not a place you want to associate with.

 

[fat wee robin]

I do see wisdom in everybody's warning bit to try to date her. And I did Google succbus, in my opinion that does seem a bit harsh as we are all imperfect people. I think it is a bit harsh to call her that despite her imperfections especially since Mary Magdalen was a prostitute and Paul (Saul) was a corrupt tax collector. And FWIW the good Christian women I have met at church are the ones who seem to just look right past me.

Mary Magdalene was NOT a prostitute ,but she did have demons

 

[MichaelDB]

As I read through this story my initial thought at the beginning was Jezebel Spirit, then I suspected bulimia and by the end I thought she is just someone who is lost in sin. By this I dont mean that she is willfully sinful in rebellion to God or deliberately bad, just that she appears to be someone who doesnt know its wrong, because to the world it isnt. It may even be a combination of all of them.

She has opened up to you and been honest about the situation with the meals and fraud. You seem to have got through the facade with her opening up to you and I think you should be friends with her and try to be a good influence. I would say you should make sure she sees you as not being judgemental about her but gradually bring your faith into the friendship and be open with her that it is an important part of your life. With the stuff you said about the being hard on people and making someone cry, followed by her being sweet with you gives me the impression the hard exterior is self protection on her part. She will only open up once she feels safe. Ive seen people like that loads of times before. They dont care about hurting people to make themselves feel better themselves. You have got past that.

The one thing I find with people like this is they find your holiness and clean living exposes their sin and makes them see it for what it is so they feel sordid and dirty. Getting it right so people dont run from that is one of the most difficult things I have found as a Christian. I have had some friends who were deep in sin where I turned it into a joke to say it cant be me, it must be that you are seeing God in me. Its just a light hearted way to bring up talking about what God has done in your life and witnessing to them in a non threatening or pushy way that can scare some people off.

Do not get involved in a relationship with her though, unless she gets saved and is repentant about the drunkeness, sex and theft. Even then I would have sever doubts about someone with that background because it does come with baggage. The Bible teaches that when people have sex they become one. A promiscuous person like that will have soul scars from it and be damaged. It needs dealing with before they will be ready for a relationship.

I pray you are able to lead her to the Lord and even get a Christian friend for life from this.

I like a lot the balanced take you have on my Co worker. I don't think she is necessarily a wicked person per say. I think she mentioned something about being a fire worshiper but I don't know how serious she was. My question is how do I witness to her and be a good friend. The reality is I MUST work with this woman. I can see why I shouldn't date her but I have to work with her and it seems like thinks would be much smoother if she at the least didn't dislike me.
Also this is our first day back at work together and I am definitely feeling very very conflicted over everything.

 

[messianist]

So do I ignore her? I need to work with this woman still. Would it be a bad idea to be her friend? Since she does seem to have some pull. Do I just keep her behavior to myself?

Ig god is for us then who can be against us.

 

[messianist]

Ig god is for us then who can be against us.

If

 

[Philip_B]

Be your own person, be true to yourself, and if you don't know what is the right thing to do, then wait watch and pray. Human relationships, professional, romantic, or whatever, are not the same as engineering problems, they can not be solved, they need to be navigated with caution. I wish you peace and strength.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I think she mentioned something about being a fire worshiper


but I don't know how serious she was. My question is how do I witness to her and be a good friend. The reality is I MUST work with this woman. I can see why I shouldn't date her but I have to work with her and it seems like thinks would be much smoother if she at the least didn't dislike me.
Also this is our first day back at work together and I am definitely feeling very very conflicted over everything.

They will love the creation rather than the Creator. Run fast before your toenails get burnt off.
M-Bob

 

[MichaelDB]

Hi all thank you all for so much good advice and encouragement. Today was my first day back at work with her and it was certainly challenging. She was back to having her trademark scowl, was ice cold to everyone around her but was pretty friendly to me. She asked if I got my new laptop yet, I told her not yet and then she proceeded to berate the IT manager until he dropped what he was doing to get me set up on one. She wanted to go to lunch but I declined so she grabbed another employee and made him drive her.
When she got back from lunch she spent most of the day screaming at 2 rig managers about a rig down situation.
It was really difficult trying to stay away from her. On one hand I know she is a bit loopy and unhinged but something inside me just wanted so badly to hand around her. I tried just shutting my door and not thinking about her but that was so difficult . And get this, I may have to go onto a rig site visit with her on Monday. Near the end of the day she exploded into my office cursing about how dumb some of our rough necks are and how she now needs to drive to Mississippi to visit one of our rigs. She then told me to pack a bag because I was coming. I tried to decline but she told me that she is the senior and I am junior so she decides who goes, and that we are engineering and we go where we are needed. She told me she doesn't like long drives so I am driving. I will pra hard this weekend.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

When she got back from lunch she spent most of the day screaming at 2 rig managers about a rig down situation.


It was really difficult trying to stay away from her. On one hand I know she is a bit loopy and unhinged but something inside me just wanted so badly to hand around her. I tried just shutting my door and not thinking about her but that was so difficult . And get this, I may have to go onto a rig site visit with her on Monday. Near the end of the day she exploded into my office cursing about how dumb some of our rough necks are and how she now needs to drive to Mississippi to visit one of our rigs. She then told me to pack a bag because I was coming. I tried to decline but she told me that she is the senior and I am junior so she decides who goes, and that we are engineering and we go where we are needed. She told me she doesn't like long drives so I am driving. I will pra hard this weekend.

It doesn't sound like she will last long on the job. Nobody wants to work around a person like her. Eventually management will catch on, she's a hot wire that needs not to be touched. Best to get rid of her before the circuit breaker flips.
M-Bob

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I like a lot the balanced take you have on my Co worker. I don't think she is necessarily a wicked person per say. I think she mentioned something about being a fire worshiper but I don't know how serious she was. My question is how do I witness to her and be a good friend. The reality is I MUST work with this woman. I can see why I shouldn't date her but I have to work with her and it seems like thinks would be much smoother if she at the least didn't dislike me.
Also this is our first day back at work together and I am definitely feeling very very conflicted over everything.

Most people have said run or similar without accepting that part, that you have to work with her. Just be yourself and be truthful. From what you said it would be truthful if you said to her that you like her (as a friend), you had some fun but you were blown away a bit by her behaviour. You could try saying as a Christian you are not used to that but do not be judgemental. I always try to make it clear I dont expect non-Christians to live by the same standards as me and that I dont judge their behaviour. Make it a bit of a joke rather than serious and laugh about it I say that because I have known people like that and they can turn on you if you start pushing them away, but that doesnt necessarily mean that she will. Its not personal, its that you are exposing the sin in their life. Joke about youll have to go to another conference with her so you can eat better. Tell her you found the behaviour a bit more than you are used to when it comes up in conversation, or if it feels more appropriate maybe say not to talk about it but have a bit of a laugh and joke about it. Have fun, just dont let yourself be drawn in.

And very importantly pray into it.

 

[Stormy]

Whatever you do, don't give her your heart.

She will eat it!

 

[MichaelDB]

Whatever you do, don't give her your heart.

She will eat it!

What do you mean?

 

[gideon123]

Unfair promotions do happen in the workplace. it is unfortunate, and not uncommon. but you need to be very careful ... if as you say - she is dishonest and corrupt - then it is possible for her to make your life very miserable. whatever you do, do not get emotionally involved with this person. it can only end in a sexual discrimination lawsuit inside your own company. she can say things that are completely untrue, and your career would be ruined.

walk away from this situation. get as much distance as possible. transfer to another group. sooner or later, corrupt people are always exposed. but you dont want to be anywhere near the 'scene of the crime' when this goes down. it is ugly.

it is unfortunate if you must give up your preferred role in the company. but quite often these changes lead to a better result than you might expect. most importantly, PRAY to God for help to transfer to a better place ... where your daily workplace is not affected by inuendo and scheming.

engineering is about integrity and honesty. stick to those principles, and God will reward you!!

Blessings!!

 

[ripple the car]

What do you mean?

We mean that it is unwise and spiritually risky to get in any way emotionally or romantically involved with this woman.

She may have some deep-rooted and harmful spiritual problems as well as psychological issues. This young lady needs help, but you can not help her. Except through prayer.