I could not say good-bye

[joelsgirlkathy]

When my husband was dying I remember him looking back at me from his bed asking what's going on and I was speechless the nurse ask him what do you think is going on Joel and then he told him that he was his nurse and that I was standing beside his bed he looked at me and closed his eyes,He passed the next day never opening his eyes again so I did not get that chance to say good -bye and I keep thinking of it all the time.

He had tryed to spare me any pain and I did not want to upset him and now I have to live all my life with this.
Any body else going thru this,
thanks Kathy

 

[profmom]

Oh Kathy,
I don't actually know what you are experiencing but I never got to say goodbye either. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack - but the last words I said to him before I had left the house that night were "I love you". He knew I loved him and so the words 'goodbye' aren't that important. If your husband knew of your love for him, goodbye isn't necessary. Besides, you'll see him again....in glory! So the words aren't really necessary, are they?
Try not to dwell on the 'what ifs'. You'll drive yourself crazy.

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

yes he knew the love we shared and all we had been thru the pass 3 years.He told me what I meant to him and I told him what he meant to me about 1 month before but I was really numb when this happened so fast,we left unc hospital on thursday and he dies saturday. when they told us that he had no more options he said he wanted to go home and that his wife was going to go thru H-ll but i thought we had more time together,thanks for thr reply
Kathy

 

[UncleDave]

Kathy,

Our prayers are with you. I'm sure Joel knew (knows?) the way you feel. Saying goodbye is difficult and frankly, sometimes it doesn't even cross our minds until our loved ones have passed. When someone is taken unexpectedly, we don't have the luxury of time to formulate what we want to say or do. It's like we're locked into auto-pilot mode.

When Donna was taken off life support, I said goodbye to her, but that was the first time I could bring myself to utter those words, and I don't know if she heard them. This was last March, and I have been carrying so much guilt this past year because I did not know how to act, or what to say or do, when she was lying there unable to respond. I almost forgot to say anything to her when she was rushed into surgery because I just could not accept the possibility that she would not be coming back. I'd since convinced myself that she'd be very disappointed in me for being so weak.

I still struggle with this sometimes. But one thing that neither of us had any doubts about was how much we meant to each other, and our commitment to each other, no matter what came our way. She knew I loved her, of that I have no doubt. I was by her side until the very end.

My son was staying with friends during the ordeal and never had the opportunity to see his Mommy in the hospital, let alone say goodbye. It took him months to get to where he could accept what happened and finally say the words.

Please know that you are not alone. You're in our prayers.
~UncleD

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

thank you so much and I am so sorry for your lost and you have a small child.That is harder to do.Yes we knew what we meant to each other.that helps some too>Thanks and I;ll keep you in my prayers too

 

[KA4PXK]

I lost my wife June 26, 2008 to sudden cardiac death syndrome, she was a horse trainer, a riding instructor and was to all appearances in good health. The last words we said were "I love you as we hung up when she called me on the cellphone" We never had a chance to say goodbye. She passed away in her office and they didn't find her for almost a day, so I had to say good bye to her at the funeral with a closed casket. You know what she knows I loved her and what was in my heart, I could express it in a few words, Marie knew she was the love of my life, and that I thought she was the best possible wife in the world for me. She was not perfect, but she was perfect for me. We were together 12 years 7 months and 10 days and she was 50 years 1 month and 2 days old. We both felt we started truly living on our wedding day though. Good byes are sometimes impossible, your mind doesn't want to accept the loss that is coming and the words can't be found, plus you know each others heart, mind and soul.

Kirk

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

Thanks Kirk,
I am so sorry for your loss and You know what I am going thru,we were married 13 years and they were the best I ever had. I miss him so,I lost my husband,best friend and my future, how do you cope?? I am on nerve meds and I have a very hard time day to day.Only by the grace of GOd that I am still here. thanks
Kathy

 

[dellinw]

Kathy, I lost my husband after 43yrs. Like you, we had a heart to heart talk about a month before telling each other what a good wife/husband we had been to each other and how much we loved. He told me that he wanted me to go on with my life and not live in the past. We were truly soulmates, bestfriends and lovers thru our entire married life. It has been 1yr 3months now and I think I am beginning to heal and move forward. I am trying to keep the memories but look to the future. By the way, I was 64 yesterday and had my first date in almost 45yrs. Strange? O'h yes. But, you know what, I had a nice time and it was so good to have that male companionship just to talk and share with. I'm sure you are not ready for this and may not want to hear it, but there truly is life for us after death. O'h I still have my moments, actually came home and cried after the date, but I do hope to go on many more and maybe find love again. Life is short and is made for loving and living for God. God Bless.....Helen