I committed adultery and fornication... I need help pls ;'(

[KatChan]

I am just 22 yrs old. I committed adultery and fornication with some youth leader at my church. I am very depressed right now. I tried so many times to change but now it's too late I guess. I don't know. Now, I was suggested to leave our church. Because of that I left my ministry and everything. I am so depressed and sad right now. I NEED AN ENCOURAGEMENT. I wanna suicide. I want to, but I'm afraid that if I do I won't be with God. I'm in so much pain. I regret everything, I repent. I am sorry. But now my life seems pointless. Eventhough some people still encourage me too. I am worried because I affect their lives also. I am like a parasite. I feel like I am a walking curse.

Please someone help me, I am so depress. Please help me. I felt like my life stopped and I am lost....

My family doesn't know. I am hiding my feelings always at home. Every night I cry to God for help. What should I do.

I totally lost. I know I am so bad because of what I did. I hope someone out here still understands me. please pray for me. :'(

I am desperate.

I am broken hearted because I was forced to be away from people I love because it's wrong. I left the ministry I loved so much. I left the church family I thought God gave me to be with them in God's works. I love them all so much. I feel like I lost so much, even my virginity. I lost a lot. I feel so shameful and hopeless. :'(


Additional:
I left the church. I agreed with our senior pastor that I should just leave and find a new church. I already tried leaving the church before when the church didn't knew about us, me and the married guy only. After months I came back to church. But now that the senior pastor suggested me also to leave because that was the best way. Since the married guy, lives in the church, and her wife is also my cell group leader. And most of the church members are from there family. We are trying to settle the issue in silence. The married guy is now under a "Disciplinary Action", where he is not now supposed to stand in the pulpit. And I don't know until when it will happen for him.

The married guy had two kids. His wife was my cell group leader. I committed the sin since last year. I secretly had a relationship with the married guy, we are in the same church. But there are times we tried to change and leave are sinful ways since also last year when no one knew yet. But we failed so many times. And now, we are in this kind of situation.

Sorry if someone thinks I double posted...

 

[ValleyGal]

First, your church was wrong to tell you to leave. The only reason to excommunicate someone is if they are in continued, unrepentant sin. You obviously have much remorse and it sounds like you are willing to learn from it.

Second, the youth leader has some responsibility as well. He should have much more severe consequences. Does the church know it was him you had sex with? If not, they need to know in order to begin the disciplinary process.

People sin. We all do it even without realizing it. It's part of the human condition. I am not saying that to excuse it, but so you might understand that this is why we are so dependent on God's grace and mercy. For some real encouragement, read Romans 7 and 8. All of it is worth reflection, but really pause on Romans 8:1. Read it several times through and let it sink in. Memorize it. Believe it.

 

[hedrick]

I agree with ValleyGal. But just to make sure there isn't misunderstanding: Is either you or the youth leader married? Some people have misunderstandings of what words like adultery mean.

 

[BFine]

How is the church disciplining the youth leader who is equally
guilty in this matter?
I am a bit confused by your post so could you clarify the above
matter please?

You have repented of this matter that is good.
I don't know why you have to leave your loved ones, could
you explain that?

 

[BFine]

double post

 

[KatChan]

THank u everyone for not ignoring me. :<
I updated my post about your questions, sorry forgot to say that.

As of now, I am still trying to find a new church to be my family. It's so hard. I love my previous church. But I don't know if some of them still do.

I want to be strong but there are times that I feel so hopeless that I just want to disappear.

 

[hedrick]

I guess the reason she has to leave is because the pastor thinks it's best to separate them. However as the married one, and probably the older one (though that's just a guess) it was really the youth leader's job to prevent this, so I'd expect him to get the more serious penalty.

You might take a look at John 7:53 ff for Jesus' approach to a similar situation. I can see why you'd be upset at yourself, but as long as you learn something from it and try to protect against it happening again, that's about all you can do. It might be helpful for you to talk with the pastor at another church, even if it's not the one you end up in. The leader will presumably get pastoral support from the pastor in your old church. You need support as well.

 

[forGod1]

Jesus forgives you if you're sorry.

 

[BFine]

The married youth leader who has a wife and two children
doesn't get to stand in the pulpit but he gets to keep on living in and attending
church, so he's not actually being disciplined since the church still
takes care of the youth minister and his family...they make you leave
and he gets to keep his position?

I also suggest that you seek counseling, it sounds like you use it.

Also...
Do have test done to see if you are pregnant or have
contracted a disease from the youth minister.

 

[intojoy]

Is your relationship to the church? Or is it to christ? What is your understanding of salvation thru Christ. You don't sound like you know the difference. I'm sorry to say this in this way but there are many people who think they are saved and are not. Salvation is the free gift of God to man. Our relationship to God is not based on our righteousness, but on His grace and mercy. The bible tells us that none of us are good, not even one. If you have not understood this then you could possibly be deceiving yourself concerning your relationship with God. Are you trusting in the blood of Jesus Christ plus nothing for your forgiveness? Does your church believe this? Or do they teach salvation by grace plus works? If anything good can come out of this problem of yours it is that you are young enough to learn from the mistake, and you can examine yourself to see what faith you belong to. God desires for us all to come to the knowledge of salvation in Christ. And He uses our pride and our weaknesses to bring us to Himself. Our job is to humble ourselves and trust Him to help us.

 

[intojoy]

Sexual sin is very difficult to overcome. The most spiritual leaders of God in the bible fell prey to this sin. You are young and this makes it harder. Let me share with you that if you try to stop lusting you are going to do it more. In and of ourselves we are helpless to overcome sin in our lives if we don't know how to approach the problem. When men view women on the Internet, they can continue for days on end and feel like they're worthless and lost causes. The married guy is an example of this too. You don't need to feel guilty anymore, you've asked for forgiveness from God and it is OVER. So how can a Christian stop the sin that easily besets him/her? The same way he/she receives salvation - by grace alone thru faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing. Because along with our spirits inside our bodies that were dead and then became born again and made alive, God has equipped us with the Gifts of the Spirit to be used by us if we so choose. I exhort you to pray that God reveal to you what gift or gifts He gave to you with the new birth, and that you use them every moment of every day of your life. Every encounter we have as believers are divine appointments. And we have been given every good thing we need to reproduce spiritual fruit in the lives of others, especially the brethren. We once were slaves to sin. Back then there was no hope. You, I, the youth leader, we do not become servants of Christ when we are born again. We become eternally alive forevermore but until we choose servant hood to our Messiah we will fail to live victoriously in this life. The problem is we think we can stop our lust, our greed and our pride but we cannot do this. That is why Messiah came to give us what we needed, forgiveness of all our sins ( past present and future), and He came to equip us with the gifts so that as we serve Him, as we bear fruit in Him we no longer dwell on the sin inside our bodies. Praise God that we have been given the tools to serve. We still struggle with sin until we are present together with The Lord, but feeling guilty and dwelling on the depth of sin as it has touched every part of us is the wrong road to take. God is not looking down on us and saying to Himself - "I can't believe they just did that again". He is not surprised. He does expect us to live fruitful lives and we will if we understand all that He has already forgiven and all that He has provided to us.
Ariel.org

 

[Dpki8p]

For any person calling themselves a Pastor of the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob; asking you to leave the church is a false preacher. You should be glad he asked you to leave. There is no God in that place.

As for your wrong doing, you have done your confession by posting it.(James 5:16)
Now repent before God, if you have not already. He will forgive anything we repent of from a contrite heart, and never do again. Because we know it is sin.

Now walk in the grace of God, and refute all things the enemy brings to your mind.

Most of all praise God for showing you what type of church and pastor you were going to. May God's speed assist you on your journey.

Peace.

 

[Cactus Jack]

From my experience....

You did well by repenting. Leaving the church (whatever church it is) isn't likes it's the end of the world, because there are many other churches as well.

Does the "co-sinner's" spouse know?
If so then I feel you should apologize to them. Hard to do, but completely up to you (I think there is a few scriptures that talk about settling grievances...).

 

[stormdancer0]

Biblically, this is what should happen.

Go before your church. Confess your sin (you don't have to name names), and let them know that you have repented, and are deeply sorry for any pain you may have caused. Ask them for forgiveness. Accept any requirements they may have for you - i.e. that you go to a counselor, or something like that.

The last thing you need to do is leave your beloved church. I disagree strongly with your senior pastor's decision to ask you to leave, unless you refuse to repent, and refuse to break off the relationship.

None of your church friends are sinless, including the pastor. Let he who is without sin. . . .

 

[Ark100]

I am just 22 yrs old. I committed adultery and fornication with some youth leader at my church.


I am broken hearted because I was forced to be away from people I love because it's wrong. I left the ministry I loved so much. I left the church family I thought God gave me to be with them in God's works. I love them all so much. I feel like I lost so much, even my virginity. I lost a lot. I feel so shameful and hopeless. :'(

The married guy is now under a "Disciplinary Action", where he is not now supposed to stand in the pulpit. And I don't know until when it will happen for him.

The married guy had two kids. His wife was my cell group leader. I committed the sin since last year. I secretly had a relationship with the married guy, we are in the same church. But there are times we tried to change and leave are sinful ways since also last year when no one knew yet. But we failed so many times. And now, we are in this kind of situation.

I don;t think its wrong that they asked you to leave. Why are people here not even telling you that what you did was bad/wrong.
For one, if they didnt ask you to leave, wont you still continue eventually? You dont know that they may be doing you a favor by asking you to leave.
The guy is a MARRIED man. What you did is very wrong in God's eyes. Marriage is sacred. And you are a Christian, should know better than that. Even in temptation, you have to tighten your belt and keep your hands and eyes off a married man.

There's no point killing yourself for cutting your head off is not the solution to a headache. However you do know that there are consequences to sins. Thats what you are going through now. Theres no one who sins that does not reap the consequences whther sooner or later.
You forsook your virginity to a married man, marred your name and image at church. They will never look at you the same way again over there for news spread fast and leaving is best option for you.

Does that mean God will not forgive you? He does, and he probably has, the moment you asked Him for forgiveness, if you were indeed truly repentant. But I dont know why people are against consequences to sins.
Its all in the Bible. Didnt you see what happened to Elisha's servant when he went behind him and took gift after he was told not to? He was cursed by God.

Obedience is better than sacrifice. You wouldnt go through what you are going through now if you had obeyed the word of God that says, 'thou shall not commit adultery/fornication'

You have to live with what has happened. I wouldnt bother even asking to go back the that church. You have made your bed, learn to lie on it. God is merciful, kind and He will direct your path to a new place and help you if you are fully repentant and you apologise to the right people as well.

You havent just caused problems for yourself, you caused it for the married guy too, he should know better too, but both of you were fully commiting sinful acts. He could have easily destroyed his marriage and his family life. Things like that are not easily forgivable.

I really think you need to speak to your mind, soul and spirit, and think about what you are doing and have done, and really make amends with God and ask for His help to lead you in life and to help you. If its a problem you have that you cant seem to rid of, you may need deliverance. You may need to pray without ceasing, fast and just soak yourself in the Lord.

God does forgive when we ask for forgiveness, BUT there are always consequences to sins. Again, OBEDIENCE is better than SACRIFICE!

For any person calling themselves a Pastor of the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob; asking you to leave the church is a false preacher. You should be glad he asked you to leave. There is no God in that place.

As for your wrong doing, you have done your confession by posting it.(James 5:16)
Now repent before God, if you have not already. He will forgive anything we repent of from a contrite heart, and never do again. Because we know it is sin.

Now walk in the grace of God, and refute all things the enemy brings to your mind.

Most of all praise God for showing you what type of church and pastor you were going to. May God's speed assist you on your journey.

Peace.

Its ok to agree with a sinner, but not on the premise of what the church has done. I dont see anything wrong in what the pastor and church did. You dont know the whole truth or if the OP is saying everything that indeed happened.
You dont know the state the man's wife is in, or what has been going on before it all came to light.
If she had to be sent away, then she needs to accept it as it is.
In those days, they stoned adulterers and fornicators but thank God for Jesus, our Saviour & Redeemer.
Rather than condemn the church or pastors on what they did, you can always advice the OP and steer her in the right direction.

I think her being sent away from church is the least of her problems. She needs to rather focus more on her relationship with God and staying clean of what she has done.

 

[Dpki8p]

Its ok to agree with a sinner, but not on the premise of what the church has done. I dont see anything wrong in what the pastor and church did. You dont know the whole truth or if the OP is saying everything that indeed happened.
You dont know the state the man's wife is in, or what has been going on before it all came to light.
If she had to be sent away, then she needs to accept it as it is.
In those days, they stoned adulterers and fornicators but thank God for Jesus, our Saviour & Redeemer.
Rather than condemn the church or pastors on what they did, you can always advice the OP and steer her in the right direction.

I think her being sent away from church is the least of her problems. She needs to rather focus more on her relationship with God and staying clean of what she has done.

Perhaps if you read well you will see I did not agree with the sin. My statement was to REPENT if they haven't, and never do it again.

Did not Jesus forgive the woman caught in adultery? As you stated in those days; we are living under grace and not those days.

Repentance involves going to all you have harm if at all possible. If they have done that, that's it, weather they forgive them or not.

The CHURCH is for sinners. There is no way you can justify her begin sent away. Give me some scripture to support it, and I will gladly repent for my thinking.

 

[parsley]

I think you will feel a lot better if you start with a clean slate somewhere else, where people won't continue to hold it over you. It is troubling that they asked you to leave, while they continue to keep him on the payroll.

It is like them considering you expendable, or claiming that you seduced an innocent victim. I'm sure he had a very big part in this.

It also sounds like he is expecting you to take the fall for him because he has more to lose. That is far from selfless and loving, and would be a terrible example of Christian leadership.

You were repentant -- is he?

I feel like I lost so much, even my virginity.

If I were deciding a court case, and heard that it was a woman's first time, I would not consider the woman the initiator of physical relations. In fact, I would be more likely to find out if it was a case of acquaintance rape. Or possibly using his popularity as youth group leader to hit on one woman after another. Sorry if that is painful to say, but you know how some people can be.

 

[Jb9]

I am just 22 yrs old. I committed adultery and fornication with some youth leader at my church. I am very depressed right now. I tried so many times to change but now it's too late I guess. I don't know. Now, I was suggested to leave our church. Because of that I left my ministry and everything. I am so depressed and sad right now. I NEED AN ENCOURAGEMENT. I wanna suicide. I want to, but I'm afraid that if I do I won't be with God. I'm in so much pain. I regret everything, I repent. I am sorry. But now my life seems pointless. Eventhough some people still encourage me too. I am worried because I affect their lives also. I am like a parasite. I feel like I am a walking curse.

Please someone help me, I am so depress. Please help me. I felt like my life stopped and I am lost....

My family doesn't know. I am hiding my feelings always at home. Every night I cry to God for help. What should I do.

I totally lost. I know I am so bad because of what I did. I hope someone out here still understands me. please pray for me. :'(

I am desperate.

I am broken hearted because I was forced to be away from people I love because it's wrong. I left the ministry I loved so much. I left the church family I thought God gave me to be with them in God's works. I love them all so much. I feel like I lost so much, even my virginity. I lost a lot. I feel so shameful and hopeless. :'(

Additional:
I left the church. I agreed with our senior pastor that I should just leave and find a new church. I already tried leaving the church before when the church didn't knew about us, me and the married guy only. After months I came back to church. But now that the senior pastor suggested me also to leave because that was the best way. Since the married guy, lives in the church, and her wife is also my cell group leader. And most of the church members are from there family. We are trying to settle the issue in silence. The married guy is now under a "Disciplinary Action", where he is not now supposed to stand in the pulpit. And I don't know until when it will happen for him.

The married guy had two kids. His wife was my cell group leader. I committed the sin since last year. I secretly had a relationship with the married guy, we are in the same church. But there are times we tried to change and leave are sinful ways since also last year when no one knew yet. But we failed so many times. And now, we are in this kind of situation.

Sorry if someone thinks I double posted...

If you were aware that adultery was a sin which God despised and warned to avoid, before you committed it, God would not be pleased. I've sinned so many times knowing about the commandments but just minded my business. Currently I'm trying real hard to go back to Him and He forgave me so it's working good. Same could for you.

 

[stormdancer0]

I don;t think its wrong that they asked you to leave. Why are people here not even telling you that what you did was bad/wrong.
For one, if they didnt ask you to leave, wont you still continue eventually? You dont know that they may be doing you a favor by asking you to leave.
The guy is a MARRIED man. What you did is very wrong in God's eyes. Marriage is sacred. And you are a Christian, should know better than that. Even in temptation, you have to tighten your belt and keep your hands and eyes off a married man.

The OP acknowledged that what she did was wrong. There is no reason to go in and beat her up about it. Her basic question is, "What now?"

No church is perfect, and every church has sinners. No one - NO ONE - has a right to condemn you except Christ Himself.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

Joh 8:3-11 KJV
(3) And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
(4) They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
(5) Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
(6) This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
(7) So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
(8) And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
(9) And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
(10) When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
(11) She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

Joh 5:5-14 KJV
(5) And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
(6) When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
(7) The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.
(8) Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.
(9) And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.
(10) The Jews therefore said unto him that was cured, It is the sabbath day: it is not lawful for thee to carry thy bed.
(11) He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed, and walk.
(12) Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?
(13) And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed himself away, a multitude being in that place.
(14) Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

what Jesus said to that woman caught in the act of adultery, He's saying to you. you are suffering from condemnation, and until you receive your forgiveness and step boldly back into God's presence as if you'd NEVER sinned, you won't be able to hear from God about this - because you aren't in agreement with Him that Jesus paid for this 2000 years before you were born, and that God knew you would do this when He drew you to Him for salvation.

notice that Jesus said the same thing to the woman caught in the act of adultery that He said to the man who had the infirmity for 38 years - 'sin no more'. this puzzled me for years; the woman's sin seemed obvious - adultery - but what was the man's sin?

"Sir, I have no man..."

the man exercised no faith in God - the man saw himself as alone and cursed with no hope of help - the man was in unbelief. this was the same sin that Jesus was talking about when He told the woman caught in the act of adultery to 'sin no more' - He was saying 'have faith in God'.

this didn't catch God by surprise; He isn't disappointed in you; He knew about this when He chose you. recieve your forgiveness and resist condemnation so that you can hear from Him directly as to what you should do about which church to got to - and every other decision you face in life - in all things, be led by the Holy Spirit - and remember that 'neither does HE condemn you'! go and have faith in God (sin no more)! agree with Him!