I can't think of a catchy title. Just read and give me your thoughts, please.

[Cassandra]

On wednesday night I went out with a friend for a drink. I haven't had any alcohol in a long time, but decided one wouldn't hurt. I was standing at the bar and started talking to some of the people, all of whom it turned out worked at the place. One guy offered to buy me a drink. I decided to get a Whiskey Sour. The drink turned out to be about 98.9% Whiskey and 1.8% Sour Mix. Then one of the other guys bought me another drink. I thought it would be rude to refuse it so I drank it. Then everyone got a round of shots (Southern Comfort). I took it and then went into the bathroom and threw up. By now it wasn't about not wanting to offend anyone. I was sufficiently beyond buzzed. And I get very friendly when I'm "beyond buzzed".

Before I continue, I'm not looking for a lecture on drinking/being drunk. I was sick for three days afterwards and...well...read on...

As you may've guessed, by this point I was in no condition to drive. One of the people there, Dennis, said he only lived a short distance away and that I could crash there. I agreed and we went to his house where we drank red wine (which I hate when I'm sober) and talked about The Bible. He also talked about the things he wanted to do to me sexually and some other stuff that I'm sure JWND (Jesus Would Not Do).


In the end I ended up having unprotected sex with the guy who, I found out later, was twice my age. I honestly had no idea how old he was. He looked much younger. That's not the worst, though. I've been ill and have a higher suseptibility to STDs, so I've been avoiding sex until my treatment is done.


Then the next day he starts acting like he owns me. He's trying to tell me when and when not to talk, telling me what I'm going to do today and saying stuff like "I didn't tell you you could talk!" and "I know this is what you want, so I'm going to give it to you you little <insert derogatory term for the vagina>"


I made up something and said I had to leave and I did (with him telling me "You'd better be back here afterwards."). He kept calling me and calling me afterwards (Yes, I was THAT drunk). I ignored him and haven't heard anything from him since.


What I want your thoughts on is not this whole ordeal, but what happened on the drive home on Thursday morning.

I felt about as unclean as you can get. It was crawling inside my skin. I was driving by a church and felt the strongest urge to go inside and talk to someone. I started talking to God and begging forgiveness...something I haven't done since I stopped identifying myself as a Christian. I wanted to confess, but there were no Catholic churches on the way home.

I'm not exactly sure...but I need to talk to someone and understand...

 

[avenging_viper]

Well, I'm not a Christian, but I'll give you my two cents.

I think we can agree that you made a mistake and maybe did some things you wouldn't have done if you hadn't been intoxicated. But, hun, what he did was SO much worse. From the description, you weren't legally capable of giving consent, so essentially he took advantage of you, and then bullied you afterwards. If I were you, I would count myself lucky to never set eyes on him again. No one needs someone like that in their life. Consider this a learning experience. If you have problems with drinking too much or behaving immoderately when you've been drinking, don't drink or at least don't drink with strangers. And don't let someone you don't know drive you anywhere when you've been drinking, call a someone to come get you or call a cab.

If you feel bad and unclean about it, I suggest the following: Find you a nice quiet spot and pray. Your behavior is solely an issue between you and your god. No one else has the right to call you on the carpet for this. Once you've asked forgiveness, believe that you've been forgiven. Then you take you a nice long, hot shower and put all this behind you. At that point, it's done. It's water under the bridge. You may want to talk to your doc about getting an STD test or the morning after pill or something, just to make sure. He or she would be better to advise you on that part.

But, good luck. *hugs*

 

[aiki]

I think as much we like to pretend there is no God, there is this sense within that none of us can completely quell which tells us that there is. We rationalize away the idea of God so that we feel better about living a life we know He'd despise. Sometimes, God invades this process of hardening toward Him that we've chosen and gives a check in our conscience about it. We give sin its head and feel...uncomfortable, even dirty, and surprised. God doesn't really exist, right? So what's with this feeling of having done something wrong? Why is there this desire to want to ask for forgiveness? Are these feelings simply vestiges of an old, abandoned morality? Or is God at work?

I think God is trying to get your attention. You haven't yet become the stone that, in time, you will be toward Him. If you can shrug off the feelings of guilt you're having, however, you can take a big step toward a life that is blind to the distinction between right and wrong. If you can't, God would use your sensitivity toward what you've done to draw you away from a life that He promises will end in your destruction. What will you choose?

You can see from this situation you've described that what God has said about sin is true. The choices you made to do things He says not to have led to a series of events that you deeply regret. Disobeying God hasn't brought you joy, and contentment, and peace -- just the opposite! Will you pursue "the pleasure of sin" which lasts only "for a season?" Or will you reach out to God and the abundant life He offers?

God gives to you both dire warnings about sin and rich promises of life with Him:

Romans 6:23 (NKJV)
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 10:10 (NKJV)
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Proverbs 29:1 (NKJV)
1 He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, Will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.

Psalm 16:11 (KJV)
11 You (God) will show me the path of life: in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

1 John 1:9 (KJV)
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The voice of God calling to us grows fainter each time we ignore it. Eventually, we can become completely deaf and blind to Him. This is, in part, why I would urge you from the Bible:

2 Corinthians 6:2 (NKJV)
2 ...Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.

Joshua 24:15 (KJV)
15 ...choose you this day whom ye will serve...

Peace.

 

[seashale76]

I completely understand the aftermath feelings you're talking about. You are right not to ignore it. Prayer is something that we all need to do. If you don't mind a recommendation, ask for the intercessions of St. Mary of Egypt. She's one of my favorite saints, and I believe you'll find her hagiography interesting. http://www.monachos.net/library/Mary_of_Egypt,_Complete_Life_by_Patriarch_Sophronius_of_Jerusalem

I also understand the need to go to confession. While praying alone is also necessary, so is confession. You really should go to church and ask advice from your spiritual father. I'm not sure how they do things in the Catholic church, but in the Orthodox Church, we need the medicine of immortality (the Eucharist). The Church is the hospital for us sinners and Christ is the Great Physician. Do not hesitate.

If you would like to get in touch with an Orthodox priest on-line (I'm not Catholic and can't help there, sorry.) here is a website where you can find the diocese you live in that lists parishes close to your area. Most priests have e-mail these days. They are used to total strangers contacting them for all sorts of things and I've yet to be given bad advice by one (hard advice, but not bad). http://www.antiochian.org/dioceses_view

This is a spiritual issue. I'll certainly keep you in my prayers.

 

[The Nihilist]

No. You don't regret what happened because you did something wrong, but because the guy turned out to be a (staff edit). If he were rich, charming, polite, and pleasant, you might be praising god. We all make mistakes. Now learn from the one you made, and make better decisions in the future.

 

[Cassandra]

<staff edit>.

You really shouldn't presume to know things about people you haven't met.


The story was just background info. I know it was stupid. I've accepted it and now I'm done with it.

The point of the thread was the reaction. My powerful urge to be "cleansed" and forgiven and all that.

 

[aiki]

Atheists are NOT to be responding to OP'ers in this forum.

Peace.

 

[Cassandra]

<staff edit>.

I never said I didn't believe in God (or whatever one chooses to call Him/Her/It/Them...I prefer "The Great Spirit" or "The Spirit"). I'm just not a Christian.

If you'd like to know why I am not a Christian...well, that's a long and complicated story, actually. Actually, to tell you the truth I don't know what I am or what I'm not sometimes. What I do know is that I have had better luck finding my 'way' by listening instead of nagging the universe for answers. The path I follow now is one of balance, which I so greatly need.



btw - It's confusing to me too.

 

[spidergains]

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

Though it can feel good to unburden oneself by confessing one's sins to people who have done as bad or worse, we have a "High Priest" in Jesus who lived life as a human and can sympathize with our weaknesses. Confess your sins to Him in prayer and He will hear you. Prayer allows us to keep the conversation going and you may be surprised by the answers you receive!

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are&#8212;yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16

 

[Lion-Of-Zion]

We all do dumb things. You stated above that you sought out to be "cleansed" and "purified." The path has been laid before you, all you have to do is walk it. It sounds as if you have learned a hard lesson, but found a path to a better you(?) From what i gather from your story of course.
Anyway blessings to you and i hope you find what you seek.

p.s. NEVER go home drunk with some dude!!! lol

 

[Rascaduanok]

I felt about as unclean as you can get. It was crawling inside my skin. I was driving by a church and felt the strongest urge to go inside and talk to someone. I started talking to God and begging forgiveness...something I haven't done since I stopped identifying myself as a Christian. I wanted to confess, but there were no Catholic churches on the way home.

I'm not exactly sure...but I need to talk to someone and understand...

Firstly, let me give you a *big hug* (not a high enough post count to post the picture of the big hug I wanted to send you!). Secondly I want to commend avenging_viper on her brilliant reply. Finally, I want to ask you do you have a Christian background? I know you said you don’t consider yourself a Christian, but did you come from such a family or culture?

I say this because I believe our environment and interactions with aspects of it influences our thoughts. I’ve encountered numerous churches in various states of mind (I love a lot of the architecture) but never felt the need to confess or pray to Jesus. However, I do come from an Islâmic background and when I did something I regretted I did once feel the urge to go to a mosque and repent via prayer.

You encountered a nasty bloke, by the sounds of it. Count yourself lucky he hasn’t contacted you since, and have a nice hot shower — then get checked out by your Dr. I hope you feel better about it very soon!

 

[salida]

I'm not a catholic and God forgives me without confessing to anyone except to Christ himself. We are human and make mistakes - big ones and small ones. God forgives. You say you didn't want to offend anyone? The christian walk offends the world because the world doesn't know God - those who arn't christian. I would surround myself with friends who are inspirational who don't tend to get me into trouble - like other real christians. Also, I would pray for those strangers that they may know God someday and not walk around in a strong delusion.

 

[Radagast]

Well, I'm not a Christian, but I'll give you my two cents.

I think we can agree that you made a mistake and maybe did some things you wouldn't have done if you hadn't been intoxicated. But, hun, what he did was SO much worse. From the description, you weren't legally capable of giving consent, so essentially he took advantage of you, and then bullied you afterwards. If I were you, I would count myself lucky to never set eyes on him again. No one needs someone like that in their life. Consider this a learning experience. If you have problems with drinking too much or behaving immoderately when you've been drinking, don't drink or at least don't drink with strangers. And don't let someone you don't know drive you anywhere when you've been drinking, call a someone to come get you or call a cab.

If you feel bad and unclean about it, I suggest the following: Find you a nice quiet spot and pray. Your behavior is solely an issue between you and your god. No one else has the right to call you on the carpet for this. Once you've asked forgiveness, believe that you've been forgiven. Then you take you a nice long, hot shower and put all this behind you. At that point, it's done. It's water under the bridge. You may want to talk to your doc about getting an STD test or the morning after pill or something, just to make sure. He or she would be better to advise you on that part.

But, good luck. *hugs*

Very well said.