i can't go on in this isolation

[redmingungit]

i want to die. i can't go on. God hates me. my church hates me. God has banished me to isolation. He hates me because i'm so evil. He loves everyone else, so He won't let me talk with anyone. i'm completely hopeless. why doesn't God just kill me?

 

[Lost33]

why do u feel that God and ur church hates u?

 

[redmingungit]

i've been at this church for almost four years and i have no relationships with anyone. some of the pastors and church leaders and my small group leaders know how much i'm struggling and how alone i am, but everyone refuses to talk with me. God hates me because i'm so evil, that's why He isolates me and tells them to ignore me. i'm completely hopeles. it doesn't matter what i do or how i fight and repent and change, God will never allow me to talk with anyone. so now i've stopped fighting and repenting and changing. i've given up.

 

[childofgod57]

a more simpler explanation from one who sees from outside as opposed to you looking inside is that your very depressed,that causes lack of self esteem and self confidence which could result in you not being your normal self and making friends etc - most people dont find much enthusiasm to talk to somebody who is unhappy,shows not much interest in things and is reserved,depression likes its victims to be alone,to wallow in self pity,thats the nature of the disease,if you were miraculously cured you would see things how they really are instead of obscured,people with depression are hypersensitive to rebuffs and rejection,almost seeing it in every persons actions although there innocent of such things - no im not an expert just my view on this illness

 

[AWorkInProgress]

i want to die. i can't go on. God hates me. my church hates me. God has banished me to isolation. He hates me because i'm so evil. He loves everyone else, so He won't let me talk with anyone. i'm completely hopeless. why doesn't God just kill me?

Hello sister,

This is a time to really get to know the Lord. For he uses us at times for his will, but ultimately HE is the one who is with you always and forgives your sins.

I tell you the truth, Lord not abandanded you nor does he turn you away because of your sins. Truth be told during his time on earth it was the sinners he walked among, not the priests and teachers of law. He came here for us sinners, who are seeking repentance and to be forgiven by his blood.

Here are some examples;

Luke 7:36-50

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

36 One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. 37 When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. 38 Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”
40 Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”
“Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.
41 Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. 42 But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”
43 Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”
“That’s right,” Jesus said. 44 Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.
47 “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” 48 Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49 The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?” 50 And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 15:1-7

Parable of the Lost Sheep

1 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. 2 This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!
3 So Jesus told them this story: 4 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. 6 When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

Luke 19:1-10

Jesus and Zacchaeus

Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. 2 There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. 3 He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.

5 When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.”
6 Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. 7 But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.
8 Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” 9 Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”

Paul, who contributed lot to the New Testiment also was a great sinner turn to God. He persicuted the first church, allowing the stoning of Stephen and jailed many christians. Lord, with all the powers given to him could have destroyed Paul(his name was Saul at first) in any number of ways. Instead he opened his eyes to what he was doing.

Click here to read! Acts 9:1-31

Keep asking for help at your church and any other resource you can get. Most importantly though is not lose faith and to give up your fears and worries to the Lord. Take time and pray to him. Admit your sins and simply ask for his help in your life. Keep reading the Word of God and put it into practice.

Check this post out too for more wisdom to help you.

 

[fisherman2]

Please talk to family or close friends,,,you are loved, needed and wanted..

 

[hogndog]

i want to die. i can't go on. God hates me. my church hates me. God has banished me to isolation. He hates me because i'm so evil. He loves everyone else, so He won't let me talk with anyone. i'm completely hopeless. why doesn't God just kill me?

Questions

1. Are you in a wheel chair?

2. Do you have a liver?

3. Does your belly button look like a grapefruit?

4. Does your abdomen have 18 litres of fluid on it?

5.Do your legs and feet feel like their on fire?

My answers

1. True

2.True

3.True

4.True

5. True

Number 2 is a half truth 96% is dead

Thank God I can laugh about it

In Christ,
hogndog

 

[Shiversblood]

People don't not talk to you on purpose just to be mean they probaly think you are mean and not friendly because you havent been talking alot because your depressed.

I was in a wheelchair for sixth months before when I was in a car crash.

 

[RebeccatheGreat]

there is alot of good advice up there and the scripture aworkinprogress provided is absolute right.
do not be tricked or deceived,God will never leave you nor forsake you.
Jesus came that you would have life and have it more abundantly.
it is his will we all be happy,healthy and loved.
I'm not in a church home at the moment,and to be honest,I never have felt welcomed or had any relationships at any either.
part of that is due to my shyness and low self esteem,part is maybe lack of sensitivity of others.
BUT I just had the Lord correct me a little in the last few months,with a major breakthrough in my understanding just this morning,and I'm going to go looking for a new church home starting now.
Sister if you've been at the same church 4 years and you have not connected with anyone,it might be you need to look around for a new church.
also,from a few churches I've been to I got the impression most Christians are judgemental and snooty.
these forums have totally changed my idea of other Christians.
many more are like me than I could have ever imagined.I'm not a weirdo after all.well,not completely.
if you need someone to talk to, or a prayer partner pm me.

Blessings

 

[hogndog]

Are you under a physicians care, ie. medications?
counceling, are your parents there for you, or are you going through the maze of life alone.

People don't not talk to you on purpose just to be mean they probaly think you are mean and not friendly because you havent been talking alot because your depressed.

I was in a wheelchair for sixth months before when I was in a car crash.

 

[GamesFund]

i've been at this church for almost four years and i have no relationships with anyone. some of the pastors and church leaders and my small group leaders know how much i'm struggling and how alone i am, but everyone refuses to talk with me. God hates me because i'm so evil, that's why He isolates me and tells them to ignore me. i'm completely hopeles. it doesn't matter what i do or how i fight and repent and change, God will never allow me to talk with anyone. so now i've stopped fighting and repenting and changing. i've given up.

God doesn't hate, God only loves. Have you talked to your pastor about your concerns. That may help you understand better what you are going through. I think you are confused for one thing. But I don't hate you that's for sure. I try to do as God wishes: Love everyone.

 

[RJAZ]

Your church may need to go. Can you,have you tried going to a church you feel energy in?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

If I were you I would try going to a different church and I would make myself smile at people and start conversations. Even if it was just to say, "Hi, I'm so and so and I am new here. Can you tell me a little about your church?"

If it doesn't work at the new church keep trying different churches. Some churches are friendly and people will see newcomers and approach them. Other churches don't seem to make an effort to reach out to newcomers.

But definitely smile, introduce yourself, and ask a few questions. People will be nice to you if you are nice to them. You have to be a friend to make friends.

You could also go and volunteer at a nursing home, children's hospital, or an animal shelter. There are people (and animals) out there in the world who are lonely/sick and are in need of comfort. Certainly you would be welcomed in those places.

Remember to smile, be friendly, and assume the best instead of the worst.