I can't do this....

[ConcreteAngel]

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control again and i'm scared that i'll hurt myself...i really don't want to. i've been trying so hard not to listen to satan telling me that i'm horrible and that i hate myself but i'm really struggling now...i can't call who i normally would call because she's sick and has completely lost her voice and i just don't know what to do with myself. i'm so sick of feeling like this i need a rest sooo badly i wish i could just go to hospital so i don't have to function anymore. i can't do this.

 

[kathleenmary]

you can do this.
you know that im always here for you wen u need me first of all.
i was struggling yesterday. my friend said to make believe theres this monster inside of u and the only way to make it die is to not believe what he says about you. try it okay?

 

[BelindaP]

Yeah, I refer to that monster as my evil twin Skippy. Don't listen to him; he's evil.

 

[FallingWaters]

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control again and i'm scared that i'll hurt myself...i really don't want to. i've been trying so hard not to listen to satan telling me that i'm horrible and that i hate myself but i'm really struggling now...i can't call who i normally would call because she's sick and has completely lost her voice and i just don't know what to do with myself. i'm so sick of feeling like this i need a rest sooo badly i wish i could just go to hospital so i don't have to function anymore. i can't do this.

This isn't going to solve all your problems, but I wonder if it would help if you just listened to praise and worship music for a few days. I'm not talking about general "Christian music" but music that actually praises and worships God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I wonder if you have some and if that might not help you.

I know I listened to Michael W. Smith worship exclusively for a whole week straight once just because I was feeling so soiled by the world, and it really helped.

Let me know if you try it.

If you don't have access to worship music but would be willing to buy some, I recommend Michael W. Smith "Worship" or Chris Tomlin- "Arriving". It's more contemporary arrangements that younger people tend to enjoy.

 

[angelkiss]

Hi ConcreteAngel..........Sorry I'm late on this thread.

I want to start by saying that you're not a fake
I have lived a life that would give some people the chills. I have stated to a few posts that most therapists have said that I have lived enough life for two people and are surprised that I am still alive...........By the grace of God I am here and can tell my (not story) but stories to others.

Just because your keep your life behind closed doors doesn't mean that you are "faking" your way through things. I go through many days where I put a smile on the outside and am breaking on the inside due to things I've been through. I remember going through a really bad situation and standing in the church choir thinking "what am I doing up here? I'm not worthy to stand here and sing of God's praises in front of everyone else" Thing is, we all have problems. No person in this world is perfect, and God knows our hearts.
That, to me, is the most important thing. What God knows is what counts.
You can and will get through this. I know it's not easy, but you have God, and you have us.
You're in our prayers!!

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Yeah, I refer to that monster as my evil twin Skippy. Don't listen to him; he's evil.

Hi Kath and Belinda

Thanks for that...I've been trying that...I actually have a book called "Fixing It" by Bev Assbit...it's a really good little book...sort of like a cartoon...but what you're both saying is it's core idea.

Thanks
Love CA

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi ConcreteAngel..........Sorry I'm late on this thread.

I want to start by saying that you're not a fake
I have lived a life that would give some people the chills. I have stated to a few posts that most therapists have said that I have lived enough life for two people and are surprised that I am still alive...........By the grace of God I am here and can tell my (not story) but stories to others.

Just because your keep your life behind closed doors doesn't mean that you are "faking" your way through things. I go through many days where I put a smile on the outside and am breaking on the inside due to things I've been through. I remember going through a really bad situation and standing in the church choir thinking "what am I doing up here? I'm not worthy to stand here and sing of God's praises in front of everyone else" Thing is, we all have problems. No person in this world is perfect, and God knows our hearts.
That, to me, is the most important thing. What God knows is what counts.
You can and will get through this. I know it's not easy, but you have God, and you have us.
You're in our prayers!!

Thanks for your kind words....I have also been told a similar thing by my doctor and psych....it's a very strange kind of compliment!!!!

I'm just feeling so so sick and hurt at the moment that i just can't take on board anythign remotely positive. i hate who i am sooo much. and i hate the way i'm feeling soooo much....i just want to go to bed...and stay there...i'm feeling really isolated because the person i normally go to for support (..well, hugs) is not available and i'm feeling so desperate. i'm trying so hard to block all the bad thoughts like "i hate myself" "i want to hurt myself" "i want to die" etc....but i'm just getting worse and worse. i don't know what to do. i really just need a hug and a cry. i'm sorry i'm so negative.

your prayers are greatly appreciated.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

This isn't going to solve all your problems, but I wonder if it would help if you just listened to praise and worship music for a few days. I'm not talking about general "Christian music" but music that actually praises and worships God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I wonder if you have some and if that might not help you.

I know I listened to Michael W. Smith worship exclusively for a whole week straight once just because I was feeling so soiled by the world, and it really helped.

Let me know if you try it.

If you don't have access to worship music but would be willing to buy some, I recommend Michael W. Smith "Worship" or Chris Tomlin- "Arriving". It's more contemporary arrangements that younger people tend to enjoy.

Thanks fallingwaters, i will do that....but only once i've got this thesis proposal done...i can't let myself do anything else but at the moment. but it's something i'll definitely try.

 

[angelkiss]

Aww hun, I've had those exact feelings and I know what you're going through. Those exact words, I once said on more than one occasion. It actually threw me into a state of "numbness" and I just didn't know which way to go.
In my case, it got so critical it cost me a 6 day stay in the hospital.
I am praying that God will lift you up and comfort you. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me anytime.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Aww hun, I've had those exact feelings and I know what you're going through. Those exact words, I once said on more than one occasion. It actually threw me into a state of "numbness" and I just didn't know which way to go.
In my case, it got so critical it cost me a 6 day stay in the hospital.
I am praying that God will lift you up and comfort you. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me anytime.

All i really want is for my doctor to put me in hospital so i don't have to function i just can't do this anymore. i feel so horrible and now i've hurt myself i just want to do it more. i hate myself so so so much...why can't i just feel better.

 

[FallingWaters]

All i really want is for my doctor to put me in hospital so i don't have to function i just can't do this anymore. i feel so horrible and now i've hurt myself i just want to do it more. i hate myself so so so much...why can't i just feel better.

I've been there. I understand what you're saying.

Lord Jesus, I pray that You would make Yourself real to Concrete Angel, that You would reveal to her Your Unconditional Love for her, that You would fill her soul with Your presence, that You would carry her, so that there would be one set of footprints in the sand today. Rebuke the enemy and cause truth to rise up in her heart.

 

[angelkiss]

All i really want is for my doctor to put me in hospital so i don't have to function i just can't do this anymore. i feel so horrible and now i've hurt myself i just want to do it more. i hate myself so so so much...why can't i just feel better.

If a stay in the hospital is what you need, then it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to tell your doc just that. In fact, I was glad I went when I did, and although I had my struggles there as well, they helped me get through it and safely.
As crazy as it sounds, struggles just like this is what has helped me to grow stronger. Each time I make it over another obstacle in life, I find that it helps me to be stronger to climb over the next one as well.
Still praying for you!!!

 

[BelindaP]

It is possible to self-commit to a psychiatric hospital. Your mental health care provider should be willing to help you do this. The great thing about doing it that way, is that you can leave when you want or need to.

I've never done it, but I know it has been of great help to a lot of people. If you really are at the end of your rope, you might want to consider it.

 

[LazeyWinde]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Concrete.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Thanks everyone....the trouble is i can want to go to hospital all i like, but if i ever want to work in the local area as a psych myself, i can't....not to mention the fact that the hospital is paying me to get my degree because i'm, in their eyes "going to be a wonderful psych"...yeah right!....so i just have to stay alive as best i can and talk to my doctor and minister.......my doctor doesn't think that it would be good for me to go to hospital for the above reason and also my confidence...but i might give him a call just to let him know that things are not good. haven't got time to see him cos i have to get this thesis proposal finished.

thanks again

 

[BelindaP]

I think you could spin it to come out as a positive when you're looking for work. Just tell them that you wanted to experience it from both sides. You could also explain to them that it was important for you to get your own issues worked out before you began to help others.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

I think you could spin it to come out as a positive when you're looking for work. Just tell them that you wanted to experience it from both sides. You could also explain to them that it was important for you to get your own issues worked out before you began to help others.

mmmm...i think they'd prefer me to work it out as an outpatient rather than an inpatient...and really going to hospital would just be escaping my family...which i need to do but in an appropriate way...ie move out!

oh, and don't get me wrong...people intending to be psych's are expected to have undergone some form of "therapy" for want of a better word...so i'm not against that....i would lose my scholarship if i ended up in hospital and i need the money and it's a VERY small town...you know the type where everyone knows everyone else's business....hence why i travel an hour and a half to see my psych!

thanks for you support.

Love CA

 

[_CJ_]

Hi again, ConcreteAngel, hope you don't mind me chime in. Now I can tell, I know how you feel - about the small town part. I'm from a very small town as well..it really really sucks most of the time..everywhere you try to go there's a huge distance and trouble attached to it in the way. I also get the feeling that whatever I endeavor - it's never gonna work. It also feels separated from the world. Oh my..I really hope you are strong..

I don't really know why am I posting this..maybe I'll just give you a wave?..

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi again, ConcreteAngel, hope you don't mind me chime in. Now I can tell, I know how you feel - about the small town part. I'm from a very small town as well..it really really sucks most of the time..everywhere you try to go there's a huge distance and trouble attached to it in the way. I also get the feeling that whatever I endeavor - it's never gonna work. It also feels separated from the world. Oh my..I really hope you are strong..

I don't really know why am I posting this..maybe I'll just give you a wave?..

Thanks heaps CJ!

 

[angelkiss]

Ya know, I don't understand why a psych would not want you to seek help inpatient just because you are seeking out to be one yourself. To me, that makes the best psychiatrist! If you've been there done it, then you can understand where a patient is coming from.
I've had so many therapists sit and tell me this and that, and they don't have a clue and it really irritates me because they've not lived it, therefore, they don't understand. They've really said some off-the-wall things that makes me wonder which side of the desk I should really be sitting on.
Just so you know, I'm still praying for you and I hope you get over the hump soon.
With love,
Alana