I can't do this anymore

[hoplessss]

I can't do this anyomre. I'm tired of crying every other day and I'm tired of feeling so alone. I'm tired of knowing that things will never change. It's been two years and things have only gotten worse...and thats not counting the entire year of suicididal thougts before then because I had no friends (which I still don't). Two years ago, I had the chance to make everything better. I had the chance to be normal for a change, but I made soo many mistakes that now things can never be made right again. I'm tired of feeling like such a loser all the time. I'm tired of always feeling so misunderstood and ignored. I'm tired of hearing the same old advice...from everybody, from atheists to christian folk: "move on" "just wait, things will get better" "I know theres someone else out there thats great for you" "well you're the one who broke up with him so you have to accept that and move on". Well I cant accept it and move on. I have sooo many regrets and I've made so many mistakes I just can't live with myself anymore.

And now I feel sick to my stomach and I have a terrible headache from so much crying. I must have almost fifty people saying they're praying for me, and I'm not exaggerating, and I even pray for myself every now and again and still nothing changes. Can't I just be put out of my misery because I can't do this anymore and nothing will ever change so what is the point. I really can't do this. I'm soo sick of myself and I can't get away from it all.

 

[dvd_holc]

I will tell you a bit about myself. I hope that you could encourage you.

When I was a child, my father was not in my life a great deal due to having job as a truck driver and then returning to duty in the Army. Though he meant (and means) the world to me, he was not there for me. I was a mom’s boy as a baby and it continued for awhile. (Some feel I was still one for awhile longer than I say but I know me better than them). She felt like she had to distance herself from me to make me into a man. I was constantly bullied physically and emotionally at school. My mom put me in martial arts to take care of the physical part. She tried to give me good advice to reinforce the emotional. It was Christian advise how not responding with hatred though instead of letting go of their hatred I took it in. I was not persuasive. I have a speech impediment. It has been worse in my youth, and at times it just don’t allow me to speak. I get flustered and emotional. Everyone can see how I feel because I can’t find my feelings. And, many times she was quit persistent with what she felt was solution to comfort me right where I was. I was not comforted… I felt I could not come to her about my problems because of many times the advice she gave only left me hurting as people would emotional batter me at school. I lost my parents emotionally. My mom tried hard to help me, but I never had true release from my problems. I took it all in. My parents struggled finically. I hated coming to them to ask for new cloths, and sometimes they would ask if some old stuff was still ok. Needless to say my cloths weren’t in fashion. I would tough it out with out I had out of not trying to be a burden to them. The friends I made one year would not be the ones next year. The people who felt so close left me. I felt so alone. I was an outcast.

So then I was left being emotional bullied through high school. I had low self esteem, but I develop pride that I could take it all in and live. I held onto all the pain. I kept quite. There was no outlet, and eventually after enough regret, anger, bitterness, and hatred…my life became one that only believed there was only pain. I fell into a deep depression. I rejected what I knew was not complete, but in my rejection I cut myself off from what was good, also. I failed to see how my parents were trying to do the right thing and provide for me. I knew there was so much more, but I failed to pursue because of excuses and unbelief. I knew God was present, but I failed to let him handle things. It was my life, and I lived it. Instead of living, I became the walking dead incapable of fully loving. I did not get the place of killing myself. I believe it would not solve a thing.

Still, I had hope that I could find a love, but every where I went people did not love me. Woman did not love me. I had been rejected so much…After spending a lot time with a woman getting to know her, I had someone tell me because of my hair cut she would not date me. My hair! Of all the things…I thought I heard all the excuses…but that one drove me insane. I was so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep in all the pain and misery of my life. I wanted to die…but I was not going to kill myself…I wanted more…

It was not who I was meant to be. So I turned to denial. I thought maybe if I forgot of pain that it would go away. It never went away. It always crept up on me. I needed peace of the soul. Then I remembered God. I started with forcing myself to listen to praise and worship songs. I brought it from my subconscious to my conscience. I tried to get around Christians. I was rejected again, so I left. I still continued to drive after the peace of the soul I knew God promised. Then a person at work gave me some sermons from a guy speaking on what Jesus taught. Jesus taught that harmony and peace of the soul is what God promised. Jesus taught us how to live free of the burdens of hatred, bitterness, anger, and regret. The sermons focused on how to live a complete live full of God’s love, mercy, and joy. How God wants the best for us so much that he provides for us. I found that it was not my effort the God came into my life, but he was challenging all the things I clung to in life that was not his. I found how the things I thought I need weren’t really what I needed. That the seemingly acceptance of things that were not complete but will do for now really weren’t the answered I needed and lack of faith that God will provide for me completely. There is hope in live. God does provide his love. God does not change who he is, and if he created us, sustains us, wants us to live, and promised a complete life, and gives all our true needs then…we have to have faith in him because he has already provided 9 out of 10 things for us.

 

[dvd_holc]

I have been on a journey on what is our nature and is it from God. “Who are we, and what are we doing here?” I believe that is foundation of faith. Some people jump to the greatest commandments (“Love for God and love one another as ourselves”) and leave it at that for our purpose.

However, God first created us in his likeness within his creation. We are like him but function as a lesser being within his world. He is free from all things; likewise, we are free to function with the world. Also within this purpose of being his likeness, God’s image is brought through us to bear in the world. This is a huge reason why we struggle to find him so much because it is fundamentally need to be his image. Still in our creation, God commanded with authority which gave us our purpose to do his will. Unfortunately (as we already know and have experienced), people have chosen to be the image of lesser things and polar opposites. Good is not evil and the same in the reverse direction. We can observe that when good is truly done there is a complete satisfying positive action. We also can observe that when evil is truly done it is unsatisfying and incomplete resulting in a negative action. God has said that he is good because good and only good can create, bring peace, and sustain existence. God has said that he does not tolerate and will ultimately judge (which restores justice) any evil action of humanity. Those who actually believe in God’s message of us and bear his image the way he wants will be justified by their true faith.

We weren’t created as individuals within his garden. God created humanity as man and wife within the garden to maintain and provide for the garden. From this and with the increase of humanity in course of history, we find there are many layers of belonging. Humanity has tried to figure out a correct order. Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit, God restored us to his complete image. We are lovers of God then onto the world. We do have the layer of intimacy of spouse, and God will provide us a temporary one (I will come back to this). We have a layer of belonging to a community. We have a layer of responsibility to nurture the world. Repeated over and over again is that those who actually live for God are his people who are the light of the world. We create and provide for the world. It is amazing responsibility. We have seen how society has come to a point where we severally impact the entire earth. But the nuclear bomb that we posses is love.

You need those layers of intimacy develop these relationships with people who are completely devoted to God and love. Don’t accept the lesser image of love. Love is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. No other religion comes closer to that picture of love other than Christianity. Humanity has tried to turn away from that image of love. However, it secretly embraces it when it is convenient. Don’t let your faith be a convenient faith. God did not create and save you conveniently.

We aren’t alone in this. God loves us so much that he came to an oppressed minority of people within humanity in a corner of the world that was center on a different kingdom to comfort humanity. Jesus healed, raised people from the dead, comforted, cared for humanity, and restored people to God’s purpose. He took on all the tyranny of the world and died to it so that we may live freely. In the midst of the most incredible invention of torture he asked God to forgive them all. He

Gal 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Math 11:28
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jesus did this so that we may live freely and to be the image of God completely. God pours out grace to us. Taken from a dear friend:
“Except that grace denotes a gift, not something someone earns.........with respect at least to ones connection to YHWH. Grace is not striving towards God, grace is a God who come to us. Grace according to the Scriptures is the Creator of the universe coming to you and saying "I love you just the way you are........can you trust me on this?" From Andyman_1970



“The deal with grace is that it permiates life, even the lives of those who don't accept it or don't even acknowledge YHWH - life is a gift, breath is a gift, clothes are a gift, food is a gift, rain is a gift, all of life is a gift. At least in the Hebraic/Eastern understanding of grace.” From Andyman_1970

Eph. 2:8-10
8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Mat 5: 14-16
14“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

1 Peter 2:12
12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

So then have faith and be comforted. Sustained by hope and know that God is coming here and with him comes the end of corruption of the body and soul.

Psalm 46:10
10 “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Phil 4:4-9
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Rev 21:
Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the HolyCity, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
“Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Rev 22:
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. 3No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

In the end God’s full presence is coming here and we will be one with him. And we all will have a new unique idenity that we alone will have.

Rev 2:
7Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To those who are victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

11Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Those who are victorious will not be hurt at all by the second death.

17Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To those who are victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give each of them a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.

26To those who are victorious and do my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations— 27they ‘will rule them with an iron scepter and will dash them to pieces like pottery’ a—just as I have received authority from my Father. 28I will also give them the morning star.

Chapter 3:
4Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. 5Those who are victorious will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out their names from the book of life, but will acknowledge their names before my Father and his angels. 6Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

12Those who are victorious I will make pillars in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name.

(pillars….we are apart of the foundation of the kingdom that holds it up!)

21To those who are victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.

 

[snowy27]

"Two years ago, I had the chance to make everything better. "
You still can make that choice!

"I have sooo many regrets and I've made so many mistakes I just can't live with myself anymore. "

Live in the moment, not in the past. We have all made mistakes, we all have regrets. Some of the most inspiring people are those who embrace life in spite of tragic and unfair circumstances.

"still nothing changes."

I was once in a bad patch in my life and I was told, you can either change yourself, or wait for life to change. I guess in the end I was lucky that life did change, but in order for my life to change, I had to be open to the possibility that life would get better.

 

[hoplessss]

I will tell you a bit about myself. I hope that you could encourage you.

When I was a child, my father was not in my life a great deal due to having job as a truck driver and then returning to duty in the Army. Though he meant (and means) the world to me, he was not there for me.

I as well don't really have a dad in my life but I'm glad it's this way because I despise my dad. Seriously, the only reason I talk to him at all is because he gives me money and buys me stuff which sounds awful I know but its the truth since my mom only makes maybe a fourth of what he makes so it's easier to just as him for stuff. But yeah, I despise him becuase he always makes a big deal over nothing and he acts like hes this great dad even though he only sees me for 5 mins once every other week and he also forces me to go to this uppity private school that I hate because he thinks it makes it look good to his co-workers that I'm going to an expensive "college prepatory school" when his co-workers don't even really like him anyway so it's stupid. So yeah, I'm glad my dad is never around because when he is around I tend to feel more peeved and suicidal because he gets on my nerves so friggin much...kinda like God sometimes. So yeah, it makes me really mad when people suggest I spend more time with him or that he really can't be that bad...but I mean how can you use that excuse because obviously he and my mom must have gotten divorced for a reason. Maybe it's because he's sooooo irritating! Wow what a profound thought!

"Two years ago, I had the chance to make everything better. "
You still can make that choice!

Actually, I can't, it's too late for me now, therefore why I feel so hopeless.

"still nothing changes."

I was once in a bad patch in my life and I was told, you can either change yourself, or wait for life to change. I guess in the end I was lucky that life did change, but in order for my life to change, I had to be open to the possibility that life would get better.

But see thats the problem snowy, that everyone else is lucky enough to have anything change in their life. But as for me, I do have things change in my life I guess, but it's always for the worse never even slightly for the better. I mean I have gotten a few semi good things in life but they also come with other sucky things if that makes sense. Like I made a sports team which I was excited about, but the other people that made it are all the popular snobs so I'm always left out and I feel alone. Not to mention one of my friends who didn't make the team now hates me becuae I did and makes up stories behind my back that she goes and tells one of our coaches so now he hates me to, so yeah, definately not exactly a nice experience.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the sport and would be devestated if I got kicked off the team, it's just the whole process and practices and things outside of actually playing the sport are like being in a torture chamber for me. I just wish I was a normal person who could actually fit in for a change

I dunno. I'm still just really really really sad. I guess its cause I'm not normal and don't have any guys that like me because I'm so abnormal which I guess is why I'm not capable of loving or trusting God. Because see, I couldn't help but notice that both of you are married. I'm not. And I probably never will be because of God's undermining hatred for me...which I still don't understand why he dislikes me sooo much, but oh well. And yes I'm sure you think he doesn't hate me, but I see no other explanation why my life is soooo bad and pointless. I mean God usually provides a way out for everyone else, but my only way out is death which is why I'm soo sad all the time because my living is pointless (and no, this is not necissarily referring to suicide, I'm just saying how death is the only thing I have to look forward to but not that I'm necissarily going to enforce it or anything so PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS THREAD moderator people!!)

 

[dvd_holc]

I am sorry that your father treats you the way he does...maybe reading my story made you think that I suggested going and talking to your dad...but at what point did I tell you to go do that? And, is that as far as you got in my story?

 

[hoplessss]

no, no I read it all...well except the verses at the end but I'll probably read those later. It's just the only thing is I got kinda confused by the end but I got the beginning

 

[dvd_holc]

I do hope that you read it.

 

[snowy27]

"this uppity private school"
You go to a private school, man you are lucky!

Actually, I can't, it's too late for me now, therefore why I feel so hopeless.
Your whole life is over because of a mistake you made back then? Aw, c'mon.


I mean I have gotten a few semi good things in life but they also come with other sucky things if that makes sense.
A lot of us on this section of the forum, me included have a huge problem with seeing negative stuff not positive!

Like I made a sports team which I was excited about, but the other people that made it are all the popular snobs so I'm always left out and I feel alone. Not to mention one of my friends who didn't make the team now hates me becuae I did and makes up stories behind my back that she goes and tells one of our coaches so now he hates me to, so yeah, definately not exactly a nice experience.

Yes, school sports can be *****y, know about that experience.

I just wish I was a normal person who could actually fit in for a change
What's normal??

Because see, I couldn't help but notice that both of you are married. I'm not.
Never thought I would have been happily married until recently

 

[hoplessss]

I do hope that you read it.

No trust me, I even saved what you wrote because I wasn't sure if this thread would last more than a day haha because the moderators have been all over me lately for every little thing so yeah, I saved it in case it got deleted so I could still read it.

I just got confused about the love or intamacy or whatever part at the end

You go to a private school, man you are lucky!

Yeah, it might be lucky for some people but since I'm black it's not a fun experience at all. Trust me. I've been begging my parents to put me in public school for years.

Your whole life is over because of a mistake you made back then? Aw, c'mon.

no seriously, I mean my life may not be over, but my chances of possibly haveing a good life are. I mean even God can't fix my problems it says in the bible that God forgives but you still have to live with the consequences meaning, he isn't gonna do one thing to help you, if anything he would rather sit back and watch your misery...or at least thats the impression I get.

And normal is someone who has friends, a great life, a boyfriend/husband...kinda like you and dvdholc. Basically a life that you could actually step back and look at it and say to yourself "this isn't all bad". Not the case with mine. Mine is abnormallly awful. I always feel like theres some cosmic force out there thats working agaisnt me all the time. Maybe it's satan or maybe it's my own personal demon(which i wouldn't be surprised) because my mother always told me that satan can't read your thoughts but whatever this evil force it is it can read my thoughts...kinda like God can, not that I'm putting the blame on anyone...

And it also happens to be this cosmic force that keeps telling me how bad the future is gonna be. I only got 3 hrs of sleep last night which is about normal these days because I can never sleep. I'm always stressed out. And now I have this urinary tract infection, and my ears are all stuffed up like I'm about to get a sinus infection, and I'm trying not to eat because I know I don't deserve to...well and not to mention everything else in my life is all wrong. The cosmic force told me I will nevr get married...which isn't hard to believe at all. I mean look at me. Well I guess you can't but if you could you would go "ugh! it's hideous (sp)" and thats exactly what guys say to. So yeah, the cosmic force is right which is why I'm so depressed because I've always wanted to get married but now I know I can't. Therefor I can't sleep and I'm always stressed out and sad.

 

[dvd_holc]

Oh...my heart goes out so much to you...My wife has urinary tract infection all the time. She has fought that for her lifetime. It is difficult.

Look here:

Zech 3:

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. 2The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?"

3​

Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. 4The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes."​

Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you."

​

5Then I said, "Put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the LORD stood by.​

6​

The angel of the LORD gave this charge to Joshua: 7"This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘If you will walk in obedience to me and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here.​

8​

" ‘Listen, High Priest Joshua, you and your associates seated before you, you who are symbolic of things to come: I am going to bring my servant, the Branch. 9See, the stone I have set in front of Joshua! There are seven eyes on that one stone, and I will engrave an inscription on it,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and I will remove the sin of this land in a single day.​

10​

" ‘In that day each of you will invite your neighbor to sit under your vine and fig tree,’ declares the LORD Almighty."​

Let me first say...that the english for filthy cloths is very polite...in Hebrew (the original language) it meant minstrel cloths...So it completely vial. ​

Second, Joshua knew what he had done also...when Satan had accused him...he knew that he deeds. And Joshua had the chance to listen to Satan's message. But what happen...Grace was given to him to remove the rags (his sin). It was not because of anything the Joshua did to earn it; rather it was God.​

Now, we all live the results of our sins, but there is hope. My child lives outside of my marriage because I sinned. But have you ever read the story of Jacob and Esau; Gen 25 19-34, 26 34:chapter 33? ​

Jacob and Esau struggled from conception in the womb of their mother. Jacob ended up lieing and stilling Esau's birth right through trickery. Esau has issues with his faith...but so did Jacob. But because of his sin...Jacob was forced to leave his life never to see his mother again to find a bride in a foerign land without anything to bring her. On the journey, he meet God who was active in this world and he did not know it.​

He worked 7 years of service for his bride then to only have trickery give him a different bride. Then another 7 years he worked in debt for the wife he wanted. In his own words later...his years were few and difficult (at this point he was over a hundred!). ​

But there were many points where he could not go on without the strength of God. He had to go back into his promised land and at which time he would face Esau who had planned to kill him. But Esau did not kill him. God had worked in Esau's heart for those many years and freed Esau of bitterness. Esau flong himself on Jacob and kissed him. And Jacob said, "For to see your face is like seeing the face of God,"​

Face in Hebrew means the presence. So Jacob saw God's actual presence in Esau. ​

In scripture, we are awakened to a God whose authority is over all things, whose presence is transcends all things, and actually invest his presence in people (Eph 4:5). Who actively moves all thins according to the intentions of his will so that we might exist for the praise and good works he had prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 1:11-12, 2:10). And He has many blessing for us who live it (reference to earlier post). But be on guard because we fight not people but the demon that turn us against God that dwell in our minds and bodies (Eph 6:12). Jesus said that "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind"

Rom 8:7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.

Do a word search on crosswalk.com

Sorry I have to go.​

BTW...my wife and me still struggle with finding friends. We had just moved and don't have anyone around us.

Finally, do you have food to eat and cloths on your back? Though it might come from unpure sources...God has blessed you. I don't know if you know Job...but he did a family, business, and a ton of riches...then it was all taken from him...even his whole body had boils and no one could look at him. He could not be touched by others for years...their many things that you might not value right now that you live on...but God is still providing them. I want to continue but I can't today.​

​

​

 

[FallingWaters]

Hoplessss... Jesus knows how you feel. He is standing there beside you with His hand on your shoulder, blessing you. Jesus has felt every awful human feeling there is to feel. He felt betrayed. He felt abandoned.

Stop listening to the lies of the devil. There is nothing the devil would love better than to destroy you. The bigger the struggle, the more obvious it is that God has important plans for your life.

 

[Amylisa8]

Hi hopelesss,

I can tell you for sure that not every young woman has a boyfriend, or is popular, etc. There is nothing abnormal abouut not having one. More kids feel unpopular than not. Especially in our culture which is So superficial and mean-spirited. When I was in school, the ones who did have boyfriends would "go out" and "break up" with different people practically every week. Believe me, that is not so great. That is getting your feelings pummeled over and over again, so that later when they do meet someone who could be good for them, they have so much baggage that it causes them trouble.

You are not abnormal, you really aren't. You are a struggling and hurting person. God doesn't hate you. If you think He does, it'll be hard for you to see when His hand does move in your life. Like someone else said, the fact that the devil is trying so hard to get you to destroy yourself, shows that God does have a plan for your life. The years you are in can be so hard. But they truly won't last forever.

I've been where you are, please hang in there. I will be praying for you too. I am glad you feel free to share here, I know it is so hard to feel like you have no one to talk to.

 

[snowy27]

Hi again,
I agree with Amylisa8's thoughts. You are probably not alone in the way you are feeling at your time of life. It sounds like you have got a heap of stress and some physical illnesses too. Have you considered talking to a doctor or counsellor? You have our support on this site, but its going to be hard to move forward when you are not sleeping and are feeling so down. Maybe getting on top of those few health problems, sleeping better and finding ways to reduce your stress could be a good first step.

 

[hoplessss]

but what if the devil is only tempting me because God sold my soul to him because he dislikes me sooo much. i know it sounds far fetched, but I just get this feeling that I'm not suffering because I have a "plan" I get the feeling its a warning to tell me to get out while I still can. I just have this really bad feeling about life, about marriage, about the future...basically about everything. And ususally my intuitions are right so I dunno what to think anymore. But I don't think God has a great plan for me. It would just be too weird and hypocritical if he did.

 

[FallingWaters]

but what if the devil is only tempting me because God sold my soul to him because he dislikes me sooo much. i know it sounds far fetched, but I just get this feeling that I'm not suffering because I have a "plan" I get the feeling its a warning to tell me to get out while I still can. I just have this really bad feeling about life, about marriage, about the future...basically about everything. And ususally my intuitions are right so I dunno what to think anymore. But I don't think God has a great plan for me. It would just be too weird and hypocritical if he did.

I'm sorry, Luv, you are mistaken. God does not sell anyone's soul to the devil. The devil is the one who hates you. He is your enemy. He is also God's enemy. God sent His beloved and only Son to die to pay the devil's ransom and get you away from the devil. All you have to do is receive it as a free gift, by faith believing Jesus is God and paid for your sins, so you can become a child of God.

 

[hoplessss]

do you believe in predestination?

And are satan and God really enemys? Because my mom said that whenever satan does something mean to people he has to ask God first and God ususally agrees like in the book of Job. So doens't that mean that God really is the one that wants to harm us? Because God could just tell satan "no I love them so I don't want you to even touch them with your nasty, scaley hands" and then nothing bad would ever happen and everyone would love God and be happy.

 

[FallingWaters]

do you believe in predestination?

And are satan and God really enemys? Because my mom said that whenever satan does something mean to people he has to ask God first and God ususally agrees like in the book of Job. So doens't that mean that God really is the one that wants to harm us? Because God could just tell satan "no I love them so I don't want you to even touch them with your nasty, scaley hands" and then nothing bad would ever happen and everyone would love God and be happy.

No I do not believe in predestination, but my favorite theologian, R. C. Sproul does. He says we can't resist the grace of God, but I think we can. I do it all the time- to my own shame and detriment.

What I do know is that God is good. God is a loving Father who created us to have fellowship with Him. Adam gave his dominion over to satan. Jesus has come to take it back. The kingdom is not fully come, but someday it will be fully here, and then you will have what you wish for: no more sorrow or suffering or pain or sickness and God will wipe away every tear.

However, that is not a blanket promise for every human being. It is only for those who humble themselves before God, realize their sins have offended Him, ask for His forgiveness and receive it by faith in Jesus Christ- that His death paid for your sin and His resurrection proves He's God..

 

[FallingWaters]

talking about Job- last year was one of the worst years of my life. It contained the single worst day of my life. All kinds of bad things happened to my family- especially financially.

Before that happened, my husband and I were avoiding each other. On a scale of one to ten- ten being the best- our marriage was a one. I did not even sit in the same room with him for 3 years before that, except for some meals. I was walking in the flesh. I was not praying. I was not reading my Bible. I was not really interested in knowing what God's will was for me. I was rebellious.

Then our whole world fell apart. My husband got laid off from his job. People in a building we own didn't pay their rent. They threatened to use the free lawyer provided by the state to sue us- know how much lawyers cost? and they don't care about budgets. I could not believe God was letting all those bad things happen to us. But still I did not pray and I did not read my Bible.

After about 13 months of being completely terrified that we were going to lose everything and end up living in a cardboard box in an alley somewhere- I really believed that- by the grace of God, I finally came to my senses, just like the prodigal son.

All of a sudden "no evil shall befall you" became alive in my spirit. All of a sudden, I felt safe in God's hands for the first time in over a year. I finally came to the end of myself, and trusting in my own resources.

Like Job, I am much better off now than I was before all the trouble came into my life. For the first time in the 24 years that I have been a Christian, I have been praying and reading my Bible almost every day. This is HUGE for me because I have NEVER been able to make myself do that before, even though I wanted to. Our marriage is still in need of a lot of work, but it's improving quickly. We've been holding hands- something we haven't done in years.

Here's the point: left to ourselves we drift away from God. Even though the devil means it for evil, God can take the bad and use it for our ULTIMATE ETERNAL good, which is much better than just temporary earthly good. I am closer to God now than I have ever been. Last year I was further away than I have ever been. Which do you think I would rather have? Did those trials hurt? yes. Am I glad it's over? yes. Does God love me? yes.

 

[hoplessss]

But can't God bring you closer to him without ruining your life first? I mean I guess I've just never understood why he can't just send a sign, like in a dream or something to make us turn to him. It's a lot simpler and it probably makes the relationship in the long run right?