In April 2012, my wife said she wanted a divorce to "have no man in my life and to live with my parents."(She is 53 and I am 48. We were happily married for almost eleven years.) This was while I was on the verge of facing eviction, and six days after her sister-in-law did a sudden and mysterious about-face, saying if I lost my apartment, I could no longer move in with my her, my brother-in-law, and their 3 kids. (I spent many a happy weekend at their place during the decade-plus marriage.) He had said 'yes' two months prior that I could move in with them (while my wife would live at her mom's.) After my wife told me this betraying reversal, I asked my spouse what did she say in my defense, and she replied, "What do you want me to do--argue with my family? It's their apartment."
My wife
- refused my offer to forgive her, her brother and his wife--no questions asked.
- six weeks later refused my unexplainable offer to meet, talk, and try to save the marriage.
- never answered any of my letters I wrote last year. (I wrote rather than speak so when things became legal I could not be accused of anything.)
- never thanked me for mailing back a religious picture of hers.
- never put her money where mouth was and saved up for what she wanted and I didn't.
In January of this year I grew tired of having this albatross around my neck. I made an appointment with the legal service of my job union to start the divorce rolling. (Their fee was incredibly lower than even your usual low-cost divorce attorney.) The next available appointment was in March. In April--one day short of exactly a year ago she said she wanted the divorce--she was personally served the divorce summons.
She
-defaulted, meaning she did not respond to the summons.
-never got an attorney.
-never contacted my lawyer or me about the case.
According to eCourts, my divorce was granted on July 10. It was filed on August 9. I received in the mail the Final Judgement on August 22. And no communication from my wife.
So, my wife left me while I was on the cusp of eviction and could very well have been homeless...and I still love her. Why? (BTW: Thank God I found work and was never evicted.) After the legalities started, I sensed a mustard seed of love for her still remaining, buried way deep in shock, hurt, anger, feeling betrayed and let down, and sadness. I loathed that mustard seed and myself! During last night while asleep I cried. I had a dream that I told her I still love her. That's all I remember about the dream. As a man, left by his wife in his literal hour of need, I loathe myself and do not understand the reason why that microscopic seed still exists.
Some things to consider:
-My ex is Dominican and I have learned from other Dominicans unfortunately many wives do this when the parents are sick. (At least she, apparently, didn't leave me for another guy.) Her mom has dementia and diabetes; her father has COPD.
-This was the longest relationship I ever had with a woman. It was also the happiest. (We met in 1999, ten months later I proposed, "yes" flew out of her mouth before I could blink, and in June 2001 were married.)
-I DO NOT want her back/looking to reconcile. She had great love (flowers, fidelity, support, devotion, etc.) and blew it. I want to start fresh with someone new.
Please tell me why I still love her, despite all she did/didn't do and that I do not want reconciliation.
Thank you.
My wife
- refused my offer to forgive her, her brother and his wife--no questions asked.
- six weeks later refused my unexplainable offer to meet, talk, and try to save the marriage.
- never answered any of my letters I wrote last year. (I wrote rather than speak so when things became legal I could not be accused of anything.)
- never thanked me for mailing back a religious picture of hers.
- never put her money where mouth was and saved up for what she wanted and I didn't.
In January of this year I grew tired of having this albatross around my neck. I made an appointment with the legal service of my job union to start the divorce rolling. (Their fee was incredibly lower than even your usual low-cost divorce attorney.) The next available appointment was in March. In April--one day short of exactly a year ago she said she wanted the divorce--she was personally served the divorce summons.
She
-defaulted, meaning she did not respond to the summons.
-never got an attorney.
-never contacted my lawyer or me about the case.
According to eCourts, my divorce was granted on July 10. It was filed on August 9. I received in the mail the Final Judgement on August 22. And no communication from my wife.
So, my wife left me while I was on the cusp of eviction and could very well have been homeless...and I still love her. Why? (BTW: Thank God I found work and was never evicted.) After the legalities started, I sensed a mustard seed of love for her still remaining, buried way deep in shock, hurt, anger, feeling betrayed and let down, and sadness. I loathed that mustard seed and myself! During last night while asleep I cried. I had a dream that I told her I still love her. That's all I remember about the dream. As a man, left by his wife in his literal hour of need, I loathe myself and do not understand the reason why that microscopic seed still exists.
Some things to consider:
-My ex is Dominican and I have learned from other Dominicans unfortunately many wives do this when the parents are sick. (At least she, apparently, didn't leave me for another guy.) Her mom has dementia and diabetes; her father has COPD.
-This was the longest relationship I ever had with a woman. It was also the happiest. (We met in 1999, ten months later I proposed, "yes" flew out of her mouth before I could blink, and in June 2001 were married.)
-I DO NOT want her back/looking to reconcile. She had great love (flowers, fidelity, support, devotion, etc.) and blew it. I want to start fresh with someone new.
Please tell me why I still love her, despite all she did/didn't do and that I do not want reconciliation.
Thank you.
I miss the memory of her. Last year when I cried I wanted my marriage back I said it had to be with the woman from 1999-2011, not 2012. She made false accusations saying I didn't like going to her family parties and--on the day she said she wanted the divorce--claimed every year when it came to apartment renewal time she would ask for us to move closer to her parents' place and I didn't comply. Just the opposite was the case: she was always in favor of renewing this apartment because the rent is incredible, everything is convenient, etc. In one of my letters I recalled these falsehoods and said these were just fabricated justifications in her mind for the divorce. As I said, she never replied to any of the letters. 
