I cannot stop sinning or, forgive myself for sinning.

[Neostarwcc]

Throughout my life I have sinned, A lot. I have done some pretty bad things throughout my life. To me and in my opinion, all sin is of the same nature to God but, I personally feel like some sins that I have committed are worse than others. I have probably hurt more people in my life than I really helped or saved. I have come close to prison several times in my teenage life. I have been expelled from schools three times, two of them were in the same school year and were due to physical violence and one because I threatened to kill a teacher when I was 16. A part of me says that, all of them deserved it because, they were all emotionally abusive teachers who all tried to make me cry and make my lives miserable.

I feel like a monster for thinking that, even if the teacher I threatened to kill made it a personal mission and goal in her life to make me as miserable as possible and, when I was 16... it was the worst school year of my life. 90% of it was because of her, her assistant teacher, and the kids that she openly encouraged to harass, ridicule, and torment me. She mocked and ridiculed me on a daily basis too. She told me once to kill myself and, I almost listened to her too. After my death threat and I was allowed in school again (I had made enough progress to return and changed my life around). She was furious. She also would break me down to the point of tears and then when I balled my eyes out in front of her she'd say "What are you going to do? Kill me?" and she'd laugh. She thought it was funny and it just made me cry harder. There wasn't a SHRED of good in either of them.

Anyway, back on my sinning. The sin I probably feel the worst for was, I broke into my mothers safe about 8 years ago and stole close to $1,000 from her. There was a period in time where I went into my mothers purse and stolen credit cards from her. I think it was 2 or 3 times, although exactly how many times I cannot remember. I remember being forgiven for the first time and saying I would stop and, I... didn't stop. I got hooked for the next few years or so. I've taken money from my mothers paypal account before too. My mother had a hard time forgiving me and by the time I confessed stealing the money out of her safe enough time had passed that, she forgave me for being honest because I had denied it for what seemed like 5-6 years afterwards. Idk, time goes super fast.

And those are just some of the sins that I'm comfortable talking about. I've probably committed every sin possible short of murdering or raping someone and committing a crime worthy of prison or jail time. At least I straightened out the prison time shortly after my 16th birthday. Prior to that, I only managed to avoid jail because my parents got me out of trouble. Although, threatening to murder someone is probably the same as actually doing it in God's eyes.

I have faith that the Lord and the people who I have hurt have forgiven me for the multitude of things that I've done (Well maybe not some of the people I've hurt but, I can't go back in time and make things better or meet some of the people I've hurt again. I knew these people online and, I wouldn't have a chance to.). But, here's the huge problem. While I know I've been forgiven by God and the multitudes of people that I've hurt, and I've been able to forgive others for the sins that they've done to me, I cannot forgive myself for doing them.

I can't. I can't just let go of my sins and just move on with my life. I feel like a demon from hell because, I've done some pretty horrible things. Some of the things I've done aren't sins towards God but, I feel extremely guilty for them and I cannot let go of the guilt. Why is forgiving so easy? And forgiving others so easy? Because, the worst thing that ever happened against me was my dad was verbally and physically abusive because he wouldn't turn away from the bottle and he hit my mom in front of me. It took me YEARS to heal from that but, in time I did forgive him. But, when it comes to finally forgiving yourself, why is it the hardest thing in the world? Why do I feel like a monster? Because, I am one?

I always fall victim to sin, and I feel like there will come a point in my life where I CAN'T receive forgiveness anymore. And, that scares me. I'd make some progression in my life with sin, and then poof I'm back to where I was when I started!

Example? I lasted about 7 months without pornography until I had an extremely bad day the other day and I finally gave in. When I was most vulnerable I went back to sin and while my wife doesn't mind my pornography usage, God does. So, it doesn't matter what I do. In the end, sin will always win. It has completely taken over my life. I see it everywhere. Gluttony, Lust, Sexual sins in my marriage, Addiction (I'm addicted to food and computers), Theft, Pride, It's... everywhere! It's just not possible to not sin in this world! It's not possible to erase all sin like I know that I have to! And, I'm supposed to forgive myself! I'm supposed to be saved! I DESERVE hell! If Jesus came to me at this moment and said "Why do you think I should save you?" my only answer would be "You shouldn't. I'm such a horrible person."

But, I became a Christian and love Jesus because he can save me. I don't love Jesus for any other reason. That's extremely selfish and no, I don't deserve to be saved. I am not a good person and I am not a good Christian. Every time I try to help people even, I fail. I don't think I have ever made a large impact on someone's life ever. No, people can only help me. People can only ever save me. I can't EVER give back.

I know all of the sins are wrong. But, it feels like one sin in particular is necessary in this world filled with sin. It has consumed me. I keep praying over and over to God to have the sin forgiven and that, I'll HAVE to do it until the day I die if I'm to survive in this world. If after my death, my wife and future children are to survive in this world. Everyone, including my own family agree with me that I have to commit this sin or there'd be no way for me to survive it's completely taken over me.

I want all of this sin to go away. I want to forgive myself because a majority of my worst sins were all in the past. But, I can't. I can't. Does anyone else have this problem? Or, am I the only one?

 

[ToBeLoved]

Throughout my life I have sinned, A lot. I have done some pretty bad things throughout my life. To me and in my opinion, all sin is of the same nature to God but, I personally feel like some sins that I have committed are worse than others. I have probably hurt more people in my life than I really helped or saved. I have come close to prison several times in my teenage life. I have been expelled from schools three times, two of them were in the same school year and were due to physical violence and one because I threatened to kill a teacher when I was 16. A part of me says that, all of them deserved it because, they were all emotionally abusive teachers who all tried to make me cry and make my lives miserable.

I feel like a monster for thinking that, even if the teacher I threatened to kill made it a personal mission and goal in her life to make me as miserable as possible and, when I was 16... it was the worst school year of my life. 90% of it was because of her, her assistant teacher, and the kids that she openly encouraged to harass, ridicule, and torment me. She mocked and ridiculed me on a daily basis too. She told me once to kill myself and, I almost listened to her too. After my death threat and I was allowed in school again (I had made enough progress to return and changed my life around). She was furious. She also would break me down to the point of tears and then when I balled my eyes out in front of her she'd say "What are you going to do? Kill me?" and she'd laugh. She thought it was funny and it just made me cry harder. There wasn't a SHRED of good in either of them.

Anyway, back on my sinning. The sin I probably feel the worst for was, I broke into my mothers safe about 8 years ago and stole close to $1,000 from her. There was a period in time where I went into my mothers purse and stolen credit cards from her. I think it was 2 or 3 times, although exactly how many times I cannot remember. I remember being forgiven for the first time and saying I would stop and, I... didn't stop. I got hooked for the next few years or so. I've taken money from my mothers paypal account before too. My mother had a hard time forgiving me and by the time I confessed stealing the money out of her safe enough time had passed that, she forgave me for being honest because I had denied it for what seemed like 5-6 years afterwards. Idk, time goes super fast.

And those are just some of the sins that I'm comfortable talking about. I've probably committed every sin possible short of murdering or raping someone and committing a crime worthy of prison or jail time. At least I straightened out the prison time shortly after my 16th birthday. Prior to that, I only managed to avoid jail because my parents got me out of trouble. Although, threatening to murder someone is probably the same as actually doing it in God's eyes.

I have faith that the Lord and the people who I have hurt have forgiven me for the multitude of things that I've done (Well maybe not some of the people I've hurt but, I can't go back in time and make things better or meet some of the people I've hurt again. I knew these people online and, I wouldn't have a chance to.). But, here's the huge problem. While I know I've been forgiven by God and the multitudes of people that I've hurt, and I've been able to forgive others for the sins that they've done to me, I cannot forgive myself for doing them.

I can't. I can't just let go of my sins and just move on with my life. I feel like a demon from hell because, I've done some pretty horrible things. Some of the things I've done aren't sins towards God but, I feel extremely guilty for them and I cannot let go of the guilt. Why is forgiving so easy? And forgiving others so easy? Because, the worst thing that ever happened against me was my dad was verbally and physically abusive because he wouldn't turn away from the bottle and he hit my mom in front of me. It took me YEARS to heal from that but, in time I did forgive him. But, when it comes to finally forgiving yourself, why is it the hardest thing in the world? Why do I feel like a monster? Because, I am one?

I always fall victim to sin, and I feel like there will come a point in my life where I CAN'T receive forgiveness anymore. And, that scares me. I'd make some progression in my life with sin, and then poof I'm back to where I was when I started!

Example? I lasted about 7 months without pornography until I had an extremely bad day the other day and I finally gave in. When I was most vulnerable I went back to sin and while my wife doesn't mind my pornography usage, God does. So, it doesn't matter what I do. In the end, sin will always win. It has completely taken over my life. I see it everywhere. Gluttony, Lust, Sexual sins in my marriage, Addiction (I'm addicted to food and computers), Theft, Pride, It's... everywhere! It's just not possible to not sin in this world! It's not possible to erase all sin like I know that I have to! And, I'm supposed to forgive myself! I'm supposed to be saved! I DESERVE hell! If Jesus came to me at this moment and said "Why do you think I should save you?" my only answer would be "You shouldn't. I'm such a horrible person."

But, I became a Christian and love Jesus because he can save me. I don't love Jesus for any other reason. That's extremely selfish and no, I don't deserve to be saved. I am not a good person and I am not a good Christian. Every time I try to help people even, I fail. I don't think I have ever made a large impact on someone's life ever. No, people can only help me. People can only ever save me. I can't EVER give back.

I know all of the sins are wrong. But, it feels like one sin in particular is necessary in this world filled with sin. It has consumed me. I keep praying over and over to God to have the sin forgiven and that, I'll HAVE to do it until the day I die if I'm to survive in this world. If after my death, my wife and future children are to survive in this world. Everyone, including my own family agree with me that I have to commit this sin or there'd be no way for me to survive it's completely taken over me.

I want all of this sin to go away. I want to forgive myself because a majority of my worst sins were all in the past. But, I can't. I can't. Does anyone else have this problem? Or, am I the only one?

Well first let me say that I am so glad that you for Jesus and turned your life around.

First I would like to talk about sin. There are kind of two different parts to sin, Jesus forgiving us for the sin and then the natural ramifications of the effects of that sin. For each choice we make, there is a natural flow through of ramifications from that choice depending on the choice itself. For instance, the power of forgiveness and love definately has awesome power to repair things in our lives and relationships. I'm sure we have all had relationships and consequences from sin that have totally devastated ourselves and others, but most of us have also been able to feel extreme love and forgiveness and healing if we are able to mend those relationships and come back to a place of love.

Many times this is when people see Christ most in us, it's when we completely change who we were and decide with the help of the Holy Spirit that we are not going to be that person anymore. That is a POWERFUL TESTIMONY to others. Do not discount that. It brings much glory to Christ when people can see that change in you. That makes them think what is so awesome in his life that has been able to change his heart and mind in this way.

It is hard to forgive ourselves and many people struggle with this. Our human minds are use to thinking that there is some kind of pain we need to go through as a kind of punishment, because that is the way our human minds think. But Christ has already forgiven you. And Christ knows that you will bring His Name much glory through love, forgiveness and faithfulness. There is a point where you will need to believe yourself what the Word of God says about you. That you are beloved, Christ's own, forgiven, made a new creation, worthy in Christ and instead of holding all those memories from the past, make the concious decision that you are moving forward to do EVEN MORE things that bring glory to the Savior. Because living in the past does stop us to a certain degree from all the things God is calling us to do, because those thoughts occupy our minds when it could be thinkinig of random acts of kindness, Jesus said "those who do to the least of these, does unto Me". So each small thing you do for someone else is glorifying God. People do not have to see this, God knows. God knows your heart. Concentrate on glorifying God, sharing His work in your life (your testimony is VERY POWERFUL, you are in a unique postition to share God with others because people know you have been on the other side, that's very powerful and a gift if you use it to help others)

What you can do is go out and give love to the 'least of these' as Jesus said and it will slowly remove many of those feelings. Helping others people do not realize helps ourselves as much as it does the people that we help. It is VERY therapeudic for us, because our minds can understand doing good and loving things to try to overcome bad. Our minds can think like that.

Know that CHrist has already forgiven you. That He wants you to move on and move forward. It is NOT His will for you to be in this torment in your own mind, heart and soul. Pray for yourself. Ask Jesus to change your heart and mind. From a heart that see's the past to a heart that realizes your potential to affect others and live for Christ in the future. That God may give you opportunities in your life to truly change other peoples lives. To be a great testimony of Christ and what He has done for you.

You will do wonderful things for Christ. Go do that.

There is a gospel song that goes like this.

We fall down, we get up
We fall down, but we get up
We fall down and we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down ... and got up

I hope this helps you. God bless. Pray for what you need and Christ will help you heal.

 

[longwait]

Its a plus for you that you can forgive others. Sometimes what others do to us knowingly or unknowingly can create bitter roots in us. Roots of bitterness and unforgiveness that doesn't seem to go away. The only thing we can do is to repent and ask God to heal us.

 

[1watchman]

There is a difference between how one feels and the truth of God's salvation. It appears you have had a very bad experience in life and some people have greatly failed you and even tormented you. Keep in mind that God is love, and no matter what one has done or felt they can be eternally saved by receiving the Lord Jesus into their heart and be devoted to Him for salvation. I hope you have done that, rather than just be trying to follow His teaching. If you seek to honor God always, and stay in communion with the Savior --the Lord Jesus, the Father will be pleased and you will be "born again", which is required for salvation. I will pray for you, and hope you will not dwell too much on the past, for we will get defeated by Satan in doing that. Look up always and trust God and His "...so great salvation".

 

[paul1149]

I can't just let go of my sins and just move on with my life. I feel like a demon from hell because, I've done some pretty horrible things. Some of the things I've done aren't sins towards God but, I feel extremely guilty for them and I cannot let go of the guilt.

I think many of us struggle with this to some degree. The Word is clear that anything can be forgiven if we will but ask for it sincerely. Look at Paul, who was responsible for the bloody persecution of Christians. He was forgiven and chosen for service. His story has been repeated again and again down through the ages.

The guilt is a heavy weight that prevents you from changing. This is useless because you can punish yourself till doomsday and still not pay for your sins. And it's tragic because those sins have already been paid for.

It can be a sobering thing to go to the Father for forgiveness. It is a reminder that we are morally bankrupt and cannot make the grade, cannot obtain a clear conscience, without His help. But that is exactly what we must do if we're to be free.

And once we do so, we should accept the forgiveness. It has already been paid for. Christ already suffered and died for our atonement. It is an accomplished fact. No amount of punishing ourselves or wishing He hadn't gone to the Cross will change anything. He did all of it because He wanted to. He did not ask our counsel or permission. This whole salvation thing is His idea, not ours. The only choice that we have in the matter is whether we will accept the free gift.

I would suggest a careful read of Rom 6-8. 6.14 says that sin will not have dominion over us, because we are not under law but under grace. Ch. 7 tells us we have died to the law and have come alive toward Christ. If our hearts are His, it is not longer us, but sin working in us that is disobedient. We cannot solve this problem ourselves. But when we reach the very point where we expect an abyss of condemnation, in Ch. 8 we instead are met with an updraft of grace, driven by the immutable love of God.

The best I can tell you to do is walk this through with God. And keep walking it through until you get it.

In The Christian's Secret Of A Happy Life, Hannah Whitall Smith gives this little vignette:

Most Christians are like a man who was toiling along the road, bending under a heavy burden, when a wagon overtook him, and the driver kindly offered to help him on his journey. He joyfully accepted the offer, but when seated, continued to bend beneath his burden, which he still kept on his shoulders. "Why do you not lay down your burden?" asked the kind-hearted driver. "Oh!" replied the man, "I feel that it is almost too much to ask you to carry me, and I could not think of letting you carry my burden too." And so Christians, who have given themselves into the care and keeping of the Lord Jesus, still continue to bend beneath the weight of their burden, and often go weary and heavy-laden throughout the whole length of their journey.​

It's ironic how it works, but the more you hang onto your burden, the less you will transformed into the image of Christ. The only way that transformation can happen is if we let go of the old man and embrace the newness of life that Christ offers. Since it's already paid for, we now glorify God by giving up the self-focus and deciding to accept His transformative grace and to live the victorious life.

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. -1Cor 15:56-57​

 

[Thursday]

Throughout my life I have sinned, A lot. I have done some pretty bad things throughout my life. To me and in my opinion, all sin is of the same nature to God but, I personally feel like some sins that I have committed are worse than others. I have probably hurt more people in my life than I really helped or saved. I have come close to prison several times in my teenage life. I have been expelled from schools three times, two of them were in the same school year and were due to physical violence and one because I threatened to kill a teacher when I was 16. A part of me says that, all of them deserved it because, they were all emotionally abusive teachers who all tried to make me cry and make my lives miserable.

I feel like a monster for thinking that, even if the teacher I threatened to kill made it a personal mission and goal in her life to make me as miserable as possible and, when I was 16... it was the worst school year of my life. 90% of it was because of her, her assistant teacher, and the kids that she openly encouraged to harass, ridicule, and torment me. She mocked and ridiculed me on a daily basis too. She told me once to kill myself and, I almost listened to her too. After my death threat and I was allowed in school again (I had made enough progress to return and changed my life around). She was furious. She also would break me down to the point of tears and then when I balled my eyes out in front of her she'd say "What are you going to do? Kill me?" and she'd laugh. She thought it was funny and it just made me cry harder. There wasn't a SHRED of good in either of them.

Anyway, back on my sinning. The sin I probably feel the worst for was, I broke into my mothers safe about 8 years ago and stole close to $1,000 from her. There was a period in time where I went into my mothers purse and stolen credit cards from her. I think it was 2 or 3 times, although exactly how many times I cannot remember. I remember being forgiven for the first time and saying I would stop and, I... didn't stop. I got hooked for the next few years or so. I've taken money from my mothers paypal account before too. My mother had a hard time forgiving me and by the time I confessed stealing the money out of her safe enough time had passed that, she forgave me for being honest because I had denied it for what seemed like 5-6 years afterwards. Idk, time goes super fast.

And those are just some of the sins that I'm comfortable talking about. I've probably committed every sin possible short of murdering or raping someone and committing a crime worthy of prison or jail time. At least I straightened out the prison time shortly after my 16th birthday. Prior to that, I only managed to avoid jail because my parents got me out of trouble. Although, threatening to murder someone is probably the same as actually doing it in God's eyes.

I have faith that the Lord and the people who I have hurt have forgiven me for the multitude of things that I've done (Well maybe not some of the people I've hurt but, I can't go back in time and make things better or meet some of the people I've hurt again. I knew these people online and, I wouldn't have a chance to.). But, here's the huge problem. While I know I've been forgiven by God and the multitudes of people that I've hurt, and I've been able to forgive others for the sins that they've done to me, I cannot forgive myself for doing them.

I can't. I can't just let go of my sins and just move on with my life. I feel like a demon from hell because, I've done some pretty horrible things. Some of the things I've done aren't sins towards God but, I feel extremely guilty for them and I cannot let go of the guilt. Why is forgiving so easy? And forgiving others so easy? Because, the worst thing that ever happened against me was my dad was verbally and physically abusive because he wouldn't turn away from the bottle and he hit my mom in front of me. It took me YEARS to heal from that but, in time I did forgive him. But, when it comes to finally forgiving yourself, why is it the hardest thing in the world? Why do I feel like a monster? Because, I am one?

I always fall victim to sin, and I feel like there will come a point in my life where I CAN'T receive forgiveness anymore. And, that scares me. I'd make some progression in my life with sin, and then poof I'm back to where I was when I started!

Example? I lasted about 7 months without pornography until I had an extremely bad day the other day and I finally gave in. When I was most vulnerable I went back to sin and while my wife doesn't mind my pornography usage, God does. So, it doesn't matter what I do. In the end, sin will always win. It has completely taken over my life. I see it everywhere. Gluttony, Lust, Sexual sins in my marriage, Addiction (I'm addicted to food and computers), Theft, Pride, It's... everywhere! It's just not possible to not sin in this world! It's not possible to erase all sin like I know that I have to! And, I'm supposed to forgive myself! I'm supposed to be saved! I DESERVE hell! If Jesus came to me at this moment and said "Why do you think I should save you?" my only answer would be "You shouldn't. I'm such a horrible person."

But, I became a Christian and love Jesus because he can save me. I don't love Jesus for any other reason. That's extremely selfish and no, I don't deserve to be saved. I am not a good person and I am not a good Christian. Every time I try to help people even, I fail. I don't think I have ever made a large impact on someone's life ever. No, people can only help me. People can only ever save me. I can't EVER give back.

I know all of the sins are wrong. But, it feels like one sin in particular is necessary in this world filled with sin. It has consumed me. I keep praying over and over to God to have the sin forgiven and that, I'll HAVE to do it until the day I die if I'm to survive in this world. If after my death, my wife and future children are to survive in this world. Everyone, including my own family agree with me that I have to commit this sin or there'd be no way for me to survive it's completely taken over me.

I want all of this sin to go away. I want to forgive myself because a majority of my worst sins were all in the past. But, I can't. I can't. Does anyone else have this problem? Or, am I the only one?

Confession to a Catholic priest is a holy event that changes your life.

I am a convert to Catholicism and confession is one of the greatest things about being Catholic.

John 20
22And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23"If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained."

 

[ToBeLoved]

You have to see yourself as God sees you. That is part of faith.

Jesus has created in you a new creation. You are no longer who you were, you are now a new creation in Jesus Christ.

God bless you.

 

[tturt]

mmbattlestar, really glad that you've given your heart to Yeshua and you've been able to forgive others especially that particular teacher, her assistant, and students.

Forgiving ourselves - think most if not, all deal with this but the truth is no sin is greater than Yeshua's sacrifice. Also, Jer 31:34 says "... saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." Since He knows everything, it means He doesn't hold them against us (Rom 4:8). His grace!

Additionally, "...Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." Matt 22 We need to love ourselves in order to love others. When we're able to accept our identity based on the way Yahweh sees us, we'll have a healthy view of ourselves. Scripture includes "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jer 29:11) You are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psa 139) '...even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." Luke 12:7 (this number is constantly changing). Also, encourage you to give something away daily. Even if it's, dropping a few pennies on the sidewalk. I'll share this - several times a day for weeks, I recalled that Yahweh loves me with an everlasting love (John 3:16-17, Jer 31) and read Eph 3:16-20; Gal 5:22-24 often. His love!