1,5 year ago, I was in my bed. I wanted to calm down and sleep. My ocd was telling me that I may have made a rushed promise to God to visit a specific site/article and accept/reject the cookies.
I was too bored and did not want to do the compulsion. It was just, a compulsion because there was never a promise to God. I knew I never made a promise but still, I could not calm down.
As I was analyzing the situation, my ocd was bugging me
ocd: do it! do it! get up! do the compulsion! do it!
At that second, I randomly, thought of an idea that would help me not do the compulsion. I thought about making a NEW promise to God about not accepting/rejecting the cookies of that site. That would force me to fight ocd!
It was just, an idea that popped up in my head. Immediately, it seemed like a very good idea. Without thinking more than 2 seconds about it, I randomly, made that new promise to God. I did not speak. I just, used my thoughts to make the promise and also, asked for a punishment in case breaking it. That would make the promise more difficult to break. All these lasted about 1 second. After that, I felt relieved and I was like "thanks to this scary promise, now I must NOT do what ocd is telling me"
After some seconds, I started worrying. I started feeling bad. Did I just, made a promise to God and asked for punishment?
I remember canceling the promise. But I was not 100% sure if it was really a promise on the first place. My subconscious just, suggested me to make the promise and I without thinking, just, made the promise in order to feel relief.
I do not remember the site but I remember that it was an article about an actor. As long as I was never accepting/rejecting cookies about an article that is about that actor, I am fine.
Today, I entered a site to read something about the coronavirus. i randomly, clicked "reject cookies" After rejecting them, I noticed that the site had an ad photo next to the article with that actor.
I started fearing that this may have accidentally, broken the possible promise to God. I do not want to be punished.
I want to ask. Is my rushed promise considered valid or not? I could not control myself I think. I worry if I meant it for 1 second. But I am not sure. It looked like a normal, fast prayer to God but I did not think about it. I am confused because I cant understand if it was a rushed prayer or just, intrusive thoughts. or something both. I just, wanted to calm down! I just, wanted some relief from my ocd. I have told God that I do not want to make these promises. I always, fall in the same trap.
Do you think the promise is valid? Its like action-reaction.
ocd: go do the compulsion! you made a promise!
me: no!
ocd: go do it! you made a promsie!
me: I never made a promise!
ocd: You made one! GO DO IT!
subconscious: how about making a new promise not to do what ocd says?
me: good idea! (makes the new promise)
I just, cant control myself! I worry that there may be a God who is different than Jesus, who maybe does not care about ocd!
I was too bored and did not want to do the compulsion. It was just, a compulsion because there was never a promise to God. I knew I never made a promise but still, I could not calm down.
As I was analyzing the situation, my ocd was bugging me
ocd: do it! do it! get up! do the compulsion! do it!
At that second, I randomly, thought of an idea that would help me not do the compulsion. I thought about making a NEW promise to God about not accepting/rejecting the cookies of that site. That would force me to fight ocd!
It was just, an idea that popped up in my head. Immediately, it seemed like a very good idea. Without thinking more than 2 seconds about it, I randomly, made that new promise to God. I did not speak. I just, used my thoughts to make the promise and also, asked for a punishment in case breaking it. That would make the promise more difficult to break. All these lasted about 1 second. After that, I felt relieved and I was like "thanks to this scary promise, now I must NOT do what ocd is telling me"
After some seconds, I started worrying. I started feeling bad. Did I just, made a promise to God and asked for punishment?
I remember canceling the promise. But I was not 100% sure if it was really a promise on the first place. My subconscious just, suggested me to make the promise and I without thinking, just, made the promise in order to feel relief.
I do not remember the site but I remember that it was an article about an actor. As long as I was never accepting/rejecting cookies about an article that is about that actor, I am fine.
Today, I entered a site to read something about the coronavirus. i randomly, clicked "reject cookies" After rejecting them, I noticed that the site had an ad photo next to the article with that actor.
I started fearing that this may have accidentally, broken the possible promise to God. I do not want to be punished.
I want to ask. Is my rushed promise considered valid or not? I could not control myself I think. I worry if I meant it for 1 second. But I am not sure. It looked like a normal, fast prayer to God but I did not think about it. I am confused because I cant understand if it was a rushed prayer or just, intrusive thoughts. or something both. I just, wanted to calm down! I just, wanted some relief from my ocd. I have told God that I do not want to make these promises. I always, fall in the same trap.
Do you think the promise is valid? Its like action-reaction.
ocd: go do the compulsion! you made a promise!
me: no!
ocd: go do it! you made a promsie!
me: I never made a promise!
ocd: You made one! GO DO IT!
subconscious: how about making a new promise not to do what ocd says?
me: good idea! (makes the new promise)
I just, cant control myself! I worry that there may be a God who is different than Jesus, who maybe does not care about ocd!
