Okay. I'm falling back into dangerous patterns. I'm obsessing about something being wrong with me. I spend more time worried about getting post partum depression after my baby is born than I do anything else. Also, I'm obsessed with the unrealistic idea that I will never feel like myself again. I know that this is all just my crazy obsessing, but it feels so real to me right now. Please pray for me everyone.
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I am obsessing
- Thread starter stacii
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junezephyr
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Hang in there Stacii. Remember that God is in control ALL the time.
Since you mentioned your fear of post-partum depression, you may want to check out this article: http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSCOL96756220070209. It highlights how most PPD women have higher concentrations of copper in their blood (which can cause depression, anxiety, obsessiveness, etc). So it could possibly really help you to try eliminating high-copper foods from your diet (and add some more zinc in your diet), to see if it makes a difference: http://www.melissadianesmith.com/Articles/CopperOverLoad.html.
Many PPD women suffer from this and don't know about it. If you could get your doctor to check your minerals, that could help you out. I had this imbalance (although I wasn't pregnant) and it worsened my anxiety. Correcting it has done me loads of good.
I'll pray for you Stacii!
Since you mentioned your fear of post-partum depression, you may want to check out this article: http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSCOL96756220070209. It highlights how most PPD women have higher concentrations of copper in their blood (which can cause depression, anxiety, obsessiveness, etc). So it could possibly really help you to try eliminating high-copper foods from your diet (and add some more zinc in your diet), to see if it makes a difference: http://www.melissadianesmith.com/Articles/CopperOverLoad.html.
Many PPD women suffer from this and don't know about it. If you could get your doctor to check your minerals, that could help you out. I had this imbalance (although I wasn't pregnant) and it worsened my anxiety. Correcting it has done me loads of good.
I'll pray for you Stacii!
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gracealone
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HI Stacii,
Sorry to hear your OCD is taking on a new tactic. I find if I get kind of over one obsession that it can bring on another new one or go back to an old one that I haven't thought about for awhile.
It's not surprising that it's going the direction of obsessing about post-partum depression. You have the data already in your head about this possibility so you got a big "What if" ready and waiting to step onto center stage.
I struggle with this vein of thinking also. I had more information in my head with this last flare of OCD about the depressive nature of the disorder so part of my obsessing focused on the "what If" I become so depressed this time round that I can't get better. I was depressed before with my OCD but I didn't obsess about depression.
It's still all OCD. I had to just learn to live with the uncertainty and not try to keep reassuring myself that I wouldn't get depressed. Other times I would just fight fire with fire and exaggerate the obsession in an over the top ridiculous way. For instance. I would say to myself.. "Yep, your probably right Mitzi.. you will become so depressed that you'll probably need electroshock therapy..etc.etc."
I was always concious of the fact that when I stopped obsessing about being depressed I was fine... but that when I obsessed about being depressed then I was depressed.
Crazy..crafty... rotten... scheming... sneaky disorder!!!
Praying for you.... and knowing that you will be just fine.. and a really great mom too.
Love you,
Mitzi
Sorry to hear your OCD is taking on a new tactic. I find if I get kind of over one obsession that it can bring on another new one or go back to an old one that I haven't thought about for awhile.
It's not surprising that it's going the direction of obsessing about post-partum depression. You have the data already in your head about this possibility so you got a big "What if" ready and waiting to step onto center stage.
I struggle with this vein of thinking also. I had more information in my head with this last flare of OCD about the depressive nature of the disorder so part of my obsessing focused on the "what If" I become so depressed this time round that I can't get better. I was depressed before with my OCD but I didn't obsess about depression.
It's still all OCD. I had to just learn to live with the uncertainty and not try to keep reassuring myself that I wouldn't get depressed. Other times I would just fight fire with fire and exaggerate the obsession in an over the top ridiculous way. For instance. I would say to myself.. "Yep, your probably right Mitzi.. you will become so depressed that you'll probably need electroshock therapy..etc.etc."
I was always concious of the fact that when I stopped obsessing about being depressed I was fine... but that when I obsessed about being depressed then I was depressed.
Crazy..crafty... rotten... scheming... sneaky disorder!!!
Praying for you.... and knowing that you will be just fine.. and a really great mom too.
Love you,
Mitzi
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Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I have sort of let it go. Marc - it has been a crazy week, and since you mentioned that, I've thought about just how nuts this week has been. I had my big sonogram (I'm having a son - my husband is already ready to sign him up for little league!) which was a little too exciting for me right now. Plus, my brother's baby is past due, so his wife is being induced tomorrow and I'm nervous about that. Plus, I got into a dumb fight with my mother and my husband, both of which thankfully have been resolved. And you're right - it is so predictable now...but you still can't stop it! One extra cup of coffee or a dog barking all night outside can ruin everything.
Mitzi - I finally called my cousin - who actually suffered from PPD and talked to her. She helped me calm down a lot, so I've now taken the attitude, that if I get PPD I'm going to fight it with all I've got...but I can't worry about it now. I sort of threw up my hands and said "God, take control of it and stop my worrying. If I get PPD give me strength and courage and support to defeat it." My first symptom is always obsessing about being depressed - which is the worst. If you are constantly thinking that you are depressed that is exactly what you become.
And, I had to laugh out loud about the electro shock therapy thought. I had that very same thought this week and again, it only goes away when you give in to it. That's what I hate about this disorder. You sort of have to admit to yourself that you are crazy or depressed or possessed by the devil or whatever just to prove to yourself that you aren't! Ugh! Who wants to admit that to themselves?? Especially when it isn't true at all. This disorder makes no sense....
Sigh - thanks for the prayers and concern everyone. I'll be praying for all of you guys. You are an AMAZING blessing to me.
Stacey
Mitzi - I finally called my cousin - who actually suffered from PPD and talked to her. She helped me calm down a lot, so I've now taken the attitude, that if I get PPD I'm going to fight it with all I've got...but I can't worry about it now. I sort of threw up my hands and said "God, take control of it and stop my worrying. If I get PPD give me strength and courage and support to defeat it." My first symptom is always obsessing about being depressed - which is the worst. If you are constantly thinking that you are depressed that is exactly what you become.
And, I had to laugh out loud about the electro shock therapy thought. I had that very same thought this week and again, it only goes away when you give in to it. That's what I hate about this disorder. You sort of have to admit to yourself that you are crazy or depressed or possessed by the devil or whatever just to prove to yourself that you aren't! Ugh! Who wants to admit that to themselves?? Especially when it isn't true at all. This disorder makes no sense....
Sigh - thanks for the prayers and concern everyone. I'll be praying for all of you guys. You are an AMAZING blessing to me.
Stacey
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gracealone
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Hi Stacey,
It's clear that you really get it. Fighting OCD is truely a paradox. It's annoying, though, to know what to do but to have so much trouble employing that knowledge. The anxiety makes the thoughts seem so terribly valid that it's hard to just brush them aside.
We just have to keep climbing back onto the horse no matter how many times we fall off.
Blessings,
Mitzi
It's clear that you really get it. Fighting OCD is truely a paradox. It's annoying, though, to know what to do but to have so much trouble employing that knowledge. The anxiety makes the thoughts seem so terribly valid that it's hard to just brush them aside.
We just have to keep climbing back onto the horse no matter how many times we fall off.
Blessings,
Mitzi
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