I am non-denominational and gf is Adventist. Can we have a happy marriage?

[Albion]

You got to my post before I had time to edit it, alas. I said that he'd sidestepped the issue, but upon re-reading his latest message to us, he indeed had addressed it. Therefore, I had to correct what I said, instead just reinforcing the idea that this is a particularly dangerous issue.

 

[Lazarus Short]

Be aware that at a national meeting in the late 19th Century, the Adventist leadership VOTED DOWN the adoption of the classic doctrine of salvation by grace through faith. Let that simmer awhile, and I write as an ex-Adventist who studied his way into it and then studied his way back out.

 

[Pedrito]

I would like to offer a couple of thoughts that I don't think have been presented yet.

By way of preamble, let me observe that by and large the posts in this thread have been reasoned, non-judgemental, and designed to be helpful. Let me also document that ryaneda has an interdenominational outlook, and his special lady appears to not have the perspective that Ellen G. White's writings were necessarily authoritative; rather that to her it is the observance of the Sabbath day that is of importance.

With that understanding as background (and hopefully it is close to correct), the following thoughts can be offered.

Thought 1.

ryaneda could suggest that his special lady start a thread in an SDA forum, making the same style of request that he made in this thread. Once a number of replies had been posted, they could sit down together and review the responses in both threads, and see where that leads.

Thought 2.

If the idea of worshipping God in a general Sabbath-keeping environment as such, does not bother ryaneda (i.e. if it does not stretch his interdenominational outlook too much), then perhaps he and his special lady could review the various Sabbath-keeping churches that exist, to see if there is one within striking distance that could be mutually acceptable to them.


Hopefully those thoughts may trigger something helpful.


(Naturally, some doctrinal issues may also need addressing.)

 

[Sketcher]

She doesn't go to SDA church as often as she comes with me to church on Sunday. I am not sure if that is what you're asking. She seems open to attend other church, yet not leave her church. Which I don't understand, based off teachings there. Just her friends going to that church.

If she were to have kids one day, would she send her kids to the SDA church?

 

[ryaneda]

Hey, Everyone! Nice to see more responses on this thread, which btw, I don't now know how to close it IF I thought I came to a conclusion with all this.
UPDATED! as of April 24th, 2016. At this point, we have had a few more good conversations about this. I have been very clear on what I am looking for in terms of family unity in church and so she understands COMPLETELY where I stand. She is still thinking about it, because my request was "Attend a church that we both enjoyed and agreed upon doctrines on sunday and then I would respect her conviction and plan "observance rest" on Saturday." We are still talking about what this would look like. She is still praying about this, because we both do love each other and she (and I) both want to respect convictions of the other. I have made it clear and stand firm on not attending SDA church as a home church, just going when we went to visit her family in California. I do not beleive that sunday worshippers are sinning and she doesn't either, yet the SDA's pillars of faith, say that saturday is the only day and she knows that I could not live with that being said to my family. We are still talking about saturday might look like (she said she loves hiking, or anything in nature that brings her close to the Lord). My only stance is on SDA or Sabbath ONLY type church. I will check back in on this and see what anyone thinks soon. I am willing to respect convictions as long as they don't go against mine directly, if that makes sense.

 

[JerMichael]

EDIT: Glad things are working out for you.

 

[Teslafied]

Right now you're courting , you are two different people so submission may not apply until marriage. But I agree a wife absolutely should submit to the husbands authority.

By Adventist, do you mean seventh day??? If so I'd implore you to google that and research it... I won't elaborate here but yea.... Anyway in my honest opinion it's going to be hard to convert I don't think you understand the grip that Adventists have on their followers.

If you love her you WILL marry her, don't keep her on the line just to perfect her your way, let her go and don't toy around with her or play games. I'm not trying to be mean here but you've been together for quite some time and the longer you draw this out the more hurt that I'll be involved if you do leave her.

Also people within Christianity of course but are in different denominations CAN work out! I entered into my relationship a courtshipwith my husband when I was attending a baptist church and he was Word of Faith. I always believed in signs and I heard about tongues I was marveled by it but skeptical. So of course when he told me things I hate to say it but I just went "uhh huh yea yea" because I wanted to put my best foot forward when in reality I was like woah thats kinda crazy. Anyway over time the more he told me about the Holy Spirit the more I wanted the gifts so long story short I converted!!! - I won't go into details but now do to some unbiblical aspects we have left the word of faith for well the bible even though we do still believe in the gifts; tongues, anointing with oil, casting demons out, laying of hands, prophesying, etc.

My point is... My husband did not let the fact that I was ignorant of his denomination / faith hinder our relationship. We dated for around a year and we got married. Even to this day there are some things we don't necessarily agree on but love conquers all.

Trust me all this won't even matter when you walk the one you love down the isle...

Sometimes we think we can square all possible troublesome things away as a means to prevent future arguments, let me tell ya my friend all marriage no matter what have disagreements BUT it's worth it.

If you love her don't let this stop you.

Edit: if she wants to worship on Saturday let her, you stay strong and worship on Sunday's. Look at the messianic Jews they worship at times on different days and that don't make them any less Christian. Love means compromise. When you love someone you're willing to do the things they enjoy because you love them, you learn their likes and dislikes... I'd suggest you too read the love dare.

 

[Teslafied]

Ps. Don't convert to SDA please google it.

 

[Lazarus Short]

Ps. Don't convert to SDA please google it.

Good advise.

 

[jef1225]

just remember happy wife happy life. if you get married and have children and she wants the family to be sda chances are unless you conform to her wishes it will get ugly. whats funny though the sda claims to be 100% bible based but its traditionally biblically supported supposed to be the man whose in charge of the of the spiritual well being of the family. but the world is so topsy turvey these days and secular where the man and woman don't know or act accordingly to gods plan for humanity anyways

 

[farmboy]

Although SDAs are often thought of as militant, every denomination has its diehards and those who are affiliated but not inclined to take the exclusivist view towards Christians of other persuasions. What I wanted to know was which category your gf falls into. If it's the latter--as seems to be the case--you have a good chance of this working out fine.

But with you having been clear and up front with her about your own beliefs and that you do think the SDA to be erroneous on certain matters such that the idea of you converting is out of the question, I'd say not to argue with success! Don't now press her to disavow her faith or family or friends...now that you basically know that she is amenable to having the two of you hold somewhat different religious views without arguing about it all the time and that you two are in accord about not letting it damage your relationship.

SDA are not thought of as militant they ARE.
I went through this exact same scenario 5 years ago with my now ex girlfriend.
She was 31 ish yrs old myself 12 years her senior.
Expect to have many conversations, they may turn into arguments but in the end you will get nowhere unless somehow she sees the light so to speak and wants to leave the SDA church.
For me I absolutely refuse to attend a SDA church or have any of my children go there.
I drew a line in the sand.
I consider SDA teaching to have serious doctrinal errors and find some of what they teach out right offensive.
The SDA church teaches their members that regardless of gender that they are the "family priest".
Trying to negotiate against that with any common sense is almost futile.

 

[farmboy]

Lose her, dude. There are more fish out there. Google up some stories about mixed marriages and the hell they became once the first child came along. I guarantee - guaaaaaaaaaaroooooooonteeeeeee - that once that baby is born, she will become Mrs. SDA on steroids. Children do that in mixed marriages. And don't forget the in-laws.

I'm serious.....you don't have that much in common except mutual attraction. You will find me and thank me later.

I totally agree.
Personally having been there and done that.
You think there are problems now while dating, just add in pregnancy and see if that will make things go better.
There has to be an easier row to hoe than marrying a SDA.
Do not forget when you marry you marry the whole dysfunctional SDA family of hers also.
Official statistics put mixed faith marriages to Adventists at 75% failure rate.
I think realistically the rate is even a lot higher.
Light of the East No I don't consider your advice to be harsh.
I consider it to be accurate and realistic.
Wished I had found this advice about 6 years ago.

 

[Blade]

In then end.. what ALL think and say here.. you talk to her about this. God would say.. if you asked.. "what do you want"? So.. be it Ad or Bapt or WF..Is JESUS lord? Did He come in the flesh? Die on the Cross for the worlds sins? Was buried? Rose the 3rd day? The only way to the Father?

Relax. God is FOR YOU and HER not against Her. And.. remember.. its not YOUR truth.. or hers.. its HIS.

 

[farmboy]

In then end.. what ALL think and say here.. you talk to her about this. God would say.. if you asked.. "what do you want"? So.. be it Ad or Bapt or WF..Is JESUS lord? Did He come in the flesh? Die on the Cross for the worlds sins? Was buried? Rose the 3rd day? The only way to the Father?

Relax. God is FOR YOU and HER not against Her. And.. remember.. its not YOUR truth.. or hers.. its HIS.

I am confused?
I am to relax about what?
The part where my ex girlfriend and her seventh day family used to verbally and mentally abuse me?
No thank you.
Is God for that?
Because I am not.
I make no apology for sending her packing.

 

[Lisa Marie Drew]

Do not marry that girl I am non denominational I have been married 17 years to man that is 7 day it is a battle and it has been a challenge we do not even talk about the word they cannot see past the old testament if I would of known I would not have ever married him. I have done research and the logo on the 7 day church is the seeing eye which is part of free masons and New world Order I have continued to research and found out every thing they believe is false and Ellen White is a a false prophet they believe in a investitive judgement so that means the day of atonement does not exist and that when Jesus comes back he picks who goes to heaven by good works ,Michael the arc angel is Jesus and Ellen White has a illuminati monument on her grave This belief is the biggest Deception Do Not Marry Her as for myself I have given this marriage to God and thats that he is in control he has made some changes but still stuck with 7 day beliefs I continue with mine and pray for him thats all I can do God bless

 

[Lisa Marie Drew]

As for the verse Come out form among them my people God was talking about the world and its system Not the sunday church attenders thats how twisted 7 day they got things its sad

 

[Albion]

Once again, it matters A LOT which churches/denominations/religious views are part of each of the two persons. Some spell big trouble, but others do not.

 

[Lisa Marie Drew]

Be aware that at a national meeting in the late 19th Century, the Adventist leadership VOTED DOWN the adoption of the classic doctrine of salvation by grace through faith. Let that simmer awhile, and I write as an ex-Adventist who studied his way into it and then studied his way back out.

Good Job I am glad you made it out

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Hi, I will try and keep this short here and I would REALLY appreciate some feedback from everyone and ESSPECIALLY from actual married couples between non-dom and adventist. The crazy thing is... I can't find ANY! It looks like it doesn't happen much.
Okay, so basically my girlfriend and I have been dating for 19months now. We have been talking alot about marriage and we are running into issues here... *Side note* we talked about faith and church when we first started going on dates and we both misunderstood the practical side to everything. She said "Well, we can find a church we both enjoy" amongst other conversations, which led me to believe, find a church as a non-dom. ONly because she was going with me every sunday and then she would go to her church off and on, on saturdays. Some weeks, we went to the beach or camping or hiking on saturdays. Anyways, I do not believe the OT covenant sabbath should be required of NT "New covenant" gentiles. She believes the 10 Commandments are everlasting and I believe the cerimonal law of the 10 are abolished on the cross and the moral law is still commanded of us. With all of that being said... I am not seeing how this would work, considering adventist slander sunday church goers as being lost and... well... taking the mark of the beast. At the minimun, they believe that if you were told the truth, then to continue on sunday, is sinning. How do I marry someone who attends a church that says thing like that (among alot of other things I disagree with)? Btw I talked with pastors at the Adventist church to clarify some of my misunderstandings, and I would have to say I agree with these statements I have made. I am not willing to switch and neither is she. Any advice or any couples been through this SAME type of thing?

 

[1watchman]

The real issue here, is whether one is a true "born again" saint (as John 3:16), and values the four Gospels and the Epistles about Church Truth as New Testament shows. Religion is NOT the ground of gathering as the Bible teaches; nor the way to Heaven. I have not seen that truth in the Adventist religion, though I have known some nice people therein. One should study what that religion teaches --not from their material though. I see them as way off track from the Gospels and Epistles --our authority for biblical Christianity. -1watchman