I am just pathetic.

[DragonFox91]

A little better I'm still manic from before but it's a lot easier to cope with now. As for church I'm probably not going to go for a while because our Elder is going to Geneva for 3 weeks to see the church that Calvin preached at and visit the city.

I don't like the backup pastor that much he's very dry and boring so im waiting until Larry comes back. But yeah it's been going okay. Just a lot of financial stress right now.

Hang in there. Keep fighting

 

[RileyG]

I do not believe God predetermines our lives, but is all knowing. He's beyond comprehension. My prayers are with you.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

Take it step by step. I think your parents' not being catty about your not having had children (yet) (which is actually perfectly natural for a very large amount of couples) does NOT mean they wouldn't welcome them IF any arrived.

It's good that Larry's church is generous. Nonetheless it would not be mental disloyalty on your part, to look into a wider range of doctrines, simply to supplement the ones you get through Larry. The thing that worries me is the prevalent idea of predetermination that is going around.

 

[CoreyD]

I know God has predetermined our lives and that everything will work out in the end but it seems hopeless. It feels like my life is going nowhere and I'm probably in a manic depressive episode right now. Dunno.

But basically all I've been doing is going deeper and deeper in debt. I haven't been reading scripture and the last time I've been in church is Easter. My pastor wants my wife and I to go to church every week and it's just so hard to. Don't get me wrong I love my pastor he is a fantastic Elder of the church and he's virtually my best friend, but he's always trying to give me money for gas and food so that we can make the hour long trip to church every week. He says he's glad to do it because he has money which I get it, when you have money you're supposed to help the poor. Even when you don't have money you're supposed to help the poor but between me and my stupid attitude and bad decision making I need Jesus more and more. I mean, I'm in a huge bind right now and it's not fair.

I don't do the things a typical Christian does. I've lost interest in evangelizing even though my friend who is transgendered is a good start. But I'm inexperienced with him and really all we do is play video games together. We talk about God sometimes but not frequently enough where it makes a difference and I'm pretty sure he is not saved anyway with the way he lives in his sinful and unrepentant lifestyle.

It's been almost 10 years now and God hasn't blessed my wife and I with a child. It's mega depressing and makes me feel like a failure. But maybe it's a good thing because we couldn't really afford a baby if she did get pregnant though. Idk. We both want a baby and have been trying for so long. It's probably completely my fault.

And of course having your inlaws wonder where the babies are doesn't help. My parents don't want a grandchild from us because we're poor. Which makes me feel worse because I want my parents to love any potential children we might have. I mean, we've been married since 2015 afterall.

All I can see is my sin. All I can see is me sinning over and over again to the point where I'm on my hands and knees to God everyday. It's a good thing because it tells me that God lives in me but it also makes me want to hurt myself everytime I commit a sin Martin Luther style.

How can I get over this and enjoy my life? Enjoy every day that God grants me whether it's a good day or a bad day? Like I said, in the end it will work out. I know this but I can't see it or focus on it.

Even if you feel pathetic, like Job, you have not cursed God. So to God, you are not pathetic.
Could it be the problem you are having is based on your first statement.
If you believe God predetermined everything, then you are likely internally battling with accepting that everthing you are experiencing was to be that way - by God.

What makes you believe God predetermined everything?

 

[CoreyD]

I hesitated to respond to your request, mainly because I did not want to add confusion to the situation. But I kept coming back to this and wanted to suggest one thing.
The idea that God has predetermined our lives may be an issue. I have found that people hold to this view may, as you said, fall into hopelessness. You feel helpless against what you think is the overwhelming will of God that is being played out in your life. I mean, who can fight against God if in fact He is doing this to you? The most dangerous thing about this kind of thinking is that it totally derails the operation of faith in your life. If your current life is being orchestrated by God, then what is the point of praying about anything? This is His will, and who can pray against that?
I have to disagree with this mindset that is held by many good believers. No. Defeat and failure with no hope of victory is not God's plan for you. His plan is stated in the scripture to be good, a blessing, and fruitful. He wants you to pray and receive so that the Father will be glorified by your success and victory in life. He does not want your life to be in shambles and become a proverb to those who watch it unfold.
John 14:12-14 KJV
12. Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also;
and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
13. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

He does not want us in continual despair and depression. Of course we will travel into valleys and times of trouble. But that should not be your whole life. You can believe God for good, and expect to see it. That is what faith is.
So if you are asking for advice, get some good material about the blessings and promises of God. Dwell on the good things and blessings God has given you in Christ. Get away from the negative that seeks to keep you in darkness and despair.
Proverbs 19:27 KJV
27. Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.

I have found I have to stop watching some secular TV and movies because of the dark and gloomy world it portrays.

Consider what Peter said about Lot:
2 Peter 2:7-9 KJV
7. And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked:
8. (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing,
vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;)
9. The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations,
and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:

Many believers in this culture are down in the pits and their souls are vexed because of the things they see and hear every day. You may have to cut these things off from yourself before you find deliverance. You cannot feed yourself with poison and expect your health to get better.
Anyways, I pray you find success in your walk and life.

Thank you for that. I agree with you, totally.