I am gay. Am I a bad person?

[LoisGriffin]

No, you are not a bad person because you are gay. You are a bad person because you are allowing your spouse to believe she is married to someone that loves her and is sexually attracted to her. If you loved her or valued her as a person you would be honest with her and allow her to make her own choices--instead of forcing your life choices on her.

Quoted for truth

 

[Dogbean]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

Are you a bad person, you ask? No. But you are a sinner.

Recommend ditching the gay lovers and be honest with your wife. If you are having sex with them, and you are married, then you are committing adultery as well. Adultery, deceitfulness, and homosexual actions are all sin. Sounds like you are in a mess on multiple levels. This could have disasterous effects for you and your family. Tread carefully and seek God's glory above all.

 

[wanderingone]

I always wonder with these types of phony posts...

Is it a test to see what the conservatives will say? Is it a test to see what the lefties will say? Is it a test to see if everyone is so hung up on the issue they won't notice that it's a "scenario"? Is it someone soo afraid they might be identified that they use a similar scenario to cover up their real one.. (because obviously while this is obviously the real robert reed story it's not exactly unheard of...)

 

[Dogbean]

The opening post was fake?

 

[.Sabre.]

Well, yes, that is the general consensus.

In any case, in such a situation:
Be honest with yourself and everyone else. Don't try to be a person you aren't.

 

[wanderingone]

The opening post was fake?

Are you joking- or did you ignore the rest of the thread?

ROBERT REED played mike brady- he was a closeted (although the closet door much have been see through) gay man who was married for about 20 years and had a daughter with his wife. He allegedly used to threaten the men he had affairs with to keep them from outing him.

 

[Molal]

I always wonder with these types of phony posts...

Is it a test to see what the conservatives will say? Is it a test to see what the lefties will say? Is it a test to see if everyone is so hung up on the issue they won't notice that it's a "scenario"? Is it someone soo afraid they might be identified that they use a similar scenario to cover up their real one.. (because obviously while this is obviously the real robert reed story it's not exactly unheard of...)

Does it matter? How about providing good, honest help and advice.

This may be a joke, but there may be others that this thread helps.

 

[wanderingone]

Does it matter? How about providing good, honest help and advice.

This may be a joke, but there may be others that this thread helps.

Actually I did give an honest and simple answer before pointing out that is was a fake... but yes it DOES matter, joke scenarios don't help people -- they are always exposed as fakes - making all the advice seem foolish and those who didn't catch on are just fodder for the folks who would like to point out that many people are too hung up on certain issues, beliefs, agendas to see the forest for the trees. (and yuck I know I used a cliche..... almost as bad as fake posts)

 

[Sitswithamouse]

I thought this post was on the level to begin with, and I feel a little put out now to find out it was a fake. Thanks to all who pointed out it wasn't genuine.

I just hope that someone who is going through something similar gets some advice to help them when reading the replies.

 

[wanderingone]

I thought this post was on the level to begin with, and I feel a little put out now to find out it was a fake. Thanks to all who pointed out it wasn't genuine.

I just hope that someone who is going through something similar gets some advice to help them when reading the replies.

Well.. I feel bad pointing it out for anyone who didn't catch it.. and at first I put in the "say hi to florence for me" then took it out, then put it back in... I don't want to pick on those who don't remember robert reed's name --I mean it's not like he's hall of fame material.. and if you didn't grow up on the brady bunch-- plus like I said.. it's not an unheard of scenario. What I posted stands as what I would tell someone in such a situation, I still find such little jokes meant to pick on the well meaning interest of others a bit insulting.

 

[LittleNipper]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

Don't commit adultary and place your attention on learning more about GOD instead of directing your facination to worldly pleasures. You owe that much to both your wife and daughter and the pledge you made in your marriage vows.

 

[Alexandrah]

The post may be fake but there are people in this exact situation.

These things will continue to happen as long as homosexuality is considered an unacceptable or immoral lifestyle. As long as we have people claiming that homosexuality is a curable problem or a choice there will be homosexual people getting married and trying to hide their true nature. I can't imagine that if society were more accepting of that lifestyle that gay people would still be shamed into maintaining the status quo.

 

[TooCurious]

The OP may have been a Poe, but to anyone who finds himself in such a situation:

Be honest with your wife. Cheating is cheating, and it isn't fair to her. Maybe the two of you truly love one another, and want to try to stay together; that's fine. Maybe the two of you will decide it's best to break things off, and seek out more fulfilling relationships. That's fine too. You can still remain close friends, if you still care deeply about one another. However, do not force yourselves to remain married "for the kids." Children are much more perceptive than adults often imagine, and there's no better way to poison a kid's feelings about marriage and relationships than to grow up watching their parents constantly feeling miserable and resentful toward one another. It would be far better for any children to see a healthy and happy relationshp modeled in the form of the mother's marriage to her second husband, or the father's relationship with his partner.

In summary: Cheating on your wife is wrong. Threatening people is wrong. Being gay is not wrong. Being honest is better for everyone involved (yes, even the children!) in the long run.

 

[Rimbaud]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

In short no. The lieing and threatening people is bad, I wouldn't say that makes you a quote "bad person". People forced into situations such as the one you are in through a life time of repression, brainwashing, and guilt by their family members often will have problems in both family and personal areas. Take it from someone who has developed multiple mental problems from the constant homophobia and hatred expressed towards him from his mother all his life.

You could try being honest with your wife and perhaps file for divorce. You might say, "but I love my wife". Well that might be true, but you obviously don't love her in the way you love a life long partner or you wouldn't be A. Cheating on her repeatedly, and B. Lieing profusely about it and threatening innocent people. If you can't see that struggling for 15 years with something that is an innate part of you and won't go away and doesn't hurt anyone in and of itself (except the people you are lieing to about it), then there doesn't seem to be much hope for you in this area. By that I don't mean there is no hope, I mean there is no hope until you at first accept and and understand yourself and love yourself as WHO YOU ARE. I would highly suggest going to see a therapist they can help with this process, as well as much of the emotional turmoil these things often cause people. I know mine has helped me immensely (though I am still trying to find a way to come out to my family I am much more at ease with myself at least).

My heart goes out to you on this issue, I know it is tough and painful. Please don't give up hope, and please do seriously give thought to what I said. Know that you are not alone, there are so many of us in the exact same or similiar situations that you are.

 

[JustHisKid]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

We're all sinners. I think your biggest problem right now is that you are cheating on, deceiving, and betraying your wife and daughter. Just because you lust for sex with men does not mean you should act on it. Your wife may be loving but she isn't married to a loving man. Cut her loose for her own good and the good of her daughter. That's what I think.

.

 

[ken777]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

Robert Reed could have done a lot to help himself. Our church has a support group for Christians who experience unwanted same sex attraction. For Christians, SSA is a disorder, and even though it may never disappear, it can be managed so that the person can achieve his/her life goals, personal, social, and religious.

SSA does not make anyone a bad person. One is either a repentant sinner or an unrepentant sinner.

 

[Mattao]

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

Dont come to a message board asking for help.

 

[Gregg Johnson]

Hi Robert. I don't think your homosexuality makes you a bad person. It is a sin to lay with another man, but remember that God is forgiving, and He loves you despite your choices. There is a reason He gave us free will, and that will ultimately lead to situations like yours. As long as you stay true to God, you will eventually find the right path, for He will guide you to it as His child.

I think the main issue here is not so much your sexual orientation, but the deceit of your wife and your indefensible acts of fortification behind her back. As you have already said, your wife loves you, so attempt to picture in your mind how soul-destroying it will be for her if and when she discovers that her husband is gay, has cheated on her with other men, and to top it all off, has arguably used her through the forging of a false marriage simply to mask his own guilt.

I know I probably sound hard right now, but you must understand and be willing to acknowledge the mistakes you have made. First and foremost, your wife deserves the truth. You must inform her of your behavior, and give her time to think things through. IF she decides to give you another chance, you must choose between your own sexuality and lustful desires and your marriage to your wife. The fact that you have a daughter complicates the issue even more.

To conclude, you have sinned not only in respect of your homosexual activities, but also in deceiving your wife which equates to lying ("thou shalt not bear false witness") and also in committing adultery. As damning as this may seem, remember that God is always forgiving; He recognizes our imperfections and asks only that we learn from them and remain true to Him. The fact that you are posting here suggests you feel guilty about your actions, which is a good start. I am sure you are a kind and intelligent man, and you have God on your side, so there is reason to be optimistic. You can redeem yourself, but you must start by making amends to your wife for your betrayal.

 

[Gregg Johnson]

Sorry, I've just realized how old this thread is! I was fooled by the time of the latest post, so apologies once again! I'm new to these boards, so hopefully I won't make that mistake again.

 

[ken777]

Sorry, I've just realized how old this thread is! I was fooled by the time of the latest post, so apologies once again! I'm new to these boards, so hopefully I won't make that mistake again.

You probably need to skim read all the old posts in the thread because "Robert Reed" was just a novel device for asking the question.

.