I am confused

[wondering star]

not sure if right place as first post.

I have always believed in God, attended church on and off when young. A few times in my 20's I went to church regularly, tried to live a good life.

In approx 2002 things changed, a few things happened to make me realise God was calling me , I met a ladie who withon a few minutes of talking to her said " I'm a Christian " , I suddenly realsied I had no Bible for everyday use and had to go buy one, i could not stop thinking about God and Jesus and took myself off for a few days on my own, I had one problem stopping me from being saved and that was I lived with my now husband. We were waiting on my divorce and where to married then.

I called a local church and asked could someone call me as I needed a chat ( this was the church my new Christian friend belonged to and she suggested calling them ) A few days later I was on lunch at a different time and called to my home, on the way through the door the phone rang, now remember I should not have even been at home and it was one of the Pastors from the Church. I explained my prediciment and she said " jesus would rather have you just as you are rather than not at all "

I was still unsure and thanked her but it took me a few more days to realise she was right. So I prayed asked for forgiveness, I started to go to Church and for about 2 years it was the happiest time of my life. I will add I stopped having a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months until we were married . This was hard but he understood totally. I tried during this time to find the Church that was right for me, not sure if I ever did. I slowly feel away , although still a believer but stopped going to any Church, stopped reading my Bible. I was a different person during this time, I was so happy, so tolerant of others, could see no wrong in anyone.

I then became ill and spent a long time in hospital during which I had counselling, a lot of things came out about my past BUT I realised that nothing I can do will change the past and I forgave the people who hurt me. I will never forget but had forgiven. this was no longer going to distroy my life. During this time I payed sometimes and read Bible now and again but who no longer see myself as a proper Christian.

Then the worst day of my life. I got a call to go to my daughters school. a matter of " child protection " long story short is my son had abused her. I do not know all the details, just that it happened forst when she was 8 and last time when I was in hospital ill. He is 8 years older than her. After talking to Police she decided she could not go through with prosecuting him , I did not agree but had to repect her decission so he got off with it, without her statement Police had no evidence. He dissapeared again, and about a year later I got a phone call, well about 20 calls in one night saying I was making all this up and he was going to come and kill me and burn our house.

My daughter is getting on with her life and my son is very rarely mentioned in our home.

Sorry for going on and on. NowI have started to think I want to go back to Church, I wnat to be saved again BUT after going to Chirch last night I came across a passage in Bible that says

Matthew 6:14-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.




I do not know if I can forgive my son for what he did to my daughter. I forgave the men who abused me but my daughter is different




I just feel like I cannot as God to take me back because of this passage. I am not a bad person, I do not lie, I do not steal, I try and see good in everyone.



I am so confused, I have not spoken to my son in 4 years , I do not want to speak to him again. I had a call form Police a few days ago asking if I knew where he was as they are looking him so I know he is still living in same country as us.



The Church I went to last night is one I had attended before on and off. the Paster there knew about some issues with my son , the alcohol, the drugs, the thefts, teh verbal abuse to me. He did not know about my daughter as this came out after I stopped going. The Church got a new Paster a few months ago, he is really nice, as meeting him for first time he gave me his number and said if I wanted a visit to give him a ring.



Sorry for long post and if in wrong place

 

[sterken7983]

I am terribly sorry for the sorrow which you have seen.

I do feel you need to forgive your son so that the devil cannot use this to destroy which he is. By forgiving him, you will be giving up that which you are holding against your son for Jesus to take it from you.

Would it be nice to never think of your son again?

Then forgive him. It is the ONLY way you can ever move past what happened. And I believe the only way you will be able to forgive him is through the Holy Spirit. Something that terrible, you will need the Holy Spirit to give you power so that you can forgive him.

Also, from your writing, I get the impression that you feel you need to confront him face to face. I do not feel this is so. You need to forgive your son so that God can also forgive you your sins. NOT to make your son feel better. I do not think you ever need to see him again. He sounds dangerous. But you need to forgive him in your heart and before God so that you are righteous. This isn't about your son. This is about you, the Lord and your relationship with Him. He wants you to forgive so that He can continue to work inside you, to heal you and build you up to what He wants you to be.

I also would advise for your daughter to forgive her brother in her heart and before the Lord as well so that she too may move on with her life. Again, forgiving him this sin is the ONLY way you two will be able to move on from this tragedy and not be utterly detroyed by the devil's works.

My advice would be to make as much QUIET and ALONE time as you can and read through the first four books of the New Testament of the Bible carefully and slowly, asking the Holy Spirit for comfort and guidance.

I believe that God has caused all these sufferings in your life to turn you unto Him. For the ones He calls are the weak, the low in spirit, the abused, the abandoned, the lost and the meek.

May God bless you, sister and I praise you for all your strength. Please do NOT give up now, for surely the Lord's redemption for your life is right around the corner! But don't miss out on it by focusing on the sorrows of this world! Lift your eyes to Him and His Merciful Glory and cause your daughter to do the same with you so that you may both be comforted and transformed in each other. Because how mighty would it be to change the destructive and evil actions of your sin against your daughter and you into a victory for the Lord and a victory for both of you?

Do you see the light that is trying to shine through this darkness? Your post deeply moved me. Please post more here or Private Message me, whatever you would like to do. I would love to give you counsel and help you get "un-confused" because there is a Hope and a Victory in this world, even in your circumstance. Please respond.

Please know that I will be praying for you and for your daughter that the Lord might first protect you both from further harm and secondly to soften your hearts and break your spirits unto Him, finding comfort in His Word and His Mercy. I will pray these things for you because here, I see a MARVELOUSLY BEAUTIFUL chance for victory in both your lives. Please seek the Lord, for He loves you and is calling to you. PLEASE TAKE HIS HAND! He makes ALL THINGS new and wipes away ALL tears and He alone can heal your hearts and spirits.

May the grace, peace, mercy and understanding of the Lord be unto you and unto your daughter as well.

 

[wondering star]

thank you so much for your reply sterken7983

Your right I feel I need to confront my son as I have never been able to but it would not do any good if I did. He will deny it. I know 100% my daughter told the truth, as do my few family members who know about it. I know he would not be giving it a second thought but it is in my mind every day and I cannot move on with my life because of it .

He was part of the reason I stopped going to Church before, he asked to go with me , he got " saved" had people from the Church going to see him , to help him and it was all a story, he told me afterwards he only did it to make me mad when I found out he had lied. I felt totally ashamed and when I eventually told the Paster what he said when he visited me in hospital he said he knew he was lieing about it.

I have had time when I have had the feeling of being called back , like one day while driving I started getting the words " let not your heart be troubled , let not your heart be troubled" I told my husband I NEEDED to go to Church that night and when flicking through my Bible in car on way to Church I came across John14 v1. It was like it was a sign.

I asked my husband ( believes in God but would not say he was Saved as he does not think you need to be ) if he believes you can forgive someone totally. He know who I was talking about and he said NO , he does not think I can ever forgive him and he says he can never forgive him.

 

[sterken7983]

I am glad that my words helped.

I am concerned about your husbands counsel, for it does not sound Biblical. Not sure what you meant about being saved but you MUST be saved by Christ Jesus because without Him, you cannot come unto the Father and He cannot forgive your sins unless you humble yourself before Him, beg His forgiveness, and recieve the Holy Spirit by faith in what you are professing. Please, counsel your husband or at least tell him not to advise you on spiritual matters until he has a better understanding himself!

Also, he is TOTALLY WRONG about the forgiveness of your son and his advice would keep you seperated from God, eventually leading you unto hell! You must confess your sins to Christ and seek salvation from Him through faith in Him and you must confess to Christ that you forgive your son for his sin when you are ready to do so.

I do not wish to speak against your husband and do not want to cause trouble in your relationship but do bear in mind that the Lord wishes for you to place Him above ALL THINGS, even your husband. This is why we need to be reading the Bible DAILY, so that we thoroughly know the Word of God. That way, you can test the word of your husband against the Word of the Lord and show him his mistake, lest he too be decieved and not be saved.

You can assuredly forgive your son in full but only when you are ready. Have faith, repent of your sin, seek FULLY the Kingdom of God (salvation) and pray that He would make your heart be able to forgive your son and He will. If you have faith in Him, He will.

But equally as important: YOU MUST help your daughter to do these things as well! For she is the REAL victim here (and I assume she is young?) She must be doing these things before satan destroys her through her sorrow and you, being her mother, will one day be held accountable for these things as she IS your daughter.

Please get into the Word and, if your preacher is TRULY a man of God, seek his counsel if it helps. But remember: seek GOD above all men, even above your husband and your preacher. Read His Word. He WILL reveal Himself to you and WILL lead you IF you truly seek him with all your heart and all your soul. And PLEASE teach these things to your daughter QUICKLY before the devil snatches her away.

May the Lord's Mercy and Comfort come to you and may He reveal His will and Grace unto you and your husband and your daughter.

 

[Peacedove]

Dear Wondering Star, you may have given up on God for a time but remember that God never gies up on us. Forgiveness is a difficult thing and God will deal with you and help you all the way, all you have to do is be open to Him. He will never turn you away because He loves you more than you can ever imagine. We love with human love but God loves with His love and that is far too big for us to take in. Rest assured that if you go to God He will be there with arms wide open for you.

 

[wondering star]

But equally as important: YOU MUST help your daughter to do these things as well! For she is the REAL victim here (and I assume she is young?) .

I understand my daughter is the real victim but she is not the only one, this effected our whole family.

She is now in her 20's and no matter how hard I would try I cannot force her or my husband to believe what I believe. I can tell them but it is their choice. Sorry maybe I am wrong.

thanks again for reply.

 

[sterken7983]

Your welcome. No, you are defenitely not wrong. They must make their own choices.

I guess what I was trying to say is to urge them, to witness to them (and of course, do these things GENTLY). The rest will be up to God. For He is very well probably working in their hearts as we speak but you are VERY right, it is their choice and their paths. The best you could do for them is to pray for them and for your whole family.

And thank you to PeaceDove. Her comment is very wonderful. God loves you very much and He is there for you no matter what. He is the one who has given you the strength up until this point and often, the times when we feel most alone, those are the times that He is carrying us through the storm though we don't even realize it.

For I truly believe that without Him we would never last a day. He loves us like a shephard keeping watch over His flock and rescuing the ones that are in dire need in that very hour. May He grant you strength and much comfort.

 

[wondering star]

Dear Wondering Star, you may have given up on God for a time but remember that God never gies up on us. Forgiveness is a difficult thing and God will deal with you and help you all the way, all you have to do is be open to Him. He will never turn you away because He loves you more than you can ever imagine. We love with human love but God loves with His love and that is far too big for us to take in. Rest assured that if you go to God He will be there with arms wide open for you.

I have a lot of thinking to do , thanks for your post , makes sense

 

[LWB]

Hi Wondering Star, and welcome.

You don't know if you can forgive your son: that's okay! Maybe as you progress in your relationship with God, he will give you the grace to forgive. You've forgiven those who hurt you, and that would surely please God.

Maybe you feel it isn't right to forgive when your son has shown no indication of remorse. Why not give your pain over to God, and trust him to deal with it? Let it go. Then if your son returns and is seeking forgiveness, deal with it then.

Until such a time please continue with your relationship to the Lord. He loves you so much, and would be grief stricken that you allow this to come between you.

 

[MKJ]

This is very difficult, and many people have similar issues. It is often much more difficult to forgive those who have hurt others than those who have hurt us.

Remember that God is not asking us to do something which is impossible. You do not have to begin to feel warm and fuzzy to your son. It doesn't mean that you would not take the appropriate legal steps if you were still at that stage. It doesn't mean you need to forget what happened. God is not asking us to change our emotions that we cannot control - that is not what forgiveness is.

What I think we do need to do in forgiving people is let go of our judgement on them and give it to God. To remember that sorting out this kind of justice at the spiritual level is up to him. To wish the best for the person who has hurt him - wish for him to truly understand and be reconciled to God. We need to do our best to let go of hate and realize tha God loves even those who are in need of forgiveness. We need to hope that we can let our negative emotions go and be at peace.

And when we struggle, we need to pray for God's help, and really accept it - and that part can be hard. It is very tempting to keep anger in our hearts intentionally.

Going back to a church regularly can really help, but you don't need to go to "get saved" You have already been saved, you just need to say yes to that and live it.

 

[wondering star]

thanks everyone for your replies

I have so much to think about and am so pleased to have found this forum, just need to find my way around now.

 

[razzelflabben]

I am terribly sorry for the sorrow which you have seen.

I do feel you need to forgive your son so that the devil cannot use this to destroy which he is. By forgiving him, you will be giving up that which you are holding against your son for Jesus to take it from you.

Would it be nice to never think of your son again?

Then forgive him. It is the ONLY way you can ever move past what happened. And I believe the only way you will be able to forgive him is through the Holy Spirit. Something that terrible, you will need the Holy Spirit to give you power so that you can forgive him.

Also, from your writing, I get the impression that you feel you need to confront him face to face. I do not feel this is so. You need to forgive your son so that God can also forgive you your sins. NOT to make your son feel better. I do not think you ever need to see him again. He sounds dangerous. But you need to forgive him in your heart and before God so that you are righteous. This isn't about your son. This is about you, the Lord and your relationship with Him. He wants you to forgive so that He can continue to work inside you, to heal you and build you up to what He wants you to be.

I also would advise for your daughter to forgive her brother in her heart and before the Lord as well so that she too may move on with her life. Again, forgiving him this sin is the ONLY way you two will be able to move on from this tragedy and not be utterly detroyed by the devil's works.

My advice would be to make as much QUIET and ALONE time as you can and read through the first four books of the New Testament of the Bible carefully and slowly, asking the Holy Spirit for comfort and guidance.

I believe that God has caused all these sufferings in your life to turn you unto Him. For the ones He calls are the weak, the low in spirit, the abused, the abandoned, the lost and the meek.

May God bless you, sister and I praise you for all your strength. Please do NOT give up now, for surely the Lord's redemption for your life is right around the corner! But don't miss out on it by focusing on the sorrows of this world! Lift your eyes to Him and His Merciful Glory and cause your daughter to do the same with you so that you may both be comforted and transformed in each other. Because how mighty would it be to change the destructive and evil actions of your sin against your daughter and you into a victory for the Lord and a victory for both of you?

Do you see the light that is trying to shine through this darkness? Your post deeply moved me. Please post more here or Private Message me, whatever you would like to do. I would love to give you counsel and help you get "un-confused" because there is a Hope and a Victory in this world, even in your circumstance. Please respond.

Please know that I will be praying for you and for your daughter that the Lord might first protect you both from further harm and secondly to soften your hearts and break your spirits unto Him, finding comfort in His Word and His Mercy. I will pray these things for you because here, I see a MARVELOUSLY BEAUTIFUL chance for victory in both your lives. Please seek the Lord, for He loves you and is calling to you. PLEASE TAKE HIS HAND! He makes ALL THINGS new and wipes away ALL tears and He alone can heal your hearts and spirits.

May the grace, peace, mercy and understanding of the Lord be unto you and unto your daughter as well.

amen...the only thing I would add to this wonderful advice is that God is our avenger. So many times we struggle with forgiving someone (especially when they have wronged someone we love and are there to protect) because we feel the need to "correct" the wrong, avenger the abused. But this avenging, is God's alone, not our own. When we learn to allow God to have what is His (in this case vengence) and focus our attention on what is ours (in this case forgiving), it makes it a whole lot easier to allow the HS to work in and through us. Let God have the vengence, you stay focused on allowing the HS to dwell in you and you in Him and there find peace that the world cannot know.

May you find peace, forgiveness, and a love that transforms not only you and your daughter, but your son as well. Bringing all to reconciliation and restoration that is pure, complete, and supernatural in it's very origin.

 

[razeontherock]

thanks everyone for your replies

I have so much to think about .

I don't know if anybody else has said this yet, but you show a lot of courage by even facing the problem and mentioning this. Then turning for help? Even more!

How will you ever get past your hurdle without God's help?

_________________________________________________________________


Is some part of you thinking Salvation works by us fixing all our problems, becoming perfect, and then G-d can find us acceptable? (If so, this would be a good time to start changing that.)

"without me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5)

Matthew 19:26 But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."


There's our answer, for so many things ...

Welcome to CF If you can find an old thread I started in Dreams & Visions, it may help you. I put it up maybe last August? Called something like "shaking on a stick," or something.

 

[BelieversOfGod]

not sure if right place as first post.

I have always believed in God, attended church on and off when young. A few times in my 20's I went to church regularly, tried to live a good life.

In approx 2002 things changed, a few things happened to make me realise God was calling me , I met a ladie who withon a few minutes of talking to her said " I'm a Christian " , I suddenly realsied I had no Bible for everyday use and had to go buy one, i could not stop thinking about God and Jesus and took myself off for a few days on my own, I had one problem stopping me from being saved and that was I lived with my now husband. We were waiting on my divorce and where to married then.

I called a local church and asked could someone call me as I needed a chat ( this was the church my new Christian friend belonged to and she suggested calling them ) A few days later I was on lunch at a different time and called to my home, on the way through the door the phone rang, now remember I should not have even been at home and it was one of the Pastors from the Church. I explained my prediciment and she said " jesus would rather have you just as you are rather than not at all "

I was still unsure and thanked her but it took me a few more days to realise she was right. So I prayed asked for forgiveness, I started to go to Church and for about 2 years it was the happiest time of my life. I will add I stopped having a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months until we were married . This was hard but he understood totally. I tried during this time to find the Church that was right for me, not sure if I ever did. I slowly feel away , although still a believer but stopped going to any Church, stopped reading my Bible. I was a different person during this time, I was so happy, so tolerant of others, could see no wrong in anyone.

I then became ill and spent a long time in hospital during which I had counselling, a lot of things came out about my past BUT I realised that nothing I can do will change the past and I forgave the people who hurt me. I will never forget but had forgiven. this was no longer going to distroy my life. During this time I payed sometimes and read Bible now and again but who no longer see myself as a proper Christian.

Then the worst day of my life. I got a call to go to my daughters school. a matter of " child protection " long story short is my son had abused her. I do not know all the details, just that it happened forst when she was 8 and last time when I was in hospital ill. He is 8 years older than her. After talking to Police she decided she could not go through with prosecuting him , I did not agree but had to repect her decission so he got off with it, without her statement Police had no evidence. He dissapeared again, and about a year later I got a phone call, well about 20 calls in one night saying I was making all this up and he was going to come and kill me and burn our house.

My daughter is getting on with her life and my son is very rarely mentioned in our home.

Sorry for going on and on. NowI have started to think I want to go back to Church, I wnat to be saved again BUT after going to Chirch last night I came across a passage in Bible that says

Matthew 6:14-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.




I do not know if I can forgive my son for what he did to my daughter. I forgave the men who abused me but my daughter is different




I just feel like I cannot as God to take me back because of this passage. I am not a bad person, I do not lie, I do not steal, I try and see good in everyone.



I am so confused, I have not spoken to my son in 4 years , I do not want to speak to him again. I had a call form Police a few days ago asking if I knew where he was as they are looking him so I know he is still living in same country as us.



The Church I went to last night is one I had attended before on and off. the Paster there knew about some issues with my son , the alcohol, the drugs, the thefts, teh verbal abuse to me. He did not know about my daughter as this came out after I stopped going. The Church got a new Paster a few months ago, he is really nice, as meeting him for first time he gave me his number and said if I wanted a visit to give him a ring.



Sorry for long post and if in wrong place

TO WONDERING STAR!

Matthew 6:14-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

I haven't been in situation just as you are. But I know how does it feel. It really hurt. Moreover it is not easy to forgive such crazy thing that happened to you.

But the message from God is very specific, "FORGIVE".

Obey God although it is hard. Because it is much harder to imprison yourself to a hate and anger that would possibly soon pull you down to a pit of wrath hence disobedience to God.

Your situation is very difficult.

But remember, he is your son. And he needs your love and understanding.

It is hard but you must do it.And soon it will bring good fruits to you god bless.