Hypothetical Question...

[searle29678]

Let's say that you get married and the marriage is going horrible wrong. Not necassarily adultery or abuse. It's just horrible. You don't get along, you constantly argue, neither of you wants sex or any physical contact. In that situation is it possible that you were never meant to be together? Is there ever a scenario where God approves of divorce because he had someone out there better for you that you didn't wait long enough for?

 

[super mom]

To this their are no right person, A marrige is based on submitting to each other.
When we allow are hearts to harber selfishness are marriage will die.
love can only exsist when we are willing to build the marriage on Christ, then
the other person.
the marriage won't work if you both are not willing to put the other person before themselves and build it all on God.

 

[heartnsoul]

We probably need more details to give you more accurate advice. Generally speaking, if the marriage is going horribly, then it sounds like there are many issues to iron out. Communication is probably a major problem in the relationship. Usually people resort to arguing and shouting matches if they do not know how to argue constructively and communicate effectively. Men and women are so different and their needs and communication styles are different too. You know the old saying..."it takes *two* to tango". So if you want to break the chain of the arguing, just stop arguing. One person can't argue by himself/herself. Things should be discussed at the right time when both parties are calm and ready to "talk", not "argue." This is easier said than done but nothing ever gets accomplished when both parties are defensive, emotional, angry, and tempers are flaring.

There are plenty of books out there that address communication styles. Also, marriage counseling probably couldn't hurt either. They are all good ways to help a marriage. If the "values" are extremely different, then that could be a big problem. One of the reasons why God wants us to be patient and wait on His timing is because He has someone special for us that complements ourselves. The other "half" so to speak who share the same values--like "soul mates." Some people don't believe in soul mates, but I do. I know of people in this forum who are married to their soul mates.

In your situation since you are already married, I don't think God would want you to just divorce to find a soul mate. There are always lessons to be learned in every relationship. I have heard it said that sometimes people are brought together to "polish" each other. Both of you can learn from each other. If you both are arguing all the time, then it sounds like both of you have a lot of issues to work out with each other and maybe even your "own" personal issues to work through too. Giving up isn't the answer if there isn't any physical abuse. Marriages are a lot of hard work and no one ever said it was easy.

Your post was a little vague so forgive me if it's not *you* who is having the marital problem. In my post here, I am assuming it was you, but if it's not, just substitute "you" for whoever is having the problem. Hope it helps. I will pray for God to give you and your husband wisdom and peace to work things out.

 

[~Nikki~]

I think it's possible for a horrible marriage to become a great one, with God's help and some hard work.

I heard a saying which goes like this -

You marry three people, not one person: the person you think they are, the person they really are, and the person they will become as a result of being married to you.

I think that by following God's guidelines for doing things, that anything is possible.

Here's a link to a great testimony which shows what can be achieved when two people are willing to work at things...

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/002/9.44.html

Blessings...

 

[WolfGate]

Since the Bible lays out times when divorce is acceptable and says not to divorce otherwise, and since God is omnipotent and omniscient, and since the Bible tells us all we need to know, then my logical conclusion is that outside of those biblical parameters there is not a scenario where God approves of divorce because he had someone out there better for you that you didn't wait long enough for?

I know that isn't always a popular stance it today's world, and I know a lot of true Christians have divorced, so there isn't judgement on my part, rather simply a conclusion.

 

[Svt4Him]

Let's say that you get married and the marriage is going horrible wrong. Not necassarily adultery or abuse. It's just horrible. You don't get along, you constantly argue, neither of you wants sex or any physical contact. In that situation is it possible that you were never meant to be together? Is there ever a scenario where God approves of divorce because he had someone out there better for you that you didn't wait long enough for?

First off, why did you get married in the first place? Second off, there is never anyone better, that is a fallacy. If you can't work out your issues with your current spouse, why would it be any different next time around. Third I have a rather unorthodox view on divorce, but I don't think God would approve because there is someone better for you.

 

[I can eat 50 eggs]

Another thing, It would NEVER be in God's plans to divorce and then remarry, since that is adultery

 

[GirlieGirl]

No. It completely goes against God's Word.

And I'm not sure that the poster is talking about her own situation...

 

[InTheFlame]

My theory (I decided not to test it ) is that practically any man and any woman could marry and build a happy, successful marriage IF -

- they are both committed to making the marriage work
- they are respectful and polite towards each other
- they act in love towards each other as per 1 Corinthians 13.

I could be wrong there. But I suspect (as I've said before) that being married to a person who had 1 Cor 13 down pat in their behaviour, would be heavenly. I know my husband does pretty well in that regard, and he's great to live with.

 

[Jenna]

I am completely with GirlieGirl on this one.

 

[searle29678]

I posted this in the womens forum too and what got me curious was my mother in law and various other women and men that have remarried. They believe that it wasn't Gods will for them to marry their first husband/wife so the marriage could not be repaired thus ending in divorce. They believe that who they married the second time is the one that God intended they just didn't wait long enough. That is what made me wonder about this. These are long time, what I consider to be mature, Christian people and I wondered if they knew something I didn't about God's will for marriage.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, you made a covenant before God himself and a room of witnesses and said yes to , "For better or for worse...till death do you part."

So rather than finding ways out of it, perhaps finding ways to salvage a marriage should be the focus of efforts.

It's not God's fault that someone rushed into marriage.

 

[searle29678]

I thought so too. I guess too many romance novels get us caught up in the soul mate fantasy. I personally don't see any reason why God couldn't repair my marriage which I thought was in ruins, but He is doing it. People who know us well and know our issues have mentioned that, like them or someone they know, we aren't meant to be and should just let it go. Even his mother said something similar to that.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I saw your other thread as well which helped explain things a lot more.
God can do anything. I would love to see your marriage work.
I got married at 26 and wasn't even man enough to be a good husband. I still had some growing up to do.

Soul mates. That is an interesting concept.

It is worth trying all you can to make the marriage work. But if the other spouse is not putting any effort into helping, what can you do?

 

[Got Eternal Life?]

That's an interesting point. I've wondered about that. I am always getting remarks from my husband about how hard he is trying to make our marriage work yet, I'm not seeing the effort. What does a man consider as effort?

It is worth trying all you can to make the marriage work. But if the other spouse is not putting any effort into helping, what can you do?

 

[Jenna]

More importantly, what does your husband see as effort?

 

[searle29678]

My idea of a husband trying is my dad. My mother is soooo difficult to live with. Never happy with anything. This man is a state trooper who works 12 hour shifts, repairs cars with a friend on the side, takes my little sister to and from school almost everyday, cleans the house, fixes EVERYTHING that breaks, pays the majority of the bills, keeps the yard up, and still thinks my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm not really being biased people who know my family also think my dad is great. All the while, he is patient, sensitive, and loyal. He has stuck around for 25 years even though my mother is telling him everyday that he isn't doing enough and when he does do enough, it wasn't done right.

I'm not saying that every man has to be like my dad to be considered "trying to make it work" but I think that learning to resolve issues and loving their wife unconditionally is a good start. I think we women can be overly critical of a man's effort because they are so different from us in the way they show emotion. We are just so different it's hard to measure a man's effort against our own.

 

[Avaya]

My theory (I decided not to test it ) is that practically any man and any woman could marry and build a happy, successful marriage IF -

- they are both committed to making the marriage work
- they are respectful and polite towards each other
- they act in love towards each other as per 1 Corinthians 13.

I completely agree. I think that even if you choose the wrong person to marry, once you say "I Do" then that person BECOMES the person God intended for you. You step outside of God's will and you have to live with the consequences. Sometimes that means staying married to someone who you don't think the world of. But I think that if you both are willing to make the marriage work, then it doesn't matter - it will work.

 

[Got Eternal Life?]

More importantly, what does your husband see as effort?

Hmmm... good point... but, I don't know the answer to it.

 

[Yitzchak]

There are obviously two sides to the issue. On the one side, marriage is supposed to be about unconditional love. Imagine having conditional love concerning our children and how offensive that would be. For example, we have a baby and after a couple years decide that this child is just not compatible with our family. So we take it down to the local orphanage and try again hoping for a better match the next time.

On the other side of the issue, marriage does involve a choice and obviously some spouses make a better chocie or match than others. To say that all men or all women would make as good a spouse as the other is not true. Some matches are better than others.

So my conclusion is that there is truth in both views. It is possible to make less than an ideal choice in a spouse. To make a mistake and choose the wrong person. But it is also true that we make a vow to unconditionally love that person. It is good for our children's sake that we have more of a commitment to our children than we do to our spouses. ( I am speaking as a soceity obviously there are exceptions)