I hope you won't mind me commenting, and please forgive me if I get carried away or emotional.
I've not experienced an overwhelming need to plead with others either, and perhaps less so a Calvinist. I am thankful street witnessing is not a requirement to be saved, or the proof of being saved. If salvation were based on my performance, I would be fearful and worried that I may be on the highway to hell. Thanks be to Christ, my redeemer, my substitution, my justification. In my case, I've not had many people I can truly call a friend (and when I was younger, I attended public school, it's all my folks could afford), though I have had many acquaintances, and broken short term friendships. When you have so few friends, when you socialize so little, you tend to loose skill and confidence in socializing. I think I've almost always had some reservation, maybe mixed with a dash of sinful fear of man, of how someone might respond, of the sheer awkwardness of it. In addition the jobs I've had, they were not social jobs by any means, quite the contrary. There are other poor excuses, such as how American society is today (versus past societies), by that I mean, how disconnected so many of us are, of how busy so many of us are, of how little we even know about the people living next door, that we would even socialize with neighbors on each others porch, much less have one another over for dinner. There just seems to be a MAJOR problems with modern society (sin, yeah, but I mean more specific sin), and the whole concept of "community" is vanishing. I've seen it in Churches, from denomination splinters, to splits, to no attendance of younger people, to empty pews. Not a whole lot in my life has conditioned me to be or do the work of an evangelist, and I'm not so sure that everyone calling themselves a Christian should be or is cut out to be an evangelist. Funny how Churches are so willing to send OTHER people overseas to evangelize, and give support in any manner except their LIVES. It's easy to send others to an early grave, but we've got the American dream to fulfill and take care of, got a wife and kid to look out for now bro.
Perhaps it's with persecution that evangelism...really heats up, I do not know. I'm not really a people person, and enjoy simply being home, even alone, God knows I spent enough time alone to learn how to...tolerate, even enjoy my own company for the most part, most of the time. I used to have longings for friendships, especially close friendships, where we could have meaningful discussion and enjoy one another's company, but honestly I do not even have time anymore. My social priorities are my wife and son, and I really have to work at it. My calling for now, is to take care of my son to the best of my ability, that's my primary concern for now, most everything else will have to take the backseat.
