Husbands feel "entitled" to wife's body

[Brian Mcnamee]

My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.

Hi you want him to understand you and in some ways it seems you are not willing to understand him too. There is a book called love and respect and its a Biblical look at marriage and teaches the differences between a man and a woman's greatest need. My wife and I are quite opposite and at one point years ago was building up some of the same resentments. Your husbands greatest need is respect and your is to be loved and cared for. Your husband has many misunderstandings about how you are wired and vice versa. Love is a choice and when you look up the definition of love you see in there it bares all things and endures all things... When you start thinking purely emotionally your choices will be emotionally based. I am sure he loves you but does not know how to express it in the ways that you will receive it. If you are willing to love unconditionally and start to learn what makes him tick and react with conscious choices that build him up and meet his emotional and physical needs you will start to see him respond in kind. Get that book and ask him to go through it with you.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop.

I get groped a lot as well. It has been 16 years of it. I guess I should be thankful however, it is VERY ANNOYING! So one day we had a hands off conversation and he told me that this is how he shows his affection. Now I know that sounds kind of lame but I decided to start doing the same to him. So now I grope him first and he is starting to understand the annoyance.
Blessings

 

[Radagast]

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature.

There are a number of issues in your post that suggest that marriage counselling would be a good idea.

One of them is that sex is not filthy. Sex was created by God. It is good for a man and his wife to be sexually attracted to each other.

 

[sfs]

I am sure he loves you

What makes you sure of that?

 

[Kenny'sID]

He needs to start thinking with his brain, and not the alternative, as this goes way beyond just the problem in the title.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I honestly feel in him there is a sort of lust that is offputting, it feels gross and perverted and thus why he probably could not get a girlfriend before---some girls must have seen he was a bit off?. It does not feel like real love, and many times he will find ways to punish me though he denies all of this as if I am crazy. He will go so far as to shut things off like internet access, etc if he feels "disrespected". Where as I feel I am not able to give consequences to any of his behaviours, as he instantly decides to make it a battle of punishing one another-----starting from not allowing me to use any of "his" things, etc. He is very entitled----and admits he feels entitled to his mother owing him for giving him a crappy childhood

That's what I gathered, this isn't really about you not allowing sex, I mean there is a time and a place for everything , or there is what's normal and what's not.

But that part aside, he shuts down your internet in order to get control? that and the other things tells me this guy has problems and it's probably just as you say, the other gals could see that.

You're going to have to get counseling, and if it worked that way, I'd say just send him, and you wait at home/it sounds like all him. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way and you'll need to pretend to take some of the blame..

 

[Nithavela]

Hi you want him to understand you and in some ways it seems you are not willing to understand him too. There is a book called love and respect and its a Biblical look at marriage and teaches the differences between a man and a woman's greatest need. My wife and I are quite opposite and at one point years ago was building up some of the same resentments. Your husbands greatest need is respect and your is to be loved and cared for. Your husband has many misunderstandings about how you are wired and vice versa. Love is a choice and when you look up the definition of love you see in there it bares all things and endures all things... When you start thinking purely emotionally your choices will be emotionally based. I am sure he loves you but does not know how to express it in the ways that you will receive it. If you are willing to love unconditionally and start to learn what makes him tick and react with conscious choices that build him up and meet his emotional and physical needs you will start to see him respond in kind. Get that book and ask him to go through it with you.

That book was already mentioned in the thread. Her husband uses it as a tool of control, telling her to read it every time he wants something while refusing to read or follow it himself.

Perhaps you too should invest more time in trying to understand someone before giving suggestions on what they should do.

 

[Sparagmos]

Tunnel-vision much?

Was that responding to me? If so, not sure what you mean.

 

[zephcom]

My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.

Grab as much money as you can, take the children and leave. Find an attorney and divorce him.

It will never get any better. It will likely get worse.

The sooner you do it, the safer you will be.

 

[HTacianas]

My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.

You're going to miss that one day when it ends.

 

[Nithavela]

You're going to miss that one day when it ends.

What a terribly misguided thing to say.

 

[HTacianas]

What a terribly misguided thing to say.

No it's not either. How many songs have you ever heard lamenting that the "magic" is gone and how they long for the early days?

Admittedly her husband ought to ease up a bit but I'm not misguided.

 

[Nithavela]

No it's not either. How many songs have you ever heard lamenting that the "magic" is gone and how they long for the early days?

Admittedly her husband ought to ease up a bit but I'm not misguided.

The magic days where he groped her without her consent and controlled her by turning of her internet access as if she were a child?

What are you talking about?

 

[sfs]

Admittedly her husband ought to ease up a bit but I'm not misguided.

You are completely misguided. Talk to some women who've left abusive, controlling marriages. The only regret I've heard is that they didn't leave sooner.

 

[BBAS 64]

someone gave us a copy, but he has not bothered to read it at all. All he does is quote "respect!" as a command and tells me I should go read it. I've read most of it so far, but it is very hard to "respect" him indeed. I do what I call "basic respect", where even if I am angry, I don't destroy his property, if he is tired I leave him alone to nap, I don't steal his creditcard, if he shuts the bathroom door to shower, I don't unlock it and bother him (he does this to me, I don't get a single hour to myself anymore between baby and husband---I am one of the tpyes of woman briefly mentioned that need respect just as much as a man does almost probably----especially since I've never had it growing up--and now as I am trying to grow, he reminds me he does like "tough" girls.
In fact, I find people stop talking to me after we got married.

Sadly this book is a great weapon for manipulative men to use on woman

Good Day,

Well not sure how much of the book you have read... My wife and I found it quite helpful. I know we watched the DVD set, which included a quite compelling section from from his wife. Now their daughter is part of the ministry and has impacted a whole new generation of Christian couples (young) to have a biblical view of marriage and the correct role of husbands and wives as defined by scripture.

The book will help you get off the crazy cycle...

In Him,

Bill

 

[comana]

No it's not either. How many songs have you ever heard lamenting that the "magic" is gone and how they long for the early days?

Admittedly her husband ought to ease up a bit but I'm not misguided.

His groping is not wanted by her because, as she describes, it goes beyond flirting and showing he's attracted to her physically.

He is intentionally grabbing what he wants on her body at inappropriate times and when she clearly is not wanting that kind of attention. He's not touching her with an interest in showing her how much he's attracted to her, how much he loves her, or trying to make her feel sexy. He is taking advantage, manipulative, and controlling as is clear with his punishments he doles out.

This is not a mutually respectful marriage and IMO he will not ease up or change. More likely he will keep pushing boundaries and increase his abusive behaviors.

 

[Shiloh Raven]

My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.

I'm sorry you're going through this. After reading your OP, it's become obvious to me that your husband doesn't respect you at all or else he wouldn't be treating you like you were his sex toy. Sweetheart, you don't deserve to be treated like a sex toy by your husband. You deserve to be treated with love and respect by your husband and if he can't do that then you need to leave him.

You need to leave him for your own emotional and spiritual well being. You don't deserve to be sexually abused by your husband. He's acting like a sexual predator toward you and he needs to be stopped. I think it's disgusting how your husband is using the Bible to justify his sexual perversion.

Wives are not sex toys for their husbands to play with whenever they feel like it. That's why I'm so against patriarchal rule in marriage because some men, particularly evangelical Christian men, get this entitlement mentality in their heads and they start to treat their wives like a doormat to wipe their feet on. You really do need to stand up for yourself and get away from him. Women are not sexual objects for men to take advantage of. It doesn't matter if it's in a marriage or not.

 

[Nithavela]

Good Day,

Well not sure how much of the book you have read... My wife and I found it quite helpful. I know we watched the DVD set, which included a quite compelling section from from his wife. Now their daughter is part of the ministry and has impacted a whole new generation of Christian couples (young) to have a biblical view of marriage and the correct role of husbands and wives as defined by scripture.

The book will help you get off the crazy cycle...

In Him,

Bill

Im not going to comment on the value of the book since I have never read it, but surely it cant be a "one size fits all" solution, and since they already tried it, maybe just reading it again isnt the neccessary thing in this case.

 

[Sparagmos]

You're going to miss that one day when it ends.

Why would she miss something she doesn’t enjoy? Nobody misses sexual harassment or assault. He’s not touching her to give her pleasure. He’s using her like an object with no regard for her wishes, needs, or desires.

 

[Sparagmos]

Good Day,

Well not sure how much of the book you have read... My wife and I found it quite helpful. I know we watched the DVD set, which included a quite compelling section from from his wife. Now their daughter is part of the ministry and has impacted a whole new generation of Christian couples (young) to have a biblical view of marriage and the correct role of husbands and wives as defined by scripture.

The book will help you get off the crazy cycle...

In Him,

Bill

Why would an avusive, disrespectful, bully husband that the OP described be changed by reading a book? The OP already posted that he used the book to make excuses for his abuse!