Husbands email!

[IHMFIL]

I am going to give you word for word my husbands email to me and let me know how you would respond.

Hubby says- I wish you could understand how deeply it hurts me when you rationalize why it is okay for your Father to insinuate my parents or myself are Pollacks. Especially knowing how my parents always speak highly of you. You ask me for forgiveness when it seems that you are not repentent of your sin, which to me is honoring your Fathers inappropriate behavoir above our marriage or your husband. I know you say that he is not insinuating anything towards myself or my family, but in your Fathers apology to me he admitted that he did say things about my family and then apologized. I forgave him.

Do you understand what you are saying in my perception, "I don't care if my Father admits it, I am still going to stand up for him right or wrong and that includes if he behaves inappropriatly towards you. I can't explain to you how much that hurts. I guess if you admit your specific sin that you are honoring your Father above our marriage and make a firm commitment with some sort of action that you will put our marriage first above your father then yes I am willing to start from that point. If not then I can ask God to forgive you and not hold you accountable because in some way I just don't understand how you can not see the hurt this causes in our marriage.

We just found out my mom has terminal cancer but I have not told her you filed for divorce so please don't let her know, she does not need that right now.

 

[Ashlynn]

does your hubby know you posted his email?

 

[Warrior Poet]

Give me all yout hubby's info so I contact this guy just PM me IHFwhatever..... I would like to email him as well... you said he needs to find God and you love everyone here... point him in this direction and if you wont I will.

Warrior Poet

 

[IHMFIL]

does your hubby know you posted his email?

No

 

[Risen Tree]

No

Even if we don't tell him about this email?

 

[cjba]

As for a response - only you can decide what that will be. Your hubby is hurt that you put your father above the marriage. It seems that you may have avoided the "leave and cleve" that is associated with marriage.

I pray that the two of you will overcome this struggle that is taking place in your life. Your hubby seems willing to make a fresh start. Are you?

As for his mother this will most likely break her heart to see the both of you going through this. I will also keep her in prayer with her illness.

God Bless

 

[E-beth]

UMMMM..

I thought you were going to a big family thing in Ohio this weekend...

 

[IHMFIL]

I am going to give you word for word my husbands email to me and let me know how you would respond.

Hubby says- I wish you could understand how deeply it hurts me when you rationalize why it is okay for your Father to insinuate my parents or myself are Pollacks. Especially knowing how my parents always speak highly of you. You ask me for forgiveness when it seems that you are not repentent of your sin, which to me is honoring your Fathers inappropriate behavoir above our marriage or your husband. I know you say that he is not insinuating anything towards myself or my family, but in your Fathers apology to me he admitted that he did say things about my family and then apologized. I forgave him.

Do you understand what you are saying in my perception, "I don't care if my Father admits it, I am still going to stand up for him right or wrong and that includes if he behaves inappropriatly towards you. I can't explain to you how much that hurts. I guess if you admit your specific sin that you are honoring your Father above our marriage and make a firm commitment with some sort of action that you will put our marriage first above your father then yes I am willing to start from that point. If not then I can ask God to forgive you and not hold you accountable because in some way I just don't understand how you can not see the hurt this causes in our marriage.

We just found out my mom has terminal cancer but I have not told her you filed for divorce so please don't let her know, she does not need that right now.

To me he has forgiven my Father but not forgotten! Am I wrong or is he!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

One of the dearest girls I know is Polish.
I couldn't care less what your racist father wants to believe, but the girl is my sister in Christ and I will defend her honor should the need arise with this man.

I used to tell Helen Keller jokes until I met a blind and deaf girl.
I don't tell them anymore. Why? Because it's wrong to say stuff like that.

 

[wheels4Christ]

Even if that really is your e-mail... which is a big IF ... yah no trusting you.... posting it without permission just adds to your (very long) list of wrongs.

I doubt you come here for advice since you have not heed any of the Godly words already posted. You mock and twist them... much like a certian fallen-angle we all know.

Weird, I have always been taught to respect my elder and only say appropiate wordings. But you are an age pickle that I really have to struggle to maintain cool. Most people gain wisdom with age. You seem to have reverted to a child's mind. Not only a mind but mentality. I wouldn't care so much but you title yourself as a Christian. As so I think I should be ashamed but alas I am sadden.

I used to avoid mean kids like you in pre-school. Now I will avoid you in CF. God bless accordingly.

Again, Lord, I pray you come soon!!! Least we all turn up pickled like so.

IHMFIL = I Have Made Five Instant Lockies (going for six!)

edited: missed one of locked thread

 

[Serving4Christ]

IHMFIL,

Is this all make believe? I mean, you place these topics/threads like you have no care in the world about anyone but yourself. Your husband is obviously hurt not only by your action but those of your family. And you continue to post here even with all the mockery towards your pathetic posts! Please stop playing the games, get your head on straight, ask for forgiveness and seek some genuine help! You're not going to find someone in this forum to play into your silly mind games. It's simply childish and getting very old.

What you did with your mom was wrong...and what you're doing now is very wrong! WRONG!

 

[IHMFIL]

I'm going to reply to him by saying:My Father does not mean to hurt anyone in your family, I'm proud of you for telling my Father you forgave him but we just have a huge fundamental difference as to what you see as someone's motive or intent as to what I see. Your inability to forget and not allowing me to have my own opinion on this matter and some other situations that are similiar just proves we are much different from each other. We tried and it just didn't work out. My family is rude to you, but as a Christian you need to love your enemies and you aren't willing to continue doing that with them. I will ask God to forgive you!

 

[IslandBreeze]

My family is rude to you, but as a Christian you need to love your enemies and you aren't willing to continue doing that with them.

And YOU need to practice what you preach!

 

[joshua_cheung]

I'm going to reply to him by saying:My Father does not mean to hurt anyone in your family, I'm proud of you for telling my Father you forgave him but we just have a huge fundamental difference as to what you see as someone's motive or intent as to what I see. Your inability to forget and not allowing me to have my own opinion on this matter and some other situations that are similiar just proves we are much different from each other. We tried and it just didn't work out. My family is rude to you, but as a Christian you need to love your enemies and you aren't willing to continue doing that with them. I will ask God to forgive you!

Please, Please don't. Don't hurt your husband anymore.

But now, I agree you should leave your husband. You don't know what love is.

 

[IHMFIL]

Please, Please don't. Don't hurt your husband anymore.

But now, I agree you should leave your husband. You don't know what love is.

Joshua why do you think I don't love him! I just want to have my own opinion, why can't I just disagree with him. I'm being sincere when I say that I just don't see why he just can't let this go. I can tell Joshua you are a spirit filled Christian because you speak sincerely from the heart. I respect your opinion because you are mature in faith. Please tell me, I sincerely don't see what I am doing that hurts my husband by disagreeing with him! Don't you think he is overreacting!

 

[bkg]

Please tell me, I sincerely don't see what I am doing that hurts my husband by disagreeing with him! Don't you think he is overreacting!

I was going to respond to your original post stating that you have a VERY forgiving husband who seems to love you dearly. But remember, forgiving does not mean forgetting. After reading the email that you said he wrote, there is no doubt in my mind that he understands the concepts of love and forgiveness.

There is a long list of things that are hurting your husband right now; anyone who has read the previous threads can probably pick out a few things. But to stick on the topic, your husband is hurt becuase you continue to belittle him, ignore his feelings, degrade him by telling him he is wrong, attack his integrity by telling him to get over it and that his opinion doesn't matter, telling him he is not as important - that his opinions, feelings, thoughts are not as important - as your father.

One thing that I learned through marriage is that people come from different backgrounds and because of that respond differently to many situations. Your husband is different than you, that is correct, but that doesn't mean that you give up on the marriage. It's those differences that make us who we are, that make us unique and loveable, that attract us to each other. The moment that we stop appreciating, respecting, cherishing those differences, bitterness and resentment creap in. The key isn't to change one person to be like the other - I think that would ignore God's hand in our individual creations - the key is to find a balance that honors those differences and creates an environment for the relationship to flourish.

The point of this is you have a wonderful opportunity to save your marriage, but it means that you will have to GIVE to your husband something that he's been needing for a long time: honor. Honor him, respect him, cherish him and love him. Do this, and you save your marriage and possibly find a love you never imagined. Don't do this (i.e. continue to argue about your fathers intentions rather than supporting your husbands integrity), and you lose...

Ask this: is pride in being "right" really worth losing your marriage? I once wrote in an essay about my divorce "Enter a battle to prove that you are right, and you will only learn you were wrong". This is a very practical re-write of the parable of the sawdust and the log - pride causes us to ignore the log in our own eye while giving us the false confidence that we can see the speck in our spouses eye. Marriage isn't about who is right or wrong, it's about what works best for the marriage so that it will ultimately Glorify God.

Just my $.25

 

[bkg]

Joshua why do you think I don't love him! I just want to have my own opinion, why can't I just disagree with him.

One last thing - as I re-read this post I noticed this closer.

This is a very sincere question that I ask, so please know that there is no sarcasm involved: Why does it seem that you are so set on not allowing your husband to have HIS own opinion about your fathers motives?

Your opinion is that he doesn't mean to hurt anyone, that's well documented. But your husbands opinion, as you have stated, is that your father does hurt people. You say it's not intentional, and therefore the recipients or focus of the comments should not take it to heart. Why are the opinions of those who are hurt less important?

Let me ask it this way: We all know how dear your father is to you, so what would you say if someone said horrible things about him? I can only guess you would be hurt or offended. But what if the person saying those things said "eh - I didn't really mean to hurt 'im, so stop making a fuss."??? Would your father's opinion not matter because the person stated he/she didn't really "mean" to hurt him? Answer that, and now answer this: What if that person did it over and over and over and... and then the people in your family started defending the other person and telling your father to forgive and forget? Would you be able to support that?

The reason for using your father is to hopefully paint a picture that helps to show how important your husband's opinion really is.

 

[E-beth]

The Bible tells us we are to forgive...it doesn't tell us we should forget. And I have to commend your husband for forgiving people who are obviously not sorry and not willing to change.

He is showing a true Christian heart. He has forgiven, as the Lord said to do. But that doesn't mean he should accept your family making fun of his family and saying racially hurtful things about him and his family. God said to bless those that hate you, but he doesn't say we can't get up and walk away from it.

 

[Blessed75]

I'm sorry but I am having a REALLY difficult time believing that all of this is real. I have a tendenancy to think that someone has a bit too much time on their hands.

 

[joshua_cheung]

I wish God can open your eye.

Your husband was hurt by the word of your father. To heal the hurt, it needs love - kindness, forgive, respect.
The question is where the love comes from.
Can you give the love to your husband?
Can your father give the love to your husband?

So how can your husband completely forgive / forget the hurt in his heart? No way.

You add a pinch of salt to the hurt by saying that you don't care about his hurt.