Husband never gets better....

[caresforthebirds]

I've posted in the past when my meltdowns (over my husband being sick) were threatening my marrage. A medication change has helped my anger... but my husband is in the hospital... again.... and now I'm just very depressed... especially since he wants kids but everyone and doctors say no (no money, hes sick, hes too old, im sick, my pills are bad, etc...) I feel like a failure of a wife.

I sit here with two cats in a semi-bad neighborhood so I won't go outside...
I love nature and I can't go to it because of no car... have to do dishes but don't feel like it... etc...

 

[98cwitr]

Whats your husbands condition? How old is he?

 

[caresforthebirds]

He's 54 and he has pancreatitis (doesn't drink anymore) diabetes, COPD (doesn't smoke anymore), eye infections that left him blind in one eye, bad knee. this time he had a TB scare but he isnt infectious and released him with antiolbiotics.

 

[98cwitr]

Poor guy...ugh that's awful. I've cared for a few relatives over the years, and I know it's not only stressful on him, but you as well. May I ask how old you are and how long you two have been married?

 

[caresforthebirds]

Poor guy...ugh that's awful. I've cared for a few relatives over the years, and I know it's not only stressful on him, but you as well. May I ask how old you are and how long you two have been married?

I'm 33 and been married for almost 4 years.

 

[98cwitr]

Do you want kids?

 

[caresforthebirds]

Do you want kids?

Husband does, I think that there are lots of problems

 

[98cwitr]

Husband does, I think that there are lots of problems

But do you want kids?

 

[caresforthebirds]

Not sure... I find its hard to sometimes melt together you and your husband's ideals in life, dreams and stuff

 

[98cwitr]

You don't have to. While you are one in Christ, and one body to God, you still can have your own hopes and own dreams. If you BOTH want kids that something you BOTH must agree on. Having children when you dont want them, given his condition and yours, will simply lead to you caring for both your husband AND the child or children (don't underestimate the power of twins!) and potentially resenting your entire life because you were never fully prepared or in a state where you could do these things on your own.

I think you and your husband need to have a calm and rational talk about what you both want. Do you know what you want?

That said...ALL things are possible with God. I suggest talking to Him as much as anyone else.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

He's 54 and he has pancreatitis (doesn't drink anymore) diabetes, COPD (doesn't smoke anymore), eye infections that left him blind in one eye, bad knee. this time he had a TB scare but he isnt infectious and released him with antiolbiotics.

My husband is the same age as yours, has had his pancreas removed (due to chronic pancreatitis) and is diabetic. It's a TOTAL life change when this happens and you have to find your "new normal". It takes time. Lots of time. Its not easy at all. What I don't understand, is that if you knew he was sick before you got married, why did you get married and why are you so angry over the fact that he's sick?

 

[caresforthebirds]

He just had diabetes when i married him.... poor guy fell apart after i married him.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

He just had diabetes when i married him.... poor guy fell apart after i married him.

Again, why are you so angry? I seem to remember that marriage vows include sickness and health. There are treatments for pancreatitis that work. Google Total Pancreatectomy. There's about 7 centers around the country that do the surgery that can restore a decent quality of life for CP sufferers. As for you and medications, I would suggest you try something called Celebrate Recovery... google it and see if there are any groups near you. It's a totally Christ-centered 12 step recovery program that WORKS!