Husband needs advice

[Bigowl]

How is everyone doing? Today my wife and I had words now I need advice. To start off I own my own business and in today's economy especially this close to Christmas it's been hard to turn a profit. My wife and I have 7 children and she has always been a stay at home wife by choice. Every week the business cashes out and the profit we made is turned into the bank. So my wife asked me today did we make any more money even though earlier in the week we picked up $500.00 dollars from the the business. My reply was I didn't want to pick up any more money from the business until e made some more money Monday or Tuesday. Personally I didn't believe it was worth picking up $300.00 more dollars when we still had open jobs that the customers have not paid for yet.

My wife replies is that all we made no wonder we can't grow business suppose to make more that that. I can't count on the business any more! What did we make last we $350.00? By the way was not true. Now, all this was said after she had returned from shopping all day for Christmas presents. So, I replied you know that's not that bad considering some business would be happy to profit $700.00 a week. Now, I'm upset and I would never disrespect my wife so, I stormed out of the room and told her I didn't want to talk about it. So she yelled, "You never want to talk about it." I didn't reply I just tend to my children.

My question is: Was I wrong? I have replayed what happened in my head several time to see if I reacted in a manner that was wrong. I personally have not found one. Mind you as a husband I'm very very sensitive when it come to providing for my family.

 

[Luther073082]

How is everyone doing? Today my wife and I had words now I need advice. To start off I own my own business and in today's economy especially this close to Christmas it's been hard to turn a profit. My wife and I have 7 children and she has always been a stay at home wife by choice. Every week the business cashes out and the profit we made is turned into the bank. So my wife asked me today did we make any more money even though earlier in the week we picked up $500.00 dollars from the the business. My reply was I didn't want to pick up any more money from the business until e made some more money Monday or Tuesday. Personally I didn't believe it was worth picking up $300.00 more dollars when we still had open jobs that the customers have not paid for yet.

My wife replies is that all we made no wonder we can't grow business suppose to make more that that. I can't count on the business any more! What did we make last we $350.00? By the way was not true. Now, all this was said after she had returned from shopping all day for Christmas presents. So, I replied you know that's not that bad considering some business would be happy to profit $700.00 a week. Now, I'm upset and I would never disrespect my wife so, I stormed out of the room and told her I didn't want to talk about it. So she yelled, "You never want to talk about it." I didn't reply I just tend to my children.

My question is: Was I wrong? I have replayed what happened in my head several time to see if I reacted in a manner that was wrong. I personally have not found one. Mind you as a husband I'm very very sensitive when it come to providing for my family.

Well as far as I can see you both did something wrong that you should work on.

I think the first problem was hers, it seems like you are running a profitable business and that you just have customers that havn't paid yet. (Which by GAAP standards you profit when you complete the job, not when you get paid.) I think she freaked out too quickly and snapped about the profit without having any concern for your feelings or how things look in the long term.

I think for you, storming out and getting upset while somewhat understandable was probably not the best thing. You should be willing to talk about it with your wife a little bit more.

Here is what I would suggest.

1. Get your wife more involved with the business's finances. . . Open up the books and explain it to her. Show her how you are owed money but you don't have it right now. But overall give her confidence that the business is making money.

2. I would suggest that you take and decide (based on an average) that the business is going to pay you a certain amount of money each week. When your business makes more then that amount in the week, you stick the remainder into savings for when the business makes less then that. So instead of having weeks where you have like $800 and then weeks where you have $300. . . you stick somewhere around an even $600 (or whatever you figure a good average would be).

3. In a calmer time (not when you are fighting) I would talk to your wife about what you are sensitive about. I think guys arn't used to talking about what they are sensitive about, but on the other hand that doesn't change the fact that they are sensitive to one thing or another and certain implications are going to hurt worse then others. I think sometimes this has to do with our upbringing.

And so if your wife understands that you are sensitive about this stuff, hopefully she will approach the topic a little more carefully in the future.

 

[Nerd Girl Supreme]

I agree with everything Luther said above. Both of you acted inappropriately (she snapped at you (per your version of the story)) and you stormed out without resolving the issue. Sounds to me like you're both stressed and weary, and just handled the whole situation in a bad way. Seven kids and a self-owned business are enough to cause stress in any family! And in a family with a total of NINE people, $350-$700 a week isn't enough to live on, from my point of view. Maybe you generally live a very frugal life, I don't know. That would be a tidy income for a single person, but NINE people... I can't imagine how you survive, let alone have your wife buying gifts for people.

I hope you have the sort of marriage where you can sit down with her and - as Luther said - go over all of your finances with her. Involve her, or at least inform her, of what's happening financially in your business. She may not realize how much you have to save or put aside to keep it running. She said "you never want to talk about it" - maybe there's some truth to that? Also, I'd agree that you discuss all major financial decisions together, whether it's how much you deposit in the bank, or how much you're going to spend on Christmas gifts each year.

Best wishes