Greetings to all, and apologies in advance for the huge post. Mostly I wanted to vent, but I'm hoping for some honest Christian assistance here in doing the right thing.
My husband and I have been together since 2000, married in Oct '05 (no kids), and he had lost his job the previous spring. I must have thought back then that his being unemployed was temporary. I was wrong. We made plans to move to another state in the spring of '06 where there was work in his field, though we did not want to go. He ended up getting work with his sister's boyfriend, off the books for a few months, so our move was cancelled.
Now the winter of '06 rolls around and he's out of work again, and I'm the primary wage earner. Spring of '07 comes, and he does nothing. Summer, Fall and Winter of '07 come and go; still nothing. I manage to talk him into going to college, so we got him enrolled for the Spring of '08, and he takes one or two remedial courses, part time. Again for the summer of '08, and full time in the Fall.
Now comes the winter of '08; my dad dies. My husband totals my truck, and puts himself in the hospital, non-life-threatening. He has to withdraw from classes for the spring of '09, and take his make-up finals from the Fall when he's recovered from his injuries later that spring. I've had to take large chunks of time off to care for him. My dog dies. I usually hold up pretty well under a lot of stress, so for the most part, I'm bearing up. He goes back to school in the summer, part time, and full time in the Fall of '09.
Next up: I lose my job that winter for all the time I took off to care for my husband, and because of some bad paperwork. About now, I'm starting to crack, and tell my husband that now it's *HIS* turn to work. This doesn't happen. I get unemployment for the next 12 months while I search for something that even remotely paid what I was getting paid before = zilch. He continues in school for Spring of '10, full time, summer, part-time, and Fall, full-time. I sold my motorcycle to pay for the property taxes that year. I had to take out money from my retirement to carry us through the remainder of the summer and fall, because Federal Student aid will not cover a student that goes to school part time, and we were not sure when the money would come. Thankfully it did arrive close to winter.
He took his final two classes this spring (part-time) to finish for his Associates, and still no work, though I did manage to get my job back this past Feb, after being gone for 14 months (no back pay). This is not to say that he does not do stuff around the house, or is useless in any other respect. He's perfectly capable of working, just not with an actual business that will take some of the financial burden off of me.
Needless to say, my bitterness, anger and resentment has finally surfaced now that Summer is here, and he's <edit> around long enough that any jobs that were available are going quickly to the high school and college kids that are applying at places that are ACTUALLY HIRING. I blew my stack with him two days ago after receiving a call asking me to pick something up for him at the bike shop, when he was supposed to have been in town himself looking for work. I came home, arms full of groceries, to find him watching a movie.
I should add that he's just turned 50, but in good enough shape to take on whatever he puts his mind to, having fully recovered from his injuries in that accident. I just can't get him to do it.
When I moved in with him, a really nice roomy place out in the country, it was quite a step up from my dinky house in the city. It will suck to leave here, as I love it out here with the dogs, but even the beauty in the hills and all the open space isn't enough to ease the pressure.
Property taxes have arrived, and I'm not selling anything else to cover them this year. Bike insurance has arrived, and I'm not paying for that either. He's enrolled for the Fall to begin work on his Bachelors degree, but I really don't think I'm out of line in demanding that he work until then. Work that brings in money, that is. I just can't take it anymore. I gave the ultimatum this morning that if he doesn't come up with a job before the end of this month, I'm going to apply for a transfer at work and leave.
I love him dearly, and doing this is breaking my heart. Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable...?
Thank you in advance for your ear and your time.
My husband and I have been together since 2000, married in Oct '05 (no kids), and he had lost his job the previous spring. I must have thought back then that his being unemployed was temporary. I was wrong. We made plans to move to another state in the spring of '06 where there was work in his field, though we did not want to go. He ended up getting work with his sister's boyfriend, off the books for a few months, so our move was cancelled.
Now the winter of '06 rolls around and he's out of work again, and I'm the primary wage earner. Spring of '07 comes, and he does nothing. Summer, Fall and Winter of '07 come and go; still nothing. I manage to talk him into going to college, so we got him enrolled for the Spring of '08, and he takes one or two remedial courses, part time. Again for the summer of '08, and full time in the Fall.
Now comes the winter of '08; my dad dies. My husband totals my truck, and puts himself in the hospital, non-life-threatening. He has to withdraw from classes for the spring of '09, and take his make-up finals from the Fall when he's recovered from his injuries later that spring. I've had to take large chunks of time off to care for him. My dog dies. I usually hold up pretty well under a lot of stress, so for the most part, I'm bearing up. He goes back to school in the summer, part time, and full time in the Fall of '09.
Next up: I lose my job that winter for all the time I took off to care for my husband, and because of some bad paperwork. About now, I'm starting to crack, and tell my husband that now it's *HIS* turn to work. This doesn't happen. I get unemployment for the next 12 months while I search for something that even remotely paid what I was getting paid before = zilch. He continues in school for Spring of '10, full time, summer, part-time, and Fall, full-time. I sold my motorcycle to pay for the property taxes that year. I had to take out money from my retirement to carry us through the remainder of the summer and fall, because Federal Student aid will not cover a student that goes to school part time, and we were not sure when the money would come. Thankfully it did arrive close to winter.
He took his final two classes this spring (part-time) to finish for his Associates, and still no work, though I did manage to get my job back this past Feb, after being gone for 14 months (no back pay). This is not to say that he does not do stuff around the house, or is useless in any other respect. He's perfectly capable of working, just not with an actual business that will take some of the financial burden off of me.
Needless to say, my bitterness, anger and resentment has finally surfaced now that Summer is here, and he's <edit> around long enough that any jobs that were available are going quickly to the high school and college kids that are applying at places that are ACTUALLY HIRING. I blew my stack with him two days ago after receiving a call asking me to pick something up for him at the bike shop, when he was supposed to have been in town himself looking for work. I came home, arms full of groceries, to find him watching a movie.
I should add that he's just turned 50, but in good enough shape to take on whatever he puts his mind to, having fully recovered from his injuries in that accident. I just can't get him to do it.
When I moved in with him, a really nice roomy place out in the country, it was quite a step up from my dinky house in the city. It will suck to leave here, as I love it out here with the dogs, but even the beauty in the hills and all the open space isn't enough to ease the pressure.
Property taxes have arrived, and I'm not selling anything else to cover them this year. Bike insurance has arrived, and I'm not paying for that either. He's enrolled for the Fall to begin work on his Bachelors degree, but I really don't think I'm out of line in demanding that he work until then. Work that brings in money, that is. I just can't take it anymore. I gave the ultimatum this morning that if he doesn't come up with a job before the end of this month, I'm going to apply for a transfer at work and leave.
I love him dearly, and doing this is breaking my heart. Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable...?
Thank you in advance for your ear and your time.
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