Husband hasn't worked in more than 5 years. =(

[LovedSparrow]

Btw, I read in a magazine recently that oil companies in South Dakata needed more workers than they could find. That may be something to look into for someone without a college degree.

Link, you're right. Forgive me, I don't mean to disrespect you- I think it's in North Dakota, not South. Near Bismarck, etc. Really everywhere. My brother in law and sister in law just moved there from Florida- he is a construction worker. A lot of people up there don't have homes that just moved up there for a job. They are living in RVs and in their cars. There are no houses for them to live in yet. They are 'recovering' ghost towns. He's up there to help build houses. Because he is a supervisor, he will be making 6 figures, because there's such a need up there. A huge demand for jobs.

Good idea! My family is living proof, there is work up there.
----
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this with your husband still. I hear your broken and weary heart. I'll be sure to keep praying for you!!

 

[LovedSparrow]

If it weren't for the state of IL veterans grant paying for his education, it would not be happening at all. I'm still paying for his books, and may have to pay for his last semester of school because he's over on some of his credits with the grant program.

Yes, there are lots of options to him, but he's not looking for them. His family is here, and he does not want to move. This is what I'm afraid of, that he'll get his bachelors, and if he cannot find a teaching job here, he'll continue to stagnate until I can't take any more. =(

Mizhop, have you filled out your FAFSA? It's money from the government to help pay for college, and help with loans if you need. I wouldn't have been able to go to college either with it. Home - FAFSA on the Web-Federal Student Aid

 

[LovedSparrow]

Has your husband been evaluated for Asperger's, ADHD, depression? 5+ years of not really trying to find work even with the qualifications he has is telling me this goes beyond just being lazy.

He needs to see a good mental health professional and have a full eval done.

Good suggestion. I have clinical depression, anxiety, and a form of autism. (PPD-NOS). Because of this, jobs have been difficult for me, and college. I don't have a degree, though I was in school for years. I've been a cashier, waitress, and a teller at a bank, but nothing 'bigger.' I'm probably in a similar boat- finding 'better' jobs is very difficult for me.

 

[BigDaddy4]

Link, you're right. Forgive me, I don't mean to disrespect you- I think it's in North Dakota, not South. Near Bismarck, etc. Really everywhere. My brother in law and sister in law just moved there from Florida- he is a construction worker. A lot of people up there don't have homes that just moved up there for a job. They are living in RVs and in their cars. There are no houses for them to live in yet. They are 'recovering' ghost towns. He's up there to help build houses. Because he is a supervisor, he will be making 6 figures, because there's such a need up there. A huge demand for jobs.

Good idea! My family is living proof, there is work up there.
----
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this with your husband still. I hear your broken and weary heart. I'll be sure to keep praying for you!!

My wife's ex did this. He drives trucks in ND and travels back to WA state once in a while to see his kids. I hear there is very low unemployment there.

 

[mizhop]

Thank you all for your replies! I'll try to touch on most of them one by one...

Has your husband been evaluated for Asperger's, ADHD, depression? 5+ years of not really trying to find work even with the qualifications he has is telling me this goes beyond just being lazy.

He needs to see a good mental health professional and have a full eval done.

I'm pretty certain that he doesn't think there's anything mentally wrong with him. He does want to go to couples therapy, but we can't even afford that right now.

It was interesting to read back through this thread. I saw where I posted and my husband had just started a new job after years of being at home, being SAHD etc., but he quit that job after 2 months and has now been home for 9 months.

I just want to ask - does he make his time at home worthwhile? Is he taking care of the home? I would not mind so much my husband being home - and him staying at home permanently - if only he took care of the house, the yard, and followed through on projects that we have had on the back burner for years. And I literally mean years. We are supposed to put our house on the market next year, but I don't know how we will do that if we don't get it looking better than it looks now! If your husband can do plumbing and landscaping and all of this, does he take care of that for your home? Has he any interest in working for himself. Plumbers can make a mint, so it surprises me that he is focused on the college degree, other than it's a way to stave off actually working.

Did he ever get a physical and get blood work done? Really, try to persuade him to do this. My h has finally had enough of his lethargy and went to the doctor for a physical. We are still waiting for results.

I wish I had advice for you, but you have my prayers.

Thank you, Jane for your thoughts and prayers, and yes, he does make himself useful around the house, thank God. Everything is in good working order. As far as blood work being done, coincidentally he has had a physical and now he's dealing with some elevated liver enzymes, but everything else seems to be normal. We're also waiting for the results of the last round of tests.

I'll likely be working until i'm in my 60's or 70's too, but not sure how I'm going to be able to manage it... heh. I feel horrible for your situation, I can definitely empathize, my thoughts and prayers go out to you also. I hope your husband is able to overcome what is wrong with him as I hope mine does.

If he does get his teaching degree, but does not find a job, he can always sign up to substitute teach. I did that years ago when I couldn't find a teaching job either. If he's peculiar about a certain district, or districts, in your area, this is a great way to get to know other teachers and administrators as well as gain valuable classroom experience.

This is a good idea, and it has also crossed my mind. I know the last thing he wants to do is move away, and I'd be thrilled if he even got to substitute one or two days a week, it would be SOMEthing, as opposed to the nothing that's going on now. He's already done his student teaching, and will likely be doing more in his final year of school this coming fall.

Link, you're right. Forgive me, I don't mean to disrespect you- I think it's in North Dakota, not South. Near Bismarck, etc. Really everywhere. My brother in law and sister in law just moved there from Florida- he is a construction worker. A lot of people up there don't have homes that just moved up there for a job. They are living in RVs and in their cars. There are no houses for them to live in yet. They are 'recovering' ghost towns. He's up there to help build houses. Because he is a supervisor, he will be making 6 figures, because there's such a need up there. A huge demand for jobs.

Good idea! My family is living proof, there is work up there.
----
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this with your husband still. I hear your broken and weary heart. I'll be sure to keep praying for you!!

Mizhop, have you filled out your FAFSA? It's money from the government to help pay for college, and help with loans if you need. I wouldn't have been able to go to college either with it.

Thank you, LovedSparrow for your prayers and helpful information. We've already done the FAFSA thing, and I don't want to owe them any more. Even if it is in his name, I have this sinking feeling that I will end up paying for them myself anyway. During my own short stint off from work, we had to resort to them, and owing them what we owe now is more than enough.

I really like the idea of North Dakota, but I know he'd balk because of the cold winters, but work is work, even if it's not in the teaching field. He could be doing this over the summer, but I'm dreaming if I think that will actually happen.

He came back from an interview today, and has to go in to a temp agency tomorrow to talk to someone there, so hopefully something is on the horizon.

God bless all of you for your helpful information and prayers!

 

[LinkH]

Link, you're right. Forgive me, I don't mean to disrespect you- I think it's in North Dakota, not South. Near Bismarck, etc. Really everywhere. My brother in law and sister in law just moved there from Florida- he is a construction worker. A lot of people up there don't have homes that just moved up there for a job. They are living in RVs and in their cars. There are no houses for them to live in yet. They are 'recovering' ghost towns. He's up there to help build houses. Because he is a supervisor, he will be making 6 figures, because there's such a need up there. A huge demand for jobs.

Good idea! My family is living proof, there is work up there.
----
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this with your husband still. I hear your broken and weary heart. I'll be sure to keep praying for you!!

I was thinking South Dakota, but typed North Dakota. No houses in ND must be rough, but at least it's not winter out there this time of year. There could be a very localized real estate boom there, which is pretty cool. What are schools like in the area?

I've got a relative who does floors. I doubt he'd want to leave his state, but maybe if the right opportunity came along... If you have any information about contractors up there, could you PM me with the information?

Thanks,
LinkH

 

[JaneFW]

Thank you, Jane for your thoughts and prayers, and yes, he does make himself useful around the house, thank God. Everything is in good working order. As far as blood work being done, coincidentally he has had a physical and now he's dealing with some elevated liver enzymes, but everything else seems to be normal. We're also waiting for the results of the last round of tests.

I'll likely be working until i'm in my 60's or 70's too, but not sure how I'm going to be able to manage it... heh. I feel horrible for your situation, I can definitely empathize, my thoughts and prayers go out to you also. I hope your husband is able to overcome what is wrong with him as I hope mine does.

Just remind me, you are in financial straits, yes? I just wondered if you would be interested in getting really firm about this, and just making it clear that there is no more money to spend. So, restricting access to the checking account, and using it for bills only, and telling your husband that the main focus of you both is going to be paying off debt from now on, so that you can get debt free. If he is unwilling to use his degree, I would stop financing it. There is no point in having a degree to stay home. If he is agreeable to this, then maybe it is time to cut your losses and accept that this is the person that you married, and that he is not going to work, and try to get some peace about it?

 

[captaincarr]

He needs to provide for his household bottomline!!!